And many more as they arrive on the scene, But

gentlemen Hanson now operate a zero tolerance

towards health and safety for everyone that
comes on to the site, please tell people who are
doing things unsafely or not wearing correct
PPE.
On the notice boards you will see that the three
strike notice is out and started 6th August please
don’t let it be unlucky for you. I’m sure your
cooperation will be forthcoming on this issue.

Accidents are again reading no reportable year to

date and Swillington Works are among the select
few for this is credit to you – thanks again
On the production front we are well behind
mainly due to the works shutdown, and of course
last weeks creams.
As you can see the spill kits are placed around
the works please don’t interfere with them.
QUALITY / COMPLAINTS
We have a budget or target of 70 pence per
A WORD FROM OUR LEADER thousand bricks, at this moment we are at 93
With July the wettest on record and the week of pence per thousand so we need to raise our game
creams over its back to normality whatever that at the moment.
is here at Swillington. The new block lifter is now installed only 5 yrs
The Health behind schedule but it looks and works okay.
and Safety Michael Brayford has lost his Mobile Plant
topic is at Inspection books yet again, it seems his
top of the Alzheimer’s continues to worsen, he lost them
list at the this time last year.
moment, QUARRY
with the The next dig is imminent and will commence
working at Sept 07, on the planning for the new factory we
heights have all the information required and this will go
seminar to Leeds County Council in August so hopefully
completed by December 07 we should have permission
last week, granted.
which is the On a lighter heavier note Mr Todd is looking for
first of witnesses to aid his claim against the chip shop
many. for using saturated chip fat instead of the
Keith unsaturated variety due to the front suspension
Sawyer last week attended a meeting with myself spring (reinforced) breaking due to fatigue of his
and other managers and safety reps, to be faithful car he affectionately calls herbie.
informed of new initiatives coming, these Well done to everyone on keeping going through
included; four very trying months, thanks for the effort.
• Two ticks for safety Oh by the way Billy has some cracking degreaser
if anyone needs any, it removes everything
• Working safely together

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STATISTICS
SALES/PRODUCTION - JULY
Week Com Produced Sold Stock
17/06/2007 445,264 402,008 15,240,200
24/06/2007 439,796 302,020 15,391,952
01/07/2007 456,384 370,479 15,477,857
08/07/2007 447,360 415,177 15,534,298
15/07/2007 376,704 432,836 15,463,992
22/07/2007 281,280 304,420 15,440,852
During the month of July we have taken off
stock two of the four weeks highlighted above
but this was more down to the low production
numbers due to the struggle making creams than
to the high sales.
SumOfQuantity Year MonthName
1,611,450 2007 July
1,554,936 2007 June
1,841,064 2007 May
1,691,391 2007 April
1,799,462 2007 March TOP SELLING BRICKS - JULY
1,562,274 2007 February Last mth pos Name Quantity
1,426,828 2007 January █ 1 1 73 Class B Hanson 255,654
Total sold year to date is 11,407,485 █ 2 2 65 Manchester 223,288
█ 3 3 73 City Multi 140,544
TOP DRIVERS - JULY
▲ 6 4 65 Golden Brown 94,016
Pos Name Total
▲ 9 5 65 Ryedale Wirecut 87,232
▲ 5 1 Harry Potter 102504 ▼ 4 6 65 Swaledale Drag 79,176
▲ 8 2 Lord Archer 98508 ▲ 13 7 73 Farmhouse Brwn 61,056
▼ 1 3 Shadrack 89309 █ 8 8 73 Class B Jewson 56,064
▼ 3 4 Buddy Holly 80392 ▼ 5 9 65 Cream Smooth 52,884
▲ 6 5 Stumpy 80385 NEW 10 65 Ridings Rustic 45,652
▲ 7 6 Tim Terapin 61136 ▲ 15 11 73 Golden Brown 44,928
▼ 4 7 V73ENN / Cullen 51980 NEW 12 73 Red Mix Smth 42,624
▲ 9 8 Bruce Forcyth 50305 NEW 13 65 Ryedale Rustic 31,640
NEW 9 Ken & Barbie 37594 NEW 14 65 Farmhouse Brwn 26,216
V2RBC / Jason
NEW 15 73 Red Sandfaced 25,728
▲ 12 10 Rudge 36660
1,266,702
NEW 11 Keith Chicken 29284
NEW 12 Y991HUB / Mason 27456 The top 3 positions remain the same but the sale
NEW 13 Pots 25400 of Manchester Reds has increased to within
NEW 14 FN54CXZ / Dan 20792 striking distance of the No1 position, the
NEW 15 N8DAH / Haworth 18952 majority of these are for the Trafford centre in
A hard fort battle throughout the month and Manchester.
complaints by Harry Potter that he was fighting The top 15 bricks accounted for 78.6% of the
against not just Lord Archer but also a number of total bricks sold in July, these statistics do not
his subjects have still left him has Swillington’s include the 31st July which at the time of going to
top driver for the month of July. press were not available.
He however would not let me put his picture in
this edition when he recently faxed it to A WORD FROM DANIEL
Manchester so I will instead put our No4 driver Before I am questioned…
Buddy Holly in instead
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Did I do a two minute risk assessment on how to
use a pen and a piece of paper, and yes, I was
wearing correct PPE.
I didn’t get a paper cut.
I have heard it on the grapevine that Toddy has
been a bit quiet just lately so we are all thinking
that maybe there could be a little piggy on the
way, I wonder what the name would be. I have
heard that Mr Fox is gunning to be the Godfather
but I bet there will be no huff and puff. We are
looking for donations for the boot fund so that
Bill can have repairs done to his R1 and Sean can
stop laughing.
We all wonder why the two happiest names
belong to the two most miserable people on the
plant (Bob Jolley / Bob Smiley) but each to there
own and Uncle Don is still cracking away with
the old pointless sub stories.
The 3 amigos are still going strong, them three
are never apart, I even saw them up Kippax main
street the other day (holding hands they were).
Mrs Darren Bell is now out of the country, is it
just a coincidence that the plant is running a lot
smoother now… I don’t think so, I think he has
gone away with his misses and his son (baby
bell) who he introduced us all to the other week,
they both look identical… all I will say about it
is … poor kid.
Since the last time I wrote this column Dazzlers
bike has still not been out
BREAKING NEWS
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News Just In…Gary “rubber” robbo has been
excluded from the 3 amigos for breaking the
most important rule… He Smiled !!!
Just the two of them now “Jonno & Rico”
THANKS FROM MCMILLAN
Back in may we completed the three Yorkshire
Peaks walk raising over £1900 below is the
thankyou letter sent to Dennis Fox…
Dear   Dennis,   fellow   Climbers,   walkers, 
drivers   and   supporters   !!!  
I  write   both 
personally 
and   on 
behalf   of 
Macmillan 
Cancer 
Support   to 
thank   you 
most
sincerely   for   your   wonderful   donation   of 
£1900.00 raised as a result of your taking on 
the   Yorkshire   Three   Peaks   challenge. 
Please   pass   on   my   heartfelt   thanks   to: 
Michael,  Ian,  Nick, David,   Ian,  Sean,  Paul, 
Luke, and Rebecca ………. Not to mention 
the   many   people   who   supported   you, 
including   staff   and   customers   at   The 
Halfway   House,   as   well   of   course   your 
colleagues at Hanson’s who very generously 
‘match funded’ the bulk of your sponsorship 
As   I   am   sure   you   are   aware   Macmillan 
Cancer   Support   could   not   function   without 
people   like   yourselves   taking   on   such 
challenges and raising much needed funds. 
More than a million people in the UK today 
have had a cancer diagnosis, and more than 
one in three people will be diagnosed with 
cancer   during   their   lifetime.   Macmillan 
provides   the   practical,   emotional,   financial 
and   of   course   physical   support   which   will  hesitation assured me that you were fully booked
up.
change   their   lives,   but   could   not   do   this 
I was going to continue and ask about September
without your help  but I could feel that quite possibly I would get
I have enclosed certificates which I hope you  the same answer if I had of asked about
will   pass   on   for   me   and   as   always  please  September 2008.
Now you may think this is a letter of complaint,
give  me a ring if you would like any further  well in fact it isn’t, it is a letter of apology, you
help with any future projects!! see during the final week of August 2004 myself,
We  can   all   help   we   can   all   make   a  my mum, my niece, my son and my nieces then
best friend (they aren’t as close now-a-days),
difference,   we   are   Macmillan   Cancer 
spent a week in one of your caravans.
Support  I don’t really know how to go on from here, I
Yours truly Maria Amos know excuses are no explanation for being the
most despicable, immature inebriated fool on
MY APOLOGY your camp that week but I was on the last stages
of drunken despair before I put up the white flag
LETTER… and admitted that I was completely powerless
Below is a letter I over alcohol.
sent to a campsite I was having a very bad period of my life, I had
which I visited just recovered from a long “contact” battle to see
over 3 years ago my son, I was having a awful time at work and I
and have since had been prescribed very strong anti-depressants
been banned by my doctor as well as seeing a psychiatrist.
from… However at the root of all my problems was the
I recently fact that I was an active alcoholic who had not
telephoned your site to ask about the availability yet admitted defeat, and all these problems were
of obtaining a pitch to put my tent during the directly as a result of me being unable to control
middle of August and spoke to a very polite lady, my consumption.
who gave me the prices and assured me that That week on Holiday at Skipsea Sands I literally
there was plenty of space for myself, my son and drunk myself to oblivion every day, possibly this
my niece. could have been a result of having the routine of
She then came to the point of making a work taken away, but I must admit my behaviour
reservation and asked me for my name and at your site was abominable
address which I duly gave her. One of my last memories there was coming
“Wait a moment” she said then put me on hold to round from a bender on the cliff top and being
some rather charming relaxing music. surrounded by all these concerned people, I had
After a couple of minutes a rather assertive badly cut my hand and had no idea how I had got
sounding gentleman came on the phone and there.
promptly told me that the lady who was on the Needless to say I managed to stagger off to your
phone before had been mistaken and there was site shop to get another bottle of whisky which I
no vacancies for my particular week. kept myself near comatose on for the remainder
He then asked me if another week would be of the week.
okay, so I reversed the question to him and asked My poor mum was reduced to tears and despair
if there were any weeks during the month of on numerous occasions; she tried her best to
August when they could accommodate me. clean up the devastation I left in my wake and
He claimed to be looking at the bookings while my son and niece were quite scared of my erratic
he was talking to me and after a few moments and often unpredictable behaviour.
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Even the dog would often go sit in the car to wait Once again may I give you my apologies and
to go home back to safety, and by the end of the wish you and all your employees the very best
week I was in absolutely no condition to drive success in the future
the 100 miles or so back to my home town of QUESTION OF THE MONTH
Huddersfield. Q How many people are required to be in a room
In fact when the cleaners came to our caravan before the probability that there are more than 2
they were presented with a drunken man sobbing people with the same birthday (just month and
on the floor in a pathetic state repeatedly saying date, e.g 21st June) is greater than 1 chance in 2
he couldn’t drive home while his concerned or 50% (solution in next issue)
family looked on helpless.
In the end someone from senior admin came to Answer 23, all to do with probabilities, very 
the caravan to escort us away and drove our Ford boring and I can’t be bothered with any more 
Focus to the reception area where we awaited a questions after the visit by baby bell!
kind friend to ferry us all back to safety.
So why am I telling you all this, well, when I got STEVE TODDS BROKEN
back to Huddersfield I did seek help, on the SUSPENSION
Monday Bank Holiday 2004 I had my first full
day sober for many, many years and went to my
second Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.
The first was the Sunday following the Saturday
I got back when some friends of mine drove over
to Skipsea to pick up the car.
It is now nearly three years later and I have never
touched a drop of alcohol since, in fact I am a
regular speaker at our local AA meetings and my
stories of my last drink on holiday are often told
to newcomers.
I am also treasurer for my home group at
Holmfirth near Huddersfield and my life is
infinitely richer and way beyond any of my No this is not another half eaten doughnut 
wildest dreams. but in fact it is a part of Steve Todds broken 
One of the twelve steps of the AA program is suspension which finally gave up the ghost 
Step Nine which goes like this, “Made direct
over the weekend.
amends to such people wherever possible, except
when to do so would injure them or others” Many   rumours   have   been   flying   round 
So that is why I am writing this letter, just to Swillington that he is in fact suing the local 
seek amends from your site, not I hasten to add chip shop who he claims are responsible for 
to obtain a lifting of the black mark against my
name, but just to say that I am truly very sorry his escalating weight, that the garage had to 
for all the trouble I caused you. await beefed up suspension being imported 
I can understand that when people go on holiday, from   two   chieftain  tanks   from   Iraq   and  the 
many will let off a little steam and your site must
suspension that has broken was already the 
have its fair share of drunken yobs ruining the
holidays of others so I can understand why you most   beefed   up   available   for   production 
have to discretely but politely stop people who cars.
have behaved badly in the past from returning. Jeff Shaw says that he could do with using 
those springs which support our screen (like 

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a giant sieve which stains all the clay before  Mick Lardner wasn’t much better either, and 
it is processed) they are nearly 2 inch thick. I must admit she did look rather striking and 
But   this   is   just   the   latest   of   a   long   line   of  her personality is really out of this world.
incidents, according to Gary Smith he used  Diane  told   me   all   about   accountancy   and 
to   have   a   Renault   Laguna   before   he   got  how much she admired her boss who Mick 
“Herbie”   and   went   all   over   West   Yorkshire  calls   "The   Coach"   and   said   in   her   office 
looking for a replacement seat for it. nobody talks to each other, in fact the send 
According to Nak, the frame off the one they  emails   even   though   they   are   barely   desks 
took out had the worst case of metal fatigue  apart.
ever witnessed in a modern automobile. She said accountants are just kids who have 
Steve   Todd’s   wife   apparently   phoned   up  never   grown   up,   they   started   life   counting 
Leeds City Council complaining it was there  there sweeties and putting them in different 
speed bumps which were responsible for the  piles and moving them from one pile to the 
broken   springs   in   there   car   but   they  other and now they have grown older they 
counterclaimed that it was her husband who  do the same with pretend money.
was responsible for all the broken chains on  She came to the UK from Guyana and loves 
the swings in the children’s playground near  working   for   Hanson’s,   she   always   seems 
their house. happy   and   full   of   life   and   Mick   Lardner 
OUR ACCOUNTANT reckons she talks so much and so quickly he 
Diane is  our Accountant  / Agony Aunt and  was wondering if she has gills to breathe
THE CONSULTANT - JOKES
A   shepherd   was   herding   his   flock   in   a 
remote pasture when suddenly a brand­new 
BMW   advanced   out   of   the   dust   cloud 
towards him. The driver, a young man in a 
Bronze   suit,   Gucci   shoes,   Ray   Ban 
sunglasses   and   YSL   tie,   leaned   out   the 
window 
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly 
how many sheep you have in your flock, will 
popped in the other day to see how we all  you give me one?"
were getting on; of course Mick Brayford has  The shepherd looked at the man, obviously 
a bit of a soft spot for this young lady and  a   yuppie,   then   looked   at   his   peacefully­
was parading about like a peacock with his  grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
feathers out. The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his 
IBM   ThinkPad   and   connected   it   to   a   cell 
phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on 
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the   internet   where   he   called   up   a   GPS 
satellite   navigation   system,   scanned   the 
area, and then opened up a database and 
an   Excel   spreadsheet   with   complex 
formulas.   He   sent   an   email   on   his 
Blackberry   and,   after   a   few   minutes, 
received a response. Finally, he prints out 
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer 
then turns  to  the  shepherd  and  says,”  You 
have exactly 1586 sheep".
"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said 
the shepherd. 
He watches the young man select one of the 
animals and bundle it into his car.
Then   the   shepherd   says:   "If   I   can   tell   you 
exactly what your business is, will you give 
me back my animal?"
"OK, why not" answered the young man.
"Clearly,   you   are   a   consultant"   said   the 
shepherd. 
"That's   correct"   says   the   yuppie,   "but   how 
did you guess that?"
"No   guessing   required"   answers   the 
shepherd.   "You   turned   up   here   although 
nobody called you. You want to get paid for 
an   answer   I   already   knew,   to  a   question   I 
never asked, and you don't know crap about 
my business.... Now give 
me back my dog".
BUMPER STICKERS
Where there's a will... I want to be on it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Consciousness: That annoying time between
naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your
nursing home. Always remember you're unique...
Just like everyone else.

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