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The provided graph illustrates the figure of citizen The provided graph illustrates the proportion of
living in cities in Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand citizens living in cities in the Philippines, Malaysia,
and Indonesia over a period of seventy-years Thailand, and Indonesia over a period of seventy
starting from 1970 to 2040. years starting from 1970 to 2040.

Looking at the chart, it can be seen that there is a Looking at the chart, it can be seen that there are
significant changes in the percentage of the significant changes in the percentage of the
people who live in cities in all four countries and people who live in cities in all four countries, and
 it is noticable that Maylaysia has the highest it is noticeable that Malaysia has the highest
percentage among the group. percentage among the group.

In 1970, both Malaysia and Philippines had 30%
the figure of resident living in the city but in
2020, whilst Malaysia gradually increased
approximately 75% of its population, Philippines
fluctuated and roughly 45% by 2020. The
percentage of citizen in Thailand was almost 20%
which was higher than Indonesia’s 15% in 1970.
However, the amount (đi với uncountable nouns)
of resident of the city in Indonesia rapidly grew,
reaching the half of total population by 2020.
Whereas, there a sharp rise in Thailand’s,
obtaining only 30%.
In 1970, both Malaysia and the Philippines had
30% of their residents living in the city, but by
2020, while Malaysia gradually increased to
approximately 75% of its population, the
Philippines fluctuated and reached roughly 45%.
The percentage of citizens in Thailand was almost
20%, which was higher than Indonesia’s 15% in
1970. However, the number (đi với countable
nouns) of residents in the city in Indonesia rapidly
grew, reaching half of the total population by
2020. Whereas, there was a sharp rise in
Thailand’s, reaching only 30%.

Predicting for 2030 and 2040, the figure of all
four countries will still climb, Malaysia’s is
expected to cross over three remaining countries
and have the greatest percentage, surpassing
over 85%, following by Indonesia’s with 65%. The
figure of Thailand and Philippines are set to be
roughly 50% and 55%.
Predicting for 2030 and 2040, the figures for all
four countries will still climb, with Malaysia’s
expected to surpass the three remaining
countries and have the greatest percentage,
surpassing over 85%, followed by Indonesia’s
with 65%. The figures for Thailand and the
Philippines are set to be roughly 50% and 55%,
respectively.

200 words

Task Achievement (TA): 6/9

You've covered the main features of the graph, but the key trends could be highlighted more effectively.
Ensure that you compare data points clearly and consistently throughout the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion (CC): 7/9

The essay is well-organized overall, with appropriate paragraphing. However, some transitions between
ideas could be smoother to help the reader follow your analysis more easily.

Lexical Resource (LR): 6/9

You use a range of vocabulary, but there are some spelling errors (e.g., "Maylaysia" should be
"Malaysia") and word choice issues (e.g., "figure of citizen" should be "proportion of citizens"). Aim for
precision in word choice to enhance clarity.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy (GRA): 6/9

There are several grammatical errors that need attention, such as subject-verb agreement ("there is"
should be "there are") and article usage ("the Philippines" instead of "Philippines"). Work on these areas
to improve the accuracy of your writing.

Overall Score: 6.25/9

To improve your score, focus on the following:

• Highlight key trends and make direct comparisons.

• Use a wider range of transition words to improve the flow of information.

• Proofread for spelling and grammatical errors to ensure accuracy.

• Use precise vocabulary to accurately describe the data.