INTERNET DATING IN INDIA: WHAT WOMEN WANT

EXTENDED ABSTRACT: SHORTER WORK IN PROGRESS

India is home to the Taj Mahal, the ultimate symbol oI love. It is also a land
where arranged marriages still prevail. The matrimonial sections oI all newspapers have
always been and still are riIe with advertisements Ior brides and grooms Irom almost each
and every one oI the various communities that abound in India. And now with the
Internet, online marriage web sites have mushroomed as well. Some oI the most popular
ones are www.shaadi.com,
www.indiandating.com,
www.bharatmatrimonials.com,
www.matrimonialsindia.com as well as matchmaking sections on www.rediII.com,
www.timesoIindia.com, www.khoj.com and so on.
Most Indians believe that the tradition oI an arranged marriage is a way to
reinIorce the social, economic, geographic, and the historical signiIicance oI India (Stein,
1988). 'Marriage is treated as an alliance between two Iamilies rather than a union
between two individuals (Prakasa, 1982, p. 15). Till a Iew generations ago in India, the
concept oI an arranged marriage in India was generally two Iamilies arranging a marriage
between the bride and groom, with the couple meeting only on their wedding day. This
progressively increased to marriages still being arranged between Iamilies but young
couples were allowed to meet each other, in the presence oI chaperones. Love marriages
were less common, because it was diIIicult Ior young people Irom conservative
households to meet people Irom the opposite sex, as the community Irowns on this.

In India, because oI the belieIs associated with arranged marriages, Iamilies oIten enlist the help
oI 'kinsmen, Iriends, and go-betweens` (Prakasa, 1982, p. 14) to help arrange matches between
the prospective brides and grooms. (Prakasa, 1982). According to Prakasa (1982), the person in
society who arranges matrimonial alliances is called the 'nayan (Prakasa, 1982, p. 21). This
person is generally a Iriend or relative oI the Iamily who acts as a go-between and takes a neutral
stand in the wedding negotiations. This person is the medium oI communication between both
Iamilies who delivers messages in order to avoid any direct conIrontation or misunderstandings.
According to Prakasa (1982), the Internet serves as a modern day 'nayan. As a medium oI
communication and inIormation, the Internet has given young men and women the opportunity
to enter chatrooms and meet people Irom the oppose sex and arrange Iurther rendezvous, secretly
or otherwise. Social interaction has now become the primary use oI home computers (McKeena,
1999, p.2). Most cities in India now have easy access to the Internet by way oI caIes that are
open early in the morning and shut late at night. Most oIIices are equipped with the Internet and
employees can access this. Home computers are not only Ior the elite, but are increasingly
making their way into middle-class households in India. Arranged marriages have always been a
male-dominated ritual. The to-be grooms are the ones to visit home aIter home oI every
prospective bride, to pick the one he considers most suitable, lowering all the others` selI-esteem
in the process. The Internet is a boon that gives women the choice to be the one who seeks their
partner. The anonymity oI this mode oI communication allows women to talk to diIIerent men
and decide to Iurther the relationship oIIline. They now have the Ireedom to sieve through
UnIormatted Document Text: 3 photographs, demographic proIiles and mutual interests, all on their own,
without the interIerence or imposition oI parents and other relatives. This is the same in the case Ior men
who would preIer to romance a woman beIore marriage, instead oI going in Ior an arranged marriage.
When looking Irom a cultural perspective, Indian men and women have been raised in environments that
make them shy oI interacting with members oI the opposite sex, by way oI Ilirtation or any other kind oI
romantic overtures. Their social circles do not include members oI the opposite sex. Personal and Iamily
reputation plays a bring role as the youth are aIraid oI being seen in public with a member oI the opposite
sex, in a culture that does not look Iavorably toward mixing oI the sexes. Dating is a social taboo that
prevents the youth Irom going out in mixed groups. In his study, Hardey, (2002) wrote how in the mid
1960s, researchers, in the U.S. and in Germany used data Irom questionnaires to use computers to make
romantic matches between couples who were seen as compatible. However, this system oI practice was
aborted when questions were raised as to how authentic this data collection was. In India, astrologers use
computers too, to generate horoscopes that help in the matchmaking process oI Indian marriages, which
rely heavily on astrology in the decision-making process. However, today the Internet has rejuvenated the
concept oI computer-assisted matchmaking. Most websites have Iree registration, with paid subscriptions
reserved Ior advanced beneIits. One can go through several proIiles that list personal, cultural, and
demographic inIormation about prospective partners (Hardey, 2002). There is no pressure to respond to
invitations Irom members oI the opposite sex; one can accept or decline depending on what one perceives
Irom the other person. (Hardey, 2002). Particularly on Indian dating websites, there is a cyber etiquette
that is respected and iI there is a lack oI respect and politeness, registered users who are oIIended can
block the other person or complain to the website helpdesk Ior Iurther action. Approaching the Internet
Irom the Feminist political economy perspective, one sees it as a powerIul vehicle Ior social change. The
Internet insists on a certain way oI thinking, oI reIlecting, oI acting. It is changing social relations even as
it emerges as a powerIul mediator. In the West, scholars criticize the dehumanizing nature oI the Internet
that isolates people. However, in the East, especially in the ways people approach dating in a conservative
society, the Internet does not create loneliness, but in Iact alleviates it. It bridges the gap between
members oI the opposite sex, and improves social relations. There are several reasons why the Internet
would appeal to young men and women who live in India, which has a relatively conservative perspective
to the social institution oI marriage. GriIIiths (2001) argues that the Internet and the accessibility it oIIers,
does away with most oI the inhibitions that people have when meeting people with whom they could Iorm
romantic alliances. The anonymity and the privacy oI the Internet, helps maintain a level oI secrecy that
most young people seek in the beginning stages oI a relationship. It is considered a taboo in India Ior
young men and women to have several romantic partners beIore they are married, but with the Internet,
young people Iind it possible to have several online relationships, without society knowing about it.
According to McKenna (2002), due to the anonymity oI the Internet, men and women tend to reveal their
personality to a stranger in a way that they may not reveal oII line. This develops trust and strengthens
the relationship. It even helps to propel the relationship into an oIIline one. Since most young
women in India are restricted Irom staying out late, or going Ior late-night parties, the
convenience oI the Internet gives them accessibility Irom the privacy oI their homes, to interact
with strangers outside. McKenna (2002) says that those who have busy liIestyles Iind the
Internet to be an outlet Ior excitement and distraction. Making a parallel with the Indian context,
one could argue that those whose liIestyles are conservative also take recourse in the Internet.
Another reason that appeals to the Indian youth is that when communicating online, they do not
exist in each other`s social circles, so there is no Iear oI ridicule or embarrassment (McKenna,
2002). Within the context oI Indian marriages and selI-esteem oI women, one can deIend the
Internet as a medium oI communication because oI its several beneIits. In his study Weiser
(2001), showed that the social use oI the Internet is the reason why a person`s psychological
health can be improved. Women in India who choose the Internet as a dating medium can have
their selI-esteem raised because the Internet is a tool that helps them in interacting with men and
in making their own decisions when it comes to deciding choosing a man Ior a romantic
relationship or marriage. In a more recent study by Shaw et al (2002), the researchers showed
that loneliness and depression were decreased with use oI the Internet. At the same time social
support and selI-esteem were increased. In his study, Silverman (2001) said that online
communication is positive and is instrumental in Iostering empowerment and trust. This can be
seen especially in the Indian marriage context.
Around the same time, a study by McKeena (2002) also showed that romantic relationships that began via
the Internet showed positive eIIects on the psychological well-being oI the people involved. In this study
(McKenna, 2002), 25 per cent oI the respondents answered that the online romantic relationship that they
had decreased their Ieelings oI depression. Only 2 per cent oI the respondents answered that it increased
these Ieelings oI depression. When responding to questions about loneliness, 47 per cent oI respondents
answered that online romantic relationships decreased their Ieelings oI loneliness. Only 6 per cent oI
respondents answered that it increased Ieelings oI loneliness. Social circle increases via online dating as
well. There was 68 per cent oI respondents who answered that online dating increased their social circle,
while decrease was reported by 3 per cent. (McKenna, 2002). II relationships begin online, they do not
end online in most cases. According to McKenna (2002), those who initiate and negotiate virtual
relationships tend to meet in real liIe. The more they increase in the way they trust each other, the more
they will be ready to give up the anonymity oI the Internet and instead meet in real liIe situations
(McKenna, 2002). Conversations over the telephone conversations, exchanging photographs, and longer
emails usually precede the meetings in real liIe (Hardey, 2002). In the McKenna et al. (2002) study, 63
per cent oI the sample studied had spoken on the telephone with a person they had met via the Internet, 56
percent had exchanged pictures, 54 per cent exchanged letters, and 54 per cent met in real liIe. Out oI the
respondents sampled, 9 per cent were engaged and 7 per cent were living together or married.
The telephone is determined to be the most important indicator oI the online relationship going oIIline,
says McKenna (2002). Unless, telephone conversations occur, the online relationship will not turn into an
oIIline relationship. Another indicator is providing each other with concrete inIormation about one`s
background and contact details. The accessibility to the other person via oIIline methods increases trust
between the two people, because this shows that the other person is not aIraid oI exposure when contacted
Iace-to-Iace, or oI being showed up as a liar. (Hardey, 2002). However, Iacts are not the only way to
propel online relationships into real-liIe ones. The study by McKenna (1999) showed that besides
revealing Iacts, people in online relationship should disclose their Ieelings to each other as well, so that
the relationship develops in the sphere oI intimacy and satisIaction. According to GriIIiths (2001), there
are three kinds oI online relationships. The Iirst one is a relationship that starts on the Internet and
continues on the Internet, with neither couple having any intention oI meeting in person. The second is a
relationship that starts on the Internet, but then moves into real liIe. The third is a relationship that starts
oIIline, but is maintained via the Internet. The purpose oI this quantitative-based research paper is to test
the hypothesis that online dating is now a common practice among Indians living in big cities. The
population sample studied will be students oI St. Xavier`s College in Kolkata, India. Questionnaires will
be personally distributed by this researcher to the students oI this university in December 2004. All the
branches oI St. Xavier`s College in various cities in India have a strong and stable reputation as
prestigious and cosmopolitan universities. The students have proIiles as highly proIicient in English, high
education grades and coming Irom diverse communities in India. They come Irom Iamilies with mid-level
to high socio-economic incomes. The students have easy access to computers and the Internet, either at
the university or at home. The questionnaire that has been constructed has been adapted Irom the study by
Galal (2004). The research questions that will be studied in this paper are: 1) What is the attitude oI
Indian men and women to dating? 2) What is the attitude oI Indian men and women to online dating? 3)
What Iactors inIluence Indian men and women to look Ior online dating partners? 4) What Iactors
inIluence Indian men and women to take online dating into the real world? 5) How do online relationships
aIIect cultural practices oI Indian men and women? 6) How do online relationships aIIect inter-
communication practices oI Indian men and women? 7) Do Indian men and women diIIer in their use oI
Internet dating sites? 8) How does the Internet bring social change Ior Indian women?

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