Unit 1 Peer Review: Editing

Directions: Mark your responses directly onto the paper you are editing. Or, you can write your
answers here. If you are unsure, simply state that something seems off but you are unsure of
what.
Acti
1. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea
that connects to the thesis? Does this organization help move the ideas forward? Tell the
author if the organization works or offer organization ideas.
Your essay is structured well, with each paragraph focusing on a different aspect of the Laredo
Community Health Center's newsletter. Each paragraph presents a clear main idea that connects
to the overall thesis, which is effective in discussing the newsletter's impact on community
engagement and well-being
2. Where could the author use stronger transitions to strengthen connections between his/her
points?
I do think that stronger transitions between paragraphs would enhance the connections between
your ideas. Using phrases like "Furthermore" or "Moreover" would help shift between different
aspects of the newsletter and reinforce the relationship between your points. Strengthening
transitions would make it easier for us to follow your argument and understand how each point
contributes to your overall thesis.

3. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the
text. If you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you do not know
the rule, then simply mention that something seems off.
The essay contains some fragments, comma splices, and run-ons. Here are a few examples:
Fragment: "For example, bilingual development reflects Laredo's varied character by
encouraging a sense of closeness among English and Spanish-speaking people." Advice:
Combine this fragment with the previous sentence to form a complete thought.

Comma splice: "By fostering genuine ties within the community and bridging digital divides, the
newsletter promotes fairness and communication, By addressing the unique needs and issues of."
Advice: Replace the comma with a semicolon or separate the clauses into two sentences to
correct the comma splice.

Run-on: "The LCHC listens to what the community wants and changes its services accordingly,
This makes everyone feel empowered and helps make things better over time." Advice: Separate
the two independent clauses with a period or use a coordinating conjunction (e.g., "and") to
connect them properly.
 4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Indicate these
places in the text.
I think adding specific examples or anecdotes would provide even more depth to your
discussion. For instance, including feedback from community members who have benefited from
the newsletter's resources could help illustrate its impact clearly. Your essay would benefit from
more specific detail to further support your claims and enhance clarity.

5. Are the style and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?

Yes, the style and tone are appropriate for this audience.

6. Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong, active verbs and
solid, descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the verbs and nouns.
Overall, the sentences and word choices are varied, and the author uses strong verbs and
descriptive nouns effectively throughout the essay. However, there are some areas that can have
improvement
For example:
Instead of "shows the organization's goals," consider "demonstrates the organization's goals."
Instead of "encourages everyone to join in," consider "urges everyone to participate."

7. Is the author too repetitive or present too much information? In other words, does the
essay overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information or underwhelm
you because there is too little information?
There is some repetition in your essay, mainly in the conclusion, where some points are
reiterated. I think there is a lot of information presented which can overwhelm a reader, so I
suggest when you revise your essay just focus on the essential details and focus points!

8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much information
is assumed to be known by the readers?
The essay is pretty clear and organized, but there are some areas where you can give more
background information of the Laredo Community Health Center or its newsletter.

9. Is the essay in the correct MLA format?

Yes!

10. Indicate in the text the author's strengths and weaknesses.

Your strengths lie in the ability to analyze the impact of the Laredo Community Health Center's
newsletter on community engagement and it being well undertsood. It effectively highlights the
organization's values, community involvement, and accessibility. Your weaknesses include
occasional repetition, and just too much extra information which can lose a reader.

11. What are two or three revision suggestions you have for the writer?
-Streamline repetitive points and focus on the most essential details to prevent information
overload.
-Provide additional context or explanation in areas where confusion may arise, especially for
readers unfamiliar with the topic.
Unit 1 Peer Review Workshop: Content
Directions: Mark your responses directly onto the paper you are editing. Or, you can write your
answers here. If you are unsure, simply state that something seems off but you are unsure of
what.

12. Is the essay in MLA format? If not, what suggestions can you make to the author to get it
to MLA format?
Yes, the essay is MLA format!

13. Does the essay include a controlling idea that is not obvious to everyone? In other words,
does it reveal something not everyone would know about how and why the participants
use the genre within the given community? Where can the author develop more of an
analysis or more fully develop the ideas?
Your essay effectively communicates a controlling idea about the impact of the Laredo
Community Health Center's newsletter on community engagement and well-being. However,
you could further develop your analysis by exploring how the specific features of the newsletter
contribute to this impact.

14. Does the author use observations and the genre itself as evidence to support the claim?
Yes, you use observations of the LCHC newsletter and its genre effectively as evidence to
support your claim.

15. Does the essay maintain a cohesive focus around the controlling idea? Mark any tangents
that you find in the essay.
Your essay maintains a cohesive focus around the controlling idea of the LCHC newsletter's
impact on community engagement and well-being. I would say just stick to main points!

16. Is the tone and language is appropriate for your English 1301 class? If not, suggest for the
author what changes they might make.
Yes, the tone is appropriate for our class!
 17. Does the conclusion answer the three questions (Did I do what I said I would do?; Why is
this important?; and What do I want my audience to do with this information?)
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reinforces the
importance of the LCHC newsletter in promoting community involvement and well-being. But
you need to address the three questions: Did you do what you said you would do? Why is this
important? What do you want your audience to do with this information? Adding a brief
reflection on these questions would provide a better conclusion to your essay.

18. Indicate in the text where the author needs more details.
You could provide more details in certain areas to enhance the depth of your analysis. For
example, when discussing the specific features of the newsletter, such as its design and content,
providing specific examples or anecdotes would help illustrate your points more vividly and
make your argument more persuasive.

19. Indicate in the text where the author needs more evidence.
While your essay provides a thorough analysis of the LCHC newsletter, incorporating additional
evidence, such as testimonials from community members or data on its readership and
engagement rates, would further support your claims and strengthen your argument.

20. Indicate in the text three places where the author deserves praise for this essay.
-Your analysis effectively highlights the impact of the LCHC newsletter on community
engagement and well-being.
-You use observations of the newsletter's design, content, and interactive features to support your
claims effectively.
-The essay is well-organized and clearly structured, making it easy to follow your argument.

21. Indicate in the text three places that the author should fix before submitting the essay.
-In the first paragraph, revise the sentence structure for clarity and coherence. For example, "This
is a real example of their work to educate the community and promote health" could be
rephrased for smoother flow.
-Address the repetition in the conclusion. Instead of reiterating points, focus on summarizing key
insights and providing a concise reflection on the significance of the LCHC newsletter.
-Strengthen the evidence by incorporating specific examples or data to support claims about the
impact of the newsletter on community engagement and well-being.

22. Has the author chosen one (and only one) genre to analyze? Is the genre a written genre
and not a video or an image?
Yes, you have chosen one genre to analyze—the newsletter.