“INTRODUCTION TO EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE IN THE LIGHT OF ISLAM”

First, From a scientific prospective you will find a very little data that supports that today is actually
something called EI cuz when you look for substantial evidence that hey is there such a thing as EI,
is there such a thing as emotional quotient that you can actually give people a test to see how
Emotionally Intelligent they are as opposed to not to being emotionally intelligent so the science
isn't there just yet

On a practical level we do know that EI is something that exists.

Now how do we know that?

Often times you will interact with people, that are giving you the right message, they are telling you
to do the right thing, but they are not conveying it in the best of manners, so they are not able to
understand your emotional starting point nor are they able to understand what emotional tactic do
they need to use to get you to that end point

So there is a very big difference between knowing what is right and wrong and getting people to
understand it and that is why when you look at the Prophet SAW, he had mastered that very
technique, on he knew where people's starting point was, he knew what he had to say or do to get
them to that end point.

This is what we are here referring to EI.

It is the ability to recognize your own emotions as well as the emotions of others while naming
those emotions and to understand what the most appropriate thing is to do in that given situation
to get that desired result.

From a psychological perspective there are Five key components that emotional intelligence
consists of mean that if you don't have these 5 key components The EI will not be able to sustain
itself in the long run.

Insha'Allah Another thing what we can get out of it is that when we look at the Serah of Prophet
SAW we will be able to recognize what are the tactics that the Messenger of Allah SAW is using to
influence change.
These are:

1st. Self-awareness:
This is the ability to understand your own emotions and how they are affecting you.

Example: When you look at the Prophet SAW at the time when his son Ibrahim passed away, at
that time Prophet SAW wasn't actually there so the Prophet SAW comes back and hears news that
Ibrahim has passed away and he kisses Ibrahim at that time and he starts to cry and at that time
one of the companions he asked the Messenger of Allah SAW, Oh Messenger of Allah even
someone like you is crying like how is this possible doesn't crying negate Emaan? doesn't crying
negate the acceptance of the Qadar of Allah, how is that possible that someone as you, the
Messenger of Allah are crying, because that was his understanding of what crying meant that if you
cry you're weakened Iman and you're displeased with the Qadar of Allah and the Prophet SAW puts
things into prospective when he says "ina hala rehama wan inal ayina latadma wan inal qalba la
yahzun wala nakulu ila ma yurdi rabana" that indeed crying is a mercy from Allah, that indeed eyes
will shed tears that heart will grieve but the tongue will only say that which is pleasing to Allah.

Now while looking at EI, I would say this works as the foundational hadith under the chapter of EI,
and if you ask why?

Because we said step 1 is self-awareness, and it is there. The Prophet SAW is very well aware that
his son has passed away and that it is only natural and human to grieve during that time.

So here is Prophet SAW is showing us self-awareness that he understands the correct emotion to
display is sadness and is also in such a state to explain that to someone else.

When we talk about EI it's not just about recognizing the emotion, it's about having the ability to
convey it, just imagine your son passes away and someone comes and asks you like an Aqida
question, and this is literally what happened here.

2nd. Self-regulation:
This is the ability to change the course of your emotions and how you express them.

He SAW says we will only say that which is pleasing and happy and will makes Allah happy so that
means you have to understand that even in expressing your emotions there are limits as to how far
you can go so when someone passes away the Prophet SAW prohibited way linked to such a degree
where people are beating themselves or people are ripping their clothes or they are saying things
that go against the Qadar of Allah,

Why him? he was so young he was so innocent he was so righteous these statements we hear all
the time but that lacks self-regulation and Prophet SAW is teaching us over here that even in your
emotions you need to practice regulation you need to know that there is a limit as to how far you
can go in expressing yourself, on the tongue it is that which is displeasing to Allah you never want to
say that is displeasing to Allah.

In the exact opposite side Allah teaches us how to react when a calamity takes place, He tells us in
Surah Bakarah "al lazina iza asabat hum musibah kalu ina lillah hi wa ina ilayhi rajion" that the
believers when they are tested by calamity their natural response is indeed to Allah, we belong and
to Him we shall return.

This statement is a paradigm changer it changes perspective completely when you talk about
emotional attachment to the life of this world.

Like as a young child, someone breaks their crayons they start crying, they spill a glass of milk they
start crying but as you get older crayons and the milk they change their manifestations.

They will look like you're not getting into the degree program that you want, you're not getting the
job that you want, you are getting fired, you're not being able to marry the person that you want, or
you are getting divorced. They are the same calamity in different manifestations, as you mature
that which you value will change but all of that becomes irrelevant if you understand everything
belongs to Allah in this Dunya and at any given point Allah has the full right to take it away.

3. Motivation:
This is the ability to use your emotions to motivate yourself to achieve your goals.

A man comes to the prophet SAW and he says oh Messenger of Allah advise me, and the
Messenger of Allah SAW tells him "la taghdab" do not become angry, he asks again He SAW says do
not become angry, asks again and He SAW says do not become angry.
So here this man came sincerely asking the Messenger of Allah SAW for advice and that means this
man has a desire to grow and the Fact that Prophet SAW gives him this advice shows that Prophet
SAW appreciates such a question where people are seeking to grow.

If we go further in depth, The Prophet SAW in the hadith of a right of a believer upon another
believer the Bukhari mentions 5, the Muslim motioned 6 that 6th right of a believer upon another
believer is if they ask you for advice, you give them the best sincere advice that you possibly can.
This is an actual fundamental right of one Muslim upon another meaning that as believers were
meant to have this desire and this motivation of, I will never become complacent, I will never
become content with where I am, and I will always want to continuously grow.

But for the sake of our discussion, it is about, i will always want to continuously grow in
understanding my emotions and in understanding other people's emotions and in making an
understanding that what is the most appropriate response or action in any given situation.

And after you understand that these three components of EI the practical reality kicks in and that
practical reality is understanding Empathy which is perhaps the most important of all the tools.

4. Empathy:
This is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

Why is empathy so important?

Here is an example from the life of Prophet SAW when a Baduh man come into the masjid, and he
starts urinating in the middle of the Masjid. The Companions Radiyallahu an hum the best of Allah’s
creation that walked on this planet after the Prophets of Allah, their reaction was O Messenger of
Allah let us harm him, let us physically stop him. The Messenger SAW says let him finish and then
the Prophet SAW goes up to him and tells him this is a place of worship, urine is impure and this is
not a place to relieve yourself we want to keep this place as clean as possible and then the man's
reaction was, May Allah have mercy upon me upon you and upon no one else.

There are so many valuable lessons that we can learn from this hadith, why and how?

No 1. It is bcz Prophet had empathized with him, here is the empathy that if you force a man to stop
urinating while he is urinating that is physically painful at that time and it is actually harmful to the
body in the long run, The Prophet SAW understood that it will physically cause him pain he's
empathized with that pain and now he knows the correct response.
No 2. He recognized that this man was a Baduh man he wasn't from the city meaning that he wasn't
as educated he wasn't as literate as perhaps this dwellers of the city was, The Badwans were just
farmers and caretakers of the desert they were shepherds that's all they knew and this man
perhaps was new to Islam he didn't know the sanctity of the masjid and he didn't know about the
impurity of urine so he takes the time to explain this in the nicest possible way and then what do
you get that desired outcome that we keep talking about.

In every situation you are going in with a desired outcome then you have to think in advance in this
interaction what I'm trying to achieve is the following I want to be able to achieve this goal through
my interaction with you and He SAW probably knew that the intended goal over here was to get this
man to understand what he did was wrong and to make sure it was not repeated again and then the
desired result was May Allah has mercy upon me and upon you and upon no one else. Why?
because people's rsponse wasn't adequate to the situation at that time they weren't able to
understand they did not empathize and that is the importance of Empathy.

5. Social skills:
This is the ability to interact with others in a positive and productive way.

We have famous hadith of Amr bin Al-As where he believes he is the most beloved person to the
Messenger of Allah SAW.

Just imagine for a moment what that feels like, you think you are the most beloved person to the
Messenger of Allah SAW due to how He SAW treats you that's what he felt so he actually finds the
courage one day to ask the Messenger of Allah SAW,

Oh Messenger of Allah who is the most beloved of people to you just to get that certainty that he
feels he has in his heart already, but he wants to hear the Messenger of Allah SAW say it. You know
the situation when you know someone loves you, but you want to hear them say it you want to hear
the words I love you, so he asked

O Messenger of Allah who is the most beloved of people to you and he says Aisha his wife which is
normal so he says O Messenger of Allah not from the women I mean from amongst the men and
then he says her father and then he says okay you know father-in-law best friend I'm not in that
category but I'm talking about just the regular men you know not the special people just the regular
men, Umer Ibn Khattab, Uthman ibn Affan, Ali Ibn Abi Talib and it's like his heart starts sinking as
the names go on because it's like okay where do i fall on that list till eventually in some of the
versions stop at Uthman some at Ali, some even at Umer.

The Point being it wasn't that the fact that the Messenger of Allah SAW didn't mentioned his name,
it was a fact that the Messenger of Allah SAW without intending it got him to believe that he was the
most beloved of mankind to him and that's what we mean here by social skills.

The way we interact with people, so people feel welcomed so that people feel loved and that is
something that takes true skill

And when you look at the rapid expansion of Islam from the time of Prophet SAW till the time of Ali
Radiyallahu an hu, just in it was 40 years that expansion was only possible after the Taufeeq of
Allah, the Power of revelation then through EI and the example of Prophet SAW.

So even though when you study books of Islamic Psychology or Ilm un-Naf's from time of al
Muhasibi to onwards, you're not going to find the science that's called emotional intelligence, and
why?

Because it was already assumed that it existed in the concept of tarbiyah, the concept of Ikhlaaq, it
was all inclusive of EI.

These were the five key components we can refer to when we talk about EI, that is what we are
trying to develop that is what we are trying to harness and that is what we're trying to look for in
examples when we discuss the Serah of Prophet SAW.