Monologues for Dramatic Students #6

Paperboy

EXTRA! EXTRA! Read all about it! First Man on Mars! EXTRA EXTRA! American Astronaut Dexter Robertson Lands
on Mars Surface! EXTRA EXTRA! Finds air breathable! EXTRA! NASA Sends 10 More Colonists! EXTRA EXTRA!
Russia Says “Congratulations!” EXTRA! Of course, it was in Russian! EXTRA! Pozdravleniya! EXTRA EXTRA!
Monkeys to Mars Next on Agenda! EXTRA! Read all about it! Martians found in Martian Caves! EXTRA EXTRA!
Martians Appear Hostile! EXTRA! Martians Steal American Astronaut Dexter Robertson’s Spacecraft! EXTRA!
EXTRA! Invasion Imminent! WARNING! WARNING! Read All About It! Get Your Galloping Gazette for only $2!
EXTRA! EXTRA!

Guilty Person

I didn’t mean to hurt you even though I didn’t know you cared. I’m not blaming you, I definitely take
all the responsibility, I just didn’t see it. I was blind. Now I’ve done this. I understand how much you
hate me, I hate me too. It’s eating me alive, from the bottom of my every being; like a flesh eating
parasite. If I had seen it, if I hadn’t been so stupid, I would have never done it, that’s not who I am...
Not what I’m about. I try my hardest to be the best person I can. And now your spirit is shattered
because I couldn’t help myself. In that moment I was weak, and now you’re the one missing out,
you’re the one with the broken heart, the shattered dreams. Please find it in your heart to forgive
me, I truly didn’t mean to. If I could go back in time I would definitely not have eaten your last piece
of cake, I know you’re upset, so I’ll leave you be now. I’m sorry.

Height Restricted Teenager

I hate being this short. Every-single-time I go to the library, the book I want, IS ALWAYS ON THE TOP SHELF! I
look like a Meerkat, jumping up and down, trying to reach the latest Carmody, the most sought after Rice, I love
it when a book is popular, because then it’s on a waist-high display shelf. But I also HATE it when a book is
popular because IT’S ALWAYS CHECKED OUT! And always by the same person, Katinka Baretta. I hate her. Her
father owns the coolest Roller Disco in town, she thinks she’s the Bees Knees. And she is. Erk. Unfortunately,
she’s so tall, I come up to her knees. I HATE being so short! It’s RUINED my life! Have you ever tried getting a
copy of War and Peace from the top shelf when you’re knee-high to a grasshopper? It ends in hospital, I promise
you that! Especially the hard cover edition. I tried buying fancy shoes that will make me an inch taller. But
Katinka Baretta noticed, and put ice-cubes on the floor in front of me and I slipped and twisted both of my
ankles. I might have gotten two weeks off school, but now I’m even shorter in this wheelchair. I hate Katinka
Baretta almost as much as I hate being small. And THAT’S a large amount!

These monologues and more can be found in ‘Defence Against the Dramatic Arts’ – out now!
© 2017 Blooming Theatricals