3/6/23, 8:42 PM (11) Most People Think of Themselves First.

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Most People Think of

Themselves First. Here's
What That Means For
You
Robert Glazer
Serial Entrepreneur | Bestselling Author | 539 articles Follow
Keynote Speaker | Board Chair | Founder …

March 6, 2023

Having worked in professional services businesses for

almost two decades—including running a services business
for most of that span—I’ve learned an especially important
lesson that applies to all forms of leadership and
communication.

That lesson is that most people aren’t concerned if

something is bad for other people. However, they do tend
to care how it is, or might be, bad for them.

For an example of how this looks in practice, consider a

situation where a client asks for something new that is out
of the scope of their engagement. Generally, there are two
ways to respond.

The first way, which is typically the default, is what I’d call
the “bad for me” approach. This is where the client

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3/6/23, 8:42 PM (11) Most People Think of Themselves First. Here's What That Means For You | LinkedIn

manager says that they don’t have time, that the request is
out of scope, or that it is simply too much to add to their
plate. Even if all the above is true, this approach almost
never receives a positive response from clients.

What tends to be far more effective is to take the “bad for

you” approach. In this example, the client manager might
point out to the client that the new initiative would require
diverting existing resources, may put important deadlines
and deliverables at risk, or may require additional resources
or costs to the client. They’ll end by asking if the client is
fine with those outcomes in order to accommodate the
new request.

Once the client understands why their request might be

bad for them, rather than just inconvenient for the service
provider, they often reconsider their ask.

Even though the underlying facts are the same—the client

manager doesn’t have time to do something new on top of
their current work for the client—the “bad for you”
approach gets a much better reaction.

While none of us like to admit we are selfish, we do tend to

view each situation based on how it impacts us directly,
rather than how it affects others. This is why the “bad for
you” approach often gets a better reaction than the “bad
for me” option—it orients things around the person’s own
perspective, rather than requiring them to focus on
someone else.

As mentioned above, this same approach has broad

applicability outside of client services. Skilled leaders and
communicators excel at leveraging the “bad for you”
approach. When they explain things to people on their
teams, they do so in a way that is objective and realistic but
focus particularly on how the team members are affected,
rather than the leader or the organization as a whole.

I thought specifically about this approach in a discussion a

few weeks back with a friend. He was dealing with a leader
whose team had performed poorly on a critical client
project and he wasn’t sure how to respond.

After listening to the details, I encouraged my friend to give

his feedback to the team leader with the “bad for you”
approach. Rather than focusing solely on his
disappointment with the performance of the leader and

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team, I suggested that he make it clear that similarly subpar

performance going forward may have implications for the
employment of people on their team.

This was not a scare tactic. The reality was my friend’s

industry was experiencing a protracted slowdown, and
losing clients in that environment would likely result in
there not being enough work for the current team
members. Making that reality clear to the leader and their
team ensured they’d understand the impact and
implications of poor performance not just for the client or
the business overall, but for the people for whom they were
responsible.

My friend agreed this was a better approach to explaining

the gravity of the situation, rather than simply sharing their
own disappointment with the outcome. The latter is a “bad
for me” approach, while the former is a “bad for you”
approach.

The next time you are asked to do more with less, or need
to give feedback about something that did not go well,
think about orientating your approach around the “bad for
you” frame. That’s the best way to ensure the other person
sees the entire picture from their own vantage point.

Quote of the Week: “We see the world not as it is, but as we
are.” - Talmud

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**********************

The above article is a Friday Forward, my short weekly

leadership note read by 200,000+ leaders in over sixty
countries each Friday morning.

Robert Glazer is the Founder and Chairman of the Board at

Acceleration Partners, an award-winning partner marketing
agency with over twenty-five best place to work awards. He
is also a #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author and
keynote speaker. Full bio and speaking inquiries
at www.robertglazer.com

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Published by
Robert Glazer 539 Follow
Serial Entrepreneur | Bestselling Author | Keynote Speaker |
articles
Board Chair | Founder @ Acceleration Partners
Published • 2h

Having worked in professional services businesses for almost two decades—including

running a services business for most of that span—I’ve learned an especially

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/most-people-think-themselves-first-heres-what-means-you-robert-glazer/?midToken=AQESoFuhnLkI7g&midSig=1… 3/5