Forcing laughter, faking smiles

Same old tired lonely place

The keys kept jingling inside Archie’s right pocket, a futile attempt at drawing attention, as if the
lifeless pieces of metals were asking to be found. A little exaggerated, but a fitting comparison
since the set of keys was not supposed to be in his possession.

As he approached the end of the hall, he unlocked his mobile with his fingerprint and switched
to airplane mode.

Despite the late hour, rules are still rules.

He convinced himself that it had nothing to do with him escaping the grandiose fundraiser being
thrown in the main building’s ballroom.

He slowly looked around, the warm fuzzy feeling brought by nostalgia completely evading him.

Minor renovations were proposed two summers ago to incorporate a touch of modernity and
innovation in what was known to be the oldest building in campus. Aside from the whimsical art
installation that welcomed guests and students two floors below, the three-storey structure also
boasted non-toxic and eco-friendly solar panels.

But the maple hardwood flooring remained - clean and dutifully maintained, but undeniably old.
Every step he took produced an eerie creaking sound that people would associate with a horror
film.

He chuckled. He used to be one of the silly boys that spreaded terrifying stories about the
building - lies that kept their small group’s sanctuary peaceful and private.

A deeply buried memory prompted him to turn left, and shortly he was greeted by a set of
double doors, made from the same wooden material he was walking on.

He ignored the sign stating that the library closed three hours ago, and reached for the set of
keys inside his pocket.

Manong Noel, the caretaker he and his friends pranked and eventually befriended during their
sophomore year, marked the correct key with white tape, so he could easily find the piece of
metal that would fit the key hole.

He promised the old man a good bottle of whiskey, a generous offer he declined. The caretaker
proudly shared how he’s been living a healthy life in the past five years since Archie and his
friends graduated, claiming that they were terrible influences on him.
Exhausted from his 17-hour flight, Archie leaned his right shoulder on the wooden panel, fully
expecting it to support his weight as he was inserting the key. To his surprise, the door eased
back.

Noel, you old man.

He shook his head as he returned the keys inside his pocket and entered the huge empty room.

Either the caretaker intended to play a prank on him, or he was becoming increasingly forgetful
in his old age. While not too concerning for a 64-year-old, Archie still pulled up the calendar on
his phone.

He kept walking aimlessly, avoiding shelves and tables by sheer luck, while creating a reminder
to have his assitant clear a couple of hours off his Wednesday schedule two weeks from that
day, so he could pencil in a consult for the old caretaker.

“Hanggang 7 PM lang bukas yung library.”

Shifting eyes and vacancy

Vanished when I saw your face

Luckily, Archie had a strong grip on his phone, so it didn’t slip from his fingers. His heart,
however, is a completely different matter.

What the actual -

He turned around and was greeted by the sweetest smile he ever had the pleasure of
witnessing in his lifetime.

Fuck.

Long brown hair, bright twinkling eyes, and the most stunning face - he was too busy taking
everything in, basking in the beauty that was the girl casually sitting criss-cross applesauce on
top of a vintage oak table that was placed between two shelves in the library’s mystery section.

He almost missed the amused look on her face.

Keyword - almost.

Heart still beating fast, he glared her way and asked, “You always do that?”

Not bothering to reply, the girl simply closed her book and raised an eyebrow, as if asking him
to elaborate.
“Wait for unsuspecting strangers in the dark?” He clarified. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Her eyes grew wide, and she mumbled, “Hala, ang OA,” before knocking three times on the
table. “Masyado ka pang bata for a heart attack.” She squinted her eyes for a few seconds.
“Tingin ko nasa early twenties ka pa lang,” she observed.

“One in every five heart attack patients are younger than 40 years of age,” he told her matter of
factly.

She grinned and asked, “BS Bio?”

Archie nodded, “Sure. Siguro about five years ago.”

Surprise filled her eyes. “Wait, doktor ka na?” She moved down from her perch on the table and
stood in her full height, which isn’t very much compared to him.

She looked at him curiously, confusion still evident in her face. “Seryoso?”

He smirked and asked, “Is that so hard to believe?”

Like a moth to a flame, he could not resist moving closer. He offered his right hand and
introduced himself. “I’m Archie Aguerro. And you are?”

He saw the hesitation in her face, and for a moment he thought he would be going to bed that
night without knowing her name.

A shy smile graced her lips, then she extended her hand and met his.

“Anne,” she replied softly.

The playful conversation starts

Counter all your quick remarks

She’s a Fine Arts major crawling her way through senior year, he learned.

“A full scholarship ride - sino ba naman ako para tumanggi, diba?” She told him while perusing
the shelves for a new novel to take home with her.

“Then you must be incredibly talented,” he commented. Despite the dim lighting, he noticed how
her cheeks immediately turned red. “Northford’s standards are extremely high - they want the
best of the best.”
“True. Pero sobrang generous rin naman ng university sa mga scholar na katulad ko,” she
explained. “Case in point, itong gig na ‘to. Plus yung unlimited access sa library.” Then she
looked at him and said, “Your turn.”

He nodded and said, “You get three questions.”

She furrowed her forehead. “Three? Nagmamadali ka ba or pa-mysterious ka lang?”

It took both of them by surprise when he started laughing.

She watched him fondly, and the sweet smile he was beginning to enjoy graced her lips.

“The latter,” he finally answered after he managed a little bit of control.

“Paano pag may fourth question pa ako?”

He stared into her eyes and said, “Then you have to ask it over coffee.” He leaned on the corner
of the wooden shelf and asked, “So anong gusto mong malaman?”

The lingering question kept me up

2 AM, who do you love?

He kept coming back - seven nights in a row.

Gino and Obet would have laughed in his face if he told them about this late night library talks,
and how Anne repeatedly shut down his invites for coffee.

He’s never been a fan of social media, but he was tempted to look her up online. They’ve talked
for hours and discussed a lot of topics - ranging from her admiration of Van Gogh’s works to her
questionable love for all things One Direction.

But he still don’t know much about her.

He found the girl between the History shelves. The sight of her sitting on the floor, her small
frame surrounded by a mountain of books, brought a smile on his lips.

“Finished early?” He asked, referring to the mural that she was working on inside the old
building.

She glanced up from her book and smiled sweetly. “What’s up, Doc?”

Chuckling, he headed over to her spot on the floor, sat beside her, and handed her a steaming
cup of caramel macchiato. “Did I get it right this time?”
She took a sip of the hot drink, paused for a second, then took another sip.

“Malapit na,” she grinned.

He always loved a good challenge, something that he regretted telling her. On the second night,
while they’re debating the merits of Apple and Android phones, he not-so-subtly asked for her
number. She said she’ll think about it.

Guess she’s still thinking about it.

Third night, Archie asked again - just so he can make sure he’d order a drink that she actually
liked. She promised that once he got her coffee order right, she’ll accept his invite for a date.

Luckily, both of them adored the quiet halls of the library.

In there, he regaled her with stories of undergrad Gino, Obet, and Archie - the good, the bad,
and all the late night parties they crashed in between.

She told him about a “bonggang Palawan trip” with her twin best friends, Luna and Sky, when
they visited from Australia last summer.

He bored her with anecdotes from NYU and the intense accelerated program that allowed him
to earn his MD degree in three years.

She shared her dreams of opening a small gallery in Tagaytay - close to her grandparents
house..

This night is flawless,

Don't you let it go

On the 18th night, he asked again.

“When can I see the mural?”

She sighed, but her fingers continued gently combing through his hair.

They were back in the same exact place where it all began. This time, both of them were on top
of the vintage old table, whispering sweet nothings to each other. He was lying down on the
surface, his head resting on her lap.

“Bumagsak ka ba sa marshmallow test?” She joked.

The corner of his lips tilted, but he kept his eyes closed and his mouth shut.
Patience has never been his strongest suit. But he was trying.

For her.

Still, he acknowledged the frustration he felt. While he loved the quiet comfort that the empty
library provided them, he was also craving more.

He wanted to take her out on dates and introduce her to his friends.

He would love the opportunity to spoil her rotten.

Archie wanted to drop her off in her dorm, or maybe take her back to his newly renovated
apartment.

He wanted her with him to break the new bed in.

He was even waiting for her to visit and try his new espresso machine.

Sensing said frustration, Anne smoothed his furrowed forehead with her light cool touch and
traced the outline of his face.

Then he felt soft hesitant lips brush his. Upside down, it was hard to make it work, but he didn’t
care. He eagerly responded, latching on and never letting go until they both felt the need to
come up for air.

He opened his eyes and gave her a huge smile. “What was that for,” he asked.

“Promise, Dr. Aguerro. Kapag natapos ko na yung mural, ikaw yung pinaka-unang makakakita,”
she assured him.

He grabbed her left hand, turned it around and pressed a gentle kiss on her wrist, the beat of
her pulse strong against his lips.

“I’ll hold you to it,” he said.

That is enough. For now.

This was the very first page

Not where the story line ends

“Doc Archie, they’re waiting for you in the conference room,” his assistant, Lorie, reminded him.

He glanced at the time and noticed that it was already 2:05 PM.
Shit!

He was browsing the same-day flower delivery website in the last 30 minutes and still didn’t
know what to pick. It’s been a month since they met, and he wanted to surprise her.

This would have been a lot easier if he could just text Anne like typical couples do.

But what they’re doing was a tad unconventional. Taking things slow might as well be unheard
off in this day and age.

Are we even a couple? Should probably ask her.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t notice his assistant calling his attention until he heard someone
groaned.

“Daydreaming? Really, dude? So unprofessional.”

Archie looked up from his monitor and said, “No fucking way.” Grinning, he immediately grabbed
his iPad, strode toward the door, and gave the other man a quick hug.

“You didn’t tell me you’re flying in from Cebu,” he said.

“I wanted to see your jaw drop in the conference room, but you were taking forever,” Gino told
him. “How’s your first week?”

“So far, so good,” he said.

Archie was given two weeks after returning from New York to settle in before he officially started
as one of the neurologists in Northford Med.

“How’s the girl?” Gino raised his brows up and down teasingly.

Archie simply smiled before changing the subject. “Help me get caught up in this case,” he said
as they walked the busy eight floor corridor leading to a spacious corner glass office that served
as the conference room.

Gino sighed. “The scientist in me was thrilled to take on this case three months ago, but the
doctor in me’s gradually losing hope.”

“That’s why you guys are bringing me in,” he replied smugly.

“Keep telling yourself that,” his friend said. “21 year-old female, gunshot wound head trauma.
Been in deep coma for the last 11 months.” They reached the corner office and Gino grabbed
the door handle.
“Fucking hell, man. Self-inflicted?”

Gino paused and stared at him, “Don’t tell me the news didn’t reach New York.”

His face remained blank, confirming his ignorance. “I was going through a lot last year, dude.”

“I’m just glad you broke off the engagement with that lying manipulative bitch,” Gino said, as he
opened the door and let themselves inside the glass room. “But as I was saying…”

Archie’s steps faltered as his eyes locked on the colored photo flashing on the flat screen in the
corner of the room.

The sweetest smile he ever saw in his life.

My thoughts will echo your name

Until I see you again

“She’s a two-time AAA awardee…”

He couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

“... of her works in the Singapore Art Exhibit.”

He felt the walls closing in.

“… Just finished the art installation. She was working on a mural before…”

He needed to get out of here.

No, he needed to see her.

For her to tell him that none of it was true.

“... can visit her in Room 1214 -”

Archie pushed the chair back and stood up. “If you’ll excuse me, I just need to make an
important call.”

He immediately left the room without looking back, and headed straight to his office seeking a
temporary reprieve.

Fortunately, his assistant was taking a late lunch and won’t witness him breaking down.
“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Gino told him.

Unfortunately, he had a very nosy friend who would follow him to the ends of the Earth.

“Tell me everything you know about her,” Archie demanded.

And so Gino did.

Roxanne Fatima Cristobal was raised by her grandparents since she was three, after her
parents passed away due to a car accident.

At 17, she received a college grant from a prestigious art school in New York but opted to stay
with her sole living relative - her Lola. She received a full scholarship grant in Northford and
continued receiving recognitions for her works left and right.

Her grandma passed away shortly after Roxanne turned 18. She kept herself busy with her art
and volunteer work.

It was a late November night when the incident happened. She was on her way back to the
college dorms after working on the mural that was supposed to be unveiled during the year-end
celebration.

Wrong place, wrong time.

It was all over the news. An orphan and a well-known Northford daughter, help came flooding in
from all over the country. The university, through the insistence of Archie’s father, helped
shoulder the cost of her treatment.

But charity won’t keep her alive for too long.

“I heard that it was touch and go at first, but she was young so the doctors were optimistic. They
said that the surgery was successful, but she has never woken up since,” Gino glumly finished
as they stared at the green plastic sign. “And now they’re only giving her one more month.”

Room 1214

Archie took a deep breath, grabbed the door handle, and pushed the door open.

He didn’t know what to expect. He was afraid to learn that the last month was not real - scared
his mind was making things up.

That he was going crazy.

The smell of antiseptic greeted him, followed by the loud beeping sounds confirming that the
patient’s heart was beating steadily.

The room was large, with a pictureque glass window letting natural light in. At the corner was a
huge bouquet of sunflowers with a small white envelope.

It called upon him, so he moved toward the arrangement, and grabbed the note. He did his best
to avoid looking at the small frail body in the center of the room.

“Man, will you just tell me what’s going on?” Gino pleaded. “You’ve been acting really weird, and
honestly, it’s starting to freak me out.”

We’ll see you this Christmas, Roxy girl.

Hang in there.
Love,
Luna and Sky

“It’s true,” he whispered. “All of it was true,” he mumbled, handing the note to Gino and moving
toward the center of the room - to her.

So beautiful, yet so pale.

So maddeningly pale, he knew that she did not have that much time left. Her body’s starting to
give up after fighting an eleven-month battle.

And he just wanted to scream.

He wanted to cry.

And so he did.

These are the words I held back,

as I was leaving too soon

He ended up telling Gino everything, going as far as showing the recent transactions on his
mobile banking app to prove he was buying coffee for two for the past month.

He didn’t know if Gino believed him, nor did he care at the moment. All he wanted to do was find
her, ask her questions.

He ended up in the old campus building where it all started.

In the past month, Archie didn’t bother sparing the art installation a minute of his day.
But after everything he learned that afternoon, he slowly dragged himself away from the stairs
leading to the library and forced himself to check out the art installation. Truth be told, he didn’t
get it. It was fascinating - but if there was a deeper meaning to it, it evaded him.

“Archie, mauuna na ‘ko ah. May date kami ni Misis,” Mang Noel told him.

“Okay po, Mang Noel,” he replied. “Ingat po kayo,” he added. The old caretaker was only a few
steps away from the door when Archie called his attention.

Unable to stop himself, he asked, “Mang Noel, asan po… Yung mural?”

“Ah, yung likha ba ni Anne?”

Archie nodded.

Mang Noel sighed, “Napakabait na bata. Kahit si Misis nalungkot nung nalaman yung balita.” He
unclipped an unmarked key from the ring and handed it to Archie. “Second floor, yung dulong
kwarto sa kanan.”

“Thank you, Mang Noel.”

I’ll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

She was there, standing in front of the incomplete artwork, as if waiting for him.

“You found me,” she softly said.

“I found you,” Archie replied.

He slowly walked toward her, scared that she would just vanish out of thin air.

Unable to help himself, he lifted his index finger and gently careessed her arm - soft, a little
cooler than normal but solid flesh.

“Magic,” she said jokingly while still looking at the painting.

“Hmmm.” He stared at the painting, curiois it was signed “Anne” when it was still unfinished. He
was about to ask why, but she had a question of her own.

“Gaano katagal na,” she asked quietly.

“11 months,” he replied. And just like that everything came back - the disbelief, the anger, the
staggering pain. And before he could stop himself, he grabbed her arm and turned her around
to face him.

Her eyes were brimming with tears, and her lips wobbled, a few seconds from a full-blown
meltdown.

Not knowing what to do, Archie followed his instinct, leaned down and kissed her hard. He let
her feel everything - from the confusion to the overwhelming fear.

There was no scientific explanation for what was happening. She could be a ghost, or it could
be a dream. Both concepts did not have concrete scientific foundations.

He’s a man of science, but as he kissed her deeply, he prayed.

Begged.

Hoped.

I need a miracle.

She pulled away, took an unnecessary breath and looked him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dr. Aguerro,” she said softly.

He kissed her forehead and told her, “Don’t be.” He stared straight into her eyes and assured
her, “I’ll find a way, I promise.”

Another tear fell down her cheek, which he immediately caught with his index finger.

She gave him the sweet smile that he fell in love with on the very first day they met and said,
“One pump of Cinnamon Dolce syrup.”

Archie chuckled, “So that’s what I’ve been missing, huh.”

She nodded, and Archie gently brushed her cheek.

“I’m not letting you go, Roxanne Fatima Cristobal.”

There I was again tonight

Forcing laughter, faking smiles

One month ago

“Following his father’s footsteps, of course,” his dad told his former colleagues.

The loud music and idle chit-chat did not help improve Archie’s mood after a 17-hour flight. Not
to mention the crazy rumors that circulated the banquet hall. What’s all this talk about him taking
over Northford Med?

“- of applause for Dr. Harry Aguerro!”

Archie grabbed a glass of champagne that the server offered and downed it in one go.

He’s only back for two weeks - for what they claimed a possible medical breakthrough and an
urgent consultation. He couldn’t resist a challenge and wanted in, but that was it.

“- especially when it comes to our very own. We’ll never get tired of expressing our deepest
gratitude for all the help that came flooding in…”

Research work could be done anywhere, but he preferred completing it from his New York clinic.

He averted his gaze from the stage and tuned out his dad’s speech.

“ - to support the cost of her treatment…”

I need some air.

He never liked feeling out of control, and he would stay restless until he managed to get more
details from his dad.

Archie glanced at his gold wrist watch and confirmed that it was quite late for anyone to be
hanging out in the library.

Perfect!

He stood up from his seat, ignoring the curious looks directed his way as he headed toward the
exit.

It was about time to check out his old sanctuary.