the years haven't deemed it to be kind

to either of our tired minds

guess it's karma or maybe fate somehow

The stars have yet to find the time

to take aim, reform and realign
to make us see each other,
how we did that winter night

Memories, like dewdrops in the sun

glittering and gleaming
dissapearing at a touch
the ghost of my love for you,
still haunts the halls of my broken heart

Memories, like a candle in the wind

I burn myself to keep the ember awake
A reminder that I didn't use to be this way
I wish you could've stayed
how i wish i could've made you stay

the years pass, they fade away the days

the paint in my room flakes
painted wide in our favourite colours
but time doesn't dull the pain
nothing's gone away
you're with someone new,
with the best of me still with you

I'm still here surviving,

writing words as if they'll ever reach you
pages filled with inks and colours,
all letters for a past person i knew
yet we stand here, strangers
seperated by circumstance
destined to never be together,
but ever so often,
ever so often your phantom
floats through my mind

Memories, like dewdrops in the sun

glittering and gleaming
dissapearing at a touch
the ghost of my love for you,
still haunts the halls of my broken heart
Memories, like a candle in the wind
I burn myself to keep the ember awake
A reminder that I didn't use to be this way
I wish you could've stayed
how i wish i could've made you stay
.

2.

the years haven't deemed it to be kind

to either of our tired minds
guess it's karma or maybe fate somehow

The stars have yet to find the time

to take aim, reform and realign
to make us see each other,
how we did that winter night

Memories, like dewdrops in the sun

glittering and gleaming
dissapearing at a touch
the ghost of my love for you,
still haunts the halls of my broken heart

Memories, like a candle in the wind

I burn myself to keep the ember awake
A reminder that I didn't use to be this way
I wish you could've stayed
how i wish i could've made you stay

the years pass, they fade away the days

the paint in my room flakes
painted wide in our favourite colours
but time doesn't dull the pain
nothing's gone away
you're with someone new,
with the best of me still with you

I'm still here surviving,

writing words as if they'll ever reach you
pages filled with inks and colours,
all letters for a past person i knew
yet we stand here, strangers
seperated by circumstance
destined to never be together,
but ever so often,
ever so often your phantom
floats through my mind

Memories, like dewdrops in the sun

glittering and gleaming
dissapearing at a touch
the ghost of my love for you,
still haunts the halls of my broken heart

Memories, like a candle in the wind

I burn myself to keep the ember awake
A reminder that I didn't use to be this way
I wish you could've stayed
how i wish i could've made you stay
.

3. You once said,

that I
Was really good in bed
you didn't know the awkward hours I spent
kissing my own hands
but it was worth it all the while,
those awkwardly spent hours,
just to see that fuckin smile
on your face

And this girl, that i met

said that i was good with my hands
and i told her it was the first time i tried
And i wished i had been blind,
when i looked up and realised,
her open mouth was where i was looking for your smile

And I focused on her warmth,

and how her body felt
and did my best to not think of yours
and i tried not to cry,
because it's awkward during sex
but afterwards is always fine i guess

And this girl, she said,

your face feels wet
and i wiped it off and said it was sweat
and she thought she'd get
a word in edgewise
but i bit her neck to spoil her surprise

And sex isn't as good

if there's no tomorrow to look forward to next
one night's not enough for my head
and i can spend time for hours
wishing i was dead
checking my phone again and again for your texts

You once said,

that you
didn't like the letters that i sent
you didn't know that i wrote them just for you
and those words, that i spoke
will probably never be heard by someone else,
but it was worth the while
just to see you fuckin smile

And this girl, she wept

right there on the bed
and said those three words i never wanted from someone else
she told me i was nice,
a real stand up guy
and all it did was grow the pain in my chest

And sex isn't as good,

when you're doing it 'cause it's cool
letting steam off of your broken heart
and i meant every thrust
gave you every ounce of lust
and i didn't want anything but
just to see you smile

4.
And my heart
was always in her arms
lost deep within her warmth
her smile like sunshine
and now
i lay cold and alone
in my lack of understanding
what the fuck i did wrong

was it a lack of affection?

should i have got you more gifts?
should i have stayed up till midnight and
celebrated the days
that we survived each other,
mainly you surviving me
and i would've stayed forever
but you said you needed a break
Guess now that we're broken up
you won't have to worry about
me making you late

And my eyes
can't tear themselves away
from her pretty face
molten eyes trapped beneath her glasses
and I'd say
that I'd give up being immortal alone
to just spend one more day with her at home
being in love and knowing I'm not
staying

And her voice haunts my dreams

And the voices are screaming
And the voices are screaming to let her go
but deep down
i can't
and i know

there wasn't a lack of affection

i got you a hundred gifts
I've stayed up till midnight and
celebrated every week
that we survived each other,
mainly me surviving you
and i would've stayed forever
but you said you needed a break
Guess now that we're broken up
you won't have to worry about
me feeling any hate

and I'll learn later,

that it wasn't my fault
you fell out of love
and couldn't speak at all
apparently i was too damn nice
to find problems that you could exploit
but apparently nice isn't good enough
if you're planning to make someone
fall in love

5. I know it's unhealthy to keep writing songs

When it's already over
and I'm all out of love
but I'm tired of serenading
i hope that you rot
as peacefully as you like
in your corporate form
your formal responses
and your shortness of breath
made me feel less like a lover
and more worked to death

I was your corporate slave,

willing to be worked to the bone,
for the joy of sharing sunsets
and future midnights in rome
and i wish that romance
still lived and it breathed
instead of the dying corpse
that i now percieve
there's no love at first sight
hell there's no love at all
you give everything
and you get crushed till you crawl

And I'll always remember

all the times that you said thanks
instead of i love you
"it's just a harmless prank"
then the i love you's stopped
and the the I'm sorrys began
soon i had you thinking
of your escape plans
and I'm sorry to dissapoint
but I'm not the kind of guy
who can hide every emotion
and be the fucking man

There's someone else now

who you've wrapped your arms around
dontou really love him?
or should i make another shroud
I'll be fine with as many bodies
that you keep passing down
you've fucked my life anyway
and I'm not leaving this town

And I'll always remember

all times you texted first
midnight anniversaries
screaming that you were hurt
and i should've seen the signs
when the I'm sorrys began
and soon you were caught up with
your escape plans
and I'm sorry to dissapoint
that i wasn't your kind of guy
that i couldn't fucking take it
and i couldn't read between your lines

6.
Unreal adrenaline courses my veins
As our eyes lock from across through the train windows
I knew it was too good to last
Well hindsight's 20/20 when you're staring at the past
I still miss you even after all the hate
but coming together means falling apart
with you it'll never be a clean slate
but without you I'm just a broken heart

You were always above my league,

a thousand miles away, floating
and like an angel come to earth
you decided to pick me
And it was heaven for those three years
rose-tinted memories of cigarettes and sunsets
and as we both came down to earth,
we both said "let's leave with no regrets"
and the people who said those words
weren't the same as the people
that whispered i love you to each other in bed

And we ran so fast through the city streets

Like goliaths we crushed the crowds underneath
I sang for so many afternoons,
about how I'd lay the world at your feet
your head rested upon my shoulders,
now the weight of the absence crushes me
and just because i knew it couldn't last
doesn't mean i never believed
in all our thousand marriage plans,
my hundred ploys to earn your hand
all just castles made of sand
but i loved them anyway

Unreal adrenaline courses my veins

As our eyes lock from across through the cab window
I always knew it was too good to last
Well hindsight's 20/20 when you're staring at the past
I still miss you even after all the hate
but coming together means falling apart again
without you it'll never feel like fate
but with you I'll never get a fresh start

and it hurts to say

but i still need you
your kisses never strayed from where they need to
and i want to go away
but i can't leave you
another time, another try
yet I'm walking away
i won't ever go back to how it used to
to
even if i love you

7.
Some days i wish
i had a fucking car
so i could offer myself some relief
that with a turn of the keys,
and a tank full of gas,
i could get far away from everyone to breathe

Most days i wake up,

i wish that i had a bullet in my skull
and that i wouldn't have to think a single thought
but i know people love me,
atleast my parents do
and it's not much but it sure is enough

and i know life's worth living

only to find out if I'm at rock bottom
or if i can sink lower tomorrow
and if i say i love you
will you say it too
and we'll agree to marry each other
Thoughts of the future
with rings on our hands
are once all that kept me going
And now with your hands, grasping another's
i still brush my teeth and live with self loathing

and my friends are all your friends,

except they're no longer my friends
because I've become too depressing and boring
and your ray of sun
that once made my heart burn
pointed away, leaving a withering flower

I don't drink, i don't smoke,

I barely drink coffee
i take pills the doctor says,
will one day make me happy
And the voices never stop
and yet i live on,
because every sunday i have guitar lessons

and i know it's life's worth living

to learn just one more new song
or and maybe try having a new lover,
but if i say i love you
will you say it too
and we'll agree to marry each other

And i burnt my love letters,

i planned to send when we'd live together
and i spent all my money on toy cars
and i know you'd hate to see me,
suffering as i am
trying not to cry,
as i play the guitar
and i scream in catharsis,
to an audience someday,
who met another you somewhere and sometime
and i hope they suffered too
and i hope we're all together
when I say we've all given up on loving you.

8.
Yeah i fucked someone else
or at least I really tried to
before it left me feeling disgusted and used
A lack of reciprocation,
Lust reduced to recreation,
if i wanted to feel this again,
I'd have stayed with you

And the problem wasn't sex

it was never the bed
it was your head filled with someone else
you never moaned his name,
but you never looked at my face
i bet you thought of him every time you came

Because I was a passer by,

just another poor witness to your life
no apologies in order
I'm glad you dumped your trauma
now it's time to say your goodbyes
And a hundred dates more
and a hundred more kisses
couldn't save the sinking ship that we sailed
and i know i did my best,
and you did too,
at least i thought so before i learned the rest

I was yours because I was stubborn,

your little stopgap measure,
waiting for someone you loved
you took a weeklong break
to get over your feelings for another
what's the fucking point if it wasn't me anyway

and i sound narcissistic

and spiteful, enraged
and that's because a year with you has passed
and it hurts to know
that I've been living a lie
while you've been waiting for somebody else

i wonder all the times

when you said you loved my hair
did you wish it was on a different head
and the day you went away
i sat with my wrists
and i didn't cut deep enough and fucked up again

and you made me feel like shit

for saying i was busy
when busy meant playing with my friends
and i hope you're now happy
that I'll never be busy
because I'll never trust anyone the same

Because I was a passer by,

just another poor witness to your life
no apologies in order
I'm glad you dumped your trauma
now it's time to say your goodbyes
And a hundred dates more
and a hundred more kisses
couldn't save the sinking ship that we sailed
and i thought i knew you best,
and i thought you knew me too,
and now it's all in the past

9.
I'm going to weave a rope
From every bracelet you gave me
every month spent celebrating a lie
and I hope the gory pictures
of my grimacing corpse
make you feel like I've ruined your life
because god,
you've really
ruined mine

I'm going to take out

a dollar for each time
i said i love you
and you just said that you were tired
and I'm going to spend it all on
toy cars and fast food
because you said i always acted like a child

I'm sorry the beauty of property bonds

and mutual funds never stuck in my heart
I'm sorry that you hated the sound of my guitar
and the guilt that you felt every time i sang
I'm sorry that i said i wrote those songs for you,
they were meant clearly for someone else
somebody who loved me,
who didn't try to change
a living mess into a real man
I'm going to burn myself for every word
i wrote to you on sleepless nights,
telling you i loved you, how you were perfect in my eyes,
and being told that reading in the morning
was tiring
and i hope that the pictures of my burning flesh
make you feel like I've ruined your life
because god,
you've really ruined mine

You made every person,

friend or acquaintance,
a ally to you and an enemy of mine
I'm deranged and delusional
and it's my fucking fault
i let you lead me on all this fucking time
it's my fault for asking
if you were okay with sex
and for not knowing what you'd feel like next
I'm sorry that i couldn't be oh so mature
and accept that it ended over text

i hope that the article about my suicide,

reaches you and ruins your life
i hope that my ghost haunts you forever,
because god,
you've really done it this time

10.

It started past midnight,

should've known that was the first, glaring sign
I was too deep in to notice,
all of your sighs
and how happy you looked everytime you said goodbye

and people said that we were lovers

'cause we did everything that lovers do
kisses dates and meeting after school
sharing playlists, shirts and beds
would've never known that pretending could be so cruel
said you wonder where'd you'd be instead
now you don't wonder any more, do you?
We held hands and walked,
took you out to my favourite little spots
learned to draw flowers for your sake
because it made you smile instead of the hate-
ful stare you had
always wondered why you were so sad
when you made all my troubles go away
and i never managed to do the same
I'll take all of the blame
your image stays clear while mine gets stained
because who gave a fuck about me other than you, anyway?

and people said that we were lovers

'cause we did everything that lovers do
kisses dates and meeting after school
sharing playlists, shirts and beds
would've never known that pretending could be so cruel
said you wonder where'd you'd be instead
now you don't wonder any more, do you?
caught around his arms,
smiling at every chance,
i wonder if he takes your worries away
wonder if he's good enough to make you
stay

11.
I'm passing out in hotel rooms
Drowning myself in your perfume
that small bottles all that i have left of you
I should've expected less, i guess
didn't think I'd be this mess
Didn't I pass all of your tests
just to be left for dead

And the smallest things still sting

Night buses and gold earrings
The clouds make it hard to think
of anything but you
And all the nights i spent
Ignorant in my innocence
Have been all painted blue
It's true

I'm walking around drunk on beer

hoping the memories dissapear
the wheel is turning but i can't steer
away from the lights
And i remember all our little fights
all the apologies in my rights
had someone else in your sights
realising all my fears

And It's all gone now,

The remnants of a wreck
If i could go back somehow
I would've just left while i could
realising what's too good
can't be too true

12.
I should feel lucky
that it's 10 miles not hours,
and we can see each other and make it home on the same day
doesn't feel any less far away

it just sucks to know the two hours you spent coming

could've been spent with me
before you went away

And you say the fare's too high to come every day
But you wish you could
come over and just stay
the night
and we'd sort out all our petty fights
watch all the movies we never had the time for
and the kisses sent over texts

And i guess I'm lucky that we're in the same city

And I'm lucky that i have someone so awfully pretty
And a hundred miles would be too little to keep me away
But just three buses manage to keep me at bay

And the days are too short

when i spend them with you
and the days without
go on for far too long,
counting down hours and minutes
the seconds until your hand rests in mine
I'm sure we'll have time

I'm sure we'll have time

13.

This girl in the hallway,

with her ever-shifting hair
eyes down while walking,
It seems unfair
that there's no one left
who's worth her time
so she sells herself
to pass the time

The girl in class,

always looking far away,
her thoughts are dark,
i can tell from the way that she says
"i wish i was in love"
and i can tell
I'll never be enough

And wish you'd see

What you're worth to me
How the words you hide,
Are what i want to hear
and it's always you
I want to be near
And i wish you'd let,
your hair grow out long
and you'll love yourself a bit more
And i don't how to get it across,
so i put it in a song

The girl, she reads,

she watches movies,
she has a life, that no one wants to see
all they want,
is her skin and her warmth
they'll wear her out
and leave her all alone

This girl,
she doesn't know
she's a ray of sunlight,
a tiny flower,
blooming in the night
a crack of hope,
in the face of endless dread
and it could be anyone else, but I'd choose you instead
And wish you'd see
What you're worth to me
How your arms are where,
I'd like to sleep
and it'll always be you
who I'll want to keep
And i wish you'd let,
your hair grow out long
and I'll love you if you'll have
And i don't how to say it,
so I'll say it in a song

14. While I dream of you,

I know you dream of him,
tall and well dressed, with his mercedes benz
Kind eyes and bright smile,
hell you almost make me want him too

You fill my head with flowers

and this special scent,
of freshly baked cookies,
and coffee brewed from the tin
A day at your house feels just as good as staying in
orange cake n milkshakes right as the summer ends

I think of sunsets together and if you'd laugh in my face,

as i tell you all the stories of the way that I've been raised
whether your eyes would ever glitter if i gave you something to take
home,
so you wouldn't ever feel alone

like

Roses made of paper so they'll never ever wilt,

An alumnium dragon protecting your desk
Letters full of words to keep you warm like a quilt,
Songs to listen to when you're all filled with guilt
Rings made with promises and guitar strings,
A jar of notes of how i love all of your little things
A necklace made of seashells I got on a trip,
bracelet made of paracord threads intertwined n linked

And if you'll take me i promise i won't be the same

I'll cut my hair shorter and learn to behave
I'll stop swearing at my tools when i can't use them right
I'll say the right things and stop getting into fights
I'll stop eating with my hands and start using forks n knives
Just long as you you'll be mine tonight

because

You fill my head with thoughts of love

and this special scent,
of a big green forest,
and your soft copper skin
A day at your house feels just as good as staying in
home made ice cream with you, right as the summer ends

and i know he's in your head

but you're sitting in my heart
the thought of you with someone else tears me apart,
so i wrote this song again with a hope to change your mind,
so please won't you think about going out with me sometime

15.

And you seemed so far,

Just those couple metres apart
Always in earshot, but completely out of reach
And your words about cafés
and how you hated those you preach
almost made me stop waiting for myself to speak
But I tripped on the way there,
And I chose to play the fool
because I'd rather you laugh at me,
than me disappointing you

And I saw you at school,

With your friends around you,
Always in a world of your own
And I felt like an infiltrator,
asking if you'd like to hang out later,
prepared to laugh off rejection again
But then you said "fine"
and maybe years down the line,
this was the moment I'd know that this was meant, to be

I took your diary and i drew red flowers,

In the hopes that you'd remember me even after days pass,
Maybe fifty years in the future,
we'd be together,
watching sunsets,
sitting on the grass
I took your diary and i drew myself smiling,
Hoping you wouldn't forget me
Even if years pass,
i hope my message lasts

And I've always felt beneath you,

graceless and uncouth,
I do my best so I can stay in your life
And i hope it's not forever,
that one day I'll be better
and I won't take every compliment as a lie

And I'd have said that "I love you"

But the words seemed to simple
for the things i wanted to get through
so i gave up midway and said "it's fine"
I wanna see you get older,
watch you mess up and say "I told you you"
I want you to fall for me as I did for you,
and one day you'll say
"I love you too"

So I took your diary and i drew so many flowers,

In the hopes that you'd remember me even after days pass,
Maybe fifty years in the future,
we'd be together,
watching sunsets,
sitting on the grass
I took your diary and i drew myself smiling,
Hoping you wouldn't forget me
Even if the years pass,
i hope my message lasts

16.

Sunshine on a cloudy monsoon day

Sweeping like a hurricane,
blow all my troubles away
Your smile is like a burning fire,
warmth numbing the pain
Your eyes are like the world's end
beckoning me closer to the edge
And I wish that you would've been my first
I wish that my last didn't really hurt
But now I'm a broken mess
And my broken heart still beats on
inside my battered chest
And I wish you could've had me at my best
but now I'll always be the stranger,
who knows your favourite dress

I wonder if it'll turn out the same.

I'll fall in love again, and for a while
we'll live like love is going out of style
And then one day you'll forget my name
and you'll look good with someone else,
but I'll never be the same

All I want is one fair try

One last chance to say goodbye
Even if i mess it up,
sorry won't be good enough
to deal with the pain,
of losing someone so sweet
again
All I want is one fair chance,
A final kiss,
A final dance
To know each better
and hold your hand through the flames

And I wish that you would've been my first

I wish that my last didn't really hurt
But now I'm a broken mess
And my broken heart still beats on
inside my battered chest
And I wish you could've had me at my best
but now I'll always be the stranger,
who knows your favourite dress

17.

we're at a party
and it's not close to dying down
you're the perfect amount of high
and the perfect amount of drunk
you're a social butterfly,
the master of catching eyes
I'm just tired and wanna go home

You're talking to everyone

about everything, under the sun
a part of me tells me that it's fun
But I'm too stoned to try
to fuckin socialise
with the strangers who don't want to talk
about how nothing's alright

I might be the only one,

But I'll be honest with you
I like it when you're sober
I like your blackened eyes,
your slight slouch
and tirade of sighs
The way you hate everything in sight
I might be the only one,
who's there when we're not having fun
talking about how life is shit
makes everything better for a bit
I like you better when you're sober

Now it's thinning out

and you're crashing on the couch
not the first night that we're
spending at someone else's
Your head is on my shoulder
passed out, ready to be hung over
I wouldn't stand it for anyone else
But you've become my favourite mess

You're asleep and I'm

lying by your side
this sofa's big enough for two,
just me and you
our feet are over the edge
your head is ony chest
And I'd die happy if it all ended right here
but you

said you'd never drink again

after you threw up on a friend
But that's not how that story ends
Moderation is the devil in question
said you'd never smoke again
because it fucked with your brain
but that's not how that story ends
moderation is the devil in question

I feel like the only one,

but to me you're better off without the drugs
I like you better when you're sober
I like your blackened eyes,
your slight slouch
and tirade of sighs
The way you hate everything in sight
I'm only one,
who's there when we're not having fun
talking about how life is shit
makes everything better for a bit
I'll be there when it's all over,
And I like you better when you're sober

18.