Conscious Conversations:

Engaging the Differences that Divide Us

Sheldon Romer Susan Skjei

Consultant / Coach Authentic Leadership
Center, Naropa University

Produced by
 Conscious Conversations:
Engaging the Differences that Divide Us
A Workshop with
Sheldon Romer, Executive Consultant
Susan Skjei, PhD
 Authentic Leadership Model
Presence SELF-ESTEEM
(Mindfulness, CONFIDENCE
Awareness and
Authenticity)
“I”
Engagement Effective
(Skillful Action
Conversations, (Courage and POWER
TRUST
Group Dynamics) Collaborative EFFECTIVENESS
CREDIBILITY Change)
“We”
“It”

© Susan Skjei
An organization is a network of conversations
 Mental Models
”Mental models are the deeply held internal images,
assumptions, and stories which we carry in our minds of
ourselves, other people, institutions and every aspect of
the world.”
- Peter Senge Fifth Discipline Fieldbook
• We can’t not have mental models
• Often helpful
• Our mental models tell us what to pay attention to
• Left unexplored, they can limit us to familiar ways of
thinking and acting instead of embracing differences
We are often captive to our mental models

We operate under the following assumptions

• Our beliefs are the truth
• The truth is obvious
• Our beliefs are based on real data
• The data we select are the real data

Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Peter Senge et al

 We can improve our communication
through reflection by using the Ladder of
Inference in 3 ways:
1. Become more aware of our own thinking and
reasoning
2. Make our thinking and reasoning visible to
others
3. Inquire into other’s thinking and reasoning
Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Peter Senge et al
 Role Play Debrief
6. Action: I won't delegate important things to him

5. Belief: I can't trust anyone else to care as much as I do

4. Stereotype: He doesn't really care about customer service

3. Assumption: He didn't think this was very important and didn't

make it a priority

2. Interpretation: It must be the new admin's fault

1. Data: The handouts are not here

 Inquiry and Advocacy
Inquiry...
Is asking about and
understanding the views
and perspectives held by
others.

Advocacy...
Is expressing your view
 Effective Inquiry
(Helping others move down their ladder of inference)
Effective Effective Example Ineffective
Be calm, non-provocative and probe for “Help me understand you…” Ask a question when you have
their point of view an answer in mind; disguise
statements as questions
Identify the data they are using “What data of information did you use?”
Ask question in order to avoid
saying what you already think
Make their assumptions and reasoning “How does that data relate to your
explicit conclusion?”
Ask unilaterally, “do you see
what I see?”
Explain why you are inquiring “I am asking you this because…”

“I just seem to be missing something

If they act defensive, do not respond in here and I want to make sure that I
kind. Stay calm, slow down. under-stand your point of view.”

Adapted from: Ross, Rick and Charlotte Roberts, “Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, pages 253-259
 Effective Advocacy
(Taking people up your ladder of inference)
Effective Effective Examples Ineffective
State your perception “I see it this way…” Speak unilaterally with no
options for rebuttal or
inquiry
Identify the data you used “Here is the data I used…”

Do not reveal your thinking

Explain your assumptions “I assumed that…”

When asked for examples,

Make your reasoning explicit “Here is how that data led me to my give abstract or generic
conclusions…” ones

Invite others to explore your observations “What do you think about what I just said?
and reasoning. Do you see any holes in my reasoning?”

Refrain from being defensive. Instead “Thank you for your comments.”
move to inquiry.

Adapted from: Ross, Rick and Charlotte Roberts, “Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, pages 253-259
 Left-Hand Column Exercise
• Recall a conversation that did not go well. Ideally, a recent
one.
• Draw two columns
• What was actually said? – Write in right hand column
• What were your private thoughts and feelings? – Write in left
hand column
Purpose:
• Increase our Awareness
• Discover other options to
take when we get stuck
Ian Webster
 Left-Hand Column Exercise
What I was thinking What we actually said
and feeling but didn’t
say

Source: The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook Peter Senge et al

 Exercise
• Please review your “left hand column”
• Inquiry: Identify one question you might have asked
that could have shifted the course of the conversation
• Advocacy: Identify something you might have
disclosed that could have shifted the course of the
conversation
• Please discuss with a partner
Thank You!

www.naropa.edu/alc
sskjei@naropa.edu