Interview With Terry
Hi, my name is Terry and I work down near the
Word From Our Leader
Well gents that’s January over with and what an
eventful one it has been, again not a very good
start to the year.
The accident to Gary Johnson which shocked all
of us, apart from thanking God he is on the
mend, it highlights the need for all of us to be
aware of the dangers surrounding us.
I would also like to say thank you for the swift
action of the people who attended to Gary and
who carried out the emergency procedure very
effectively.
So please be vigilant and do not take unnecessary
risks.
Production for period 1 is a mixed bag with
Green Production up by 40k and fired down by
18k. This is mainly due to shattered bricks and
troubles on the dehacker, but, be under no
illusion that we have to get these bricks back and
maintain budgets.
Also our quality took a nose dive last year so
please remember that quality is everyone’s
responsibility like health and safety, the
consequences of people walking by without
saying something could result in dyer results.
e.g. Loss of customers or loss of life with regards
to the latter.
Gentlemen, please remember it’s a team effort;
we cannot or will not tolerate people not pulling
their weight.
After Period 1 results the spotlight is on us, we
need to rise to the challenge
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Auger, As time passes, the memories of long ago
tend to diminish, some dwell in the mind more
vividly and longer than others, some pleasant and
others not so pleasant, that's life as we all know it
from personal experience.
As opposed to this day and age of radio and
television, there was no such thing then, other
than an odd crystal set with headphones. We had
our first such set about 1925 and it could only
receive the local station - Leeds 2LO.
We were quite happy with our lot - we could play
hopscotch and roll bowlers (iron hoops) down
the road quite safely. We made huts in the
woods, went fishing - no charge in those days
and fishing clubs were never thought of. Every
day was an adventure, rain didn't bother us much,
there were always farm buildings or someone's
shed to play in. In wintertime there was more
snow in those days and we used to spend hours
tobogganing
down to the
pools in front
of Swillington
Hall and on
the Downs
Banks.
There were
activities after
school,
especially round Christmas time. We walked
miles with lanterns, carol singing. I remember
going to Temple Newsome apart from all the
other big houses in the village, we were given
mince pies, lemonade and sweets. I can't
remember receiving money and we never
expected any.
Church Services and Sunday School in our best
clothes was a ritual we enjoyed, but we weren't
allowed to play outside on Sundays - just walks
with our parents on Sunday afternoons. In the
summertime especially, everyone was out in their
Sunday best. The only game that was allowed to
be played on Sunday - was bowls by the men at
'The Plume of Feathers'.
Education was very personal, not regimented like
it is these days. All children walked to school -
some quite long distances - in all weathers.
Apart from the attendance officer from Bradford
and the school dentist no one ever came near
from one year to the next.
In those times we had no pavements or road
lighting - for there was no electricity or gas, and
only oil lamps and candles in the home until
about 1926.
There was also no plumbed water to our cottages
- only one outside tap by Oram's shop for five
Cricket Field Cottages and one tap at the rear to
serve five of the Queen's Row Cottages. Before
we went to school on Mondays, we had to carry
the water in buckets for 'washing day'.
We played football and cricket, we danced until
the early hours, went to the cinema on Saturday
night - usually 'The Regent' in Garforth where
we would often queue for two hours to get in -
sometimes in the rain! Life was good.
I left school during the recession in 1930
following the 1926 General Strike and it wasn't
the best of times to look for a job. After a while I
eventually found employment as a Garden Boy
at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Frank Wedgwood at
'The Lea', which was off The Green, Swillington
(near to the present new Parish Church).
My wages were eight shillings a week, which
included daily duties like stoking the boilers,
cleaning boots and shoes, gardening, watering
the greenhouses and washing cars etc., and
working every other weekend.
After two years I moved to another job at 'The
Oaklands' where my wage doubled to sixteen
shillings a week with similar conditions as 'The
Lea'.
I stayed there until the outbreak of the Second
World War in 1939, and I was conscripted into
the army in April 1940 for the duration of the
war until 1946
The years between 1930 and 1940 were as you
might say filled with work and pleasure and I can
only describe them as being as near Paradise as
one could wish.
We didn't have much money but every day was
an adventure which stays in my memory to this
day.
I started at Swillington in 1946 and my first job
was as a picker packer, packing bricks in the
yard and later in the pan house.
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I think over the years at Swillington there is a lot
less people working here
My best memory was when Armitages, who were
the first owners of the company sent me To
Germany to visit the Lingl Factory with some
test bricks
My worst memory was getting made redundant
in 2000
Early in the 1970s me and Steve Todd used to
work in the old kilns pulling the old carousel cars
out and shovelling the hot ashes away, after work
I would give him a lift home on my motorbike
which wasn’t as hard as it seems since he was
perhaps unbelievably only about 8 stone back
then.
When I first started here Mick Brayford was a
rather clumsy fitter, here I have heard he has got
this space bug that’s been going round, come
from a comet hasn’t it?
Hey did you get that picture I sent you, don’t tell
him was me will you.
If I won the lottery tomorrow, I would honestly
keep working here but I would go on a long
holiday and do a round the world cruise. Oh Life
after death, you ask everyone this don’t you, well
nobody has ever come back to tell us about it,
well that’s if you don’t count that finger that
keeps popping up in your staff toilets.
My nickname is “Tuts”, which I was called for
donkeys years, I am not sure how I got the name
but the name predates working here, I think I was
about 10 or 11 years old when I acquired it.
My favourite all time song was “Bob The
Builder (Can You Fix It)” which was No1 around
Christmas 2001, I love that
song and I like most music
but I do think a lot of the
latest rapping is total crap.
I like to spend a lot of my
spare time on my computer,
in them chat forums talking
about, well nothing really; I
also read quite a lot the book I am reading at the
moment is Sir Elton Johns Autobiography,
“Widening the Circle of My Friend”.
I would love to walk to the North Pole but I don’t
get enough time because I got married nearly 2
years ago and this marriage came with a ready
made family.
NB according to Andy Smith Terry has been Please send it to everyone on your email list.
made redundant from Swillington a record If someone comes to your front door and says
breaking four or five occasions, I don’t know they are conducting a
how true this is survey and asks you to show them your arse,
Jokes DO NOT show them your arse.
Did you hear about the look-a-like competition This is a SCAM, they just want to see your arse.
in China? I wish I'd got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and
Everybody won. cheap
What had 3 legs and lived on a farm? Bike Ride This Summer?
The McCartney’s Hi Guys,
But really we shouldn't make fun of macca. After I was just
all will he ever find another woman to fill her wondering who
shoe? would be
A man is in a queue at Tescos and sees this busty interested in a
blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is sponsored bike
staring at him, then she starts waving. ride (as in cycle)
'Excuse me do I know you?' he asks. 'Yes I think from Southport
you are the father of one of my kids' she says. to Hull this
The man thinks back and remembers his one act summer, me and
of infidelity and says some of the lovely young sales girls who used to
'F*cking h*ll are you the bird I shagged on me work at Howley Park have done this every year, I
stag do, whilst your mate whipped me and your have arranged a date from Thursday evening on
other mate stuck a brush up my arse?' 12th June until Sunday afternoon on 15th June,
'No' she replies 'I'm your son's English teacher!' deposits of £25 are needed by 10th May to
What's the difference between Harold Shipman confirm a place then I will book all the hostels, if
and Tony you are interested please contact me Paul Crew
Blair? c/o Stairfoot Brick Works
Shipman Gossip
actually did January has been a strange month, I think
something everyone was brought on a real downer with that
about NHS accident with the overhead crane and Gary
waiting lists. Johnson so there hasn’t been that much in the
A bride on her way of laughter round the plant.
wedding night It has been rumoured though that the new plant is
says to her very far advanced so advanced that it was leaked
husband 'I to me by an anonymous source that Steve Todd
must confess will be needing a computer implant that will
darling, I was allow a central computer to report all the details
a hooker!'. of the new plants operation, kiln temperatures,
He says 'that’s alright, dear. Your past is your dryer temperatures, production rates directly into
past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. the field of vision and which will do this by
Tell me about it'. fooling the brains neurones that the information
She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I is in fact there in space in front of them a bit like
played for Wigan ! the T800 in the Terminator trilogy
I also received this following email last week
Hoax Warning
Hoax warnings don't usually scare me, but this
one is VERY important.

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The information will be fed wirelessly to him
and the chip will have an aerial a bit like the
teletubbies and
he will probably
have the chip
inplant fitted at
the same time has
his new hip
which was in fact
kindly donated
by a Rhino who
died carrying a
donor card.
Lee says I need
to get a picture of Nak as Dr Grinch, that Gary Is
Peter Pan and also that an intelligent rat with tin
opener managed to break into the canteen the
other day and escaped with 3 tins of tuna, a load
of chicken, 20 mars bars and 6lb sugar
Don went down to the old house at the bottom of
our lane the ones that were prematurely boarded
up in preparation for the imminent arrival of the
new plant the other week and found evidence of
some form of devil worshipping cult going on.
He said inside one of the rooms a load of chairs
were arranged in a circle with candles dotted
about, in the centre of the circle sat a 2ft purple
rabbit
Alf was off ill again mid january, apparently it
was rumoured that he caught a bug which had
come from Space, it seems according to the
source that when a certain comet floats by the
sun melts some of the ice which releases these
bugs which have been frozen for many millenia
and they fall to earth and are responsible for
outbreaks of flu and cold other more down to
earth rumours was that he was off ill after
purchasing a Cornish pasty from Naks shop
Ian Lund got the pod on because he didnt want to
go on the Confined Space Training said Steve
Todd so we are seeking lottery donations to make
him smile and Darren Bell has joined Canibals
Anonymous.
Anyway I have ordered our leader Mr Lardners
XXXL Sweatshirts and the bloke at the suppliers
made me aware that they were doing up to
quintuple XL, that’s XXXXXL, when I told my
manager this he boomed, "who is the cheeky sod
on the other end of that phone", The gentleman I
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was talking to did actually sound a bit inebriated
and piped up with, "well we could send 3
mediums and a copy of the Cambridge diet".
Anyway it was agreed he wanted XXXL and the
gentleman said that the courier "fast weight"
delivered to our postcode and were substantially
cheaper than pallet force, he then erupted into
laughter, our managers’ sweatshirts are due
anytime.
When Steve came back from his christmas break
he found his fleece, coat and sweatshirt in a
plastic bag in the corner of the office surrounded
by that red and white health and safety tape with
skull and crossbones signs on the perimeter.
I told him it wasn’t me so he went to complain to
our manager who tried his hardest to keep a
straight face but it was Mick Brayford who did it
just before Christmas and he went and had a
quiet word with the Honeymonster to explain
about the strange odours that were emanating
from his area leading up to the drastic action he
had to take (Censored By Mr Lardner)
Dear Deardre
Dear Deardre
Every 350 miles or so my CLK seems to run out
of petrol and it's costing me a fortune - just
over £55 quid to fill it up every time.
Any advice on how to stop this happening? -
the dealership have recommended not driving
the car but since I started doing this I've lost
my job as my work is over 50 miles away -
now buying fuel is harder than ever.
Any advice?
Dear Reader
Don't worry, this a problem that many of us
have, even
if we don't
all admit to
it.
Relationship problems are quite normal, none
less so than between a man and his car.
Of course you feel cheated that your
significant other should let you down in this
way, but refusing to offer the sustinence they
need to perform is only making things worse.
Relationships are about give and take. To get
things moving why don't you suggest that if ▲ 7 3 65 Man Red 102,604
she will enable you to get to work without ▲ 11 4 65 Swale WC 48,876
running out of fuel, then you will put some fuel ▲ 15 5 73 Frmhse Brwn 43,008
in the tank. ▲ 9 6 65 City Mlti 35,256
Rebuild the trust bit by bit, and don't be >> NE 7 65 Mix Reject 33,900
tempted to rush. Maybe just £10 or so to ▲ 14 8 65 Red SF 33,900
begin with, and slowly build up to a full tank - ▲ 19 9 65 Victorian 31,188
but only when you both feel ready for it. ▼ 3 10 65 Golden Brwn 31,188
Statistics For the first time in history our stockyard during
Dec-07 late January went past the 18 million mark,
Po Name Total Darren reckons that we can just about hold 20
▲ 2 1 Piggys Friend 57,656 million…
▲ 8 2 Keith Chicken 54,585 Week Com Produced Sold Stock
▲ 23 3 Wearry Willie 49,552 03/12/2007 452,904 273,224 17,258,080
▲ 16 4 Jerramy Rudge 41,436 10/12/2007 429,408 276,896 17,317,912
> 5 5 Tim Terapin 35,165 17/12/2007 393,984 349,156 17,362,740
>> NE 6 Jager 30,736 31/12/2007 251,904 115,536 17,499,108
▼ 3 7 Harry Potter 29,692 07/01/2008 412,416 312,164 17,599,360
▲ 15 8 Jason Rudge 27,140 14/01/2008 447,744 228,792 17,818,312
▼ 6 9 Bruce Forcyth 23,068 21/01/2008 439,264 216,628 18,040,948
>> NE 10 Lord Archer 19,635 THE DIARY OF AN ENGLISHMAN
Surprise in December with “Piggys Friend” LIVING IN THE HIGHLANDS
taking the lead and Stumpy dropping right out of DEC20TH
the Top ten, sales for the whole of 2007 were It's starting to snow. The first of the season and
according to my calculations 17,633,147 with the first we've seen for years. The wife and I
total production at 20,186,458 and for December took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch
sales were 908,831 to production of 1,276,512. watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down
Jan-08 clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's
P L T Name Total
so beautiful and peaceful.
▲ 2 1 Keith Chicken 72,239
DEC 24th
▲ 30 2 CX55AEA / Rob 67,200
▲ 12 3 Stumpy 62,285
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white
▲ 5 4 Tim Terapin 52,784 glistening snow covering as faras the eye could
>> NE 5 Alf Garnet 38,993 see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush
▼ 1 6 Piggys Friend 34,253 covered
>> NE 7 DX05AWF / Ben 32,092 with a beautiful white mantle. I shovelled snow
▲ 19 8 Shadrack 31,516 for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our
>> NE 9 Bruce Forcythe 30,443 driveway and the pavement. Later that day a
▼ 7 10 Harry Potter 23,405 snowplough came along and accidentally
Compared with January 2007 which we managed covered up our driveway with compacted snow
to sell 1,426,828 this January we limped home from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I
selling just 1,032,078 and this was shown in the waved back and shovelled it away again. The
low values in the above table with a collection children next door built a snowman with coal for
driver coming in at No2 and Keith Chicken eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball
taking the pole position strangely in January fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I
Class B’s were for the first time replaced at the threw a couple back and joined in their fun.
top of the sales with respect to brick type DEC 26th
Top 20 For Jan 2008 It snowed an
Lst mth pos Name Quantity additional 5 inches
▲ 2 1 73 City Mlti 219,264 last night and the
▼ 1 2 73 Class B 198,528
temperature dropped
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to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on 16 more sodding inches of f*****g snow and
our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight f*****g ice and f*****g sleet and god knows
of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. what other white shite fell last night. I am in
Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and court in 3 months time for assaulting the
did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a snowplough driver with an ice - pick. Can't move
brownish - grey. my f*****g toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5
JAN 1st weeks. Minus 20 and more f*****g snow
Warmed up enough during the day to create forecast
some slush which soon became ice when the F**k this, I'm moving back to London
temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres Blonde Joke
for both our cars -£500. Fell on my arse in the A blonde keeps walking down her drive to her
driveway. £100 to a physio but nothing was mail box. She keeps doing this until her
broken. neighbour asks her why she is doing that.
JAN 5th The blonde
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a replies "My
4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and computer keeps
did considerable damage to the right wing -£200. telling me that
Had another 8 inches of white shite last night. i've got mail".
Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up
slush that bastard snowplough came by twice
Whos This?
today.
Where's that bloody shovel.
JAN 9th
More f*****g snow.
Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't
been damaged. Power was off most of the night.
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles
and a paraffin heater which tipped over and
nearly torched the house. I managed to put the
flames out but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my
hands. Lost all my eyebrows and eyelashes. Car
hit a f*****g deer on the way to casualty and
was written off.
JAN 13th
F*****g b*****d white shite just keeps on
coming down. Have to put on every article of
clothing just to go to the post box. The little
c***s next door ambushed me with snowballs on
the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far up the
little pricks arse it'll take good surgeon 6 hours to
find it.
If I ever catch the arsehole that drives the
snowplough I'll chew open his chest and rip out
his heart with my teeth. I think the b*****d
hides around the corner and waits for me to
finish shovelling and then he accelerates down
the street like Michael 'f*****g' Schumacher and
buries he f*****g driveway again.
JAN 17th
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