While watching the documentary ‘2 Minds’, I was surprised at how much of what was

said throughout the film resonated with me, which was scary to me. The feelings they mentioned
such as numbness, high highs, low lows, unstoppable, and much more are some of the same
feelings that I felt growing up. Hearing them put it into words and sharing their stories of what
life was like for them growing up with their mental health illnesses was nice to hear so I am not
continuously thinking that what I am feeling is just all in my head. Going hand in hand with that,
hearing that they did not get the help they needed at first because they did not want to be
classified as crazy by their family and friends is exactly how I felt. Those both go hand in hand
to me because growing up, I felt this way, not knowing exactly what could be wrong with me but
not wanting to ask anybody for help because I did not want them to see me as different,
especially not as “crazy.” In addition to that, growing up as an African American, there was
always a stigma around topics like mental health and therapy. I remember growing up and being
told that therapy was for white people and that we, black people, do not do “white people's shit.”
I never knew what that meant at first, but I knew, even at an early age, that therapy was seen as
some abnormal thing that was not meant for people like me. The first time that my doctor
suggested therapy in front of my mom, I was 16 and this was during COVID. When she heard
that at first, she automatically told my dad that they both agreed that I would not go because I did
not need it. But they did not know I was at a low point during COVID-19. I was battling
depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder and felt claustrophobic being at home 24/7 and no
longer being in person at school, which I had considered my haven for the longest. So, because
they said no, I was dealing with everything in my own way, which was not a healthy way, for a
while until I reached out to my doctor without my parents knowing. I did phone therapy for like
one day because my mom ended up hearing me on the phone with the therapist before she shut it
down and ever since, I have just been dealing with everything in such a toxic way. Ever since
then, I could not bring myself to go to therapy regardless of what issues I have because I have
always been afraid of what my parents might say about it the second time around.
One thing that was surprising to me while watching the documentary was finding out that
over 5 million Americans have some form of bipolar disorder. Not sure what I was expecting
that number to be but that is such a large amount to me. Also, I was not even aware that there
were various forms of bipolar disorder until I googled it so finding out that there were 4+ forms
of bipolar disorder were extremely shocking to me.
Another thing that was surprising to hear in the documentary was one of the people in it said that
they were not even diagnosed until the age of 31. In my head, I am thinking why it is even taking
that long to be diagnosed with something and you know that there is something wrong with you.
But thinking about myself, as someone who feels like there is something wrong with them and is
still not getting tested, I can understand why it took so long to get there.
Another feeling that resonated with me was stuck between whether I wanted to die, or
just wanted the pain to end and that was something that struck me for real. I remember at some
of my lowest and suicidal moments thinking how much I wanted to just kill myself so that I did
not feel sadness, pain, anger, hurt, and betrayal. In my head, dying seemed like just the easiest
way to get rid of all the terrible things in my life. I remember in the film somebody spoke about
how they were writing suicide notes and contemplating suicide, but then being tired and going to
sleep feeling like tomorrow would be the day that you take your own life. That hit hard for me
because I remember feeling suicidal and sad then sleeping it off and waking up in the morning
always thinking well, there is always another day to do that.
Petey was one person in the film that really stood out to me. When he said he never
judged his partner when they had bipolar disorder but then when he found out that he had it too,
he was angry at himself and did not feel normal whatsoever. It is easier to feel sympathy for the
people that we love but then we are hard on ourselves even if it is the same thing. When he found
out that he had bipolar disorder, I remember him saying it made him question whether he was
ever normal even though, in a way, he sorts of lived his life like he was “normal” up until his
diagnosis.