Hi My name is reynand e josol rj, and I came from a small village called danoman, race by single mother.

my story begin when my mother left, she left because we have nothing to do to stop the challenges of
the world and i don't know how to stop him from going, and my my dream my love my happiness is
shattered, my mother left me to my grandma and my grandma treat me like a dog may uncle they feel
the same because they believe i'm no hope for them. They said that my father is a drug dealer that's
why they should him and founded. On that time i don't care about my father i care about my mother my
everything. when she's gone i don't feel the same at that all time. I'm only 8-years-old since my ma'am
left me for a job. I feel anger at the same time fear to lose him, 1 year past i'm turning 9 and i find out
that my mom has a boyfriend, then i panic my panic because i don't want to lose him again but my panic
is nothing for him, she said it's going to be okay we're going to have a good life but that was not true.
She wake up with her boyfriend because he find out that he has a wife and a two child, and my mom call
me she is crying crying because she she believed she love but he lost, she never want to fight for his
love because he know the pain she been through. I'm puzzled because i don't know what he's saying lm
only 9 years old i don't know what is love. And the past 4 years my mom is going home i dream to have a
mom by my side. And she did come home but this time he brought his boyfriend with him i feel jealous
in my mom because se thinks of hi instead of me i don't blame my mom because he is broken i keep my
thoughts away. 3 months past and my mom is going back abroad and i think again she wants her job
instead of me i beg my mom to not go and leave me again we can have everything here why won't you
stay she said for your own, good i was puzzled again for me or for my aunt and uncle you know they
treat me like a dog since you left my mom is silence i'm nothing to do i could not stop him from going i
cried and cried and on my cried i realize mama's gone in my heart i see him on his facebook looking
good feeling well and here i am in our old house treated like a dog i don't care if they treat me like a dog
but all i wanted is to feel important my mother give them all they want brand new clothes shampoos
and and even personal needs and of course money why did treated me like a dog i guess this is i'm going
to be a dog in the past 2 years i want to serve god to feel important but my prayers turned to guilt it's
just the people who hurt me the most the people that thinks i'm a dog they all worthy they go to church
for prayers they go to church to flex the new watch the new dress the new house both but they never
flex the true color or face.here i am in the part that I'm in puzzled of gob i don't know what i'm thinking
back there but i don't think god is real. Because the man who speak the word of god hi is never
perfecting the word of god that's why i quit it i quit to serve god and i'm looking to the bright side of life
now in my birthday i'm turning 14 i found out that my father is alive my mother tells me and now i'm on
a cloud 9 creaming of a father the worm hug the strong house and the sun of my dark world and and the
same anger guilt and revenge for not look back on us i want a father who protect me raise me but i
didn't feel the father that all i want because my mother raised me when i was a child i do not feel
anything in my father back then i only thinking about my mother my only one home but now she thinks
about his love i feel great for my mother because he found i could man who can protect him and give
my mother a child i love my uncle but i really don't show it because i don't want to trust people again i
feel comfortable of my mother in the side of my uncle because they protect my mother now i feel
comfortable for me because my mother is in good situation i don't think about myself i think about my
love who loves me and my mother is going home again this time she stay for a long time my uncle my
mother they build their own house in my grandpa lot may grandpa is my only friend that's why my
mother stay beside my grandfather house and we live in the same roof together three the past 1 month
a house is built and and my mother said my father wants to get me i said i don't want to be with him
because i feel free in here i'm only thinking about my love of my mother but my mother is change since
she stay she change cruel cold full of anger rage because she thinks my uncle is cheating on him again
she don't want to be cheated again like my father did to him i asked my mother where is my father she
said my father is married to a woman then i feel rage in my thought i don't want him i want to kill him in
revenge but killing him is nonsense only suffer can pay in the past 2 months my mother is pregnant my
dream is come true i want to have a baby brother to share my mother's love my uncle go back to his job
since then they fight everyday and night every night i thought if i have a love once is this the result i
don't even know who i am not even know what i am am i a boy a girl or a gay i thought about that
everyday and night when my mother and my uncle fight for nothing i know that my uncle is not cheating
because he give a son to my mother that's why i like my uncle more than my father but i think i can't
judge people by looking in the past and again we faced challenges of the world but this time we bring a
new book chapter of my brother we suffer for hunger because my uncle can't sustain our needs three of
us must let go so i let go i said to my mother that i want to go to my father so that my uncle can sustain
their needs my mother said no you can't go he might hurt you i said i am broken if he broke me he broke
himself so my mother decide but we fight for that that i will go to my father but i'm taking care of myself
my father is retired i mean kicked cupgo or like a police but they serve in villages i stay in my father's
house and i meet a two person the kind and faithful tita leticia and my lita maria fe my tita leticia is
brave independent woman who fight for his word but she lost his love may tita maria fee is very
warming person a very gentle i don't know why he pick my father but seeing his personality he deserve a
good person the past 1 week i meet my father i thought that he changed but he's not his only saying his
past i dream to have a father who can raise me give me shelter and warm words but i only have the
opposite my father is like made from anger at the same time ambitionist that he's dream wants to be a
leader of an army of law but the only problem is his old and he has body problems the dream that i think
that will come true turns to a blank memory of him he wants me to be a men that can stand up
everywhere but my heart it was blank i don't know if i was a boy or girl or a gay it's it's just i feel
everything in my child i feel the trauma the guilt the lost and the fear i wanted to be alone wanted to
have a good history of myself as a painter or a person that i want to be but i'm searching for that person
that i want but nothing happens it leads to a blank my tita maria fe tells the story of my father she saids
that my father is very poor and his mother is very unlikely to say she sad that when him and his brother
is hungry they go to store of either auntie and they say want to have a food is but they can eat but there
either auntie she gave the behindfood from the brothers to eat and either auntie extremely hungry or
Patay gutom. In that part i feel the same we feel the same as my father past but my father he think i'm
worthless and because he hate gays i feel anger when you say that i already tell him that i am not gay it's
just i'm on a puzzle situation where i need to find who i am because my father judge me like a another
person he never wants me to have a gay he already judge me for that i never judge him he judge me like
i am another person,my mom said i'm only 8 months since my dad left i don't judge him to not be a part
of my life.is this father want to feel to his son the dark side of the past, i thought that fathers is the guide
to his son's future but, my father is not the same i wanted to feel to have a father but he all he wants is
to control me i don't mind that it's just he is homophobic .my father saids why do you want to be a gay it
is about sex you don't even have a vagina,he judge his words that hurt me a lot but in returns i keep it
silence because it's true. gay don't have vagina some of the gays want to have sex but I'm not the same
as you think i'm just struggling to find myself because i can't

I'm on a trauma of this world and i want to be alone i want to be free i want to have a guide a father or a
mother, i don't want to judge people because they judge me i don't talk back at them because i feel the
hurt when i say a word that unlikely to hear .it's just my father is homophobic i could not stop his
overthinking about me, i know that he wants to have a right future of me i want that but not controlling
who i am. i lost him when i was a child and now he wants to control me because he's my father no, he
kill me he kill me the way that kill him back is not enough i forgive him, and why did i even come here if i
did not forgive him, i love my father but he never look me in the eye like i was never here,i like my
father the way that he cares but i don't want to lock me in his prison, i don't want to lose him again it's
just they don't feel what i feel. i show less of my feelings, i saw them the warm side of me i don't want
to hurt anybody because i feel the hurt if i hurt somebody, if only i can change my personality i will but
my past is my personality no one can change that even my father can't my personality, i keep my
feelings i keep it silence if i say it nothing can come here it.

At the time that my both parents is gone i saw a light it's just i want to dance to sing to art to love to fix
and the forgive it's just i'm thinking of myself is like a woman and man at the same time but i can't really
understand myself because of my history i want to be free choose the path that i want to be if my father
don't like that i forgive him if he never forgive me i can't change that his own decision is his own decision
i respect his decision

To my auntie or my mom i like you i remember as my mom warm gentle and faithful but now my
mother is changed he wants to think of himself i'm so sorry to say this why did you marry my father you
can marry this plenty of men same personality as you.you're a good person is just father is taking
advantage on you i'm trying to say this to you but you're a good person i don't want to break your heart
you suffer you want a son but the time is against on you my father is so cruel he wants somebody that
good looking because he is ambition it he wants what he wants he wants the girl that has a good shape
of body on his teenage but look at you father is taking advantage on you. you have a good job if you
have a son or a girl you can raise then to a good person because you are the mother that everyone is
likely to have.