Love, Sex

+ You
The romance- boosting journal for singles!

YOUR
RELATIONSHIP
SHOP
 Love, Sex + You
Journal for Singles

Hi, welcome to Love, Sex + You!

This journal was created for singletons who want to get to know
themselves more intimately in a bid to create a fulfilling love and sex
life.

There are 4 parts to this journal...

Part 1: Introduction

This is the part where I introduce the journal, how it works and why
it's a great tool to help you build a love life that is tailor-made for
YOU.

Part 2: The Relationship Q's

Beginning with relationships you'll journal on a series of questions

that will help you unearth your tendencies, your desires and your
needs.

Part 3: The Intimacy Q's

Next you'll journal on a series of questions focussed on sex and

intimacy. Again these questions have been specifically designed to
help you get to know yourself more intimately.

Part 4: Goal Setting

This is where you use what you've just shared to make a real,
positive difference to your love life.

Deciding on some goals to focus on over the coming weeks and

months, you'll be supported to make tangible changes to your life
that will guide you to carve out your ideal love life and boost your
happiness.
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 Love, Sex + You
Part One: The Introduction

Introducing this Journal...

In my sex and relationship practice I have lots of conversations with

people who don't have the love life they want. Their needs aren't
being met, they're dating people who aren't a good fit for them and
they're beginning to believe romance and fantastic sex just isn't in the
cards for them!

This journal is the tool I use to take them back to basics, help them
explore what's going wrong in a safe way and get them on the first
steps to creating a love life that works for them.

The questions in this journal have all been designed specifically to

guide you to reflect, analyse and explore YOU; your wants, needs,
behaviours and tendencies.

Because, as unexciting as it may seem, the first step to creating a love

life that's actually fulfilling for you is by getting to know yourself
better. Knowledge is power as they say!

Tips for Completing the Journal Questions

1. Answer ALL the questions

To get maximum results- maximum insight- don’t skip any questions!

Every question in the journal is here for a reason. They were all
selected because they each give a slightly different insight into your
sex and relationships, yet together they offer a very thorough picture
of your current situation.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part One: The Introduction

2. Stick with it, even if it gets tough

All the questions in the journal are obviously going to be very

personal. As such, you may find yourself unearthing some truths that
you've never considered before- don't ignore these!

Being honest about how you feel and your experiences will create
opportunities for growth. These opportunities are what you're doing
this for, so as tempting as it is don't push these aside, instead USE
THEM.

3. Take care of YOU

Following on from the above point, make sure you take care of
yourself whilst going through this process.

Journaling on emotion, experience and desire can take its toll so make
sure you take your time and pack some self-care in around journaling.

For this to be a meaningful exercise you want to show up as your best

self.

4. Take your time and pay attention

You don't have to complete the journal in one sitting, take your time.

Some people actually find it more effective to spread the journaling

exercise over a few days, this means they have chance to reflect and
explore their responses in the meantime. This can result in more
insights arising.

Take your time and don't rush to complete the journal in a bid to move
onto the next stage!
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 Love, Sex + You
Part Two: The Relationship Q's

How this works:

Below you will find lots of different questions about you and your
relationships. Some are about your experiences so far, others ask
you to be a bit more reflective on your desires and future
possibilities.

Answer each question as fully and honestly as possible- the more

detail you write now, the easier the next stage (goal setting) will
be.

Make sure you complete the questions when you're feeling

positive, safe, comfortable and at a time when you won't be
disturbed! Think of this time and this task as a moment to invest
in yourself and your future happiness.

Once you've answered the questions, complete the summary

sections afterwards as this will help you collect your thoughts
together.

Then once you've answered all the relationship questions and

summarised, move onto the intimacy questions.

As soon as all questions have been answered and you're satisfied

with your answers you can move onto the final part- goal setting!

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Two: The Relationship Q's

1. Describe your most satisfying and fulfilling

relationship.
Reflect on relationships you've already been in, romantic and
otherwise. Consider what makes/ made them so satisfying and
fulfilling? What role/s do you and partner/s play in making it so? How
did the relationship add to your happiness?

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

2. Describe your most unsatisfying and

unfulfilling relationship.
Consider romantic relationships and otherwise. Reflect on what
makes/ made the relationship so unsatisfying and unfulfilling? What
role/s do you and partner/s play in making it so?

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

3. Why have your previous relationships

ended?
If you haven't had a previous romantic relationship, consider other
relationships in your life and any barriers/ issues you've encountered
within those.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

4. What lessons have you learned from

previous relationships that you'd like to take
forward when making new connections?
Honesty is key here! Reflect on previous relationships, romantic and
otherwise, and consider what you've learned about yourself. Reflect
on what you've learned about who you are in relationships, how your
different behaviours manifest, what kind of communicator you are and
where you need to improve.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

5. What have you wanted most out of previous

relationships?
For example: popularity, security, sexual intimacy or satisfaction,
companionship, affection or love.

6. What have you always desired from a

relationship but never received?
For example: security, fun, intense connection, sexual freedom, trust.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

7. What qualities do you need in a relationship?

Needs are non-negotiable, these are what you must have in a
relationship for it to be healthy, successful and fulfilling for you.
Consider previous relationships- what needs were/ were not met?
Examples of needs include: security, fun, intense connection, sexual
freedom, trust.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

8. How would you like a relationship to develop

ideally?
This could be linked to your needs or desires (for example: needing to
be friends first in order to develop trust). Are there any stages that
are important to you? Think about time frames and goals you'd like to
achieve and how this connects with the development phase of a
relationship.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

9. What role would you like a partner to play in

your sex life?
Would they take an active role? Would this change over time? Reflect
on previous relationships and connections, what has worked for you
and what hasn't. Are you interested in having an active solo sex life
also?

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

10. What kind of relationship are you looking

for?
This directly connects to what stage of life you are in now and your
wants and needs. Be honest with yourself about how the relationship
would fit into your world currently, and what would work for you
realistically. Examples of relationships include: casual, committed,
long distance, long term, hook-ups only.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

11. What qualities are you looking for in a

partner?
Consider three types of qualities: non-negotiable, those you'd prefer
and those you can be flexible on. Reflecting on relationships in your
life currently and previously may help you work out what qualities you
enjoy in someone.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

12. What qualities are red flags for you in a

partner?
Consider relationships in your life currently and previously- what
qualities have you seen in people that you have disliked? Qualities
that you've struggled with, that have hurt you or simply qualities you
can't tolerate.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

13. If we asked those who know you best, what

would they say you need in a partner and/ or
relationship?
For example: kindness, flexibility, friendship, reciprocity.

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Part Two: The Relationship Q's

14. Consider your personal values, then

consider which values you need your partner to
share...
For example: loyalty, strong work ethic, family connection, honesty.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Two: The Relationship Q's

15. What does your ideal relationship look like?

Final relationship question- go wild, get creative! Consider how this
relationship would begin, what the development would look like, how
you and your partner would connect. Consider previous relationships
and opportunities for growth and change in future connections.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Two: The Relationship Q's

Lets Summarise!
Before you move onto the intimacy questions, it's important to bring
everything you just reflected on together in a more organised fashion.
This will help you when you're choosing which goals to set in the final
section.

Use the space and prompts below to organise your thoughts.

What are your immediate thoughts and feelings after completing

the relationship questions?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Two: The Relationship Q's

Are there any overall themes that have popped up during the
relationship questions?

Is there anything that has surprised you or concerned you when

completing the relationship questions?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Two: The Relationship Q's

List below some key things you'd like to consider reflecting on more
in depth (or that you could focus on as goals in future!)

Think about stuff that's standing in the way of you making meaningful
connections; needs not being met that should be a priority; and
potential behaviours that you may need to look at changing.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

1. What is your current attitude towards sex

and intimacy?
What are your initial feelings about sex and intimacy? A good
measure of this is if someone brings up "sex" in a conversation what
are your immediate thoughts and feelings? Do you have any strong
beliefs or values in connection with sexuality?

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Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

2. Describe your most satisfying and fulfilling

sexual experience.
Why was it so satisfying and fulfilling? How did this experience
occur? What was the relationship? Did the type of partner impact your
feelings during this experience? Reflect on the actions as well as the
emotion behind the experience.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

3. Describe your most unsatisfying and

unfulfilling sexual experience.
Why was would you class it so? How did this experience occur? What
was the relationship? Did the type of partner impact your feelings
during this experience? Reflect on the actions as well as the emotion
behind the experience.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

4. In the moment you decide to become

intimate with a partner, what most enables you
to do this?
For example: security, affection, respect, trust, spontaneity, sexual
desire, time.

5. Has anything stopped you from becoming

intimate with a partner previously? If so, what?
If nothing has previously, consider what hypothetically could or would
inhibit you. For example: fear, embarrassment, sexual health, lack of
arousal, shame.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

6. What have you never experienced during sex

that you want to?
For example: trust, freedom, fun, connection, variety.

7. What qualities do you need in your intimate

life for it to feel fulfilling to you?
For example: trust, freedom, fun, connection, affection, respect, touch.

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Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

8. Do you feel positive, negative or neutral

about the following:

Your genitals

Masturbation

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

Being sexually active with partner/s (in any form)

Pleasure during intimacy

Your body during intimate moments

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Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

9. In regards to an ideal intimate experience...

How frequently would you like these experiences to happen?

What would make up these experiences? For exaample: oral sex

How would you feel during these experiences?

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Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

How long would these experiences last?

How would these experiences begin? For example: who initiates?

Within what type of relationship would these experiences occur?

For example: casual or committed

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

10. What kind of sexual partner do you want?

Reflect on your desires and how these could be met by your partner.
Examples of partners could include: dominant, intuitive, submissive,
spontaneous, creative, understanding, affectionate.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

11. What kind of sexual partner do you need?

Remember needs are non-negotiable. Needs help you remain happy,
healthy and safe during an intimate experience; they enable you to be
fully present and active in the experience. What needs do you have
that your partner will have to meet? Examples of partners could
include: dominant, intuitive, submissive, spontaneous, creative,
understanding, affectionate.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

12. How comfortable are you talking about sex

and intimacy?
Consider how you feel when someone asks you about your intimate
life or attempts to engage in conversation about sexuality. Think
about how this links to your sexual behaviours and/ or beliefs.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

13. How would you like to communicate about

sex and intimacy with partner/s?
Is this different to your previous experiences? What would be the
ideal communication style? Consider comfort levels, times, type of
partners, your needs.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

14. What specific intimate activities and

experiences do you find enjoyable?
Think about sex and intimacy to answer this question, these will differ
and all of it combines to make up a fulfilling love life. Reflect on
previous partners and experiences. Examples could include:
masturbation, non-sexual touch, finding new sexual partners,
watching porn, reading erotica, oral sex.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

15. What sexual fantasies do you have?

Don't let shame or embarrassment hold you back here, everyone has
fantasies! Consider who these fantasies involve- is it solo or
partnered or group for example. Think about the details and
specifically what makes them your fantasy.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

16. What new sexual or intimate experiences

would you like to try?
For example: swinging, sex toys, different sexual positions,
masturbation, group sex, massage. The possibilities are endless!

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

17. What does your ideal intimate life look like?

Final intimacy question- go wild, get creative! Think about how
intimacy and sexuality connects for you in this ideal intimate life. Also,
how does this connects to what kind of relationship you'd like?
Consider your needs and desires as well as opportunities for growth
and change.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

Lets Summarise!
Before you move onto setting goals, use the space and prompts below
to organise your thoughts around the intimacy questions.

What are your immediate thoughts and feelings after completing

the intimacy questions?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

Are there any overall themes that have popped up during the
intimacy questions?

Is there anything that has surprised you or concerned you when

completing the intimacy questions?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Three: The Intimacy Q's

List below some key things you'd like to consider reflecting on more
in depth (or that you could focus on as goals in future!)

Think about stuff that's standing in the way of you making meaningful
connections; needs not being met that should be a priority; and
potential behaviours that you may need to look at changing.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

Time to Set Some Goals!

Now is the moment to take some time to reflect on everything you've

just shared and think about goals for the future.

I know it might seem a bit intimidating but this is actually the easy
part. You've already got everything you need to create some real,
attainable targets to get you on the way to a more fulfilling love life.

By answering the relationship and intimacy questions you've

explored what sex means to you, what you want and need in a
partner and what your ideal relationship looks like. You've also
defined what a bad sexual experience is, what has been missing
from your relationships previously and what turns you off in the
bedroom!

Now, it's about putting ALL of that information together and

working out what can be changed, where the gaps are and what
you need going forward.

You Could Do Nothing...

So, really you could answer the questions just for fun and skip out
on this goal setting section...but nothing will change.

Without using your new-found awareness to set quality, impactful

goals you won't become any closer to improving your love life and
making sure it's tailored to YOU.

The reason for this journal and the strategy behind the questions, is
to become informed so you can move forward with intention.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

What Should My Goals Be..?

If you can't think of some goals right away, don't panic!

A good way to work out what your goals should be is by focusing on

either:

1. What you can realistically work on now

2. What needs urgent attention

So, out of everything you just shared what could you work towards
right now? What could you create a solid plan to change? What isn't
an intimidating goal?

Or, what makes you feel something in your gut when you read it
back? What is causing you the most stress and needs changing right
now?

Reflect on everything you just wrote and decide on up to three

goals.

I recommend three goals as a maximum to begin with because

otherwise it's easy to become disheartened and overwhelmed (and
hard to keep track of what you're doing this for.)

Once you've had some time to reflect on what your goals could be,
use the next few pages of specific goal setting guidance to help
you create an actionable plan for each goal.

I've included as much guidance as possible in this section so you're

fully supported to succeed!

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

Use the next few pages to guide you in setting impactful goals that
will support this aim of long term happiness.

What you'll need:

Your completed relationship and intimacy questions

A pen
A comfy space!

How this works:

Firstly, you'll need to read the guidance below on how to set

SMART goals (SMART is a guided method that will help you set,
work towards and achieve your goals so you won't want to miss
this!)

Then using your answers to the journaling questions and the

handy summary sections, pick out any emerging patterns, gaps,
challenges or room for improvement in your love life.

If you've completed the questions honestly (and from a place of

intention) you'll immediately be able to identify the needs that
are not being met in your love life. These are what your goals
need to address.

Choose your goals and fill in a plan for each goal.

Finally, I've popped a calendar at the end of this workbook-

please use this to keep track of any key dates (e.g. deadlines!)
Give yourself the best chance of success and achieving that long
term happiness!

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

What Are SMART Goals and Why Bother?

SMART is an acronym that stands for Specific, Measurable,
Attainable, Realistic and Timely.

SMART goal setting is a 5 step process that makes goal setting A LOT
simpler by giving you a roadmap to follow. It guides you in getting
intentional about your goal setting and helps you structure your goals
so they feel do-able, they’re track-able and you’re held accountable
(super important!)

What the SMART Process Really Looks Like:

1. S is for 'Specific'

This is where it’s going to help if you put lots of detail into your
answers because a vague goal is an unachievable one.

If you’re not specific enough with what you actually want to achieve,
it’ll always feel half complete and like the target is moving.

2. M is for 'Measurable'

Make sure there are real results involved in your goal- don’t con
yourself out of progression by making goals that are flimsy or don’t
impact your life in any significant way!

Set goals that serve you and then when you actually achieve them
you’ll FEEL it!

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

3. A is for 'Attainable'

I know it’s super tempting to make grand assertions about what’s

about to happen and what you can achieve but you’re setting yourself
up to fail if you set goals that don’t account for where you’re at right
now.

This is why you answered the relationship and intimacy questions

BEFORE the goal setting challenge- all of this information becomes
your baseline. Use what you know now to inform the goals you set
and to help you be realistic about where you’re at already.

4. R is for 'Realistic'

Also known as ‘RELEVANT’ this is about assessing how your goal fits
into your life currently. Don’t do yourself a disservice by creating a
goal that you’ll never stick too because although it sounds good on
paper you’re actually not enthused about...

Set goals that are going to make an actual difference to your life-
again this is where your answers are handy because they're evidence
there in black and white of what you actually need to work on!

5. T is for 'Timely'

This is hugely important in successful goal setting- have a deadline

and stick to it!

You need to consider how much time you have and how much you can
realistically achieve in that time. Don't set goals with very long time
frames to begin with because there's every chance they'll become
draining. Quick, impactful wins to start will help you stay motivated.

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

Putting Your Goal Into the SMART Process

Use the information above on the ins and outs of the SMART process,
as well as the more specific questions below, to put each of your goals
into a SMART plan.

Print a copy of pages for each goal you'd like to set.

Once completed you'll have an actionable plan for each goal and you'll
be ready to start taking steps forward in your love life. Hooray!

Inspired to make a plan? Lets get going!

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

The Goal:
A general outline of what you'd like to achieve

The time frame for this goal is:

1 week 2 weeks 1 month Other

The deadline is:

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

Lets get 'specific'

Questions to consider:

What do you actually want to achieve?

How/ when/ where?
What will your love life look/ feel like after you’ve achieved this goal?
What external factors do you need to take into account?
How might you overcome any limitations and barriers?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

Think 'measurable'
Questions to consider:

What will success look/ feel like?

How will you know when you’ve achieved what you set out to do?
Can you break your goal down into steps?
What are those steps you can follow?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

It needs to be 'attainable'
Questions to consider:

How much time and effort you’ll need to put in to make this goal a
reality?
Where are you now with this specific issue?
How will you get to where you want to be from this point exactly?
What support will you need to achieve this goal?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

Think 'realistic'
Questions to consider:

Is this goal actually relevant to your overall plans/ aims in your love
life?
Is this goal going to make a significant impact to your love life?
Is it worth aiming for?
Why do you want to achieve this goal?
What is the motivation behind this goal?

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 Love, Sex + You
Part Four: Goal Setting

Finally, how will it be 'timely'

Questions to consider:

How much time do you realistically need to achieve this goal?

How much time and effort can you give to working on this?
Do you need to set mini deadlines so you can track your progress?
How does this goal work alongside your others?

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