Attachment parenting and SEN

Attachment is an emotional bond with a specific person that endures across space
and time. Though there are a number of types of attachment, much importance is
given to the attachment that a child shares with its parent/caregiver. This is the bond
between the child and their primary caregiver which is formed in the early years and
has a long-term impact on a child’s sense of self, security, development, Knowledge,
growth and relationships with others in future. It begins when the baby is born and
continues to develop throughout later childhood and adolescence and shape the
child’s expectations about subsequent close relationships. When parents/caregivers
are consistently available and responsive, the infant uses them as a ‘safe base’ and
venture out to explore the world. In this way the infant develops an ‘attachment’ with
their primary caregiver. The child’s social, emotional development and the ability to
learn depends on the type of attachment they have with their parent/caregiver. There
are 4 styles of attachment between a child and the parent/caregiver.
The secure attachment style- The child experiences comfort, care and response
from the caregiver/parent, who are in turn are attuned to the child’s emotional and
physical needs. They can relate to child’s feelings and act accordingly.
The following 3 come under insecure attachment style-
The avoidant attachment style- The child experiences rejection and emotional and
physical unavailability from the caregiver/parent. They distance themselves from
their parents/caregiver and may even become preoccupied with objects than people.
The anxious/ambivalent attachment style-The child experiences that the
parent/care-giver is unpredictable and inconsistent in responding to their needs.
Consequently, these children will become hypervigilant in order to get a response
from the parent/care-giver. They will be in a constant distressed state.
The disorganized/disoriented attachment style-The child experiences the
parent/caregiver as either frightening or frightened. So, they learn to either avoid
(when experiencing danger) or approach the parent/caregiver (when they sense that
the parent/caregiver is experiencing distress/anxiety). Therefore, the child feels
disorganized and disoriented because of the anomalous behaviour of the caregiver.
There are number of advantages of secure attachment on the child development.
1) Promotes the mental and emotional wellbeing of the child. Has direct impact
on brain development-mainly on language development, behaviour, social
skills.

2) Attachment to a primary caregiver is the foundation of all future relationships.

Develops a sense of trust in the child and this helps in having healthy
relationships with others in future.
 3) It helps in regulating child’s emotions and feelings. When the parent/caregiver
reacts to the child’s needs, they learn to regulate themselves in situations of
stress and thus learns how to control their emotions in future.
Now let’s take a look at the negative outcomes of insecure attachment on child
development.
1) Children with insecure attachments have problems maintaining relationships
and have trust issues.
2) Have difficulties in coping with stress and are prone to anxiety, depression,
anger, tantrums, and have wide-range of emotional and behavioural
problems.
3) They are either withdrawn or clingy.

But what happens if the child has special needs. Children with special needs have
increased risk of insecure attachment style. They have difficulty in expressing
themselves and are unable to reciprocate to the parent/caregiver’s feelings of love
and care. Since they have problems in communicating their needs,
parents/caregivers are at complete lost. These children are often erratic in their
behaviours, seeking comfort but at the same time resisting/avoiding the caregiver.
As a result, there will be frustration on both ends and the parent/caregiver may
become emotionally and sometimes physically unavailable to the child. Often, the
parents/caregiver feels guilty for not having an ideal relationship with their child. And
sometimes unknowingly they may mirror the child’s behaviour, which results in
downward spiraling of the relationship and poor self-esteem for all those involved.
Insecurely attached children may become more withdrawn and isolated from their
parents/caregivers as a result of poor social relationships. Due to their disability, they
already have problems in engaging with surroundings and people around them. And
having insecure relationship with parent/caregiver will hamper the child’s
development and may lead to trust issues, anxiety, depression, aggression.
Moreover, as a result of their disability their indulgent in inanimate objects increases
and they try to seek the much-needed comfort from them. As a result, socialization
with the child becomes a problem to the parent/caregivers.
However, the good news is that children with special needs do form secure
attachment. These attachments don’t happen overnight. They take time, effort,
determination and creativity and are ongoing process between the child and
parents/caregiver. Children feel the love and care of the carer even if they are unable
to communicate verbally. A few tips are mentioned here for the carers to help them
develop a secure attachment with the children. These include- engage in healthy and
positive communication with the child. Express love both verbally and non-verbally
and hug the child often. It is necessary to have physical contact with the child in
order to build adequate emotional connection with them. Understand how the child
expresses his/her feelings and always be responsive. Be available to the child
emotionally and physically at all times. Don’t think too far in to the future. Focus on
small achievements. Be patient and realistic. Seek help and support and most
important of all, stay positive. Understand that the feelings of disappointment, anger,
sadness and guilt are common. And not let these negative feelings affect the
relationship with the child. Most important of all, the carers need to take care of
themselves.

Research has shown that when children with special needs develop secure
attachment, they exhibit proximity seeking behaviour towards the person with whom
they had attachment relationship. It was observed that they exhibited alternative
expressions when separated from the primary caregiver, which shows of their
acceptance and connection with that person. Also, they reacted positively to touch
and allowed the primary caregiver to be part of their play. Improvements in
communication (verbal or nonverbal), trust and seeking help are also observed in
some cases. When the child identified the primary caregiver has their safe base,
they tend to be more responsive and engaging. These behaviours reflects both the
parents/caregiver’s understanding of the attachment relationships and the child's
history of harmonious or intervening interaction.

There are also a number of intervention techniques that aid in strengthening a child's
relationship with their parents/caregivers. ‘Holding therapy’ has been found to be
effective in a range of situations. This technique requires the physical holding of
children, even while they protest. Even though there are some difficulties in
implementing this with older children, it can be applied in other ways- sitting with
children, tucking them into bed and staying with them. Another approach is the ’Floor
time therapy’ (Dr. Greenspan), where the child’s emotional development and
interpersonal communication is promoted through human connections and the power
of relationships. Occupational therapists, mental health professionals, special
educators are professionals who specialize in this domain and are able to guide the
parents/caregiver in implementing this technique. Play therapy is yet another
intervention technique. This method may be particularly useful to those children who
struggle to express themselves verbally. Family therapy is the intervention method
used by many counsellors to help a family deal with a range of difficulties like
relationship difficulties, dealing with trauma and mental illness. Individual counselling
helps parents/caregivers take help to cope with the stress and burden of caregiving.
In addition, programs such as the Incredible Years, Attachment and Bio-behavioural
Catch-Up, and Circle of Parents, have a specific focus on cultivating skills that build
attachment.
On an ending note, though secure attachment is important in case of children with
special needs, the techniques may vary depending on the child. As the primary
caregiver, you know the child better than anyone. So, develop your own attachment
style and establish a comfortable relationship with your child.
Vasavi Yellamraju
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