Cervantes 1

Tryana Cervantes

ENGL 1302-231

Dr. Sharity Nelson

14 April 2024

Music Therapy as a Treatment for Mental Illnesses: Literature Review

Through my academic research, I honed my ability to critically question articles and

construct effective topic sentences. One classroom activity that significantly aided me was the

process of moving from a general subject to a focused thesis statement. This exercise helped me

organize my inquiries and search for answers, ensuring clarity for my readers. For instance,

consider the question: During mental health treatment, do veterans rely on medication? Initially,

I contemplated crafting a topic sentence emphasizing how musical treatment could reduce

medication use for individuals with poor mental health. However, upon further investigation, I

realized that veterans didn’t predominantly use medications in their treatment. Consequently, I

revised my topic sentence to read: “Musical treatment has emerged as a compelling therapeutic

modality for addressing various aspects of mental health, harnessing the profound impact of

music on emotions, cognition, and physiological states” (Cervantes). This revised statement

made more sense and resonated with both me and the tutors evaluating my paper. This

experience underscored the effort required to comprehend scholarly articles fully. Now, armed

with improved comprehension skills, I can easily identify main points, establish connections, and

deepen my knowledge—essential abilities for my biology coursework.

During the process of writing my research analysis essay, which served as the foundation

for my researched position essay, I gained valuable insights into crafting effective thesis

statements for each of my main points. My overarching theme was musical treatment, and I
 Cervantes 2

organized my paragraphs around four distinct areas: mental health, anxiety, children with

disabilities, and surgical procedures. While all these areas utilize music as therapy, I needed to

tailor my thesis statement to address the specific findings within each category. For instance,

when discussing anxiety, I observed that music interventions didn’t rely on medications for

patients. In contrast, mental health treatment often led to increased joy for patients. As a result,

my thesis statement for the anxiety section took shape as follows: “Simultaneously, musical

interventions offer a promising non-pharmacological strategy for managing anxiety by

harnessing music’s neurobiological mechanisms to modulate emotions and reduce stress

responses” (Cervantes). This approach allowed me to maintain a central idea throughout my

paragraphs and achieve greater coherence in my writing.

The process of creating a researched position essay serves as a valuable self-awareness

tool. Despite my efforts to express myself clearly and organize my points effectively, I still

encountered errors. For instance, my paraphrasing needed refinement, and I occasionally

misquoted sources—a fundamental aspect of research writing. Through this experience, I

realized that merely citing an author isn’t enough; I must also provide context and explain the

significance of each citation. For example here is a citation: “Scholars Liebowitz, et al. has been

focusing on the participation of a choral group that influenced the sense of belonging to veterans’

mental health; specifically, in recovering from psychiatric disabilities, substance dependency, and

homelessness” (137). Next, the explanation: “As mentioned with the author Liebowitz the

veterans have gone through some really difficult stages, among them, depression, anxiety, and a

certain feeling of not belonging anywhere, among others, however due to the music therapy, the

adversities they were subjected to were able to change their mental situation. This practice
 Cervantes 3

clarifies my position and strengthens my arguments. Moving forward, these lessons will

undoubtedly enhance my ability to complete essays and write well-structured research articles.

Upon submitting my initial draft of the “Researched Position,” Dr. Nelson’s feedback

alerted me to the potential plagiarism within my paper. I initially felt confident in my writing,

believing that I had meticulously crafted each citation. However, doubts crept in regarding

potential plagiarism in my paper. My enthusiasm for citations led me to worry that I hadn’t

effectively conveyed my ideas. Seeking clarity, I consulted Dr. Nelson, who informed me that

my paper contained 21% plagiarism (a higher percentage than I anticipated). This

disappointment was unfamiliar territory for me. Dr. Nelson, though, provided reassurance. She

explained that certain paragraphs were less significant in terms of plagiarism because they

closely resembled other students’ work. Her words "It is normal for students to have similarities

with other paper students” were a relief. Consequently, I focused on revising my author citations.

For instance, when referencing scholar Liang, et al., I originally wrote, “concluded that msic can

abate the neuroendocrine stress response caused by surgery.” Recognizing this as potential

plagiarism, I collaborated with my tutor, Camila, to rephrase it like this: “they concluded that

music is able to diminish the neuroendocrine stress response generated by surgery as well as

improve postoperative satisfaction” (Cervantes). Another instance occurred when I neglected to

include quotation marks at the start of my citations. For instance, in a citation by scholar

Liebowitz, et al., I wrote: “of music on promoting health and overall physical, mental, and

emotional well-being” (Cervantes). Realizing my oversight, I simply added the quotation mark at

the beginning to avoid any plagiarism concerns.

Simultaneously, my classmate Samantha Muniz provided feedback, emphasizing the need

for an introduction that more effectively captures the significance of music as a companion to
 Cervantes 4

humanity and its therapeutic potential, particularly in healthcare. Despite recognizing the validity

of her perspective, I hesitated. Mentioning my thesis repeatedly alongside the main points felt

redundant, and I worried that my introduction might mirror a paragraph from the body of my

paper. Seeking guidance, I consulted an English tutor in the TRIO SSS program, who assured me

that no changes were necessary—my original approach was better.

Finally, the most challenging aspect of my writing process was rephrasing paragraphs to

prevent plagiarism. Seeking advice from Camila, I diligently searched for synonyms for each

word. Although this process was stressful, it taught me an important lesson: seemingly sensible

words can convey different or even opposite meanings, leading to confusion. For instance, in the

sentence “Music Therapy identifies music therapy as a reliable implementation of music and its

components in various contexts” (Cervantes), I initially considered using ‘proficient’ instead of

‘reliable.’ However, Camila wisely pointed out that ‘proficient’ would alter the intended

meaning. After researching the term ‘reliable,’ I realized it was the precise word I needed.”

Then, the least challenging part of the writing process was creating the ‘Works Cited’ section for

my paper. Thanks to the earlier drafts I had written, I could simply copy and paste the citations. I

reviewed them once more, as I had previously sought feedback from several tutors, all of whom

approved my citations.
 Cervantes 5

Works Cited

Cervantes, Tryana. “Moving from Subject to Thesis Statement Classroom Activity” 22 March

2024. ENGL 1302, Texas A&M International University.

Cervantes, Tryana. “Music Therapy as a Treatment For Mental Illnesses: Researched Position

Draft 1.” 1 April 2024. ENGL 1302, Texas A&M International University.

Cervantes, Tryana. “Music Therapy as a Treatment For Mental Illnesses: Researched Position

Final Draft.” 12 April 2024. ENGL 1302, Texas A&M International University.

Cervantes, Tryana. “Research Position Outline Worksheet Classroom Activity.” 27 March 2024.

ENGL 1302, Texas A&M International University.