Memorandum

To: Professor Chrstine Slater

From: Miles Butler
Date: January 12, 2024
Subject: Project 1
Here is the information you requested about the style and grammar of my prior writing. I
selected an academic essay regarding the character of Hamlet in William Shakespeare’s The
Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark. My findings about being concise, precise, and direct, as
well as any noticeable errors, are presented in the following sections.

Being Concise:
Being concise is writing only what is needed and make sure that every word in a sentence
satisfies the audience’s needs and the writer’s purpose.

 Unnecessary Repetition: In my essay, I noticed several repeated phrases. The most common
repetition was when I described how Hamlet was vicious. I used the word vicious ten times
throughout the essay, and there were two instances where it was repeated in the same sentence
or two back-to-back sentences.

- “It is easy to say that Hamlet is vicious based on his actions and words during the story,
but it is also worthwhile to make note of the dispositions and attitudes that Hamlet is
guilty of and how they contributed to his viciousness.”
◦ To eliminate this phrase or reduce how often it is used in this essay, I could refer back to the
definition of viciousness presented earlier in the essay and explain that Hamlet matches the
definition because of his dispositions and attitudes exhibited throughout the play.

 Redundant Words/Phrases: In my writing, I found several examples of redundant words and

phrases. Some examples include:

- “…particular dispositions…”

- “…be taken literally as to mean…”

- “…only plausible summation…”

◦ I did not need to write “particular” because I was not identifying certain dispositions from a
list of common ones. I did not need to write “be taken literally as to mean” because they
conveyed the same meaning as the phrase “be taken to mean” and would serve the same
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purpose. The phrase “only plausible summation” could be reduced to “a summary” without
sacrificing meaning.

 Dead Phrases: I found a few instances of dead phrases in my writing. Some examples od dead
phrases in my writing are included below.

- “If he had not been poisoned by Laertes, Hamlet may have never killed Claudius and
would have always found some excuse to stay put and lament”.

- “It can be inferred from the rest of the text”.

◦ The end of the sentence, “…found some excuse to stay put and lament” does not add
anything to the meaning of the sentence and instead just adds extra fluff. The phrase “from
the rest of the text” does not contribute to the purpose of the sentence.

 Unnecessary Modifiers: The work I selected for this Project was an academic analysis for a
philosophy class. While I used some technical definitions that contained unnecessary language,
I also found several instances of using unnecessary modifiers in my writing. Some examples
are included below:

- “Above all else…”

- “…aforementioned definition…”

- “…countless sins…”

- “…complete detachment…”

◦ These modifiers either repeat the meaning of the words that follow them or were added to
sound academic. Their role in my writing was to increase the word count without sacrificing
meaning. It would be easy to remove them and keep the same meaning in my writing.

Being Precise:
Being precise is to be exact and accurate in writing. The essay that I analyzed was for a college
philosophy course, so the writing was tailored to a college level and written with the assumption
that I was writing for an expert audience.

 Level of Terminology: The terminology I used was appropriate for a college audience. I did not
find any errors with writing below or above the level of my audience. An example of the
terminology I used in my writing is included below:
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- “Hamlet’s character and actions throughout the story were not morally permissible
according to the moral obligation theory of Rossianism and the prima facie duties of
fidelity, reparation, gratitude, justice, beneficence, self improvement, and non-
maleficence”
◦ The moral theories presented in my essay were taken from a philosophy textbook that was
used throughout the course and the terminology was covered in course lectures.

 Consistent Terminology: I did not find any issues with inconsistent terminology in my writing.
I have included an example in which I repeat the word several times but it is not out of place.

- “The interpretation that this essay will take regarding sin is that a sin is a habit of
particular actions that stem from particular traits and dispositions. Readers can apply this
definition to Hamlet and find that he is guilty of countless sins that removed him from
his humanity, and they can also find that he was guilty of several of the seven mortal
sins.”
◦ The usage of the word sin was purposeful in this sentence and would not convey the same
message if it was changed or removed.

 Level of Specifics and Detail: I did not find any issues with the level of detail in my writing.
◦ My writing scored a 12.43 on the Gunning-Fox Index, which is slightly below the level of
college juniors or seniors (13-16) and matches the audience I was writing to in a freshman
level course.

Being Direct:
Directness is to convey the point of a sentence or paragraph without embellishment or ambiguity.

 Mostly Active Verbs: I tended to use mostly active verbs in my writing. I did find one instance
where I used the verb ‘shows’, but every other verb I used fit the purpose I used it for. That
example is included below.

- “He once again shows traits that contribute to his viciousness.”

◦ I could adjust this sentence by replacing the word shows with the word ‘demonstrates’.
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 Mostly Active Voice: I was inconsistent with my use of passive and active voice. I tended to
use the active voice, but there were several instances where I instead used the passive voice.
Some examples are included below.

- “…but Hamlet is often portrayed as the hero of the story…”

- “… upon which theories of virtue and vice can be built.”

- “Their fates can be attributed to Hamlet’s viciousness.”

◦ These examples could be rewritten almost in reverse so that the verb of the sentences,
portrayed, built, and attributed, respectively, come before the subject of the sentences.
Though the passive voice works for these examples, it would flow better in my writing to
have them in the active voice.

 Topic Sentences: I did not find any issue with topic sentences that failed to introduce the
paragraph or a lack of topic sentences. The first sentence in each paragraph continued from the
previous paragraph and indicated a new topic for the rest of the paragraph. I have included an
example below.

- “It is easy to say that Hamlet is vicious based on his actions and words during the story,
but it is also worthwhile to make note of the dispositions and attitudes that Hamlet is
guilty of and how they contributed to his viciousness.”

 Stress Positions: Most of the final sentences in paragraphs contained the main point of the
paragraph and the overall argument. However, there were a few where it was unclear what the
point was without reading through the essay. I’ve included an example here:

- “When Laertes stabs him, Hamlet realizes that he has been poisoned, and without
premeditation, Hamlet stabs Claudius and forces the rest of the poisoned wine down his
throat.”
◦ This sentence would fit better if it was switched with the previous sentence, which does
contain the point of the paragraph and the argument. The other instances of inconsistent
stress positions could also be adjusted in the same way.

Noticeable Errors: I did not find any significant noticeable errors in my writing.

 Run-On Sentences: A run-on sentence joins two complete sentences with a conjunction, but
they are not separated by a comma. There were no issues with run-on sentences in my writing.
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 Comma Splices: A comma splice is an error that joins two complete sentences with a comma,
but the sentences are joined without a conjunction. There were no issues with comma splices in
my writing.

 Introductory Elements: Errors with introductory elements stem from the incorrect placement of
commas after the introductory phrase. I did not find any issues with introductory elements in
my writing.

 Faulty Parallel Structure: Faulty parallel structure does not use the same grammatical structure
of related words or phrases in a list or series. I did not find any issue with faulty parallel
structure in my writing.

 Incorrect Contractions, Spelling Errors, or Typos: These errors involve using the wrong
contraction to combine two words, misspelling words, or using the incorrect homonym. I did
not find any issues with these errors in my writing.

Conclusion:
I did not realize how much I used additional words to meet the word count until I looked through
my essay again a year after writing it. This is not unique to this essay, and I know that I have
done this in some of my other writing. If you have any questions about this report, please let me
know.