I’ve recently found myself being asked, more and more, if I’m able to value or give

further details of someone’s old, brass-horned, HMV gramophone. I’m sorry to report
that in every case so far I’ve had the unfortunate task of explaining to people that their
'valuable' and 'antique' unit is a near-worthless, modern fake made in India or China
and, worse still, it’s likely to cause serious damage to their collection of precious 78’s.

With this in mind I decided that it might be wise to create a page here to alert buyers
and novice collectors to these machines and what they should look out for. However,
before I got around to writing anything, I discovered that Mainspring Press in the USA
www.mainspringpress.com have an excellent information page on their site and so
below, reproduced with their permission, is everything you’ll ever need to know about
fake gramophones and phonographs.

n excellent information page on their site and so below, reproduced with their
permission, is everything you’ll ever need to know about fake gramophones and
phonogr
These counterfeit "HMV’s" from Asia often show up on online auction sites, at flea
markets, and in other venues that attract novice collectors. Crap-O-Phones (so-named
by the advanced collecting community) use a hodge-podge of parts scavenged out of
junky wind-up portables, which were made in India well into the 1960s, and poor-
quality reproduction parts. This motley assortment is then dropped into new boxes and
finished off with a flimsy new sheet-brass horn and back bracket. The machines do
work, but often not for long. They are produced solely to deceive.

Many dealers knowingly misrepresent these machines as the real thing, and price them
accordingly. Others are somewhat more honest, calling them "reproductions" or
"replicas," but this isn't correct either as no such machines ever existed in the open-horn
era; Crap-O-Phones are historically incorrect bastardizations, tossed together from
mismatched junk parts. In addition their unauthorized use of the "His Master's Voice"
trademark is an infringement of copyright law.

Crap-O-Phones currently wholesale for $45 on average (down from about $75 a few
years ago as the market got increasingly glutted), and eBay "Power Sellers" post dozens
every week, fetching $100-$200 or more. Even at that price, these machines are no
bargain. The cheap motors and flimsy new back brackets are especially vulnerable to
breakage. Reproducers often have decaying white-metal parts and dried-out gaskets, or
are badly out of adjustment and will damage your records. Costs to repair or replace
these parts would exceed the minimal value of the machine.

A few things to look for when shopping for an outside-horn machine are:

• The elbow (the piece that connects horn to arm) should be a smoothly curved, heavy,
high-quality casting. Crap-O-Phone elbows are sharply angled and fabricated of cheap,
soldered sheet brass.

• The back bracket (the piece that supports the horn/arm assembly) should be a heavy,
high-quality casting. Crap-O-Phone brackets are usually crudely cast of cheap, brittle
white-metal.

• The reproducer should have an open face that reveals the diaphragm. Crap-O-Phones
use much later, low-end reproducers (some from as late as 1940-1960) with metal face
covers and diaphragms.

• The crank should be perfectly horizontal and not disproportionately long. Crap-O-
Phone cranks are often angled and out of proportion to the case, since they are taken
from machines with different dimensions.
• A stamped metal nameplate with model and serial number should be attached to the
case of USA Victor's. Most Crap-O-Phones substitute a cheap, new coloured print or
decal of "His Master's Voice."

• Beware of any outside-horn machine with a Thorens motor. This is a sure sign of a
Crap-O-Phone.

• Watch out for lumpy, soft, or purplish finishes, like those seen on cheap furniture
imported from India.

• Novelty cases (glass-sided, circular, hexagonal, etc.) are common on Crap-O-Phones

but rarely occur on authentic machines.

• Watch out for cases with filled or non-functional holes; some Crap-O-Phones use old
cases that have been reconfigured to accept parts that were never meant to be placed in
them