TOPIC 3.

2
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP SKILLS
 • Interpersonal Relationships Are Important
WHAT • Supportive and Defensive Relationships
KNOWLEDGE • Developing of the Assertive style
• Four-Part Assertion Messages
WILL WE LEARN?
WHAT How to understand the
developing of the Assertive
style?
SKILLS
WILL WE How to identify Four-Part
LEARN? Assertion Messages?
Interpersonal Relationships Are Important

Family members, Range from intimate

friends, co-workers to casual

Communication is a
key element to
ensure interpersonal
satisfaction.
Supportive
and Defensive
Relationships

READ: BC . TOPIC 3.2 – CHEESEBRO – CHAPTER 6, PAGE 132-133

Supportive and Defensive Relationships
Messages to explain feelings, reactions
Description (Supportive) and needs
Ex. “I need to take a break.”

Messages that judge, blame or criticize

Evaluation (Defensive) Ex. “You gave me unclear directions.”

Point of view you share that says “we”

Problem orientation (Supportive) have a problem and “we” can find a
solution.
 Supportive and Defensive Relationships
Control (Defensive)

• Conflict situation where you expect the other person to change

• Does not result in a win-win outcome

Spontaneity (Supportive)

• Genuine, natural way of communicating with honesty and openness

Strategy (Defensive)

• Involves manipulation, tricks or a planned script rather than free-flowing, open

communication
 Empathy (Supportive)
• Communicates respect, understanding and acceptance
• Consider “If I were you, how would I feel?”

Neutrality (Defensive)
Supportive and • Expresses a lack of concern with a detached, impersonal
tone
Defensive • Can result from a lack of first-hand experience or
self-centeredness
Relationships
Equality (Supportive)
• Sense of value and mutual respect regardless of power,
status or position
• You perceive worth regardless of differences that may
exist
 Supportive and Defensive Relationships

Superiority (Defensive) Provisionalism (Supportive) Certainty (Defensive)

Involves looking down on others,
creating feelings of inadequacy, fault
or failure
Refers to an open-minded view of
new ideas, trying new behaviors and
seeking new solutions
Made possible by creative solutions to
problems
Characterized by a closed-minded,
know-it-all view of the world with no
need for changes
Developing of the Stating what you think, feel, want or need in a way that is direct,
honest and respectful of others
Assertive
Assertive style Builds trust, helps prevent conflicts, gets needs met
Most conducive to a supportive style of communication

Stating thoughts, feelings, wants or needs directly and honestly but

disrespectfully
Aggressive Can prevent conflict by fostering avoidance
Type A v. Type B

Respecting others while stating your thoughts, feelings, wants or

needs indirectly or not at all
Non-Assertiv
e Avoid conflict, easy to please, cooperative team players

Can’t get needs met, may feel resentful

How to
understand
the
developing of
the Assertive
style?
READ: BC – TOPIC 3.2 – CHEESEBRO – CHAPTER 6 – PAGE 135 -138
 How to identify Four-Part Assertion Messages?

BEHAVIOR FEELING CONSEQUENCE REQUEST

DESCRIPTIONS MESSAGES STATEMENTS STATEMENTS
 Behavior Descriptions

• Factual description of the behavior causing the problem

• Observation’s of another’s action in specific and observable terms

• Receiver knows precisely what behavior you are reacting to

• Also describe positive behavior

Behavior Descriptions
(CONT)

Behavior Descriptions should:

• Report only behaviors you can observe with
your senses

• Exclude evaluation of the behavior or what you

believe may be the motives that prompted the
behavior

• Be specific and tentative rather than general

and absolute
Behavior Problems with Behavior Descriptions
• Using general, “fuzzy termed”
Descriptions statements

(Cont) • Presenting inferences about other’s

motives, feelings, etc.

• Including character assassinations,

profanity, etc.

• Using absolute terms such as “never,”

“always”

• Extending the description to include

more than one act
 Feeling Messages

• Statement of your feelings in response to

the behavior

• Contain “I” statements to claim

ownership of and responsibility for the
feelings you express

• Identify precise feeling you’re

experiencing
 Problems with Feeling Messages
• Misplaced ownership when using “you,” “it,” “they”
for “I”
• Using “feel” when you really mean “think”
• Tell how you don’t feel
Feeling Messages • Give a forecast of your future feelings
(cont) • Start with “I feel like” or “I feel that”
• Using trite expressions, such as “I’m sorry”
• Combining skillful feelings messages with unskillful
messages
Consequence
Statements

• Identification of the tangible

consequences you are
experiencing as a result of the
behavior
• Time
• Money
• Work
• Possessions
• Effectiveness
• Health and Safety
Consequence WILL ANSWER THE
QUESTION “WHY?”
“BECAUSE I HAVE TO PAY
A HIGHER BILL I CAN’T
AFFORD.”
Statements
(Cont)

“BECAUSE IT WILL TAKE “BECAUSE I WASN’T ABLE

ME MORE TIME.” TO CONCENTRATE.”
 Statement of request as a possible solution to the
problem

Polite statements that directly and specifically ask

someone to modify his or her behavior

Request Goal is to get your needs met and maintain the

relationship
Statements
Should be direct – what you need, want

Must be specific

Must allow for a freedom of response