Communicating

in Relationships
Module Seven
Emotional Messages
Part 1/2
“I’ve learned that people will
forget what you said, people
will forget what you did, but
people will never forget how
you made them feel.”

-Maya Angelou
Part 1/2

PRINCIPLES OF EMOTIONS AND

EMOTIONAL MESSAGES
Principles of Emotions and Emotional
Messages
• The primary problem for
psychology is discovering:
“Why do people feel the way they do --
happy, sad, guilty, proud, whatever? ” Thoughts

• Feelings are part of meanings

• Emotional communication is at
the heart of Behaviours Feelings
• Emotional Intelligence
• Social Intelligence
Emotions May Be Primary or Blended

• Primary Emotions
• Emotions close
together on the
wheel are also
close in meaning
• Varying shades
with greater
intensity closer to
center of wheel

• Blended Emotions
• Emotions created
as a combination
of two other
emotions

YOUR TURN: Do you agree with the basic

assumption of this model? Can we explain
Page 147, textbook → DeVito et al. (2016) emotions in a formula?
 Emotional Expression

• Emotions are the feelings you

have → feelings of anger, sorrow,
guilt, depression, happiness, and
so on

• Emotional expression is the way

you communicate these feelings

• Researchers are in dispute about

whether you have control over the
emotions you feel
 Body, Mind & Culture in Emotions

Emotions involve at least three parts:

• Body – Most obvious reactions; blushing, sweating

palms, smiling

• Mind – Involves evaluations and interpretations

• Culture – Social framework both for interpreting

emotions and expressing emotions
 Body in Emotions
• How does your body respond to your emotions?
• Researchers have identified 6 universal facial expressions

What does your face look like when you experience the following emotions?

• Happy
• Lips turned up at corner, crows feet wrinkle at corner of eye, raised cheekbones

• Sad
• Droop upper eyelids, slight pulling down of lip corners, losing focus in eyes

• Surprised
• Lasts only 1 second, eyebrows raised, eyes widened, mouth open

• Angry
• Eyebrows down and together, eyes glare, narrowing of the lips

• Disgusted
• Nose wrinkling, upper lip raised

• Afraid
• Eyebrows raised and pulled together, upper eyelids raised, lips slightly stretched horizontally towards ears

How did you know? Do you think that our emotional expressions are innate,
or learned . . . . . Nature or nurture?
 Let’s see how you do . . . Match the faces to the interpretation and be
prepared to explain your choice

A B C

Fear

Sadness

Joy

D E F Surprise

Disgust

Anger

Source: Matsumoto, D. & Hwang, H. S. (2011). Reading facial expressions of emotion. Psychological Science Agenda
(May). Retrieved from: http://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2011/05/facial-expressions.aspx
 Let’s see how you do . . . Match the faces to the interpretation and be
prepared to explain your choice

A B C
Fear E

Sadness C

Joy A

Surprise F

D E F Disgust B

Anger D

Source: Matsumoto, D. & Hwang, H. S. (2011). Reading facial expressions of emotion. Psychological Science Agenda
(May). Retrieved from: http://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2011/05/facial-expressions.aspx
Science Today: Facial Expressions | California
Academy of Sciences 2009, David Matsumoto
http://www.calacademy.org/educators/facial-
expressions

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5G6ZR5lJgTI&list=PL85046FEB30
77AF8D&index=2
 Nature or Nurture?
• Based on Dr. Matsumoto’s work, do you feel that the basic facial
expressions are innate, or learned?

• Research in Evolutionary Psychology shows us that our basic

emotions are biologically hardwired based on the importance of
being able to quickly communicate emotions such as fear, disgust,
anger, surprise, happiness, and sadness

• Research has also discovered that emotional responses have unique

brain signatures that can be identified with fMRI technology
• Music study:

• Chemicals in the brain have been found to be associated with

emotions as well.
Music Study Source: Caria, A., Venuti, P. & de Falco, S. (2012). Functional and dysfunctional brain circuits underlying
emotional processing of music in Autism Spectrum Disorders. Cerebral Cortex 21(12), 2838-2849.
doi: 10.1093/cercor/bhr084
 Mind in Emotions
What you believe happened is more significant than what actually
happened in influencing your resulting behaviour

• Agree or disagree with the above statement? Why?

• Our actual emotional response to an event often lasts no more than a

minute and a half
• The thinking about the event can last for a very long time and causes
further emotional reactions

• Although our initial emotional reaction may be innate, and outside of

our control, the cognitive interaction with that emotion is well within
our control!
• Do you think that our thoughts about our emotions can change our
emotional reactions?

• Which do you feel has a greater impact on memory . . . How you will
remember the event or encounter?
 Emotional Arousal is a Multi-Step Process
• If you were to describe the events leading up to emotional arousal it
might look like this:

• An early theory of emotion was offered by William James and Carl

Lang (1884) rearranging the sequence as follows:

• Why do you think these researchers switched the sequence?

Illustration: Copyright © 2016 Pearson Canada Inc
Page 149, textbook → DeVito et al. (2016)
 Emotional Arousal Is a Multi-Step Process

• A third perspective: Cognitive Labeling Theory

• (Reisenzein, 1982; Schachter, 1971)

• According to the perspective, it is believed that you don’t experience the

emotion until you understand what it is . . . e.g.
• You experience an increased pulse rate after someone you admire smiles at you,
you may interpret it as joy, and experience happiness
• You experience an increased pulse rate as three suspicious-looking strangers
approach you on a dark street, you may interpret it as fear and then experience
fear
• It’s only after you make the interpretation that you experience the emotion
Illustration: Copyright © 2016 Pearson Canada Inc
Page 149, textbook → DeVito et al. (2016)
Culture in Emotions
• The culture in which we live provides a framework for:
• Expressing feelings
• Understanding feelings
• Interpreting the emotions of others

• How might cultural differences influence your emotional response . .

. . (think back to collectivist and individualistic cultures)

• Cultural teachings tell you which emotions are

permissible, acceptable, or appropriate and in
which context.
Emotions May Be Adaptive or Maladaptive

• Emotions are often adaptive to help you adjust to the

situation.

• Emotions may be maladaptive and get in the way of your

accomplishing your goals.

• Another way emotions can create problems is through the

process of “catastrophizing”
Emotions are Communicated Verbally
and Nonverbally
• Emotions are always part of the communication experience
• Most communications have a surface and an emotional level

• Emotional feelings and emotional communications are two distinctly

different things

• You may not always want to reveal what you feel in every instance.
e. g.

• You always have a choice in the ways you express your emotions
• Agree or disagree?

• Individuals can learn to control emotions, and emotional outbursts

through training techniques such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy
(CBT)
Emotional Feelings and Emotional Expression
Are Not the Same

• Emotions are frequently disguised

• As a result:
• You cannot tell what other people are feeling simply from observing
them; therefore, do not assume that you can
• Others cannot always tell what you are feeling from the way you
behave
• If you want others to know how you feel, it’s probably a good idea to
tell them
Emotions Can Be Used Strategically

• Emotions manipulated and used for one’s personal advantage

• Crying
• Temper tantrums
• Threatening

• In many conflict situations emotions are manipulated and used to

win an advantage

• This strategy is one of manipulation and although successful in

winning the advantage, tends to create resentment, and perhaps a
desire for retaliation
Emotions are Contagious

• Research shows that infants can recognize

the emotions of other infants as early as 5
months of age

• Individuals sharing a living space will often

be affected by one another’s emotions

• In conversation, and in small groups, the

strong emotions of one person can easily
prove contagious to others
Emotions are Contagious
• Process of emotional contagion is believed to go as follows:

You perceive the emotional expression of others

You mimic this emotional expression, perhaps

unconsciously

The feedback you get from your expressions recalls

(consciously or unconsciously) the feelings you had
when you last expressed yourself in this way, and this
recall creates the feelings
Emotions Have Consequences
• Emotions and emotional expressions, like all communication have
consequences and can affect your relationship

• Generally speaking, it is viewed that openly expressing emotions as

a positive and honest form of communication

• Some people, however, feel uncomfortable when others express

strongly felt emotions

• Anger is an emotions that if not expressed with caution can be

exceedingly hurtful

• Emotions of sadness if expressed frequently can be interpreted as

depressing
End of Lesson 7 – Part 1

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posting of this lesson.

• After viewing the

supplementary videos,
return to Blackboard
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of this lesson.
Communicating
in Relationships
Lesson 7 – Part 2/2
Obstacles to Communicating Emotions
Skills for Communicating Emotions
Skills for Responding to Emotions
Obstacles to Communicating Emotions

• Social and Cultural Customs

• Different norms and socialized rules depending on situation,

gender, age, and context
Obstacles to Communicating Emotions

• Fear

• Emotional expression exposes a part of you that makes you

vulnerable to judgement or attacks

• For many reasons we may deny to others, or even to ourselves

that we have certain feelings
Obstacles to Communicating Emotions

• Inadequate Interpersonal Skills

• Many people simply don’t know how to express their feelings e.g.
Anger
• Anger is one of the 8 basic emotions identified earlier in Plutchik’s
model

• It is an emotion that can create considerable problems if not managed

properly

• Varies from mild annoyance to intense rage

• Increases pulse rate and blood pressure

• Anger not necessarily bad → can be a protective mechanism

• Anger can prove destructive when allowed to obscure reality or become

an obsession

• Anger doesn’t just happen → you are stimulated to generate feelings of

anger based on your interpretation of events
Anger Management
• Count to 10 – create space

• SCREAM (acronym)
• Self
• Context
• Receiver
• Effect
• Aftermath
• Message
Anger Communication

1. Get ready to communicate calmly and logically

2. Examine your communication options

3. Consider the advantages of delaying the expression of anger

4. Remember that different cultures have different norms for

what is and what is not appropriate to display

5. Apply the relevant skills of interpersonal communication

6. Recall the irreversibility of communication

SKILLS FOR COMMUNICATING
EMOTIONS
Emotional Understanding
The first task is to develop self-awareness:
• Ask yourself:

• What am I feeling?
• Understand your emotions
• Think about your emotions as objectively as possible

• What made me feel this way?

• What might be influencing your feelings right now?
• What has happened that might lead you to feel this way?

• What exactly do I want to communicate?

• Will your emotional expression be a truthful expression of your feelings?
• Be aware that faking emotional expressions can lead to emotional and physical
stress

• What are my communication choices?

• What is the most effective way to communicate in this situation?
• What is the ethical choice?
Emotional Expression
The second step is interpersonal:

• Be specific
• Describe the reasons you’re feeling as you are
• Address mixed feelings
• Anchor your emotions in the present
• Own your feelings and take personal responsibility for them
• Ask for what you want
• Respect emotional boundaries

7-15
SKILLS FOR RESPONDING TO
EMOTIONS
Skills for Responding to
Emotions
Emotional Communication involves both expressing feelings and listening
and responding to the feelings of others

1. Look for nonverbal cues

2. Look for cues about what the person wants you to do

3. Listen actively

4. Empathize

5. Focus on the other person

6. Remember the irreversibility of communication

End of Lesson 7 – Part 2

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appear under the
posting of this lesson.

• After viewing the

supplementary videos,
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Lesson 7