Monologues That Kick Ass (Excerpts)

Excerpts From
Monologues That Kick Ass

Volume One
A Collection by David-Matthew Barnes

Edited by Nick A. Moreno
Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One (1st ed. - 01.01.05)
Copyright © 2005 by David-Matthew Barnes and Nick A. Moreno
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
NOTE: The monologues included in this collection are intended to

be used for audition and class study; permission is not required to
use the material for those purposes. However, if there is a paid
performance of any of the monologues, please refer to the Contact
Info page to locate the source that can grant permission for public
performance.
The monologues included in this collection are fully protected

under the copyright laws of the United States of America. All rights
are strictly reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in
any manner whatsoever without written permission from the
author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical
articles and reviews.
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents
either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used
fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
The monologues included in this collection may include references

to brand names and trademarks owned by third parties, and may
include references to public figures. The author is not necessarily
affiliated with these public figures, or with the owners of such
trademarks and brand names. Such references are included solely
for parody, political comment, or other permitted purposes.
Cover Design and Photo:

Copyright © 2005 by Nick Anthony Moreno
On The Cover: Actors Logan Hesse and Tara Henry, the stars of
the world premiere of Baby in the Basement.
Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 1

Available Titles by
David-Matthew Barnes
From Brooklyn Publishers
Somebody’s Baby
Temporary Heroes
Unrequited
From Lulu Books
Ambrosia
Darling Among The Maidens
False Hopes
Forgive Me, I’m Young
Frozen Stars
Number 76
Sloe Gin Fizz
Threnody
From Playscripts, Inc.
And The Winner Is…

Are You All Right In There?
From Word Riot Press
Sins of the Flesh

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
I first became familiar with David-Matthew Barnes’ stage

plays when I produced a collection of his one-act plays in
2000. Since then, I have been amazed at the tremendous
response his theatrical work has generated. His work has
received constant critical and audience acclaim, always
noted for honest depictions of men and women of all ages
from different cultural, social and economic backgrounds.
Early in 2004, I suggested to David-Matthew that he post a

handful of monologues from his plays on his website. He
followed my advice and within weeks, the webpage had
received over 30,000 hits. It was clear to both of us that
actors were responding to new, fresh material that was
available to them. I have been privy to the hundreds of
letters and e-mails David-Matthew receives from actors
and theatre companies around the world. Their words
were what prompted me to create this collection.
Actor Kia Jones, who performed a monologue from the

play Better Places To Go wrote to David-Matthew to thank
him for writing such a powerful piece. LʹOreal McCollum
wrote to express how moved she was by a monologue
from the play Sky Lines, stating, “Even though, I was not
around during the sixties, I feel like I can truly understand
the emotions that Venita is feeling.” Actor Ryan de Mesa,
who appeared in a production of Better Places To Go in
New York, wrote to say, “I would like to thank you for
writing such a great script and creating challenging roles
for actors.” Australian high school student Naomi Wilcox
contacted me to say, ʺI was very impressed by Mr. Barnesʹ
script excerpts, and would like to read some of the whole

plays.” Actor Bartley Mullin wrote to say, “I have been in a
desperate search for a monologue for my upcoming high
school International Thespian Society induction. I wanted
to choose a monologue that emotionally touched me and I
believe I may have found one on your website.”
It became evident to David-Matthew and me that the

many actors who have discovered his work would
appreciate a complete collection of his monologues, in a
single volume. We quickly went to work, spending much
of 2004 culling through his twenty-eight stage plays and
selecting monologues that we felt represented the diverse
world of theatre.
Monologues That Kick Ass features over eighty monologues

for women and men of all ages: from Lucille, the alien-
obsessed grandmother in Better Places To Go to Jake, the
self-destructive drug addict in Threnody, these monologues
offer actors powerful performances that will certainly
leave a lasting impression with directors, teachers and
audiences everywhere.
Nick A. Moreno,
Editor

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
Many, many thanks to the companies who have helped give my

words a home by making my plays available to readers:
Brooklyn Publishers, Playscripts, Inc., and Lulu Press, Inc.
I am very grateful for the continued support unconditionally

bestowed upon me by the following individuals, each of whom
kick ass in their own way: Aaron Michael Martinez, Billie Parish,
Carmen Gomez-Barnes (for being such an awesome step-mom),
Carmel Comendador (for insulting innocent children), Dawn
Towle, Debbie Otto, Debra Garnes, Dr. Anne Rosenthal (for
renewing my faith in the English language), E. Draven (for being my
other favorite Mexican), Elaine Hesse, Elizabeth Newman,
Elizabeth Warren (for always making sure I had something to write
with), Elizabeth Yokas, Florence Pape, Frank Blocker, Frankie
Salinas, Haldi Kranich (for reminding me what it’s like to be cool and
seventeen), John C. Cunningham (and everyone at The Hudson
Exploited Theater Company), Jackie Corley, Janet Milstein (and
everyone at Smith and Kraus), Jill McMahon, Jim Vita (and everyone
at Actors Scene Unseen), Julia Darling, Kelly (Kinghorn) Hurtado,
Killian Edwards (for teaching me how to write a decent research
paper), Linnea Lindh, Lisa Cooper, Logan Hesse, Marcia
Gonzales, Mark and Joey Jones, Melinda Morgan (for being
trashier than I could ever be), Michelle Thorson, Nance Haxton,
Nancy Nickle (for being my Mom), Natalie Vincent, Nea Herriott,
Nick A. Moreno (for being my partner and sharing his life with me),
Pat Billmire (for being from New York and for keeping me real),
Robert Esquivido (for reminding me where I come from), Sam
Barnes (for being my Dad), Sandy Gunar, Steve Sheffler, Susan
Damberger, Susan Madden (for allowing me to put her in the
tackiest costumes in the history of theatre), Tara Henry (for being my
muse), Therease Logan (for twenty years of friendship), Todd Wylie
(for giving me faith when I had none), Trish DeBaun, Vanessa
Menendez, William Slater Vincent (for being an ass-kicking
attorney) and Yovania Rosa (for being my step-sister). xoxo DMB

This collection of monologues is dedicated, with gratitude, to the
incredibly talented actors who originated the roles that I created.
Thank you for bringing my words to life.
And to my brothers for letting me be the writer in the family.
In memory of Marianne Psota and Paula Marie Anderson.

I miss you both more than words could ever say.

MONOLOGUES FOR WOMEN

AND THE WINNER IS…
Comic
Tracy is a successful black actress in her late twenties.

Backstage at the Academy Awards, she confronts her fellow
white nominees who have disrespected her.
TRACY: Listen up, you little starfuckers! My name is Tracy

Morrison and Iʹm here because I was nominated for my
performance in Sorrow Is My Sister. Now, if yʹall wanna be
nasty about this, then I can be nasty. First of all, April
Newton - everyone that I know has slept with your
husband at least a dozen times - and they all complain
about the same damn thing - two inches donʹt go very far
in my neighborhood, okay?! And Pauline Emerson why
donʹt you take your skinny white ass back to England and
choke yourself on a pot of piss and tea. Your movies are
almost as bad as your nose job - and donʹt even let me get
started on how many sexually transmitted diseases you be
spreadinʹ ʹround town, you triflinʹ ho! You lay on a
doorstep faster than the morninʹ newspaper. And Rachel
Riley - for some God-awful reason, some dumb ass put
you in a movie and told you that you can act. Shhheeeit.
That son of a bitch lied to your stupid ass and because of
that - we all have to suffer by seeing your ugly grin smilinʹ
up at us every time we go to Blockbuster. I could make one
of your movies with ten dollars and a hooker from
Harlem. And Danielle Taylor - you little drunk bitch - that
sweet innocent routine doesnʹt fool me. Youʹve got an
arrest record a mile long and more ex-boyfriends than
Elizabeth Taylor. In a year, youʹll be burned out, used up
and doing infomercials. I, myself, worked three jobs to put

myself through college. Iʹve studied every aspect of actinʹ
you can possibly imagine. Iʹve played every maid, call girl
and the wife of countless dope dealers - on every stage
from here to Kentucky. It took me eleven years to get a
part in a film - and now that Iʹm here - Iʹm not going
anywhere! I got an agent. I got a manager. I got a lawyer. I
got a publicist. Iʹve got a personal mothah fuckinʹ assistant.
And itʹs about time. I deserve all of this - because unlike
the four of you dirty tramps - I live an honest life with
dignity and self-respect. I care about the movies I make and
not the size of my bank account. So if the four of you
cannot maintain yourselves like the decent young women
that God intended yʹall to be, then step aside, because I can
and I will. Itʹs not about box office. Itʹs not about power. Itʹs
not about having your face on every trashy magazine in
America. Itʹs about givinʹ somethinʹ to the world - and
believe you me, Iʹz got plenty to give. Now, get that
camera rollinʹ, because I am ready for my interview.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT IN THERE?
Seriocomic
Gina, a seventeen-year-old high school student, has locked

herself in a bathroom at a wild party. Here, she reflects on her
life and the superficiality of those around her. She addresses
the audience, directly.
GINA: I’m sorry. (Beat.) I am so sorry. I’m just kind of

emotional right now. (Beat.) I think it’s graduation. I’m
graduating in a month and I can’t wait to get out of here.
(Beat.) My hometown. My friends. My family. (Beat.) I hate
these people. And I feel so … guilty for it. I must be the
most horrible person in the entire world. I hate this party. I
hate Jimmy Foster for inviting me in the first place. I hate
my best friend. I hate my boyfriend. (Beat.) But I really hate
Brittany Tyler. She’s evil and she has a bad haircut. (Beat.) I
am so horrible. Something is seriously wrong with me. I
have lived here for all of my life. I should be proud of
where I come from. I should look back with fond
memories and kind thoughts - but I just can’t wait to leave.
(Beat.) I don’t know why. I really don’t. It’s like this …
feeling. I wake up in the morning and it just chokes me. It’s
the same house and the same people and the same school -
I just can’t take it anymore. I am only seventeen. I should
be happy. I should be sweet. I should do a lot of charity
work in the community. (Panics.) What if I’m nuts? What if
I need serious help - like therapy or something medieval
like that? My aunt went to therapy for six months and she
totally gained thirty pounds. She blew up like a house.
Then she almost choked to death one night. She was lying
in bed - eating a box of Crunch ‘N’ Munch - and she was
watching this really sad movie and she started to cry - and

I guess one of those little popcorn kernels got stuck in her
throat or something - anyway, she almost died. But she’s
okay now - I guess. She sells Tupperware and she’s dating
this guy named Bob. He used to live on a commune and he
refuses to take a shower. It’s a really sick relationship - if
you ask me. (Beat.) This party is pathetic. I could be at
home right now, curled up in bed and reading Wuthering
Heights. Instead - I was standing in the living room and
this foreign exchange student kept staring at me with this
weird look on his face. He comes up to me and says
(Imitates accent.) “Oh, you are such a beautiful American
girl!” So I looked at him - at the top of his pointy little head
because he was shorter than my patience - and I told him
that he smelled. Because he did. Like cat puke or
something gross like that. So he started yelling at me in his
native language and it freaked me out. I thought he was
psychotic. Then he walked away as if it were supposed to
shatter my heart into a million tiny pieces. (Beat.)
Puh-leaze. Don Juan, either go home or grow. So he
slithered his way around the room until he found Leslie.
She’s … real. She thinks she’s cool because she went to
Paris last summer and made out with some French guy at
the Eiffel Tower. I’ll tell you how I really feel about Leslie.
She has the personality of a cheese grater. She’s been a
cheerleader since she was in diapers and she thinks we
should worship her because she knows how to jump in the
air and do a cartwheel. Trust me - I have been to a football
game and I have seen the girl dance. It’s not pretty. She
should consider buying herself a little bit of rhythm before
she goes to college.

BABY IN THE BASEMENT
Dramatic
Girl, a teenage runaway, has stumbled into the basement of an

abandoned warehouse. Inadvertently, she has interrupted the
suicide of a young man who is hiding in the building. Here,
she tells him about her family life and why she left home.
GIRL: It probably took them three weeks before they even

realized I was gone. I called home once but I got voice
mail. I just hung up. I should have left a message, I guess.
But my sister would have just deleted it. She hates me.
She’s older than me and has a rich husband and a new
baby and she prays like a bad habit. Always talkin’ to God.
Amen, amen. She drove me crazy with that religious stuff.
I came home with a hickey on my neck from this Mexican
guy and she told me I was a whore and that I was going to
hell. Personally, I think she was just jealous. You should
see her husband. Ug-ly. She doesn’t care. She’d lay down
with a midget if he had money and shouted “Hallelujah”.
No, I had to get out of that place. My Mom is cool. But my
sister had it in for me. Real bad. I think she asks God to kill
me, so that she can be an only child and have all of the
attention for herself. When I was a baby, she tried to set
my crib on fire. I’m not kidding. She tried to burn the
whole house down, with me in it. I worry about her little
baby. She might bury the thing in the backyard if she
thinks the baby is a sinner. My life was normal at home.
Too normal. That’s why I left. There was nothing to do. I
wanted to be on my own. I’m not gonna lie to you, babe. It
sucks. Despite it all, I proved her right. My sister. Look at
what I do for money. She won. (Beat.) Sometimes, I wish
the crib would have burned.

BETTER PLACES TO GO
Comic
Candace, late twenties, is late to her wedding. Stuck in a

roadside diner in Grand Island, Nebraska, she unloads
about the horrible time she has had trying to get to the
ceremony. She barely takes a breath, fueled with anger.
CANDACE: Do you know what kind of a day I’ve had? I

woke up late. My cat puked all over my shoes. My
roommate decided to bring a criminal home with her last
night and the guy stole her virginity (Beat.) and my laptop.
The landlord forgot to inform me that they were shutting
off the water in my building to do some repair work. So, I
had to boil bottles of Aquafina and wash my hair in the
sink. A necklace my grandmother gave me fell down the
drain and is probably lying at the bottom of Lake Michigan
right now. I decided to try my wedding dress on to make
sure all of the alterations had been done properly. I went
downstairs to ask my dope-dealing neighbor for her
opinion and I got locked out of my apartment. Not one
single stingy person would loan me a change of clothes, so
I took the “L” train to Maxine’s house – in my wedding dress
and my cat-puke-satin-pumps. Of course Maxine had
nothing in my size and for once in my life, there was no
time to go shopping. So I had to spend half the day
looking like Glenda the Good Witch. I didn’t get a
manicure so my hands look like I’ve been clawing my way
out of Attica. My hair feels like Crisco because my
hairdresser decided to try a new product on me and I
swear to you, it smells like furniture polish. We missed the
plane from Chicago and once we finally got on a plane,
they rerouted us to Topeka because of some storm but I

don’t see any rain, do you?! My own mother is refusing to
talk to me because I wouldn’t allow my slutty sister to be
in my wedding. My father has been missing for three days
and we suspect he’s joined a religious cult in Arkansas. My
fiancé thinks I’m a fat cow, an alcoholic, a drug addict and
a chain smoker. And right now, all I want to do is be un-
conscious!

BETTER PLACES TO GO
Dramatic
Rosie, an embittered waitress in her early twenties, confides

in her co-worker her secret to earning big tips in the roadside
diner that they work in.
ROSIE: People like me. They give me tips. (Beat.) It’s part
of the job. I tell people what they want to hear. I pretend to
be someone that I’m not just to make them happy. It makes
people feel better about themselves if they think they’re
helping someone who is less than them. Like they’re doing
some good deed for the white trash of the world. Dumb
fuckers don’t realize that I’m smarter than them. I get them
their drinks. I bring them plates of food. I tell the wives
they look young and I flirt with the husbands. I touch their
ugly babies, pat their heads, kiss their cheeks. It’s their
money that I really want. They always leave me a little
extra, because I’m so sweet. (She pretends that she is waiting
on a customer; very convincing:) What a beautiful family you
have. It’s always nice to see people so happy together.
Really, it warms my heart. (The façade is gone.) I know how
to get what I want. (Beat.) Yeah, I got big plans tonight.
You just don’t know, Ricardo. I’m so sick and tired of this
place. I’d love to set it on fire and watch it burn to the
ground. (Beat.) You got any matches on you? It gets to a
person after awhile. It crawls all over me like a rash. Like
poison fucking ivy. (Beat.) How in the hell did I get stuck
in Nebraska?

CHIMERA
Dramatic
Jennifer, a journalism student in her early twenties has landed

a career-making interview with a sexy television reporter who
was the first person to discover the murdered body of an
international film star. Here, she assures him that she has
done her research.
JENNIFER: But I do know much about you, Mr. Visconti.

Born and raised in New York City. A large family.
Traditionally Italian. A decent student and product of a
parochial school. Your father owns a fledgling restaurant
in Little Italy. Your mother helps out when she can, but
she’s been busy raising four children and taking care of a
sick mother. At the age of sixteen, you started working for
ABC as a mail room clerk. From there, you enrolled in a
few television and journalism classes at a city college. A
professor saw your potential for on-camera news reporting
based on your (as if she is quoting someone:) articulation and
smashing good looks. You started as a field reporter for an
independent television station in Miami. From there, it
was Houston. And finally, two years ago, the CBS affiliate
in San Diego made you an offer you could not refuse. The
anchor for the prime-time news, with an occasional field
report thrown in to maintain your street credibility. Four
months ago, you went to the Elliott Hotel where you were
scheduled to interview Cristina Sanchez. She was here in
San Diego, filming on location. It was an exclusive
interview and a very exciting opportunity, as Miss Sanchez
seldom gave interviews. But she liked you and agreed to
do it. When you arrived at the hotel, you found Miss

Sanchez brutally murdered. You telephoned the police and
returned to the parking lot. There, your camera operator,
Mr. Adam Parker, met you. He was prepared to capture
the interview between you and Miss Sanchez, but instead
you went on air and reported your gruesome discovery.
As a result, you have been offered a book deal, several
national interviews and prestigious position with a
critically-acclaimed television news program. I am here,
Mr. Visconti, sent by my editor at The Chicago Extra, to
write a feature article on you in which I have been
instructed to present you as a new American hero. (Beat.)
Indeed, I have done my homework, as you say. (Beat.) By
the way, I’m free for dinner tonight. Oh…and call me
Jennifer.

DARLING AMONG THE MAIDENS
Dramatic
Alisha is sixteen and a student at an all-girl Catholic boarding

school. Here she tells a close friend about what it is like to be
the only black girl in school.
ALISHA: I donʹt want to get married for a long time,

Rachel. See, my Mom - she got married real young and
then she had all of us kids. Well, she didnʹt even get to
finish high school and she never went to college. Thatʹs
why I thank God everyday for bringing me here. I got a
chance to get things right, not just for me, but for my
whole family. I worked so hard to get that scholarship and
I prayed and I prayed and when Sister Josephine called
and told me that I could come to school here and that the
scholarship was mine, I knew God was giving me the
biggest chance in my life. And I donʹt ever want to
disappoint God, not after all that Heʹs done for me. And
even though it isnʹt easy - I mean, no one ever makes a big
deal out of it, but I am the only black girl in this entire
school - maybe even the entire county - but I wonʹt let that
hold me back and I donʹt care much for people who sit
around and feel sorry for themselves or blame others for
their own lack of ambition. I know what I want in my life
and I know what I have to do to get it. I mean, of course I
do want to fall in love and I want a husband and a family
someday…but not until Iʹm ready for it.

FROZEN STARS
Dramatic
Amy is a college student in her early twenties. Here she tells

her mother’s boyfriend why she is frightened for him and for
his future.
AMY: What am I supposed to do? I know heʹs in trouble.

And he wonʹt stop. (Beat.) I told him once that he was the
man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with - and itʹs
true. Heʹs different than anyone I have ever known. The
guys I went out with before were all about money and
their cars and how much their Daddy did for them. I didnʹt
want danger, but I wanted something more. My friends
think Iʹm crazy for going out with Carlos. They donʹt
understand it. To them, they just see a Mexican, a drug
dealer, a thug. But Carlos is good to me. Heʹs just really
messed up right now. And Iʹm scared. (Beat.) Iʹm scared of
the fighting and the drugs and the guns and the sound of
Carlos crying when he thinks Iʹm asleep. I keep thinking
about what I would do if he got killed. Thatʹs why Iʹm
coming to you, Gloria. Youʹre his mother. (Beat.) I need
your help. If we donʹt save him - Why is it so difficult for
him to see beyond all of this? Okay, so he doesnʹt want to
be some corporate guy in a tie. Iʹm fine with that. But heʹs
so much better than all of this. Heʹs so smart. He just
doesnʹt believe in himself. He doesnʹt believe me when I
look at him and I tell him that I love him. He just thinks
Iʹm some crazy white girl who felt sorry for him. But Iʹm
telling you Gloria, I love Carlos more than anything or
anyone in this world and I donʹt want him to die. (Beat.) I
need you to help me. For me. For him…and for my baby.

(Beat.) I donʹt want to be a widow, Gloria. I just want to be
in love.

FROZEN STARS
Dramatic
Lisa is a seventeen-year old high school student. Here she tells

her boyfriend that she has been accepted as a student at
Harvard University.
LISA: You donʹt know what this means to my family. Iʹm

the first person in my family to go to college. Iʹm getting
out, Eddie. I have a chance now and Iʹm not messing this
up! My life isnʹt here. I want more than this. I want a
career! I want to be successful! I want to be able to stand
on my own! Just because Iʹm Mexican and Iʹm a woman,
does that mean that I donʹt deserve this? I worked my ass
off to get into that school. (Beat.) Iʹm scared, Eddie. I donʹt
wanna end up like my mother. I see her face every day of
my life and it makes me sick inside. I just look at her and I
see my future. If I stay here, she is what I will become. She
hates her life, because she never had one. Thereʹs nothing
left of my mother, but a broken heart. Esta muerto. She
married my father because she didnʹt have a choice. But I
do. Iʹm getting out of here, while I still can. If you canʹt
understand that, then itʹs your fault. No man is going to
hold me back from what I want - not now, not ever.
Chances like this, they donʹt come along every day for a
girl like me. Look at where I come from. Look at my
family. My brother is either locked up or fighting in the
streets. My mother has to clean houses for the rest of her
life. My father canʹt even read and he hates the world.
(Beat.) Iʹm not going out like that. (Beat.) I donʹt want to be
a statistic.

PENSACOLA
Comic
Marie is eighteen. On her first date with a Cuban pizza

delivery man, an exuberant, fantastical and very
Southern Marie confesses her strategy to become the next
Miss Florida.
MARIE: Iʹve been studying all night to become Miss

Florida. I just never realized it until just recently that this
is my calling. Now, let me tell you what I found in my
studies. I didnʹt care much for Miss Jamie Lynn Bolding.
She won way back in 1996 and her talent was lyrical ballet.
How tacky. But I simply died when I discovered Miss
Kristin Alicia Beall Ludecke. She was Miss Florida five
thousand years ago in 1995 - and she was wonderful. Very
classy and elegant. Her platform issue was self-esteem
through music and the arts and then she sang opera. It
was something foreign and breathtaking. Sort of like you.
And I just loved Miss Jennifer DelGallo. Now she was
Miss Pensacola in 1996 and she sang the hell out of (She
actually sings this, very operatic:) Don’t Rain On My Parade! I
swear to you when I read about this, the hair on my scalp
stood up when I imagined her performing. I was beside
myself. I nearly peed my pants. And her platform issue
was the value of the family. Couldn’t you just die? She
was so brave in those democratic times. Iʹm gonna write to
her, a belated letter of support. And Iʹll tell her about my
plans. Maybe Iʹll even take her to lunch. Some place
healthy and Christian. Up until last night, around
midnight, I wanted to go to secretary school. But now, I
have opted for a more glamorous and socially fulfilling

career choice. (She stands on the sofa and looks out at an
imaginary crowd.) Iʹm gonna become Miss Florida and feed
starving children in third world countries. It came to me
in a dream, a vision I had last night. I saw myself, in a
bathing suit with cute polka dots. I was wearing a tiara
and a sash and I was surrounded by hungry children.
And I was feeding them pizza and they all loved me. And
the President of the United States of America was there
and he shook my hand and he said to me, “Miss Florida,
Miss Marie Baker, you have changed the world.” I smiled.
(She does.) I waved. (She does.) I even cried. (She starts to and
stops.) There was a video crew there and they shot the
whole thing and in my dream it was being sold on
television for only $19.95. So, as an American girl, I feel
compelled to make my dreams come true. (Beat.) I just
haven’t told Mama yet.

A RUM CAKE FOR RITA
Dramatic
Marla, a twenty-eight-year-old black woman, is grieving over

the death of her younger brother, John, who was recently killed
in Vietnam. In this scene, the year is 1965. It is Christmas
Eve. Here, Marla comes face to face with Rita, John’s widowed
wife who is white, in Rita’s cramped one-room apartment.
MARLA: You lost a husband and I lost a brother. The pain

runs deep in my world, too, Rita. My mother couldn’t take
it. She’s a broken woman because of what happened to
John. She spends most of her days and nights locked in her
bedroom and I have to stand by and watch it happen.
When the news came that John had been killed, everything
in my family changed. All of our hopes for a better life
were destroyed. John was the lucky one in our family. He
had the looks and the brains and the ambition to work his
way out of our neighborhood. He gave us a beautiful sense
of pride. Through him, we had hope that our mother
wouldn’t have to work so hard and our father would be a
kinder man. We dreamed because of him. We knew that,
someday, the world would be a better place because of
him. We believed in John. He made us feel alive. (Beat.) I’m
here tonight because this is where my brother’s spirit is.
(Beat.) Perhaps I wanted to be close to him on Christmas
Eve, to spend some time with him. (Beat.) To see the world
again, through his eyes.

SKY LINES
Seriocomic
Fed up with her snobbish and bigoted neighbor, Maggie, who

is nineteen, confronts the woman face to face. The year is
1965.
MAGGIE: Listen here, missy, with your overgrown sun hat

and fake plants. That’s right, I said fake. There isn’t any
water in that rusted watering can. You might fool
everyone on the block with your high and mighty routine,
but I see right through you, Sarah Isleton. You’re not from
Harmonville. You grew up on the south side of town, the
wrong side of the tracks. In a house with a tin roof on it.
Your father lost his job at the factory and since then your
mother has had to wait on tables at a grease spoon just to
put food on the table. You clung to Jimmy like electricity
because he was your ticket out of the squalid little life that
you led. He was your one hope, your one shot at the big
time. Even though the son of a bitch is dumber than a box
of rocks, you laid down for him because he knew how to
catch a football. He was your Kennedy, but you are
certainly no Jackie and you never will be. No matter what
you say or what you do, you’ll still be that dirty little girl
from that run down shack of a house who tried to marry
her way out of a life of poverty. I make no excuses for who
I am or where I come from. My Simon might not be much
of a man and I have to scrape and save just to get by, but at
least I live an honest life, which is more than I can say for
you. You prance around here like some sick version of
Doris Day, all sunshine and lovely and ever clever, like
you’re waiting for the God damned Beaver to come home!

SKY LINES
Seriocomic
Angered over gossip she has heard about herself, Sarah

attempts to put her two neighbors, Maggie and Venita,
in their place. The year is 1965. She is standing on her fire
escape. She is nineteen.
SARAH: I imagine Paris is lovely this time of year. Have

you been there? (Quick pause.) What am I thinking? Of
course you haven’t been there. The two of you haven’t
been anywhere. In fact, neither one of you would know
culture if it fell down and hit you on your empty heads.
It’s a shame, really, how both of you live these miserable
lives. Boo hoo hoo. Blah, blah, blah. That’s all I ever hear
out of the two of you. Margaret, perhaps you felt that
having a baby would give your husband some much-
needed ambition. After all, driving a forklift for a meager
living down at the docks will never make you wealthy.
And Venita. Poor, sweet Venita. You married a man and
allowed him to shame an entire race of people, not to
mention the history of our country. It’s difficult for me to
imagine how you sleep at night with what you have done.
I just pray that you never have children. If there is a God,
he will make you barren. It is evident that it is my duty to
uphold the dignity of this neighborhood by being a
woman of high morals, good virtues and maintaining my
sophisticated sense of style. You two little classless
vultures will spend the rest of your lives rotting away on
your balconies, starring at an empty sky. You don’t even
have the decency to decorate. Is it too much to ask either
one of you to put up a flowerbox? Of course it is. (To
Maggie:) You’re too concerned that you might miss an

episode of As The World Turns. (To Venita:) And you, you’re
too consumed with self-pity, wallowing in it like - like shit.
That’s right, I said a dirty word. You think you know me?
Well, let me tell you something. It takes a lot of work to
look like this. It isn’t easy to be a perfect wife. But, at least I
try. Just because I come from nothing doesn’t mean I have
to act like it. Go ahead and spout as much hatred as you
want, Margaret. I’m the one with the chance. I’m the one
with the golden ticket out of here one day. What do you
have?

SKY LINES
Dramatic
In 1965, Venita, who is black, has been ostracized by her

family and friends for marrying a white man, George.
Here she tells her neighbor and best friend, Maggie, what she
expected out of marriage.
VENITA: I imagined my life differently when I was a girl.

Perhaps I’m just a fool, but I expected flowers and poetry
and weekend getaways to the country. A drive in a
convertible with the wind in your hair. Something special,
magic. Don’t get me wrong. George and I had a very
romantic courtship. He was the perfect gentleman. I felt so
lucky when we met. Never in my life had someone paid so
much attention to me. He’s handsome and smart and he
comes from a good family. (Beat.) Maybe it’s me. Maybe
I’ve gone crazy. It’s quite possible that insanity is running
in my veins. My grandmother went crazy a few years ago.
One day, she started to sing. It was a song from church,
one of her favorites. At first, we all thought that she was
just expressing her faith for the Lord. But, she wouldn’t
stop singing. Even when the doctor came. She sang so
much, her throat went dry and she coughed up blood. A
few days later, they took her to a hospital. I’ve never seen
her since. (Beat.) I’m a newlywed. I should be the happiest
woman in the world. But I can’t stop having these crazy
thoughts. Maggie, it’s almost too much to bear. I feel like a
prisoner in this apartment. I sit here all day long filling up
my recipe box and making shopping lists and ironing
baskets of clothes. I wait with anticipation for the phone to
ring because I find myself craving conversation. Anything
to kill the silence. I hate the silence. It’s as if someone has

died and we’re not allowed to speak. That’s what my days
are like. Deathly quiet and still. Maggie, I can’t quit school.
It would be the end of me. I want to finish and get my
degree. I’m sure I could find work. In an office. In a
museum. Even a restaurant. Anything to get out of this
apartment, this coffin that I’m trapped in. It’s choking me.

STAY
Comic
Rindy, an extroverted and thrill-seeking eighteen-year-old, is

giving her best friend a makeover. During the process, she
confesses about the wild night she has spent with her
boyfriend. Rindy lives in a small town in the South.
RINDY: I spent the night at Tommy’s last night. I pray to

God my mother doesn’t find out. She hates Tommy. If she
knew I was spending the night at his place, she’d probably
go mental and kill us all. But, it was worth it. We didn’t get
much sleep, if you know what I mean. That’s why Tommy
loves me so much. And I do love him. As far as
intelligence goes, he was cursed. (Beat.) But in other
areas….God, I love that man. (Quick pause.) I have to stop
thinking about him and concentrate on your hair or else
Jessie will come home and won’t recognize you. You know
how I am. We start talking about boys and I just get
carried away. (Slightly melodramatic:) My mind starts
wandering and I see spots. I get real thirsty, warm, hot. My
hands start to shake. All of a sudden, I start to sweat and I
get real, real weak. (Quick pause; unbearable:) God, I miss
Tommy. The son-of-a-bitch doesn’t get off work until four
o’clock. I’ll die before then. I gotta tell you, Ali. You know
how I hate it when things get all serious and intense and I
have to do something crazy just to make everyone laugh?
Well, last night, Tommy looks at me with love and
moonlight in his eyes. It was a real movie moment. He
says to me, “Rindy, honey, did you enjoy yourself?” So, I
rolled over real gently and I stared into his eyes. (Beat.)
Then, I screamed at the top of my lungs, “Oh my God,
Tommy, you have the biggest clock I have ever seen!” His

alarm clock. It’s huge and it’s got these gigantic digital
numbers and they’re blood red. I swear to you, Alison, I
have never seen a clock that big. Not even at Wal-Mart.

THRENODY
Dramatic
Dana, early twenties, is trapped in a volatile relationship with

Jake. Here, she confronts him about the night that he raped
her. Both Dana and Jake are heavily addicted to speed and
have been up for three days.
DANA: The orchard, Jake. Do you remember that night? I

just remember the dirt. I was laying there in the dirt…you
were on me and you kept pushing against me. Your
fingers felt like razors, tearing at me. I could smell the
booze on your breath and it was so sour and it made me
gag. I wanted to vomit, but I was choking on the dirt. The
fucking dirt was in my mouth. And I couldn’t breathe. I
was fighting you. I was begging you to stop. But you
wanted to come. And I let you have your way. Then you
left me t here, in the orchard, in the dark…so I followed
you, back inside. Back to that graduation party where you
told all of your friends to be polite to me. But they kept
giving me these looks…dirty looks. It was because they
hated me. They were all on Monica’s side. I just wanted to
leave! I wanted to claw my way out of that place. I would
have dug a tunnel with my bare hands just to get away
from you and those people. I turned away from them all.
I was standing in the corner and I was staring at the wall
and the music was pounding in my ear. I wanted to reach
up and grab this baby blue streamer and tie it around my
neck. And choke. I just wanted to go outside, even
though it was so cold out there. But I realized…that it was
much colder inside. Their eyes and their red plastic cups
filled with beer and strawberry wine and ice cubes. I just
stood there. And I was freezing, and all of their eyes were

on me. My dress was ripped. And I looked down, to try
and fix it. And I saw the blood, Jake. It was running down
my legs…like my soul was crying. Nobody offered to help
me, Jake. No one. Not even you. They were trying to get
inside of my head…They wanted me to hate you because
they all knew that you were way too beautiful to ever love
me. I was just a speck of dirt on the wall. I was just a
whore from the city who fell in love with some guy after a
slow dance in a cheap bar near the train tracks. They knew
what you had done to me. Even though I told you no. Do
you realize that, Jake? I kept saying no! But you couldn’t
hear me, because I was full of dirt. You were so messed up
that night. I had to drive us home…and I was still
bleeding. From your scratches and scars. I brought us
back here so you could pass out and so that I could wash
the dirt out of my hair. And that smell…that awful, awful
smell of you and their judgment. I can still smell it
sometimes. When I’m sitting here and I’m waiting for you
to come home. And I’m listening to nothing. Not even to
the sound of my own voice. I gave that to you a long time
ago. Didn’t I, Jake? I gave you everything…and you took
it!

TRY
Seriocomic
Moments after giving her new boyfriend a key to her

apartment, twenty-four year old Janessa voices her concerns
over her decision.
JANESSA: I was afraid that if I gave you a key to my

apartment, you would freak out and run screaming from
my life. I’m not always what men are looking for. You
know the type. They want you to wear the right thing,
cook all of their meals, keep a clean house. That’s not who
I am. Well, you know what I’m like. I like to live life
moment by moment. I’m spontaneous. Maybe that’s why
I’m drawn to stand up comedy. Do you think I would be
good at it? (Quick beat.) I know my apartment isn’t nearly
as fancy as your townhouse. Once they get the rat problem
under control here, this place could really be cozy. I’d
really love to buy a house. My credit isn’t what it used to
be. I was young and foolish and I needed a lot of shoes. I
went a little crazy with some credit cards. (Beat.) I changed
my name. My real name is Tonya Carlisle. (Quick beat.)
Would you like something to drink? I’ve got a two liter of
Shasta in the freezer. Will that do? My ex-boyfriend and I
were madly in love. (Beat.) Two months after we met, he
decided to go back to his wife. I was devastated. (Beat.) She
filed a restraining order against me. Isn’t that crazy? (Beat.)
Maybe it’s time to put his picture away somewhere. I don’t
want you to feel uncomfortable. Especially since you have
your own key now. I want you to feel like this apartment is
yours, too.

MONOLOGUES FOR MEN

BABY IN THE BASEMENT
Dramatic
Boy is a sixteen-year-old runaway who has hidden in the

basement of an abandoned warehouse. Inadvertently, a young
woman has interrupted his planned suicide. Here, he tells her
why and how he is ending his life.
BOY: I didn’t know Shelley that well. We smoked out a

couple of times together and one time we crashed at this
guy’s house. He was a skinhead and he tried to get down
Shelley’s pants in the worst way. She let him do it, just so
we could be warm. It was Christmas Eve. Shelley said she
wanted to wake up on Christmas morning in a house. She
didn’t care whose house it was, as long as it had four
walls. And a fireplace. The guy did her, right there on the
living room floor, right in front of me. Shelley kept looking
at the fire, like she was some place else. I didn’t realize that
you and Shelley were that close. (Beat.) I wish we had a
plan. Like you and Shelley did. Then, we would have
something to look forward to. (Beat.) I want a house
someday. Far away from my parents. My father is a
corporate pig and my mother starves herself to death.
(Beat.) Carlos gave me some pills. The kind of pills Shelley
should have had with her when they killed her. These pills
are lethal. It only takes three to kill you. Their illegal.
Carlos got them in Mexico. (Beat.) You can leave if you
want to. (Beat.) Or you can stay here and watch me die. I
already took two pills. I was waiting to take the third one.
(Beat.) I don’t know. I just had this feeling that something
was coming, something was about to happen. (Beat.)
Maybe it was you. (Beat.) I have some extra pills.

BETTER PLACES TO GO
Dramatic
Derek is twenty and extremely manic. In a roadside coffee

shop, he expresses his secret love for his best friend, a Mexican
bus boy named Ricardo.
DEREK: It’s killing me. Not being able to be with you. I’d
rather let them shoot me dead and murder me than to go
another day of my life without being with you. (Beat.) I
know you wanted us to wait a little bit before we finally
left. But I can’t wait anymore. I swear to God, I’ll die. I’ll
go crazy. (Beat.) Maybe I already have. You’re the only
person in this entire world who cares about me. We can do
this. We can get on that bus tonight at ten-thirty and we
can leave Grand Island and we don’t ever have to come
back. And in a couple of days, we’ll be in San Diego. We
can walk on the beach and we can put our feet in the water
and we can laugh in the sun and we can be together. I
want that more than anything. (Beat.) I hate this place. I
hate everyone here because they all hate me. And I don’t
ever want them to hate you. So if we leave tonight, we can
get away from here before they turn on you like they’ve
turned against me. And I’ll be good there. I promise. I’ll
take the medication and I’ll try to stop the noise in my
head, once and for all. And I’ll work really hard and I’ll do
whatever I have to do. But if we stay here…My heart can’t
take it no more, Ricardo. I lay awake at night and I listen to
Britney and Nathan beat the hell out of each other and I
close my eyes and I pretend that you’re there with me and
you’re holding me and I feel safe. I feel loved. That’s all

I’ve ever wanted. (Beat.) Please. Let’s go. Tonight. If we do,
I know I’ll still be alive when dawn breaks.

I ATE LUNCH ALONE TODAY
Dramatic
Daniel is a bohemian, sensitive artist in his mid-twenties who

has just come to terms with his unrequited love for Margaret,
his next door neighbor. Here he confesses his love for her and
tries to convince her to end the relationship she is having with
an overbearing man.
DANIEL: Listen to me, Margaret. He has no idea how

wonderful you are. He doesn’t appreciate you. You’re the
most incredible woman I have ever known. You deserve
more than this. You deserve love letters and poetry, slow
dances in the rain, long passionate kisses that make your
soul tingle. You deserve a man who tells you everyday
how much he loves you and how beautiful you are, that he
would be lost without you. You need someone who is able
to see heaven in your eyes and forever in your smile. I get
lost in my thoughts about you, Margaret. Sometimes I sit
in my apartment and I wish we were together. And I hear
words through the wall – harsh words, unkind and ugly
things that he says to you. And I hear you cry. Everyday,
you cry, Margaret and it tears me up inside. (Beat.) Let me
love you. Let me give you the life that you deserve. If you
do, I swear, you will never be alone again.

SLOE GIN FIZZ
Dramatic
On a rainy night, two male co-workers, Marco and

Christopher, are drawn together out of loneliness. Marco, a
Mexican-American man in his late twenties, is married to a
Korean woman whom he does not love. Here, he imagines
what a relationship would be like with Christopher.
MARCO: What if I walked you home every night? What if

we went out to dinner? What if we went away on a
weekend trip? What if I moved in here with you and I was
faithful and I was good to you and I treated you with
respect and I taught you to believe in forever again? What
if I took you by the hand right now and pulled you into
my arms and allowed myself to make love to you until the
sun came up and then in the morning, we would have
breakfast together, take a shower and wash each otherʹs
backs and drove to work together. And when work was
done, we came home together and we had dinner and then
watched television and talked until we fell asleep in each
otherʹs arms. And from every day forward, I promised you
that you would never feel alone again. Would you believe
me, Christopher? Would you let me love you like that?
And would you love me back - just as much - with your
whole heart and soul? (Beat.) I love you. My God,
sometimes I wish I didnʹt. I wish I could go home to my
wife and make love to her with the passion that I feel for
you. I wish I could be the guy that my friends all think that
I am. I wish that I could wake up tomorrow morning and
never be scared again.

SOMEBODY’S BABY
Dramatic
William is a young man dying of AIDS. Here, he tells the love

of his life why he does not want her present when he dies.
WILLIAM: I don’t want you there when I die. I won’t do

that to you, Tabitha. Don’t you see? I’m gonna have you
with me… (He places a hand over his chest.) …in here. I don’t
want you to hurt. When I go, pretend I moved away or
something. I don’t want you to miss me. I just want
this…here with you now. This is all I need. I’m telling
you…this is more…than I have ever had. Tabitha, all I
need is this. Please understand that. When I feel myself
start to go…I’m gonna close my eyes and see your
face…wet with the rain. Your words…and your
eyes…what you smell like. How I felt when I first saw
you. All of that…will be enough for me. And you know
what…if there is a God…I’m gonna tell Him all about you.
I’m gonna say, “God…that girl I met…you know, at that
diner…well, I think she was my guardian angel. Because
she was really sweet to me and she didn’t even know me.
But she cared. And that’s because she believes in You”.
Tabitha, I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life
dwelling on this. Just by knowing that you’re here…that
somebody actually cares in this world…that’s all I could
hope for. (Beat.) I don’t think I’ll ever see you again after
tonight. Because it would ruin it.

STRONGER THAN THIS
Dramatic
Kyle is in his late twenties. Having lost his partner in a

vicious hate crime, Kyle contends with his grief by talking to
the ghost of Martin, the man he loved.
KYLE: I couldn’t help myself, Martin. I was at the grocery

store and I was pushing the cart down the aisle and I was
frustrated because one of the wheels on the cart was
broken so the cart kept stopping every few inches and it
made me angry – you used to always push the cart. And I
kept shoving the cart and it kept stopping and I wanted to
ram the cart into the old woman who was standing there
giving away samples of hickory flavored cheese in her
blue and white checkered apron. But I stopped because of
her eyes – she looked at me and I wondered if she was a
widow and if her husband had died and if her children
had forgotten all about her and the only reason why she
was standing in the grocery store and forcing bites of
cheese on people was because she was terribly, terribly
lonely. She went and got me another cart, Martin – just like
you used to and she touched my hand and said, “It’s going
to be all right, dear.” Like she knew. Like she could see it
on me and smell it. And I didn’t say a word to her – why is
it that I find it so hard to even speak now – like if I speak
and I only hear my voice it just reminds me that it’s quiet
now – it’s so quiet and I hate it. God, I miss your laugh. I
miss your laugh and your voice and your smile and – I
pushed the cart down the aisle, eating a piece of cheese,
chewing fast like I was mad at the world and they were
playing a song in the grocery store and it reminded me of

the time we got drunk at that ski lodge and you kept
singing that song from Cinderella and you made up dirty
lyrics and I made you dance for me. So I tried to forget
about the song they were playing and I went up and down
the aisles, not really sure what I was looking for. I only
needed some milk. But ended up in the candy aisle and
they had all these bins of candy and I found these – your
favorite. Butterscotch. I remember how you used to sit
there and eat these and play with the wrappers and the
sound would drive me crazy and I would ask you to stop
and you would tell me that when you were a kid your
grandfather said that he would leave you a candy factory
one day because you had such a sweet tooth. So I was
standing in the store and I couldn’t help myself, Martin. I
bought five pounds. And two boxes of peppermint tea.
Remember how we would sit here and we would cuddle
and everything felt warm and safe and misery seemed ten
thousand miles away? God, I miss that feeling. If you were
still here, I would pour you a cup.

THRENODY
Dramatic
Jake, early twenties, is trapped in a volatile relationship with

Dana. Here, he reminisces about the time they first met. Both
Dana and Jake are heavily addicted to speed and have been up
for three days.
JAKE: You know what I was thinking about? How we met

at that club…you were a city girl in a black skirt, sipping
on a Sloe Gin Fizz…and then I asked you to dance…I gave
you my number and it took you two days to call me…but
you did. Then it was back and forth for us. Me going to
the city. You coming out here. We just kept going…back
and forth. Like marbles. I was supposed to get married
when I met you. Monica still hates me. She came into the
hardware store the other day and she just stared at me
with these icy cold eyes, like she wanted to spit on me.
Just like my old man. She looked at me, just the same. I
just stood there, like an idiot. And I smiled at her. I was
kinda hoping that she would have forgiven me by now.
No such luck. She wishes that I was dead. (Beat.) Dana, I
remember the first weekend that you and I spent together.
I had to drive you to the bus depot. Right there, in front of
God and everybody, I kissed you. I could feel your
heart…ba-boom…ba-boom…like a heart attack. Then you
looked at me. And I thought you were gonna cry, because
you usually do. But I knew that you loved me. Nobody
ever looked at me the way you did that day. Your
eyes…they were so warm to me. I could tell you were sad,
Dana. In fact, when I first saw you…I knew. I knew it was
going to be this. Living together and making spaghetti.
Getting wired and staying up for days. I wasn’t gonna

marry a rich girl named Monica. No way. I got me a
Dana. She wants to write herself a best seller. She wants
to go to Paris someday because when she was a little girl,
her grandmother sent her a postcard and she wanted to
crawl inside of the picture. And she makes these crazy
wishes on those glow-in-the-dark stars I put up on the
ceiling above the bed. She sees herself up there. She is
higher than high. She wants to be famous and take me
with her on the ride, but she feels like she’s got to hurry.
She’s scared I might get bored of it all and just say fuck it.

WENDY’S HURRICANE
Dramatic
The night before he transfers to a new school, twenty-year-old

Anthony squares off with a young woman who has had an
obsessive crush on him.
ANTHONY: Fine, then, let’s talk about it. We had sex.

That was it. It happened. It will never happen again. It’s
the truth. I know that I’m not in love with you. I had
nothing to prove. Nobody believes the rumors you’ve
started. Don’t you see why I was friends with you?
Because you loved me. And I needed that. You adored
me. I needed that attention. I don’t want your life, Wendy.
It belongs to you. I want you to let me go. When I leave
here, it stays here. I’m not taking this with me. Don’t do
this to me anymore. Don’t give me your feelings. I don’t
want them. I don’t need them, Wendy, and I don’t need
you. When will you hear me? I’m leaving. I’m getting into
my car in the morning. I’m getting on the highway and I’m
changing my life. (Beat.) I need to go. It’s getting late.
Things were just mixed up between us. It was a crazy time
for the both of us. Wendy, I really hope things get better
for you.

CONTACT INFO
Need a copy of one of these plays in print? Here is some

helpful information:
AND THE WINNER IS… and ARE YOU ALL RIGHT IN

THERE? are available in print from Playscripts, Inc: P.O.
Box 237060, New York, NY 10023. Their website is located
at www.playscripts.com. Toll-Free Phone & Fax: 1-866-
NEW-PLAY (639-7529). The above number is for U.S.
customers only. Customers outside the U.S. may contact
Playscripts, Inc. via email, or via their international fax
number: 1-011-212-799-6708.
SOMEBODY’S BABY, TEMPORARY HEROES and

UNREQUITED are available in print from Brooklyn
Publishers: 1841 Cord Street. Odessa, TX 79762. Toll Free
Telephone Number: 1-888-473-8521. Their website is
located at www.brookpub.com.
For all other titles, please visit the playwright’s official

website at www.davidmatthewbarnes.com. This site is
constantly updated with current ordering and publishing
information.
If you perform one of the monologues in this collection, let

us know about it. We welcome your thoughts, opinions,
questions and suggestions. Send the editor an e-mail at:
info@davidmatthewbarnes.com.

ABOUT THE PLAYWRIGHT
Known for creating powerful literary works for women and

minorities, David-Matthew Barnes is the writer and director
of two films: the coming-of-age drama Frozen Stars and the
Southern comedy Drama Queen. In addition, he is the
screenwriter and creator of the musically-flavored film Rock It
Girl; the author of the popular women’s novel Ambrosia; an
anthology of multicultural monologues titled Monologues That
Kick Ass; the poetry collections They Don't Speak My Language
Here, Forgive Me, I'm Young, and Sins of the Flesh; a selection of
short stories titled The Colors of Heartbreak; and thirty-two
stage plays.
His short stories, poetry and creative non-fiction have

appeared in over sixty magazines, literary journals and
anthologies including Men of Mystery: Erotic Tales of Intrigue and
Suspense (Haworth Press), Small-Town Gay: Essays on Family Life
Beyond the Big City (Kerlak Publishing; Lambda Literary Award
nominee), Cosmic Brownies (Sun Rising Poetry Press) and Rite of
Passage: Tales of Backpacking ‘Round Europe (Lonely Planet).
His acclaimed stage plays have been performed across the

nation and internationally in South Africa, Guam, Brazil,
Taiwan, England and Australia. Excerpts of his stage plays
have been featured in a dozen collections from publishers
Smith & Kraus including The Best Stage Scenes of 1999, The Best
Stage Scenes of 2000, The Best Women's Stage Monologues of 2002,
The Ultimate Audition Book and Audition Arsenal.
(more)

(continued)
Recently, David-Matthew’s work was nationally selected by

The Hudson Exploited Theater Company for their acclaimed
series Where Theater Starts 2004 and for The 16th Annual
Chicago Directors’ Festival at The Bailiwick Repertory
Theatre. In addition, Actors Scene Unseen performed David-
Matthew’s critically-acclaimed Southern stage play Pensacola in
a live radio broadcast from Charlotte, North Carolina. He
also participated in The 24-Hour Plays Series at The Horizon
Theatre Company in Atlanta as part of The 6th Annual New
South Play Festival. In the New York area, David-Matthew’s
plays have been performed at The Creative Place Theatre,
The 13th Street Repertory Company, The John Houseman
Studio Theatre, The Chashama Theatre and The 32nd Street
Playhouse in Union City.
David-Matthew’s work is available in print from Playscripts,

Inc., Brooklyn Publishers, Lulu Press and Word Riot Press.
For his work, he has received awards from Writers Digest
Magazine, the Florida State Writing Competition and the
Sacramento Area Regional Theatre Alliance.
David-Matthew received a national scholarship to study

playwriting at The Theatre School of DePaul University in
Chicago. In addition, he studied Writing for Television and
Fiction Writing at Columbia College Chicago and
Communications and English at Oglethorpe University in
Atlanta.
David-Matthew lives just outside of Atlanta where he owns a

home with his partner, award-winning producer Nick
Moreno.
For more information, visit his official website at

www.davidmatthewbarnes.com.

ABOUT THE EDITOR
Nick A. Moreno has an extensive background in

advertising working with the world-famous firm Young &
Rubicam. As an award-winning producer, Nick has
brought over twenty critically-acclaimed theatrical
productions to the stage. He studied Film Production at
Columbia College Chicago and Business Administration
and Communications at Oglethorpe University in Atlanta.
He is a member of the Georgia Hispanic Network and the

Atlanta Executive Network. In addition, he is a
distinguished alum of Youth for Understanding and
AmeriCorps*NCCC. Nick serves as the Vice-President and
Treasurer of Rock It Boy Productions, LLC, of which he is
a co-founder.
He lives just outside of Atlanta where he owns a home.

Upcoming projects include Suite Sixteen: A Collection of
One-Act Plays by David-Matthew Barnes.


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Excerpts From

Monologues That Kick Ass

A Collection by David-Matthew Barnes

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

NOTE: The monologues included in this collection are intended to

The monologues included in this collection are fully protected

The monologues included in this collection may include references

Cover Design and Photo:

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 1

From Brooklyn Publishers

From Lulu Books

From Playscripts, Inc.

And The Winner Is…

From Word Riot Press

Sins of the Flesh

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 2

I first became familiar with David-Matthew Barnes’ stage

Early in 2004, I suggested to David-Matthew that he post a

Actor Kia Jones, who performed a monologue from the

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 3

It became evident to David-Matthew and me that the

Monologues That Kick Ass features over eighty monologues

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 4

Many, many thanks to the companies who have helped give my

I am very grateful for the continued support unconditionally

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 5

And to my brothers for letting me be the writer in the family.

In memory of Marianne Psota and Paula Marie Anderson.

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 6

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 7

Tracy is a successful black actress in her late twenties.

TRACY: Listen up, you little starfuckers! My name is Tracy

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 8

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 9

Gina, a seventeen-year-old high school student, has locked

GINA: I’m sorry. (Beat.) I am so sorry. I’m just kind of

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 10

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 11

Girl, a teenage runaway, has stumbled into the basement of an

GIRL: It probably took them three weeks before they even

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 12

Candace, late twenties, is late to her wedding. Stuck in a

CANDACE: Do you know what kind of a day I’ve had? I

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 13

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 14

Rosie, an embittered waitress in her early twenties, confides

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 15

Jennifer, a journalism student in her early twenties has landed

JENNIFER: But I do know much about you, Mr. Visconti.

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 16

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 17

Alisha is sixteen and a student at an all-girl Catholic boarding

ALISHA: I donʹt want to get married for a long time,

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 18

Amy is a college student in her early twenties. Here she tells

AMY: What am I supposed to do? I know heʹs in trouble.

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 19

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 20

Lisa is a seventeen-year old high school student. Here she tells

LISA: You donʹt know what this means to my family. Iʹm

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 21

Marie is eighteen. On her first date with a Cuban pizza

MARIE: Iʹve been studying all night to become Miss

Monologues That Kick Ass: Volume One 22