One final word is to maintain our focus on good
quality products produced in a safe environment.
A Word from Our Leader
The months are flying by at a fast rate with
September now finished and the dark nights are
now approaching. We need to maintain our
recent run of good quality and above volume
bricks.
On the Health & Safety front we have all been
issued with our two ticks for safety booklets.
Paul Newbold and Nicholas Hunter have
completed gas awareness training at Howley
Park. Also Chris Shields and Craig Farn1ll
attended the H & S Awareness day at Howley
Park. Again, another month with no reportable
accidents so, well done to everyone and lets keep
this going.
On the Quarry Front Fox plant are at present
building our 2007 stockpile under the expert
guidance of Don Fox. We have purchased a new
tractor bowser unit for dust suppressing but
haven’t used it yet due to the rain coming since
the day it arrived.
We have two training sessions booked for the
Skidloader and Small Dumper also the large 25
ton dumper.
We are now well into the integration with
Hiedelberg Group.
Any further information received will be posted
on noticeboards.
You can follow this on the website
http://www.heidelbergcement.com/global/en/han
son/home.htm
Finally stocking levels are closing in on the 16
million figure, sales have been up and down all
this year.
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Thanks for your continued efforts and support in
these changing times.
That’s all for now because I am feeling a bit
niggly today having to do the stock take on my
own because Darren has decided to book the day
off.
I think you should do an interview next with
Martin Jones, have I told you all about the
Yellow Bricks, oh when I first ventured out into
the world of bricks I kept ordering all this Yellow
stain and well a few months later I was walking
round the yard and noticed that there was never
any of these Yellow Bricks anywhere on the site,
I asked Martin, suggesting we maybe make more
of these Yellow bricks since they are such good
sellers and he replied if I was being serious.
Well yes I said…
Did you not know then that the Yellow stain
burns red?
Right that’s it now I am off to do the stock count,
I bet Darren’s doing a rain dance somewhere by
the looks of it.
Interview with
sue
Sue in our canteen is
leaving Swillington on
Friday 5th October and I
managed to persuade her
to do an interview in
return for me videoing a
DVD of all the lads she
has worked with us for
the last 5 years
I started work here on the
4th February 2002, it was when the canteen first
opened here at Swillington and everything was
brand new, I worked with James Gayboy who
was the then Area Manager before Sandra.
I cannot remember the first meal I prepared but I
do remember getting a ticking off from Little Jeff
who was then the works manager for talking too
loud, he was having a meeting in the canteen.
I can’t say its changed that much over the last 5
years, I don’t do as much, I remember getting
told off by Woo-woo for not cleaning the floor
properly and leaving it streaky, I didn’t like him,
but neither it seems did anybody.
I think one of my best memories here was the
first Christmas when I dressed up as Santa Claus
and I have enjoyed doing the Christmas Dinners
and acting like a Rotweiller to the lads though I
have never found out what my nickname is.
Saddest time here was when Geoff the Forklift
Truck Driver died.
Why am I leaving, well, lets just say I have a few
niggles with the company, and anyway I want to
come out of catering altogether, I don’t really
know what I am going to do but I have just
started a ASSETT computer course.
If I won the lottery I would move abroad to a
place like Cyprus or Tenerife, I will let you know
if its Cyprus when I come back because that’s
where I am going for my holiday.
My favourite bloke here, well the funniest is Don
Fox, he has me in hysterics sometimes.
Life after death, I do believe there is something,
what it’s like I ain’t got a clue but I know my dad
will be there, no body ever comes back so it must
be okay.
Music, I love heavy metal and my favourite
group is Bon Jovi, my favourite song has got to
be “Always”, I am going to see Enrico
Anglaisias later this year, I love that song of his
called “Hero”.
My hobbies are decorating my house and going
to Cas-vegas (Castleford) to the local pubs where
all the bands are, my latest hobby is computers.
I am divorced with two sons and I have a new
partner and I want to say to everyone, I will miss
you all, miss all the p*ss takes and laughs that
we have had. Thanks for being a good set of lads
and I have enjoyed working with you all.
Interview with Exemployee
David
So what have I been doing since I retired from
here, well I have been caravanning, walking and
I have even been to Buckingham Palace.
I am a member of the centenary caravan club and
we were invited to a garden party at the palace
but the Queen wasn’t there however The Duke of
Edinburgh was as he is the patron saint.
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29,000 people applied and we were the lucky
ones, we had three nights in London and the day
before and the day after the Garden Party the
weather was beautiful but it poured down on the
day.
I was one of the many thousands queuing for my
money outside Northern Rock the other week, I
wasn’t that concerned about it until the
Government said “don’t panic” then I started to
panic, I think Ill invest all the money in Hanson
Shares, oh no they don’t exist anymore do they?
I got all my money still in the Sainsbury’s bags
in my cupboard at the moment.
I really miss working now and would love a part
time job, I
would prefer
Wednesday
and
Thursday as
any other
day would
interfere
with my
routine, for
example
Friday is still bog day.
My daughter Natalie is getting married soon and
my wife is due to retire next July but I think she
is thinking of stopping on because she gets all
the housework done.
Natalie works for a cystic fibrosis charity and is
an events organiser and a few months back I
abseiled from Manchester United’s football
ground with my son Michael and he is scared of
heights, we raised £10 but overall the event
raised about £70,000.
I have finally got my hearing aid after 4 years on
the waiting list and have also got my drains
sorted out; we had raw sewage coming out of the
drain and down the side of the house at one
point.
I still get up at 7:15am and do quite a bit of
gardening, we luckily didn’t get flooded in the
recent floods but have had quite a few power
cuts, we have spent quite a few nights sat with
candles staring into space.
I like to pop in still every ten weeks to pay my
lottery and think how thankful I am that I have
retired, I enjoy going to the pictures every sober, I was in an accident. And now I am here?
Wednesday, you get 2 for 1 with Orange on Did I really make it to Heaven?"
Wednesday and the last film I saw was “Run Fat To which the Steve replied, "Not yet. You must
Boy Run” which reminded me of Mr Lardner. spell a word first."
STEVE In HEAVEN "What word?" he asked.
Steve Todd had died and found himself standing Steve responded, "Czechoslovakia."
outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. From Dan & Lee
Peter. Get well soon Mr Jolley, hope the back is okay
He asked him, "Bloody hell did I really make it and well the hole in the floor is easily repaired,
to heaven" Kev is struggling on the setter without Jonno-
To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these beachwhale and Big Bob while Terry is still
are the Gates struggling with Billy and my daddy (sean).
to Heaven. New drinking champion of Swilly is Lee
But you must Ruecroft after Andy Smith got him smashed even
do one more though he ended up 20 miles from home. Walter
thing before and China are missing wee man but they wont be
you can walking around looking lost for much longer as
enter." Dennis is back on Monday.
Steve was Dan and Bob Jolley still aren’t talking something
very excited, to do with Dan getting the order wrong and
and asked of Jolley not having enough food. Hope they kiss
St. Peter what and make up soon because they are running out
he must do to of insults.
pass through the gates. Mr Fox Senior has been driving around in Mr
"Spell a word," St. Peter replied. Brayfords pick up a lot lately and I think
"What word?" he asked. someone needs to tell him it’s not his.
"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your Rico has a new job as a Magnum PI
choice." Steve promptly replied, "Then the word impersonator.
I will spell is brick B-R-I-C-K." Mr D (D for Diddly Donk) Bell has finally found
St. Peter congratulated him on his good fortune love, all is well according to the man himself but
to have made it to Heaven, and asked him if he I have heard from a couple of blokes (who wish
would mind taking his place at the gates for a to remain anonymous) he got his photos off the
few minutes while he went to the bathroom. internet. Good luck to Dazzler in his life with a
"Ok but the picture keeps going off on my phone drag queen. She is called Hayley formerly known
when I switch it on," he said, "and well, what as Harold
should I do if someone comes while you are Statistics
gone?" A joke from our No 10 Driver this week Mr
St. Peter reassured him, and instructed Steve to Harry Potter…
simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates Simon goes on stars in their eyes, Mathew Kelly
to spell a word as he had done. notices he’s in a wheelchair, he says
So Steve is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and “What Happened?”
perving at the beautiful angels soaring around Simon replies “I was in a car crash with my
him when a man approaches the gates. He uncle, he died and I had my legs amputated, but
realizes it is Mad Mick. they saved my uncles legs and grafted them on to
"What happened?" he cried, "What the f*ck are me. And in six months time I will be able to walk
you doing here?" again”.
Mad Mick stared at him for a moment, and then
said, "I got drunk again after loads of years
3of6
“THAT’S AMAZING” says Mathew “who are ▼ 2 3 65 Man Red 184,416
you going to be?” > 4 4 65 Swale WC 93,932
Simon says “tonight Mathew, I’m going to be > 5 5 65 Golden Brwn 82,264
▲ 7 6 65 Farmhse Brwn 53,336
Simon & halfuncle”, which brings me to the
▲ 22 7 65 Rydale WC 49,720
drivers statistics for this month;
▲ 13 8 73 Farmhse Brwn 48,000
P L T Name Total
▲ 12 9 65 Riding Rus 44,296
▲ 2 1 Keith Chicken 84,940
> 10 10 73 Victorian 43,392
▲ 7 2 Bruce Forcyth 83,009
▲ 21 11 65 City Mlti 42,940
▼ 1 3 Stumpy 80,444
▼ 9 12 73 Golden Brwn 36,869
▲ 60 4 Richard Stopcroft 64,752
▲ 17 13 65 Victorian 34,352
▲ 10 5 Ken & Barbie 51,692
▲ 15 14 65 Red SF 33,448
▲ 62 6 Ian / Archers 47,940
▲ 16 15 73 Cap Mlti 32,660
>> NE 7 Tim Terapin 44,485
▼ 5 8 Jeff Rudge 39,828
This month of course Class B Engineers once
>> NE 9 Piggys Friend 36,864 again rules the charts and Manchester Red and
▼ 3 10 Harry Potter 34,032 City Multi 73 once again trade positions for the
>> NE 11 Apple & Mango 25,764 number one facing brick.
▼ 4 12 Alan Douglas 24,585 During September we have not during any of the
▲ 76 13 Jason Rudge 23,772 weeks taken off stock as you can see in our:
>> NE 14 Dino / Archers 20,968 Sales vs. Production Chart For September
▲ 34 15 Jackie Khan 18,840 Week Com Produced Sold Stock
▲ 36 16 Mason 18,592 27/08/2007 365,184 256,096 15,610,276
▲ 51 17 DX06CXB 17,152 03/09/2007 456,960 397,353 15,669,883
▲ 50 18 Wardrope 16,244 10/09/2007 445,596 408,524 15,711,023
>> NE 19 S599JAL 13,468 17/09/2007 453,808 448,132 15,716,699
>> NE 20 Tierney 10,848 24/09/2007 469,176 284,305 15,901,570
The featured driver this week is awarded the Of course all of these sales could not be done if it
happiest driver of the Month.. wasn’t for our favourite friendly Forklift loader
here at Swillington…

Other Gossip
With the pseudonym of Bruce Forsyth because It’s just amazing what lengths people will go to
well he looks like him he can be found this week in order to gain credibility.
at the high up position of Number 2 and I have The other day along with the extruder figures
corrected Mr Harry Potters score due to a load he that were shoved through the window in our
took out that I missed. office near where I sit on my arse all day we
Top Selling Bricks For September found an anonymous comment.
pos Name Quantity
> 1 1 73 Class B 271,104
▲ 3 2 73 City Mlti 185,472
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I am not sure I know really what it all means but
I think its
something to do
with one of our
employees cars
who work here.
Anyway it says
and I quote “The
VTR badges are
now pealing off to reveal his car is a normal
model and not the one he spent £35 trying to
convince us all it was the model which turns into
a robot”
Coach load Of Geologists
So well today at the lost world a coach load of
Geologists have been to visit to look at our
quarry, our manager Mr Lardner was at the front
of the coach giving them their induction and as
the coach made its way through the brickyard all
the people on the coach were drawn first to our
confused electrician called "Turkey" picking
daisies with all the bunnies in the hedgerow and
then as they turned to their right they were
astonished to find the Steve Todd moon walking
across the brick yard. Steve Todd has been given
some new exercises by his physiotherapist and
claimed to be practising. With Mr Lardner at the
helm of the coach with his microphone their
attention was then drawn to Mr Brayford our
assistant manager looking for his mobile plant
repair books, he suffers from Alzheimer’s disease
and seemed to be a bit lost again, then there was
Sean who has just bought a new car but paid an
extra £35 for a VTR badge to make it look more
cool. By the time the Geologists reached the
quarry they had seen so many unusual sites that
they couldn’t take in what they had come to learn
about.
Tyre For Sale
Mick Brayford has a tyre for sale which has
barely been used, having been on his car for only
a week before he got a new car.
He has tried to sell it on E-bay with no success
so if anyone out there would like to purchase a
bargain and get it out
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of our way in the office it is a Dunlop SP Sport
2000 215/45 ZR17 and he will take just £40 for it
Little Billy Jokes
Little Billy was sitting on a park
bench munching on one candy bar
after another.
After the 6th one, a man on the
bench across from him said, "Son,
you know eating all that candy isn't
good for you. It will give you acne, rot your
teeth, and make you fat."
Little Billy replied, "My grandfather lived to be
107 years old."
"Oh?“ replied the man. "
Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own
f**king business!!"
For all you dog lovers….
At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a
raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested
within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the
oldest and ultimate predators, normally
considered the "apex predator," can still fall
victim to implemented 'team work' strategy,
made possible due to the tight knit social
structure and "survival of the pack mentality"
bred into the canines. See the remarkable
photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine.
Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the
gator preventing it from breathing, while another
dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from
thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft
underbelly of the gator.
Not for the squeamish... . . . . .

Letters
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to
Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the
performance of the flower and jewelry
applications that had operated flawlessly under
the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband
1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL
4.1.
Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and
Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these
problems, but to no avail.
What can I do? Signed,
Desperate
Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an
entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system. Try to enter the command
C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and install
Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Guilt 3.3 and
Flowers 7.5. But remember, overuse can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to such background
applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy
Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad
program that will create SnoringLoudly .WAV
files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or
reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are
not supported applications and will crash
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Husband 1.0. They could also potentially cause
Husband 1.0 to default to the program:
Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and
has been known to introduce potentially serious
viruses into the Operating System.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program,
but it does have a limited memory and can't
learn new applications quickly. You might
consider buying additional software to enhance
his system performance. I personally recommend
Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5
combined with such applications as that old
stand-by Lingerie 6.9 (which has been credited
with improved performance of his hardware).
Good Luck
Little Billy Jokes (by m lardner)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the
teacher asked for a show of hands from those
who could use the word "beautiful"
in the same sentence twice.
First she called on little Suzie,
who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a
beautiful dress and she looked
beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful Banquet and it
turned out beautifully."
The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then, she reluctantly called on little Billy.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my
father that she was pregnant, and he said
"Beautiful, just f***ing beautiful!"
Finally
The DVD of Sues leaving is now in limited
availability from Mad Mick, in fact by the time
you read this there will probably be no more
copies left.