Some quotes I’ve provided during Peer Feedback on a Peer’s Literature Review

Peter Husted

“I like this paragraph on its history!”

“Maybe not "even though", but rather "Due to" or "Given that". Consider changing that.”

“Consider changing "was" to "ran" as rampant is more of an adverb than an adjective. I

could be wrong on this so look into it but I don't think it's used correctly here. I know
using the word ran is grammatically correct.”

“In what way? I'm curious. What were they doing differently that made them more
vulnerable? Does the research include this?”

“How is this related to AIDS? Also what is the point of this whole paragraph? How does
this tie into race as well? Maybe elaborate a little more on what you're getting at or consider
omitting this paragraph. Just food for thought, I'm having a hard time understanding what's going
on.”

“Is this another name for AIDS? HIV? I don't know what this is or how it is relevant if
what you're talking about is AIDS.”

“I don't think this is cohesive. Maybe explain what it is beforehand because all I can think
about is the fact I don't know what it is. Not to mention it is explained two paragraphs later, not
just the next.”

“I'm feeling confused on why this is significant. Maybe I'm not focusing but could you
maybe just explain what is going on here and why it is important and unequal a little bit more?”

“Women are not necessarily a minority in this scenario, but rather oppressed. Consider
changing this to oppressed.”

“This whole paragraph was from this one source on this one page? Just making sure.”

“Okay, overall super super super educational, you definitely got the facts! Of course, take
all my comments with a grain of salt and consider them, but do not feel obligated to make
changes if you don't agree. I think your format is good and your points were mostly clear.”