From The Sins of the Mother

by Jamil Ahmad
Do now – In silence
Then he was completely alone the thousands of birds which
had kept him company for a while had disappeared with
nothing to keep him occupied he became aware of his thirst
and hunger he tried to resist it for a while but as the pangs
grew sharper he finally walked over to the camel and opened
the bag containing food he ate a little drank some water and
then lay down squeezed against the dead camel as the
sandstorm approached.

This should be five sentences long.

You need to add: Four full stops, followed by capital letters,
and six commas. Do the full stops and capitals first.
Hint: Sentences are short to start with, and become longer!
 From The Sins of the Mother
by Jamil Ahmad
Do now Feedback

Then he was completely alone. The thousands of birds,

which had kept him company for a while, had disappeared.
With nothing to keep him occupied, he became aware of his
thirst and hunger. He tried to resist it for a while, but as the
pangs grew sharper, he finally walked over to the camel and
opened the bag containing food. He ate a little, drank some
water and then lay down squeezed against the dead camel as
the sandstorm approached.

Extension: What kind of sentences do we see here? Are

they short / long? Simple / complex? Do they change
throughout the paragraph? How do they reflect the boy’s
situation? How do they make us readers respond?
 Saturday, 9 March 2024

Short Story hooks

Learning Objective:
Today’s Lesson

Can create interesting hooks?

Must: Level 5: Varied and interesting vocabulary, simple

and compound sentences are used, five types of
punctuation.

Should: Level 6 : Engages and sustains the readers

interest using a range of sentence structures and varied
vocabulary to create effects, six types of punctuation.

Could: Level 7: Writing is confident and imaginative using

sentences for effect. Use the full range of punctuation
correctly.
 L.O:Can create interesting hooks?
DROPS – A useful acronym to remind you of what to include in your writing…
An example recipe
Devices E.g. metaphors, similes,
D personification, sensory
language, alliteration…
Range of
R punctuation
! ; : … - () .
,?
Openings / ‘Grab’ or ‘hook’ your
O Closings
reader; leave a lasting
impression on them…
Passion / Voice Anger, enthusiasm,
P sympathy, knowledge,
opinion…
Short sentences / Give shape and variation
S paragraphs
to your writing…
 L.O: Can create interesting hooks?
Story openings

How can you hook a reader?

 LO: Can create interesting hooks?
In pairs decide which opening sentence makes you want to read on and why.

“Call me Ishmael.” “I write this sitting in the kitchen sink.”

Herman Melville, Moby-Dick (1851) Dodie Smith, I Capture the Castle (1948)
Different hooks

“It was a queer, sultry summer, the
summer they electrocuted the
Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I
was doing in New York.”
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar (1963)
“It is a truth universally acknowledged,
that a single man in possession of a
good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice (1813)

“It was a bright cold day in April, and the “It was a pleasure to burn.”
clocks were striking thirteen.” Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451 (1953)
George Orwell, 1984 (1949)

“In my younger and more vulnerable “This is the saddest story I have ever
years my father gave me some advice heard.”
that I've been turning over in my mind Ford Madox Ford, The Good Soldier
ever since.” (1915)
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
(1925)
 Describe a street scene in India – Think carefully about
how you open your description

Smiling and laughing,

I led the way.

A street scene in India

 Using a variety of
sentence openers to
Different hooks

make our writing

more interesting and
can help hook your
reader.
 One of the most common
ways to start a sentence is to
begin with the thing being
Different hooks

described as subject(first
word). So we start with
‘the...’, or ‘she/he/it...’,
followed by the verb (action).
Eg: The lanky, unkempt fellow slinked down the canal
path ...
 This way of structuring the
sentence can get a bit boring...
Different hooks

The car was very fast.

It (the car again) drove around the corner
before spinning out.
Its passenger was saved by the seatbelt as the
car’s breaks gave out and it rolled onto the
pavement.
The passenger managed to prise open the door
and crawl onto a grassy strip out of danger.
 Use an ‘ly’ (adverb) opening
word:
Different hooks

Unsteadily, the lanky, unkempt

fellow slinked down the
alleyway...
 Open your sentence with
words indicating location:
Different hooks

Along the canal towpath , the

lanky, unkempt fellow ambled
slowly...
 Start the sentence using
a word ending in “ing”:
Different hooks

Ambling along the canal tow path,

the intoxicated thief spied his
victim...
 ‘Drop in’ clause or
‘comma sandwich’:
Different hooks

The inebriated man, who was

lanky and unkempt, stumbled
along the canal towpath...
 Use a variety of sentence
lengths, from short and
punchy, to more complex:
Different hooks

She froze.
They waited.
He fell to the ground, with a
thud.
 Use ‘although’, or ‘despite’
as a sentence starter:
Different hooks

Although he was intoxicated, the thief

managed to escape through the
deserted canal towpaths which
criss-crossed the city...
Despite his intoxicated state, the thief
was able to escape through the
deserted canal towpaths...
 Open using a word
ending in –ed:
Different hooks

Terrified, the girl darted out

of the path of her
pursuer...
 Use a simile:
The mugger approached his target
Different hooks

like a stealthy cat stalking its

prey...

The pickpocket moved as smoothly

as a sea snake glides through the
water...
 Use alliteration:
Different hooks

Ragged, rough and rank, the

criminal closed in on the
student walking alone down
the alley...
 Use sentences of three,
for impact:
Different hooks

She staggered home, yanked off

her painful shoes, and made a
cup of tea...
 Speech, followed by action
with an ‘ing’ clause:
Different hooks

“Help me!”, he screamed,

tripping on the slimy
cobblestones..
 Use personification:
Different hooks

The moon peeped meekly

from behind the sullen
night clouds...
 Use time: including time of
day, season, and
Different hooks

temperature:
At 6pm on an icy winter
evening...
 Start with a name:
Different hooks

Detective Marshall didn’t

believe a word of the
devious criminal’s story...
 Start with a question:
Different hooks

“Are you sure its safe to

walk by the canal
tonight?” asked his anxious
girlfriend.
 Start with a wish:
Different hooks

Why couldn’t he be lying safely

wrapped in his fluffy duvet
instead of here bleeding into the
slush and snow...
 Describe the scene:
Different hooks

On the edge of town stood

a derelict building that no
one ever dared enter...
 Introduce a new character:
Her name was Morwenna
Different hooks

and everyone realised

there was something
mysterious about her right
from the beginning...
 Begin a sentence with
dramatic action:
Different hooks

The gun fired as the bank robber

leapt through the window in
escape...
 Go back to your description – try and write three or
four different ways you could open your description.

Like a colourful
carnival, we edged
our way through the
muddy streets.

Use an image
– begin with a Smiling and laughing,
simile… I led the way.

Use ‘ing’ words

(participles)…
A street scene in India
 Learning Objective: Can create
interesting hooks?
Learning Checkpoint

Must: Level 5: Varied and interesting vocabulary, simple

and compound sentences are used, five types of
punctuation.

Should: Level 6 : Engages and sustains the readers

interest using a range of sentence structures and varied
vocabulary to create effects, six types of punctuation.

Could: Level 7: Writing is confident and imaginative using

sentences for effect. Use the full range of punctuation
correctly.

Where are you up to? How can you tell?

I am level 5 because I used a range of sentences and four

types of punctuation.