Titibo-tibo o Babading-bading?

: Exploring the Preference of Bacooreño Parents on Having Lesbian

or Gay Children

Cuyos, Arissa Jelina C.

Buenafe, Patrick James D.
Meredor, Kelly Ann C.
SHS in San Nicholas III, Bacoor City
Abstract:
As society progresses through modernization, efforts to reshape perspectives on gender have become
increasingly prevalent. Despite these efforts, the mindset of millennials regarding gender remains largely
unchanged. Limited research exists on the correlation between gender and parental preference. This paper
explores the preference of Bacooreño parents on having lesbian or gay children. Employing a
phenomenological approach, semi-structured interviews, and thematic analysis, data were collected from
ten parents. Based on the results, four parents did not have a preference. On the other hand, the
informants who answered gay generated four themes. These include, gays are fun to be with, achievers,
family-oriented, and are multifaceted. The informants who favor lesbian children, led to a theme that
lesbians are as decisive as boys. The basis of the reasons obtained from the study are religion, societal
norms, peer experiences, and permissive belief, which sheds light on the complexities of parental
preferences regarding the gender of their children. The research suggests the creation and conduction of
three possible solutions to create a more inclusive and accepting society. First, advocate for equality and
open mindedness. Then, seminars that will discuss the ways that stigma and discrimination and lastly
promote gender acceptance programs through a political and societal approach.
Keywords: gay, lesbian, preference, Bacooreno parents

1. Introduction
The Philippines is considered as one of the most gay-friendly countries among the world (Tang,
X., & Poudel A., 2018). However, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people still
face tough challenges, namely discrimination, prejudice, and stigma, as most Filipinos have not yet
accepted that these people are normal variants of human sexuality (Psychological Association of the
Philippines, 2011). In a meta-analysis conducted by Schmitt et al. (2014), several reasons such as
minority stressors were all positively correlated among lesbian and gay individuals. Furthermore, in the
study of Roggemans et al. in 2015, religious beliefs emerged as the most common reason towards hate for
gay and lesbian people, as Muslims, along with Christians, hold more negative attitudes toward
homosexuality. Numerous studies have been conducted on LGBTQ children telling their parents about
their sexual orientation, including responses (Chrisler, 2017; Tyler, 2015; Tyler & Abetz, 2019).
However, only a small minority of research is conducted regarding the preference of parents whether they
prefer more gay or lesbian individuals, providing a better understanding about the stigma and perception
of people in relation to sexual orientation and gender identity. As a highly collectivistic society, Filipino
families serve as the foundation for the development of individual values.
Parents play central roles in supporting or discouraging sexual minority feelings and behaviors
because they are the main socializing agents for children (Docena, 2013). Discovering that a child
identifies as lesbian or gay represents a deeply impactful and transformative experience. (Diamond &
Shpigel, 2014). On the better side, studies showed that over time, most parents tend to become more
accepting or, at the very least, more tolerant of the sexual orientation of their child (Beals & Peplau, 2006
& Savin-Williams & Ream, 2003).
This evolving acknowledgement and acceptance of families, especially the parents, can not only
enhance the support provided to the gay and lesbian children but also actively contribute to eliminating
the stigma associated with non-heteronormative identities (Goldfried & Goldfried, 2001). Recognizing
the significance of parental support is a widely acknowledged idea, especially when it comes to
enhancing the well-being of teenagers (Steinberg, 2001). This emphasizes how the connection between
parents and their children continues to shape one's overall contentment throughout their adulthood.
Therefore, the researchers opted to conduct a study which explores the preference of parents
residing in Bacoor City on having a lesbian or gay child. Through a localized lens, the research seeks to
discover the factors shaping parental preferences and shed light on the complexities surrounding the
acceptance of diverse sexual orientations within this particular community. Specifically, this study was
conducted to determine the preference of Bacooreno parents on having lesbian or gay children, the
reasons why Bacooreno parents prefer having lesbian or gay children, and how do these reasons affect the
preference of Bacooreno parents regarding having lesbian or gay children.

2. Literature Review
2.1. Number of Gays and Lesbians Globally
It's challenging to provide a precise estimate of the number of gays and lesbians across Asia due
to the lack of official data. However, globally, self-identified sexual orientation aligns similarly across 27
surveyed countries. Men are more likely to identify as gay (4%) compared to women identifying as
lesbian (1%). Younger generations, such as Gen Z and Millennials, are more inclined to identify as
LGBTQ+ compared to older generations like Gen X and Boomers. The prevalence of identifying as
lesbian/gay/homosexual ranges from 5% in some countries (Brazil, Spain, Australia) to less than 1% in
others (Russia, China, South Korea). Bisexuality is more common among Gen Z (9%) compared to older
generations, with India having the highest prevalence of bisexual identification at 9%. Sweden boasts the
highest percentage of people identifying as asexual (3%). In certain countries, a significant portion of
adults are either unable or unwilling to define their sexual orientation, with percentages as high as 39% in
Malaysia and 33% in Turkey. There's a notable variation in same-sex attraction depending on age and
geography, with Gen Z having the highest percentage globally (18%), followed by Millennials (12%)
(Ipsos, 2021).
2.2. Gays and Lesbians in the Philippines
In the Philippines, the LGBTQ+ community comprises individuals known as bakla and tomboy.
The term "bakla" typically refers to someone assigned male at birth who expresses femininity, which may
include but is not limited to feminine traits associated with women. On the other hand, "tomboy" is used
to describe someone assigned female at birth who exhibits masculine characteristics. Other terms like
binabae, bading, or lesbiyana may also be used, but they generally fall under the categories of bakla and
tomboy (Larcia, YE., et al., 2019).
Apart from these identities, the experiences of sexual minorities such as lesbians and gay men
vary across different Southeast Asian societies. According to data compiled from the World Values
Survey, a significant number of Southeast Asians hold negative attitudes towards lesbians and gay men,
with Indonesia exhibiting the highest levels of homonegativity at 66%. Conversely, the Philippines
demonstrates relatively lower levels of homonegativity, with only 28% expressing negative views
towards lesbian and gay sexual orientations. Thus, the Philippines stands out as one of the least rejecting
nations in the region when it comes to accepting lesbian and gay individuals (Manalastas, E., et al., 2017).
2.3. Challenges Encountered by Lesbians and Gay in the Philippines
While the Philippines is often regarded as a gay-friendly country, reports indicate that the Filipino
Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, and Bisexual (LGBT) community, particularly LGBT+ students, face
significant challenges such as bullying and discrimination within families, communities, and schools
(Tang, X., & Poudel A., 2018).
Despite various events and advocacy efforts supporting the LGBTQ+ community, negative
attitudes persist, constituting a significant societal issue. Heterosexual Filipinos often harbor sentiments
of sexual prejudice and homonegativity towards lesbians and gay men, influenced by traditional beliefs
such as religiosity and gender roles. Those who diverge from these norms are frequently subjected to
discrimination and prejudice (Reyes M., et al., 2021).
2.4. Parental Acceptance of Gays and Lesbians in the Philippines
 Parental acceptance can be defined as the ongoing demonstration of warmth and affection by a
parent towards their gay child, while acknowledging and affirming their sexual orientation (Bebes, et al.,
2015). In the context of the Philippines, where religious beliefs are deeply ingrained and societal stigma is
a concern, parents may initially struggle with concerns about how their child's sexual orientation will be
perceived by others, as well as how it reflects on them as parents. However, upon learning about their
child's struggles and experiences, parents may ultimately experience a sense of relief (La Sala, 2011).
Religious convictions often shape perceptions of gender roles, making it challenging for some
parents to accept their child's coming out as gay or lesbian initially. Nevertheless, many parents strive to
maintain an open-minded approach and choose to embrace and understand their children's feelings and
identities, particularly mothers (Bidola, V., et al., 2023).
Overall, parental acceptance of their child's sexual preference in the Philippines can be gauged by
their willingness to listen, responsiveness, and consistency in supporting their child (Hibek, J., et al.,
2015).
2.5. Perspective of Filipino Families to Gays and Lesbians
Filipino families are renowned for their close-knit bonds and nurturing relationships among all
members. Even within families with gay members, there exists a system characterized by open
communication and strong connections among its members. Paradoxically, however, these very familial
qualities often impede individuals from fully embracing their sexuality and gender identity. Common
themes articulated by Filipino gay men regarding family dynamics include early sexual encounters with
males, the presence of homosexual members within both nuclear and extended families, a matriarchal
family structure, and closer kinship with female family members (Masanda, A., 2019).
Moreover, a research survey conducted by the nonprofit social research group, Social Weather
Stations, involved 1,200 adult Filipinos nationwide. The findings revealed that 79% of respondents
agreed that "gays or lesbians are just as trustworthy as any other Filipino," while slightly fewer, at 73%,
agreed that "gays or lesbians have contributed a lot to the progress of our society." These statistics
indicate a significant increase in sympathetic attitudes towards gays and lesbians in Filipino society,
marking a positive shift in societal perceptions over the years (Westerman, A., 2023).
2.6. Basis of Parental Preference
Parental reactions to a child's lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender (LGBT) identity are shaped
by a complex interplay of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral factors, influenced by various contextual
elements, including the parents' religious beliefs. A study involving 663 parents of LGBT children found
that parental acceptance and preference were influenced by cognitive-affective factors such as cognitive
flexibility and emotional regulation, religious-value based factors such as religious fundamentalism and
parental sanctification, as well as demographic characteristics including parent gender, parent sexual
identity, child gender, and the number of years the child has been out. The analysis revealed that higher
levels of cognitive flexibility's control component, lower levels of religious fundamentalism, higher levels
of parental sanctification, being a female parent, and having a nonheterosexual sexual identity were
significantly associated with higher levels of parental acceptance (Rosenkrantz, D., et al., 2020).
2.7. Impact of Parental Preference of having Gay or Lesbian Children to the Society
Parents hold significant influence over their children's lives, making numerous decisions that
shape their upbringing. In 21st century America, adolescents are navigating the development of their
sexual and gender identities within a society that is gradually embracing more progressive attitudes and
policies regarding sexual orientation and gender. Despite these societal shifts, the parent-child
relationship remains a pivotal factor in the adjustment of LGBT adolescents (Res Adolesc, J., 2020).
Furthermore, the parent-child attachment plays a vital role in the formation of healthy
relationships later in life. For LGBT youth, disruptions in parent-child attachment can occur if they face
rejection based on their sexual orientation or gender identity. Such rejection negatively impacts their
identity and overall health. Conversely, parental acceptance of LGBT youth is essential for fostering a
positive sense of self and ensuring their well-being (Adelson, S., et al., 2016).

3. Methodology
3.1. Measurement
In this study, two non-probability sampling methods were used. Specifically, purposive sampling
was employed, in which the researchers chose the participants based on an established criterion. Further
that, snowball sampling was also utilized to gather more participants who fit to the criteria given by the
researchers. The researchers sought to gather diverse perspectives from a targeted demographic, and as
such, 10 participants were purposively chosen—comprising five mothers and five fathers, with the data
saturation principle, who were: (a) parents (mother/father), (b) should have a minimum of 2 children, (c)
must be 30-50 years old, and (d) should not have a child who identifies as gay, lesbian, or is a member of
the LGBTQIA+ community. By carefully selecting participants and making sure of enough information,
this study aims to delve deeply into what the chosen participants think and feel regarding the parental
preference of Bacooreño parents on having gay or lesbian children.
3.2. Data collection
The parental preference of having gay or lesbian children was explored. Items included the
participant’s name, age, preference for their child’s sexual orientation, the reason for preference, and the
basis of the reason. Enough response time was provided, and responses were recorded with the consent of
the participant in the form of audio and notes. The time duration of each interview was approximately
thirty minutes, and responses were transcribed and translated whenever necessary for clear understanding.
It is to be noted that societal norms may vary, limiting generalizability. Furthermore, only “lesbian” and
“gay” identities from the LGBTQ community were focused on. Confidentiality is a big concern that was
closely followed with strict measures ensuring information privacy, except in specific circumstances
requiring disclosure.
3.3. Analytical methods
The data collected from the participants underwent a thorough examination employing thematic
analysis. This involved a process of organizing the participant data to identify recurring themes present in
their responses. Following this comprehensive analysis and alignment of the collected information, the
researchers proceeded to interpret the identified patterns.

4. Results
The data that were obtained were interpreted and further discussed through a narrative and
thematic analysis. The current study explored the preference of Bacooreño parents on having lesbian or
gay children and resulted in the following:
4.1. No Preference
It was found that a total of one mother and three fathers does not have a preference on having
lesbian or gay children.
4.2. Gays
It was found that a total of three mothers and one father prefer gays as their children. This preference produced a total
of four themes, which are gays are fun to be with, achievers, family-oriented, multifaceted.

4.2.1 Gays are fun to be with

Participants Statements
Parent 3 “Bading, bakit mas masaya sila kasama, madali kausap at mas madaling maintindihan,
vibes ko yung ugali nila e.” (Because they are fun to be with, easy to talk to and they are easy to
be with.”)

4.2.2. Gays are multifaceted

Participants Statements
Parent 4 “Gay, kasi para sa akin maraming magagawa yung gay..like pwede siya mag beauty
parlor maglinis ng bahay kasi parang babae siya….tapos masipag. Kasi ang lesbian brusko e..
Parang lalaki rin yan e brusko e..pero kapag ang gay parang girl… malambing ganun..,
maaasahan ayun tsaka malay mo maging ano siya. Maging sikat na fashion designer… makeup
artist.” (“For me, gays can do a lot of things. They could be working in a beauty parlor and they
are good at doing household chores just like a girl. I prefer gay over lesbians because lesbians are
very masculine but a gay is more like a girl. Very caring, reliable and maybe someday they could
 be a famous fashion designer or a makeup artist.”)

4.2.3. Gays are achievers

Participants Statements
Parent 5 “And if I were to choose, I'd rather have a gay son because… Nowadays I see gays as more…
skillful, popular and they're everywhere and everytime I see a gay.. Friend or a gay acquaintance its seldom
that I see them not successful, so its like 80 percent of the gays of my gay acquaintance and friend theyre
successful I think its already…a part of their behaviour to really work hard and show everyone that they are
not gay for nothing so id rather choose a gay son.”

4.2.4. Gays are fun to be with

Participants Statements
Parent 8 “Bading kasii masarap kasama tsaka madaling magpatawa yun lang bakit sa tingin mo mas
masarap sila kasama tsaka madaling magpatawa mapagmahal sila sa magulang.” (“I choose gay, why
because they are easy and fun to be with. They often tend to be loving and caring for their parents.”)

4.2. Lesbian

It was established that a total of one mother and one father prefer lesbian as their children. This
preference gave rise to a total of one theme, which are lesbians are as decisive as boys. Additionally, it
led to formation of the factors societal norms and peer experiences.

4.2.1. Lesbians are as decisive as boys

Participants Statements
Parent 6 “Ang pipiliin ko po ay tomboy, Ang rason ko po kasi…ang tomboy lalaki kung

magdesisyon, may paninindigan.” (“I will choose lesbians, for the reason that lesbians are just like

boys, when they make decisions, they stand firm to that decision.”)

5. Discussion and Conclusion

5.1. Discussion and implications
First, it was found that a total of one mother and three fathers does not have a preference on
having lesbian or gay children. Although parents expressed a unified stance of having no preference
between gay and lesbian children, this theme was divided into the middle.
The parents who picked neither, rooted from religion. According to Vajpayee (2021), religious beliefs are
a factor among several variables influencing human behavior and preference. Roggemans, et al. (2015)
observed that individuals with religious affiliations are more prone to expressing prejudice against
homosexuals compared to those without religious beliefs. On the other hand, some parents who
embraced both genders stated that they didn't prioritize their child's gender, instead focusing on their love
for them. This approach is anchored towards permissive parenting. According to Wischerth (2016), the
permissive parenting style is marked by a positive regard for the child and a child-centered approach, with
less emphasis on parental control. This style fosters psychological development and shields children from
pressure, low self-esteem, and harmful stress.
Secondly, it was found that a total of three mothers and one father prefer gays as their children.
These results contradict the found results of the study conducted by Herek, G. in 2016, which shows that
male and female heterosexuals were more likely to regard lesbianism as a choice than male
homosexuality. Reasons such as gay men being more mentally ill, having more negative personal
reactions to gay men than to lesbians, and heterosexual men having gender differences towards gay men
were found to be the root of the choices between gay and lesbians. It was also shown that aggregate
attitudes tend to be more hostile toward gay men than lesbians.
 Lastly, it was found that a total of one mother and one father prefer lesbian as their children.
According to the study of Herek, G. (2016), female lesbians were more accepted than gay males, and
other favorable methods were given to lesbians such as adoption rights. On the other hand, the study of
Sung, M. R., et al. (2015) discussed different positive aspects of being lesbian namely sociocultural
sources of strength, belonging to a community, Asian cultures/values as sources of strength, freedom
from constraints of heterosexuality and oppressive gender norms, insight into and empathy for self and
others, positive sense of self, uniqueness, and increased empathy and compassion for others/world.
Furthermore, one of the factors that affect the preference of parents on having lesbian or gay
children is that gays are fun to be with. The parents were fine with their child being gay because of the
good vibes they ward off and the fun company they provide. This implies that the parents were accepting
of their child being gay.

The researchers interpret this as the parents inclining to gay since they are often stereotyped as
flamboyant, great listeners, and bring a touch of fun and excitement to the friendship. This perspective is
reinforced by the insights of Eric M. Russell from Texas Christian University, who posits that the absence
of underlying mating motivations, which frequently taint interactions between straight men and create
competition among straight women, lends a sense of authenticity and genuineness to relationships
involving gay individuals. This suggests that parents may prefer these relationships due to their perceived
purity and sincerity, without the complexities often associated with heterosexual interactions (Nangia, V.,
2021).
Not only that, while certain parents may reject their gay children, others find satisfaction and
harbor positive prejudices due to the idea of gay individuals as achievers. The desirable traits associated
with gay individuals include being accomplished and skillful. This mindset could be rooted from the
challenges and discrimination faced by the gay community, fostering demeanor in proficiency. This
suggests that their parents choose gay children, as long as they are succeeding in their chosen areas.
“And if I were to choose, I'd rather have a gay son because… Nowadays I see gays as more…
skillful, popular and they're everywhere and everytime I see a gay.. Friend or a gay acquaintance its
seldom that I see them not successful, so it’s like 80 percent of the gays of my gay acquaintance and
friend theyre successful I think it’s already…a part of their behaviour to really work hard and show
everyone that they are not gay for nothing, so id rather choose a gay son.”
This supports the survey done by Mittleman, which revealed that gay men attain higher
educational levels than of straight men. Mittleman's study found that compared with straight men peers,
gays earn higher GPAs in high school and college, and they have a low rate of ever dropping out of
school (While straight men face educational crises, gay men excel academically, study finds, 2022).
Pachankis and Hatzenbuehler (2013) found evidence that gay students tried to counter the anti-gay stigma
by finding their self-worth by excelling academically and doing well in other competitive activities. This
is shown by how the parents warmed up to their children after witnessing their accomplishments and
achievements. Several gays have proved that everyone can be successful in their own ways.
In addition, the theme gays are family-oriented arose. Parents often hold stereotypical beliefs and
preconceived notions that associate gay individuals with positive feminine traits and woman-like
characteristics. Moreover, some gay individuals have strong bonds in chosen families consisting of close
friends and partners. This dynamic implies that parents may be drawn to their gay children due to the
perceived presence of desirable traits such as caring attitude, financial stability, resourcefulness, and
greater ability to love, compared to lesbians.
“Bading kasii masarap kasama tsaka madaling magpatawa yun lang bakit sa tingin mo mas
masarap sila kasama tsaka madaling magpatawa mapagmahal sila sa magulang.” (“I choose gay, why
because they are easy and fun to be with. They often tend to be loving and caring for their parents.”)
Gays are known for their strong family bonds, making sentimental and meaningful relationships.
However, despite facing societal stigma and discrimination, LGBTQ+ families know to genuinely
appreciate their loved ones. Gays embrace shared parental duties and transcending traditional gender roles
in LGBTQ+ households reduce parental stress and promotes better mental health. Shared experiences of
discrimination foster resilient, supportive family dynamics. In conclusion, we can say that children raised
in LGBTQ+ homes typically exhibit mental, emotional, and physical well-being. They are comparable to
or exceeding that of their peers in heterosexual families (Luxion, K., 2020).
Gay individuals exhibit resilience, versatility, and competence across various domains especially when
related to femininity, proving that gays are multifaceted. Some parents have noticed that gays excel in
nearly every endeavor they pursue, displaying dedication to creative livelihoods as a means of self-
expression and proving themselves to be dependable individuals to others. This observation has led some
parents to prefer gay individuals as their child's preferred gender role model.
“Gay, kasi para sa akin maraming magagawa yung gay..like pwede siya mag beauty parlor
maglinis ng bahay kasi parang babae siya….tapos masipag. Kasi ang lesbian brusko e.. Parang lalaki rin
yan e brusko e..pero kapag ang gay parang girl… malambing ganun.., maaasahan ayun tsaka malay mo
maging ano siya. Maging sikat na fashion designer… makeup artist.” (“For me, gays can do a lot of
things. They could be working in a beauty parlor, and they are good at doing household chores just like a
girl. I prefer gay over lesbians because lesbians are very masculine but a gay is more like a girl. Very
caring, reliable and maybe someday they could be a famous fashion designer or a makeup artist.”)
Gay men who experience family rejection due to their sexual orientation often face adverse
psychological and social consequences. However, the precise nature of this rejection and the mechanisms
through which individuals develop resilience in such circumstances remain inadequately understood
(Reczek, C., 2016). By conducting 21 in-depth interviews, thematic analysis provided insights into the
perception of family rejection, its impact on mental health, and the ways individuals cultivate resilience.
Resilience helps people cope with the kinds of adversities, traumas and challenges that seem intrinsic to
the human condition (Harris, 2016). This supports that multifaceted skills originate from resilience, and
it's a term for a set of skills and attitudes which include adaptability, confidence, perseverance, problem-
solving, empathy, relationship skills and having a positive attitude (Petty, 2014).
The last factor that affects the preference of Bacooreno on having gay or lesbian children is that
lesbians are as decisive as boys. Some parents may prefer lesbians because they perceive them as
embodying more masculine traits. They are drawn to the perceived toughness and assertiveness often
associated with lesbians, as well as their decisive demeanor. This inclination towards lesbians stems from
the belief that they possess qualities traditionally associated with masculinity, such as strong decision-
making skills and a more "boyish" demeanor. Consequently, these characteristics may resonate more with
certain parents who value or seek out these attributes in their children or potential partners.
“Ang pipiliin ko po ay tomboy, Ang rason ko po kasi…ang tomboy lalaki kung magdesisyon, may
paninindigan.” (“I will choose lesbians, for the reason that lesbians are just like boys, when they make
decisions, they stand firm to that decision.”)
People, especially parents, originate their descriptions of masculine lesbians as shown by
sexualized and stereotypical portrayals of women. When considering lesbian women, the masculine
stereotypical view associated with them may come to represent an advantage in work-related contexts,
especially when compared to heterosexual women. Results showed that being lesbian was associated
with higher levels of masculinity (but not femininity), which in turn was related to high leadership
effectiveness (Shamloo, S., 2022).
There are four reasons acquired in the study that affects the preference of Bacooreno parents
regarding having lesbian or gay children. One of the four reasons is religion. Being surrounded by
religious people has a significant impact on how people perceive and behave toward things. Religion
continues to influence people's responses specifically, the parents.
“Ang pipiliin ko po ay wala because according to the bible, Genesis 1:27 it stated that God created
mankind in his own image, male and female he created them. And as a christian believer, I believed that
only male and female are created by God and he did not create any gay or lesbian in this world.” (“I don’t
want to have either of the two because according to the bible, Genesis 1:27 it stated that God created
mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. As a
christian believer, I believed that only male and female are created by God and he did not create any gay
or lesbian in this world.”)
Vajpayee (2021) argued that religious beliefs play a role and is one among the variables that impact
human behavior. Also, according to McGee's (2016) analysis, religion is one of the variables influencing
people's views towards the homosexuality. To Roggemans et al., (2015), religious individuals are more
likely than non-religious people to report prejudice against homosexuals.
The societal norms had an impact on the parents' responses as well. Since gays and lesbians are
perceived as differently by the society, parents have different claims on why they chose gay or lesbian as
their child. It implies that parent’s responses vary depending on their environment.
“Ang pipiliin ko po ay tomboy, Ang rason ko po kasi…ang tomboy lalaki kung magdesisyon, may
paninindigan.” (“I will choose lesbians, for the reason that lesbians are just like boys, when they make
decisions they stand firm to that decision.”)
“Gay, kasi ang lesbian brusko e.. Parang lalaki rin yan e brusko pero kapag ang gay parang girl
malambing ganun at maaasahan.” (“I prefer gay over lesbians because lesbians are very masculine but a
gay is more like a girl, very caring and reliable.”)
Societal norms feminize gay men and masculinize lesbian women to ensure consistency in the dimensions
of sex, gender, and sexuality (Eisner, 2013). The study of Mize & Manago, 2018 adds to the literature by
identifying gender differences in how femininity, in particular, is the indicator of someone’s sexuality.
This finding of the study sample expands on research that shows that gender nonconformity serves as a
proxy for sexual identity for all genders, but small deviations from masculinity among men indicates
homosexuality whereas women must demonstrate much more dramatic gender nonconformity to be seen
as homosexual.
Past experiences with friends can significantly influence the parents' preference on having a gay
or lesbian child. Some participants claimed that because of their past experiences with their friends, they
are okay and fully supportive of their child being a homosexual. It implies that parent’s responses may
vary depending on their peer experiences.
“Lesbian child. This is based on my personal experience, kasi may mga friends ako na lesbian. Mayroon
akong kumare actually na nag-suffer para tanggapin ang jowa niya pero ako as her friend, nauunawaan ko
siya.” (“Lesbian child. This is based on my personal experience, because I have a friend who is a lesbian.
She suffered a lot just for her partner to be accepted by her parents. And me, as her friend, I understand
her.”)
Friends play important roles throughout our lives by providing expressive, instrumental, and
companionate support (Gillespie, et al., 2015) . According to Guo, K., (2014), friends generally play a
role in shaping the behavior and beliefs of an individual. If parents have had past experiences with
LGBTQ+ friends or acquaintances, they may be more accepting and supportive of their child's sexual
orientation. This also impacts the level of understanding, support, and acceptance they offer.
Ultimately, the parental permissive belief allows a child to explore and embrace their sexual orientation,
whether it be gay or lesbian. It is a factor affecting parental preference using an accepting approach that
prioritizes the child's autonomy and individual identity. Some parents who prefer both gay and lesbian
implies that their child's self-discovery and acceptance of their sexual orientation demonstrate a
commitment to fostering a nurturing environment where their child feels safe to be authentic and true to
themselves. This approach promotes emotional well-being and strengthens the parent-child bond through
open communication, understanding, and unconditional love.
“I want to have both as my child. Their gender does not matter to me at all. As long as they are my child
then there is no question about it.”
“Pareho dahil ‘yon ang gusto nila para sa sarili nila.” (“I prefer to have both as my child because
that is what they want for themselves.”)
Some parents prefer both gay and lesbian since they believe in the permissive style of parenting.
According to the study of Wischerth, G., (2016) permissive parenting style is characterized by overall
positive regard and a general child-centered approach, with a general decreased use of parental control. It
promotes psychological development, and protects children from having pressure, low-self esteem, and
toxic stress.
5.2. Conclusion
Based on the results obtained in the study, the preferences of Bacooreñio parents regarding their
children's sexual orientation inclined most on gays, with four of ten choosing them. The four respondents
had no preference at all, while the other two gravitated towards lesbians.
Four themes emerged from the conducted interviews regarding parental perceptions of gays and lesbians:
gays are fun to be with, achievers, family-oriented, and are multifaceted, whereas lesbians are as decisive
as boys. These findings suggest that societal attitudes, personal beliefs, and peer experiences shape
parental preferences and are the largest influencers regarding their children's sexual orientation. Overall,
the study shows that what parents want for their child's sexual orientation is shaped by what they believe,
what they've been through, and what society thinks.
5.3. Limitations of this study and suggestions for future studies
The study was limited in gay and lesbian, and does not encompass parental preferences towards
individuals identifying as bisexual, transgender, or other members of the LGBTQ+ community beyond
lesbian and gay. This delimitation allows for a focused and in-depth investigation of parental attitudes
toward specific sexual orientations. The participants of the study were all residing from Bacoor City,
Cavite, Philippines. This is to offer a localized and culturally sensitive perspective on the preferences of
parents concerning lesbian and gay children, contributing to the broader knowledge on LGBTQ+
acceptance within specific Filipino communities. Nonetheless, people from other cities, provinces, and
locations were not included in the study. Also, other data gathering methods were not utilized. This study
suggests to explore the Filipino parents preference on having LGBTQ+ children, the basis of their
preference and the factors affecting their preferences.

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