Adult Quest July 2012

www.adultquesttv.
com 9
10 www.adultquesttv.com
www.adultquesttv.com 11
J u ly 2 0 1 2
Features
Erotic Story
Messages to my Ex........................................................24
Showstoppers
Nina Hartley Workshops at Adam & Eve......................30
Out & About 1
Latina Fireball Nikki Delano at Joy...............................36
Dave Cummings
From The Trenches........................................................42
At The T.T. Bar
From Cards By Harris....................................................47
Lone Star Lovely
Millian Blu of Legs Cabaret..........................................48
Out & About 2
XXX Star Prinzzess at Glamour Girls...........................54
Departments
Local Legal Expertise
Happy Independence Day?............................................26
Director’s Chair
The In’s & Out’s Of Pornland........................................38
The Funny Pages
Something To Tickle Your Funny Bone.........................44
DVD Reviews
This Month’s Hot Choices.............................................50
Essential Index
Directory
Guide to Adult Entertainment in Houston.....................10
Publisher’s Pen
Happy Birthday, USA....................................................14
Letter from the Editor
Murphy’s Law is in Effect.............................................20
Tit-Bits
Houston’s Adult Rumor Mill.........................................22
Sexscopes
We’ve aligned the stars just for you...............................46
Classifieds
Check Out What’s In Store For You..............................52
Cover Girl: Cynthia

Submissions will not be returned unless requested and accompanied by a S.A.S.E. Adult Quest reserves
the right to revise any accepted material to fit editorial guidelines. Submission implies the work is
original. Those submitting bear the responsibility of any copyright infringement.
The products and services available herein are also not to be purchased by minors. The articles and
editorials are meant for entertainment purposes only, and do not necessarily represent the opinion of
Gray Entertainment Service, LLC it’s affiliates and or subsidiaries. This publisher in no way offers any
recommendation, endorsement or guarantees of any kind in regard to any service, product or person
advertised or mentioned within. Therefore Adult Quest and it’s publishers may not be held liable or
responsible in any way for any actions ensuing from advertising. For questions or comments on this
publication please don’t hesitate to write us at: 5722 Fairdale Lane, Houston, Texas 77057. Adult
Quest and the original typeface creation and logo configuration are copyrighted representations of the
Adult Quest trademark owned by Gray Entertainment Service, LLC.
On July 27, 2006 President Bush signed into law the Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of
2006 (HR 4472). The series of acts within the bill are targeted to protect children from harm and ex-
ploitation. Elements of the new law also expand the types of images that require performers to provide
government mandated documentation. Historically Adult Quest has chosen to not publish adult content
that would be subject to these record-keeping requirements. However, the new expanded definition
of adult content does cover some types of images that we allowed, specifically those which included
genitals or pubic areas, even if blurred. We sincerely appreciate your understanding as we comply with
the requirements of the new laws.
Copyright 2012 © No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written permission of its
publishers. The Adult Quest logo design, was created by, is copyrighted and is the property of Gray
Entertainment Service, LLC.
Adult Quest Trademark is owned by Gray Entertainment Service, LLC.

The publishers reserve the right to refuse any advertisement for any reason including, but not limited
to, content or design with no further responsibility than a refund of any payments made.
The publishers assume no responsibility for errors and/or omissions, or inability to publish due to
mistake or any other reason caused or suffered by themselves or their subcontractors. Such an occur-
ance will not constitute a breach of any contract and the publisher will be liable for only the price of the
ad space and may at their option run a “make good” ad of the same size in a subsequent issue. No right
to discount or credit will be given.
The advertiser is solely responsible for ad content and photos and/or art work submitted for their
advertisement and shall indemnify and hold harmless the publisher from photos or art work run in
their ad due to copyright or trademark infringement, lack of proper releases, slander, libel, unfair trade
practices etc. The advertiser also assures and takes full responsibility for keeping all records as to the
age and identity of all models in submitted photos as required by law and proving that all models are
18 years old or older.
Send questions, comments & submissions to:
Gray Entertainment Service, LLC • 5722 Fairdale Lane • Houston, TX 77057
14 www.adultquesttv.com FOR AD RATES CALL 281-780-1758

BOOK & VIDEO Moon Spa 281-897-9246 Cover girls Rick’s North
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5305 Easthampton Dr.
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clothing 5555 SW Freeway 12747 NW Frwy 713-680-3500
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Fantasy Adult Bookstore
boutiques 713-662-3000 713-460-0171 Treasures
1710 Highway 6 Hottyz Latino Cafe 5647 Westheimer
8120 Stedman Adam & eve
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Love Works 281-443-1819 9850 Westpark
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smoke alley
4602 Dacoma St.
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6333 Richmond adult SMS texts
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Southside GT’s custom floors
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studios 713-334-2021 La Bare
5133 Spencer Hwy · Pasadena
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7125 Bayway Dr
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The Men’s Club Hot Shot Pool Hall
7th heaven 713-532-9990 713-780-0930
3303 Sage 12909 Westheimer Rd.
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281-443-2000 832-767-0331 clubs Moulin Cabaret mega mates dating
emerald spa 8615 Westheimer
8930 Winkler 713-229-9900
2235 Richmond Ave. 713-954-7121 Centerfolds
713-910-4300 Sam’s Limo
713-572-5618 Cindie’s 6166 Richmond
oceans cabaret 9215 Rasmus
envy 1641 Westheimer 713-952-0799
1244 Gulf Freeway 713-780-7077
2637 Winrock 713-528-6016 chicas locas
409-938-1515 smoke alley
713-277-8782 25915 I-45 N #C Michael’s International
the palace 4602 Dacoma St.
Golden Times 281-367-3331 6440 Southwest Frwy
9301 Bissonnet 713-688-0600
3824 S. Dairy Ashford 120 W 1st St. 713-784-5900
281-970-0969 713-774-8200 Splash Car Wash
281-589-7911 Chics Cabaret
The Penthouse Club 5726 Richmond Ave.
h bath house 7903 Westheimer 10255 East Freeway
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713-649-6025 Club Desyre
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j.c. spa 6920 Fairbanks N. Houston
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Adult Quest
Houston
5722 Fairdale Lane
Houston, Texas 77057
Happy Birthday, USA!
Office: 713-785-8684 Known as the Fourth of July and Independence Day, So, we want to encourage all of our readers to make a
Ad Sales: 281-780-1758 July fourth has been a federal holiday in the United noble effort to “Go American” in the future. Support
States since 1941, but the tradition of Independence local businesses, support American businesses, support
Day celebrations goes back to the American Revolu- freedom and you can start by enjoying the services
Owned by tion. In June 1776, representatives of the 13 colonies and deals offered up by all of our advertisers here
Gray Entertainment Service, Inc. then fighting in the revolutionary struggle weighed a within these pages. And when you are at the bar about
resolution that would declare their independence from to order a drink, skip that import you love so much
Publishers Great Britain. On July 2nd, the Continental Congress and try something from a little closer to home, like a
Walter “Hot Shot” Gray voted in favor of independence, and two days later its Texas made Shiner or a Houston brewed beer from St.
John Gray delegates adopted the Declaration of Independence, a Arnold’s Brewery. We believe you will not regret the
historic document drafted by Thomas Jefferson. From choice to do so!
Editor 1776 until the present day, July 4th has been celebrated
as the birth of American independence.
Mitch Murphy
Here at Adult Quest we have a great
Advertising Sales and unwavering respect for our Na-
Mitch Murphy tion’s historical achievements, of
John Gray which Independence from Britain is
one of the most important. It is the
Art & Design Director securement of freedom through the
Heath Stillwell bloodshed of generation after genera-
tion of patriots who died for it that
allows venues like Adult Quest, that
Contributing Writers
some might consider “offensive” to
Dave Cummings continue to exercise our freedom of
Art Koch speech and of the press.
Paul Allen
Jeffery Greco However, we here at Adult Quest also
Misha Moré recognize that there is a move in this country away This month we will be focusing on the local scene as
from our original principals and the attacks on freedom well, with Showstoppers bringing you all the sexy and
Distributors in America are becoming more frequent and more seductive fun that was had at Adam & Eve’s stores
Gray Entertainment Service, Inc. intense and unfortunately are levied on us by our own with Nina Hartley and her sex education workshops
government more often than not. With this in mind, and store appearances. For questions on sex technique
we want to ask everyone reading this to think hard or anything sexual at all, no one compares to the highly
about what it is they are celebrating on Independence experienced Nina Hartley. Then we have a special two
Day this year... To think about just how independent page Out & About for you all this month with one page
we still are or are not... To discuss the subject with a dedicated to the performances by belly dancing porn
level of serious reflection that will allow your family goddess Prinzzess at Glamour Girls and another page
and friends and even our youth to become interested in to showcase the red hot Nikki Delano’s performances
freedom and liberty again. at Joy of Houston!
Take a look at everything you do this July fourth, and As usual we have all of the regular favorites like Dirty
Quest is published monthly. The Publisher assumes no financial responsibil-
ity for errors in ads beyond the cost of the space occupied by the error. A
while you celebrate independence from foreign powers Dave Cummings, DVD reviews, Local Legal Expertise
correction will be printed in the case of an error.
The Publisher is not liable for any slandering of an individual, business or
take notice of how much of our lives today depend on and more! So keep reading Adult Quest, keep support-
group. We mean no malice or criticism at any time.
Advertisers agree to hold publishers harmless for failure to produce any issue foreign powers so that we may begin to move away ing local business and don’t forget to have a fun and
as scheduled due to reasons beyond the Publishers control. Publisher is not
liable for any promised or lack of fulfillment from advertisers. All advertisers
are responsible for the content of their ads, and Publisher is held harmless from
from those dependencies. How many of your personal safe July and if you see a service member, stop them,
all suits, claims or loss of expenses. This includes, but is not limited to, suits
for libel, plagiarism, copyright infringement and unauthorized use of person’s possessions have a “Made in China” sticker on them? thank them, shake their hand and remind them that it
Or any number of other nations that our manufacturing is only because of their sacrifice and the sacrifices of
name or photograph. Publisher is not liable for advertisers’ coupons in any
way and does not promote excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages.
Due to the active nature of the adult entertainment business, there may be
staff changes after deadline affecting availability of models depicted in ads.
All models pictured are 18 years of age or older. Custodian of records is
jobs have been moved to, for that matter? Likely, it’s those before them that we enjoy any level of freedom
Mitch Murphy.
Quest contains adult material and should not be distributed or sold to minors more than you realize. in this Nation!
under the age of 18.
Hello Adult Quest advertisers and faith-
ful readers! I will be taking the baton
from Bob Palmero and would like to introduce myself as the new Editor
of your favorite Houston publication, the one you hold in your hands
now! I have been in the Adult entertainment business here in Houston for
over a decade and I welcome this great opportunity. I just want to caution
everyone that you have to remember Murphy’s Law... (“If anything can
go wrong, it will”) which was born at Edwards Air Force Base in 1949.
It was named after Capt. Edward A. Murphy, an engineer working on
Air Force Project MX981, a project designed to see how much sudden
deceleration a person can stand in a crash. One day, after finding that a
transducer was wired wrong, he cursed the technician responsible and
said, “If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll find it.” The contractor’s
project manager kept a list of “laws” and added this one, which he called
Murphy’s Law.
Actually, what he did was take an old law that had been around for years
in a more basic form and give it a name. Shortly afterwards, the Air Force
doctor (Dr. John Paul Stapp) who rode a sled on the deceleration track
to a stop, pulling 40 Gs, gave a press conference. He said that their good
safety record on the project was due to a firm belief in Murphy’s Law and
in the necessity to try and circumvent it. Aerospace manufacturers picked
it up and used it widely in their ads during the next few months, and soon
it was being quoted in many news and magazine articles. Murphy’s Law
was born.
Hopefully things will go smoothly during the next few months as I get
accustomed to everyone that is part or will be part of the Adult Quest
family in the months and years to come. As our July issue hits the streets
I would like to reflect on Independence Day, I ask you to think about how
many freedoms we have and how many we’re in danger of losing.
Every day, the political moralists are trying to chip away at our basic civil
liberties. They’re trying to restrict women’s access to healthcare, strip
workers of their ability to earn a living wage and pass laws about who
you can marry, along with what kind of entertainment that you can view.
The right wing is fond of saying that “freedom isn’t free”. And they’re
right. It isn’t. We see the cost, the lives of the brave men and women in
uniform. But it’s more than that. I’ve said this many times, the free-
dom on which this country was founded is not just the freedom for the
thoughts we love and agree with, it’s freedom to express the thoughts
people hate the most. That too is a cost of freedom which must be paid by
everyone. This month and especially on July 4th, as we pay tribute to the
bravery and sacrifices made to build this nation, it is important that we re-
member the full cost of liberty, and not forget that independence is more
readily available when people remain focused on the fullest pursuit of
their own happiness rather than condemning the way others pursue theirs.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to saying hello to all of you!
Messages to my ex
It wasn’t like I saw it coming. Okay, so maybe looking bottle on the shelf. Frank the barman smiled somewhat Mark. Ah... Ah... Ah... Oh, Fuck!”
back I should have realized that I was in the tunnel. And knowingly and poured me a drink. I took a seat at the
as people find, when you are in a tunnel, you will get bar, swallowed the Jack in one gulp and waved at Frank. This was classic. This cute guy from finance pumping
flattened by the train. This train was only words: “We He filled my glass once more and went to attend one away at my cunt and now he worries about my boy-
should just be friends...” of the other three customers. The second shot hit me friend. “Mark is my Ex... Ohhhh, Fuuuck!” This seemed
somewhat, but not enough to make me stop. I ordered to satisfy him, and he went on a blitz; fucking me like
I don’t know why I felt used at that point. Well, okay. another. That’s when things started to blur. there was no tomorrow.
The fact that I was lying there butt naked, his cum still
hot and sticky in my pubes did not add to that. “Fuck, Liz. You were like a drunken slut last night!” “Cum in my mouth!” I barked as he came closer to
orgasm. When he whipped out his dick, I quickly bent
“Oh. Wow. Nice one, Mark. Fuck me, then break up I couldn’t remember all that much. “I was?” down in front of him as his hot cum missed the mark,
with me.” I got up from the bed, took his shoe and threw and hit me across the cheek. The next shots were on the
it at him. Demi was my senior by about 20 years, but seriously, mark, hitting the back of my throat at first, before sub-
ask me if I would fuck her and I would say “yes” in no siding into gentle squirts. But it was enough. I let some
Nosebleeds. They can be messy if they want to. I thought time. And the funny thing is, I am not all that much into of his cum dribble over my chin, and hungrily took him
about that one as I washed the sheets that night. But women. But the thought of Demi naked, that curvy body inside my mouth again. At the same time, I grabbed my
seeing his tail end as he stormed out, crying and yelling, in front of me, and me on my knees eating her pussy... I phone. Another snapshot. Another message.
“You whore!” made it worth it. Okay, so maybe I will was horny all over again...
miss him. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I should just go out And another response. “Fuck you, Liz. You are sick.”
tonight and get shitfaced drunk, then come home and cry Then another train hit me. I took one look at the little
my eyes out. Yup. That is what I will do. If that doesn’t black number I was wearing last night and it all came “Yeah, but I bet you are jealous, you prick!”
help, then nothing will. The thing about break-ups? It back to me... The alley behind the bar. The cold night
really hits you when you go to places you have been. as my bottom was exposed, my legs spread awkwardly The same bar. Not the same crowd of people. And this
Those places that you refer to as “Our Place”. Those as some guy I do not even know fucked me almost time, a hot chick and her boyfriend. I ate her pussy while
places where you walk into the establishment and it feels senselessly and even had the nerve to come on the back he fucked my ass. I handed him my phone. “Take a pic-
like everyone knows you. “Where is Mark? What hap- of my dress. But he was a decently endowed guy, and ture.” And he did. There we were, his dick in my ass, my
pened? Has he dumped you? Oh you poor thing.” knew how to fuck, so it was all fair in love and whore. mouth to her cunt. Turns out he was quite the photogra-
That was what Mark called me, so that was what I was pher as he took three pictures to make one big image. I
The bar was void of its regu- going to be. mailed it to Mark, heading it, “A puzzle for a prick.”
lars tonight. Surely a sign
that this was meant to Apparently so. As his message indicated: “If this is your There was no response. It pissed me off to no end. Just
be. I had an appointment idea of a joke, Liz...” when I was starting to have fun. But I did not stop at
with a bottle of Jack that that. I made myself the whore he called me. I fucked
I was meant to keep. I went ice cold. I flipped through my sent messages. like crazy, and every time the messages were sent. Day
And there it was. in and day out. Until I fell in love... Her name was
“Hi, Liz. How’s Demi. She was 20 years my senior. It was a drunken
it hangin’?” “What are you doing?” night, and Demi and I had a threesome. It included
asked Frank. Mr. Jack the Bottle. But I was sure he was content just
I took Mr. Decently Endowed’ s dick out of my mouth watching as Demi licked, nibbled and sucked my snatch.
I ges- for a second, mumbled “getting revenge on the fucker And she made me come, again and again.
tured at who dumped me” and took a photo of me sucking his
the cock. I then sent this to Mark. I felt bad, but not for “We cannot keep going with this.” She said as she left
long. I texted: “Just wanted to share a special moment the next day.
with a friend” and threw the phone back on the bed.
“Why?” I asked. “Don’t you like me?”
Demi was standing there, cup of coffee in her hand
and a plate of biscuits in the other. Good old Demi. She smiled at me, kissed me. I laid back on the bed,
Caretaker and friend. The coffee was strong, the spreading my legs, inviting her to eat me one last time.
biscuits sweet and welcome. The rest of the day, She did. I took the phone, took a picture when she was
not so much. not looking. It was beautiful, showing her as she ate my
cunt, bringing me to climax again.
Work. Office. People. Sex.
As I came, I hit the send button again. This time, it was
“What about Mark?” to Mark Sr., Father to Mark, and husband to Demi...
Fun times!
“Oh,
Fuck
www.adultquesttv.com
Happy Independence Day?
some defendants are indeed a danger to society, the fact that most defendants will plead guilty
or a flight risk, the vast majority of them pose no now and not want to wait any longer to protest
additional risk that would prevent setting a bond their innocence. This is a sad fact that faces so
that is reasonable. many defendants stuck in jail.
You have all heard that our jails are full of in- So when you are sipping your martinis and
nocent people wrongly con- drinking your beer and eat-
victed. This scenario is the ing as much BBQ as you can
prime example. Take for get your hands on this sum-
instance someone charged mer, remember that this is
with any misdemeanor or something that we need to
felony case. If they are too be mindful of. Many of our
poor to afford the bond, they citizens are not afforded the
must remain in jail until they same rights as you and me.
either plead guilty or go to Many are treated like 3rd
trial. Now, imagine you have world citizens, or worse.
been in this horrendous place
called the Harris County Jail, for the last 7 days. Until next time, if you or anyone you know is ar-
On day 8, your court appointed attorney tells you rested, have them call me at 713.972.1100. Hap-
that if you plead guilty as charged they will give py Independence Day to all. Be safe. Remember,
you credit for the time you have spent in jail and do not drink and drive…
release you today, or you can protest your inno-
cence and wait 3 months or more until you go
to trial. Which would you choose? People plead
By Jeffery L. Greco guilty all the time to crimes they didn’t commit,
of Greco & Associates, PC just to get the hell out of jail because they know
Attorneys At Law they are going to rot in jail by the time they get
their trial date.
We celebrate “independence” day, but are we re-
ally a free nation? I ask this knowing the obvious The problem is that this is a
answer – “yes, we are a free society.” Usually product of the system. The DA’s
the people who say that are the ones who have know it, the Judges know it,
never been caught up in the criminal justice sys- and unfortunately, so do the
tem, or have not ever been charged with a crime. defendants. The DA’s know
To them, everything is peaches. To anyone in the that they can play the wait-
system, or anyone ever charged with a criminal ing game with defendants
offense, they know our country’s treatment of the and they will win. Defendants
criminally accused is anything, but “peaches.” would rather plead guilty now
for a crime they didn’t commit
Take for instance the bonding system. Here in than languish in jail for
Harris County, there is a bonding schedule. This the next year or so as
is merely a guide for all Judges to use when set- they maintain their
ting bonds for defendants. The purpose, histori- innocence.
cally, for setting bonds, has been to ensure that
the defendant shows up for Court, and to keep Judges know
the community safe (in certain circumstances), this. In fact
and most importantly, to not be punitive. many Judges
use this as a
The last part is the tricky part. This is due in docket control
large part because it seems to be a very punitive measure. They
measure across the board. While I will agree that are banking on
For many “take”, instead of “paying for” their porn Adult Industry online forum threads and
years, my via DVD purchases or Video-on Demand, postings. It looks like new girls are still
monthly seem to be stealing copyrighted Porn seeking to become porn talent, but that
column Industry materials off of the Internet, there appears to be too many of them for
has been titled “From The Trenches”; thus pounding more nails into the Adult the reduced number of available book-
BUT, because of the devastation result- Industry coffins. Isn’t stealing still an ings, thus some have a relatively shorter
ing from rampant piracy and the impact actual crime! What Trenches?? career now days. What Trenches????
of the weak economy, I’m now having
difficulty finding the “trenches” so I can Surviving thievery isn’t easy. Downsiz-
write about them. Where did the trenches ing decreases office and warehouse size I suspect that the actors/actresses, includ-
go? What Trenches? and number of employees, as well as the ing me, are having a more difficult time
number of trenches. Budget cuts reduce making ends meet. I sense that, like me,
I understand that many actresses and the number and content of shoots; some a lot of the talent folks are ordering from
actors (called “talent”) are also searching porn productions no longer have the the $1 menu items at McDonalds. I think
for the “trenches”; in their situation the number of scenes that they previously many Adult Industry people and entities
“trenches” are the porn shoots, the num- had, or the number of participants; crew are cutting some corners as a means of
bers of which appear to be tanking. Why sizes, and in some cases the quality/ hanging-on. What Trenches?????
should the remaining stu- quantity and experience of the crews, has
dios incur the expense sometimes been downgraded to save on “Trenches” supply happenings that read-
of making new porn salaries. Like me, I imagine that Ron ers want to hear about, in a gossip way
when the piracy/up- Jeremy has also had to alter some on-set as well as a news-reporting way. Yes, the
loading/download- eating habits and cuisine consumption economy and other outside influences
ing thieves make it standards now that a number of studios impact the porn Industry, sometimes sig-
extremely difficult have shaved their on-set catering costs. nificantly. But, in my opinion, the main
to even cover the What Trenches??? “trenches abductors” are primarily the
shooting expens- piracy criminals, and herewith I am call-
es! Down- The ranks of distributors seem to be ing out the up-loaders, the illegal sites that
loaders thinning. I imagine that UPS revenues allow copyright infringement, and the
who from porn companies are down since the actual down-loaders. What trenches??????
shipments of DVD sales have sunk like
stepping into quicksand. Likewise, agents May the fleas of a thousand camels and
appear to be feeling the piracy, too. millions of cats and dogs infest the pubic
Video-on-demand companies look like and nose hairs of anyone and everyone
they are challenged to reap the busi- who has contributed to the red ink
ness they enjoyed pre-piracy. Judging heaped upon the Adult Industry, and the
by the decreasing number of pages wandering off of many of the
and advertisers, I’ve noticed that the Trenches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adult Industry publications seem un-
der some duress; same for the number Dave Cummings
www.adultquesttv.com
The 12 Inch BIC “True,” admitted the barber, “but you’ve gotta admit I’ve got one hell of a
mustache!”
An American goes into a bar and sits down next to an English guy. The
American notices that the English guy has a huge BIC Lighter. The Ameri- How Many States Can You Name?
can says, “Wow cool lighter, where did you get it?”
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school
The English guy says, “A genie granted me one wish when I rubbed this one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children
bottle”. were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.
They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them
“Wow”, says the American, “Can I have a go?” that in his day students knew the names of all the states.
“Sure”, Says the man, One lad raised his hand and said, “Yes sir, but in those days there were only
handing over the lamp. 13 states.”
The American rubs the Eskimo visit

bottle and the genie
comes out, “You have Two Eskimos, a big one and a little one, go to their local Alaskan convent
one wish” Says the genie. with a question. The big one nudges the little one and says, “Go ahead,
The American wishes for knock on the door, knock on the door!”
a million bucks, the genie
says the wish is granted The Mother Superior answers the door. Again, the big Eskimo nudges the
and disappears. About little one and says, “Go ahead, ask her the question, ask her the question!”
five minutes later a load
of ducks come into the The little Eskimo timidly says, “May we speak with the midget nun that
bar, there are tens of thousands of them. lives here please?”
The American says “I don’t believe this. I wished for a million bucks, not a The Mother Superior answers, “There are no midget nuns living here.”
million ducks”.
The big Eskimo starts nudging the little one again and says, “Go ahead, ask
The Englishman says “Well did you really think I wished for a 12 inch her the other question, ask her the other question!”
BIC?”
The little Eskimo asks in a quivering voice, “Well, are there any midget
Q: What ghost haunted King George III? nuns in Alaska?”
A: The spirit of ‘76! The Mother Superior responds uncertainly, “Why no, I don’t believe so.”
Woman’s Boobs With this the big Eskimo falls down and rolls on the ground, clutching his
belly as he laughs uncontrollably.
A young boy asks his father, “Dad, is it OK for us guys to notice all the
different kind of boobs?” “See”, he says to the little Eskimo, “I told you you fucked a penguin!”
Surprised, the father answers, “Well, sure son, we wouldn’t be normal if we
didn’t... there are all kinds of breasts. Depending on a woman’s age, they
are different shapes. In her twenties, a woman’s breasts are like melons,
round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but
hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions.”
“Onions, Dad?”
“Yeah, you see them and they make you cry!”
Hell of a Mustache
During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his
barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness. After
a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he’d
come across was... well... female juices.
“But you’re balder than I am,” protested the customer.
Church Bells shoulder and motioned for him to come over to her. “I couldn’t do that,” he
whispered. “Your husband is my best friend!”
On hearing that her elderly grandfa-
ther had just passed away, Katie went “Listen, sugar,” she whispered back, “there ain’t nothing in the whole wide
straight to her grandparent’s house world could wake him up now.”
to visit her 95 year old grandmother
and comfort her. When she asked “I can’t believe that,” Charlie said. “Certainly if I get on top of you and
how her grandfather had died, her screw you, he’ll wake up, won’t he?”
grandmother replied, “He had a heart
attack while we were making love on “Sugar, he certainly won’t. If you don’t believe me, pluck a hair out of his
Sunday morning.” ass and see if that wakes him.”
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother Charlie did just that. He was
that two people nearly 100 years old having sex was asking for trouble. amazed when the husband
remained asleep. So he
“Oh no, my dear, “ replied granny. “Many years ago, realizing our ad- climbed over to the wife’s
vanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells side of the bed and fucked
would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. her. When he finished, he
Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ‘Ding’ and out on the ‘Dong’.” climbed back to his own
side. It wasn’t long before
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, “And if that damned ice she tapped him on the shoul-
cream truck hadn’t come along, he’d still be alive today!” der and beckoned him again.
Teacher: “Which son of old Virginia wrote the Again he pulled a hair to
determine if his old friend was asleep. This went on eight times during the
Declaration of Independence?” night. Each time Charlie screwed the woman, he first pulled out one of the
Student: “I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.” husband’s ass hairs.
She’s A Liar The ninth time he pulled a hair, the husband awoke and muttered, “Listen,
Charlie, old pal. I don’t mind you fucking my wife, but for Pete’s sake, stop
“That wife of mine is a damn liar,” said the angry husband to a sympathetic using my ass for a scoreboard!”
pal seated next to him in the bar.
Honesty
“How do you know?” the friend asked.
Once, in the 1820’s, a little boy called Sam was playing in the yard behind
“She didn’t come home last night and when I asked her where she’d been, his house. During his play, he knocked over the outhouse. Now Sam was
she said she’d spent the night with her sister, Shirley.” worried that he would get into trouble so he ran into the woods and didn’t
come out until after it got dark. When he arrived back home, his pappy
“So?...” the friend replied. was waiting for him. He asked suspiciously, “Son, did you knock over the
outhouse this afternoon?”
“So, she’s a damn liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley last night!”
“No, pappy,” Sam lied.
Not Free
“Well, let me tell you a story,” said the father. “Once, George Washington
The Fourth of July weekend was approaching, and Miss Pelham, the nurs- received a shiny new axe from his father. Excited, he tried it out on a tree,
ery school teacher, took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. swiftly cutting it down. But as he looked at that tree, with dismay he real-
“We live in a great country,” she announced. “One of the things we should ized it was his mother’s favorite cherry tree,” his pappy paused, “just like
be happy is that, in this country, we are all free.” you, he ran into the woods. When he returned, his pappy asked, ‘George,
did you cut down the cherry tree?’ George answered with, ‘Father, I can-
Trevor, who was a little boy in her class, came walking up to her from the not tell a lie. I did indeed chop down the tree.’ Then his father said, ‘Well,
back of the room. He stood with his since you were honest with me, you are spared
hands on his hips and said loudly, “I’m from punishment. I hope you have learned your
not free. I’m four.” lesson, though.’
Fast Asleep So, then Sam’s father asked again, “did you knock
down the outhouse?”
Charlie was visiting an old friend and
his wife for dinner. When the time “Pappy, I cannot tell a lie any more.” said the little
came to leave, his car wouldn’t start, boy. “I did indeed knock down the outhouse.”
and it was too late to call the local
service station. The husband urged Pappy spanked Sam red, white, and blue. The boy
Charlie to stay over. There was no whimpered, “Pappy, I told you the truth! Why did
spare bed in the house; there wasn’t you spank me?”
even a sofa. So Charlie would have to
sleep with the husband and wife. No Pappy answered, “That’s because George Wash-
sooner had the husband fallen asleep ington’s father wasn’t in the tree when he chopped
when the wife tapped Charlie on the it down!”
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The American rubs the Eskimo visit

“Yeah, you see them and they make you cry!”

“But you’re balder than I am,” protested the customer.

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