Games & Nasty Games Women Play (& How to Deal

With Them)
thepowermoves.com/courses/power-university/lessons/partner-control/topic/games-nasty-games-women-play-
how-to-deal-with-them

We have already seen several games

Albeit this might seem a lesson for men only, I advise women to go through it because
there will be much to learn.

1. “Invest in Me” Games

If you’re not skipping lessons, and I hope not :), we’ve seen this.

But keep on reading, there’s more wisdom to learn.

“Will you buy me a drink” is one of the most stereotypical requests to make him invest.
But frankly, I have seldom seen this one myself. Many more times the games are more
undercover.

Some women will look at your drink and ask you what you’re drinking.
If you were sitting down with a drink, some women will excuse themselves to smoke a
cigarette or go to the bathroom when they’re about to finish their drink.
That’s to give him a chance to “be gallant” and pay.
A bit more obviously, some women will go over him if he’s at the bar.

And in more advanced stages of dating, they might make a big show of checking some
dress or cosmetic product in front of him.
Again, that’s an invite for him to buy it for her.

Sometimes they will drop verbal hints such as:

Her: Where are you planning to go, I’m a gourmet, I love great food

Or:

Her: I looove dining with a good champagne, it makes me so happy

See what the game is?

It’s not just an invite to “surprise her” with a champagne, but that the champagne will
make her “happy” and, it’s implied, more into you and more likely to enjoy sex with you.
It’s a materialistic tit for tat and it’s setting up the relationship to be a “stuff for sex” kind
of trade.

And we’ve already seen this example:

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I find all types of “invest in me” games highly unsavory.
Even if he is OK with being her provider, it’s tacky to ask for it, and it’s cheap to play
games around it trying to “nudge” him towards paying and investing.
I would recommend men to consider each one of these games a strike against her.

Being a provider is totally fine and it can also be part and parcel of being a high-quality
man. But it should come from his willingness to do so, not because of her games and
machinations.

The issue with this dynamic is also that, if money serves to make up for a value difference,
which it often does, the unstated message is that he is not valuable enough for her.
Indeed, “invest in me games” seek to place the woman as higher sexual value than he is,
and only lower value men -or very socially unintelligent men- will accept that.

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That’s why I also recommend female readers to avoid these games -and that “I need
investment” mindset- if they’re interested in a cool guy and a more collaborative
relationship.

Indeed, this is also a poor way to start a relationship. For him, for sure, but for her as
well..
It will not be a relationship of equals who respect and like each other, but a transaction
where he needs to pay up for the difference. And even if, even if, there actually was a SMV
imbalance, it’s still a “value-subtracting”, win-lose approach to date and start a
relationship.

1.2. Invest in Me: Finessing

A minority of women sometimes even seek to frame the interaction like him investing in
her, highlight and expanding on what would otherwise be a rather “normal investment
level”.

If she is good, she will make him feel good about it, which might be a win-win.

For example:

Her: Thank you for taking me home safely

That’s what a woman told me when we drove back to my place wasted (the most stupid
thing you can do and highly antisocial at the same time, I was young and stupid and
ashamed for it, don’t drunk-drive!).

But her sentence was a great move!

Now he feels good for investing and protecting, prodding him to invest even more.

Or consider this:

Her: Thank you for escorting me here

Said a woman I walked back to the metro station, adding a little bow for effect.
Another great move: I walk back almost every girl, but very few say “thank you”. The ones
that do, highlight his investment and make him feel good about, which is likely to make
him invest even more.

PRO Tip: Highlight what he does, make him feel good about it, and he’ll do
more

Women can take some inspiration from these two ladies.

Do something similar, I can guarantee you he will be much more willing to do even more
for you.
It could be considered a power move as she becomes “the judge” by dispensing rewards

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for the behavior she wants.
But it’s a positive power move nonetheless. This is the type of behavior that screams “this
woman is worth investing in” because she appreciates it.

1.3. “I Can Invest in You… Will You Do the Same?”

Sometimes women will propose or hint at their possible investment in a man.

This a form of quid pro quod games, where the unstated exchange is that she expects
something back for her offer -often, commitment-.

Here is an example:

Her: (at a restaurant or while eating something) I can do it better than this

You will see this most often in “difficult markets” for women, such as markets where
women are a majority, where good men are really rare, or where men don’t commit much.
This game can actually be a very good sign for men who seek commitment.

Women should be careful not do it too obvious though or it might reek of desperation.
Especially don’t throw out investment offers to men you have barely met!

Investment offers to men you have not properly screened scream “huge SMV imbalance”
and the investment is not anymore a way of caring for each other but just a chip that she
is using to make up for that difference.
At the extreme, men are actually annoyed to receive these offers just like women are
annoyed by “offers” for sex by random (unattractive) men.

This is an extreme example, again showing the huge variance of SMV depending on local
SMPs:

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That’s not even funny.
Just desperate and somewhat sad.

1.4. “Invest in Him”: Testing Compliance As a Provider

This is an interesting variant.

Women like to see their dates being pro-social because it means that they are more likely
to invest in them as well.

And sometimes they will try to force his pro-sociality.

How do they do it?

Imagine you’re at a restaurant, and it goes like this:

Waiter: (brings the change back)

Him: (takes the money and leaves the coins in the trail)
She: Shouldn’t you leave a tip?

It’s always easy tipping more with someone else’s money, isn’t it? 🙂
That could be seen as the first test for “spending compliance”, such as: can I lead and
direct his spending habits, so that I can get him to spend on me?

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Generally, you want the answer to that question to be “no”.

But of course, you need to be strategic about it.

Forcing Pro-Social Donation: An Example

Once I was with a woman, paying for a ticket entry to a temple.

I already didn’t like the idea that one has to pay to visit a temple, which should be about
inclusion and not money.
So when right beside the counter I saw there was a container for donations, I thought
“no”.

Well, here comes her power move.

She took that same container, moved it closer to me and said “donations”, as if to tell me
“do make a donation now”.

What are the power dynamics here?

– She is taking a leadership role to drive your behavior

If you do as she says, you relinquish leadership and become a follower.

That is also a mild form of tasking.

– She is indirectly taking a judge position by judging what is “good” to do and

what one “should not do”

If you accept, you buy into her frame of reference and admit that she is right and that one
should always give donations.
And you might not want that.

Plus, of course, if I do, I look more as a provider and less of a lover.

That might be OK depending on the strategy you’re going for, but it’s never good if she is
forcing you into that role. You always want to pick and choose your roles and strategies,
and never be forced into anything.

Dealing With “Invest In Him”

This “invest in him” type of power move puts you in a bind.

Refuse to, and you might look like a cheapo.

Agree, and you follow her lead and dance at her tune.

Here is how to handle it:

– If you agree, do it, then tell her never to tell you again what to do or not do

In the tip example, you could leave one bill and, as soon as the waiter takes off, say:

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 You: You’re right, in this case.
(look at her in the eyes, with the expression of someone who’s saying something important)
But don’t ever again tell me what I should or should not do. I don’t like that.
(pause for a second. Stern, but not angry)
Got it?

You must deliver this sternly, but without anger.

You want to communicate “I’m an emotionally balanced person and don’t get angry over
little stuff, but I do have boundaries that you must respect them”.

95% of the time she will nod and go submissive. After that, it’s crucial that you
immediately go back to neutral to show that you’re unfazed about this whole thing.

– If you disagree, ignore what she says, provide a rationale later, and tell her
never to do it again

If you disagree, ignore her move.

You don’t want to start an argument with people around.

Then, later explain why you didn’t -ie.: the service was not that good, or that you don’t
believe in tips, whatever-. This serves to avoid the “cheapo” label which is bad for
seduction (and you don’t want to be a cheapo in general).

And then, tell her to please never tell you again what you should, or should not do.

If you’re already having sex with her, you can even add to “not to tell you what to do with
your money”. If you’re not having sex yet, skip that part.

2. Damsel in Distress Games

With his commitment, by now you surely know, women also want to secure his
investment and resources.

One way some women accomplish it is by downplaying their ability to get their own
resources, by playing to his ego or by awakening his protector instincts.

Some authors of female dating advice, for example, recommend women to ask men for
favors to make them feel strong (like in this example from HIMYM)

But the women who do it best don’t use words for it.

Marylin Monroe, for example, didn’t need to say to a man “protect me”: her airy voice,
(overplayed) vulnerability and naive demeanor did all the talking for her.

Look at her reclining her head against him:

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Watch Video At: https://youtu.be/b_P2FFIVV8A

That’s another great nonverbal to stoke his protective instincts.

The last ingredient of Monroe’s secret sauce?

Her hint of crazy.

That drives men wild and makes them run to invest. That’s the Ph.D. of investment
games.

Damsel in Distress as Short-Term Sexual Tactic

Men are partial to signals of “exploitability” when they seek a short-term partner, and
some women can send exaggerated signals of “exploitability” to attract male suitors.

This is why women who play stupid bimbos end up attracting lots of male attention -and
lots of female hatred-.

Of course, some women will then seek to transform that attention into something more
tangible without necessarily giving sex.
Or they might seek to turn the casual sex into long-term commitment.

Overall, the “Damsel in Distress” and signals of exploitability are extremely effective in
getting men to chase, especially in the short-term.

3. Jealousy Games
Jealousy plays serve to keep him on his toes.

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During dating, it can be used to push him to get serious.
We have already seen this example earlier, and it’s a perfect example of a jealous power
move:

During the relationship, she can use it to destabilize him and remind him to keep up or
increase his investment levels… Or he’s risking it.

Jealousy games are not always so obvious and can be very hidden.

She might talk to some guy at a party and laugh with particular gusto. Or she might
surreptitiously send out approach invitations to other men while the two of them are out.
Or she might compliment some other men:

3.2. Triangulation Games

Triangulation games are a subset of jealousy games and we could define them as follows:

Triangulation games stoke jealousy in one man by bringing into the picture another man –or
several men- whom, she says or implies, are openly pursuing her or are potentially
interested in having a sexual and/or romantic relationship with her.

The more attractive the men she will pick, the more potential for his jealousy and the
more likely it is he will be made to feel insecure by comparison.

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There are countless ways she can use triangulation.

Some of them include:

– Talk to other men and look “raptly lost” in conversation

Then, when he asks, she will say he was “so interesting”.

If he comments on how into him she looked, she got what she wanted and she will play it
down to make him look silly: “oh please George, he was just a random guy”.

– Send out “approach signals” to men to signal she’s in demand

But she will only send approach signals when he’s not looking.
And then possibly even complain of “all these hungry men treating women like a piece of
meat… All she wanted was to dance a bit on the dance floor”.

That way she looks Madonna-like, “superior”, and high in demand.

– Go out with her girlfriends until late

And then tell him what a great fun if it was… “If it just wasn’t for that guy who couldn’t
take the hint that she was taken already”.
The game here is that there was such a dogged pursuer of her that if she were to become
single again, she’d be snatched again in no time for another relationship.

– Ask you if she can meet an ex for coffe who has contacted her

Straight-shooting women will drop it if their man says no and respect it.

Game players instead will insist and try to make him look silly for being jealous.

“What have you to worry about, you silly, he is married now!”.

The fact that he is now married of course only further increases her value, suggesting that
another woman is not enough to get her out of his mind.

But also more indirect ways, including:

– Talking about cool exes

– Speak of how successful her girlfriends’ boyfriends are
– Comment on how attractive some male actors are

For example:

Her: Cristina’s husband bought her a new car

Or a bit sneakier:

Her: I heard Matthew, your schoolmate, has made partner. Cristina must be so proud of him

The message here is that he should step up his game because similar men are doing
better.

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4. You Barely Managed Game
This is a big value-taking power move, it indirectly says:

You’re Lower SMV & Got Lucky

“You barely managed games” include:

– Reminding him she didn’t like him

– Tell him she was about to walk out on him
– Say she only met him because her friend insisted

These are a form of “I’m the prize” power games, but they deserve their own category.

Why do women play this game?

Well, to get more power, of course.

But sometimes, also to counteract the tendency that some have to devalue a woman after
they already “have her”.

Some women counteract this tendency sending the message that he barely scraped by.
This increases her value while reminding him that she is the chooser -and the judge-, and
that he should be glad to be with her.

Women who play the game will never tell you they had noticed you before you approached
them. Or, God forbid, that they maneuvered to be seen by you, that they were so thrilled
you spoke to them or that they were hoping your story would go somewhere serious.

Instead, they will say that you didn’t make much of an impression, that at the beginning
they didn’t really want you and that they gave you a chance but hey… “They’re glad you
did well”.

For example:

Her: I’m so glad you stuck with us that night. I would have never noticed you otherwise,
and you were quite charming

See what she’s doing?

She’s cushioning her move with two seemingly uplifting comments: she’s happy you did it,
and “you were quite charming”.

But that remark also implies that you weren’t that hot and that you were chasing her.

5. The Hot Exes Game

Very insidious, can drive some men crazy.

By talking up her great exes she is inflating her sexual marketplace value and keeping him
on his toes.

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Watch Video At: https://youtu.be/9Ll9m-MY3Ck

Solution:
show no fear about her exes.

Ask a couple follow up questions, but unless you’re a very curious type who asks questions
about anything -which you should do though-, that’s it.

Or just say “OK” and make a mental note.

Too many questions at this point and you look suspiciously too interested.

Another effective tool here is to play it right back to her and “compare notes” with your
own exes.

Alternatively, you can test her by saying: “OK, why are you telling me this“.
If she replies “why, I am just saying… Is it bothering you“, then she’s likely playing
games.
Don’t get defensive but laugh and jokingly spank her, as if to say “I know your game”.

Or if you want to cut the crap, look disappointed, explain to her what she’s doing, and
then give her the “no more games speech” (later on that).

6. The Cuddling Monster Game

Some women will try to deflate their men’s ego by praising their non-sexual attributes.

So he will become a cuddle monster, a teddy bear, a soft pillow to sleep on, a “too cute for
this world” pup.

This game is aimed at defanging him.

If they are so cute, and not really sexy, how can they even think of banging other women?

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Solution:
this is OK if you appreciate that type of relationship with cutesy names. If you’re
otherwise not a big fan, either act standoffish when she comes up with cutesy games, take
a bit of emotional distance or clearly tell them you don’t like it.
For example: “look, I have a name, my name is Lucio and I like being called with my
name“.

7. The Madonna Games

We have already seen the Madonna/whore dichotomy and why women position
themselves as Madonna (as a reminder: men want to fuck the whore but they want to
stick around and invest in the Madonna).

A few ways they will do it:

1. Call other women “bitches” (implying they’re not bitches)

2. Feign disgusts at libertine behavior
3. Try to frame sleeping around as “immoral”

Sometimes they combine it with shaming while they set themselves up as judges:

Her: Oh, why, do you like that kind of girls?

Where “that kind of girls” are women different than the image she wants to portray.
Usually, it’s looser women, not as intelligent or not as serious as her.

See?

With just one questions she has set herself apart from the “low quality” competition and is
pushing him to prove himself to her while also buying into her frame of reference.

Solution:
When she plays that game on you I recommend men reply with something like “why, what
do you mean, what’s the issue with those girls”.

Let her come down from her high horse, show that she is being a bit too judgmental.

Then you can show your mindset and qualities with something like “well, I am obviously
very selective with the women I pick and date, but I don’t think much in terms of those
girls and these other girls.

Actually, I think that a healthy sexual drive is a good thing. I also like women who can
embrace their sexuality and enjoy their sexual selves”.

Boom, now you effectively counter-shamed her and pushed her to comply to your frame
of reference.

8. The Undermining Game

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You will see this one mostly with women who feel they are not good enough for their men
-or who think their men are simply too good-.

They will thus pretend they are not impressed, like Kutcher does in the movie Spread:

Watch Video At: https://youtu.be/0W2-sTZpqfM

Or actively try to lower his achievements or possessions:

Her: Oh that’s a cool Olympic size swimming pool. Is it warmed up for winter swimming?

Her: Oh, professor and author, nice. Maybe you know X guy in your field who wrote Y
best-seller. I really like him

If she is good she will make the comments seem nonchalant, natural and off-hand.
Powerful stuff.

And here is another example that mixes devaluing to jealousy power move:

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Her girlfriend was complimenting her boyfriend. But to avoid that he would feel like the
prize of the relationship, she immediately devalues the compliment (and him).

Really unnecessary.

9. I’m The Prize Power Play

Some women will try to set themselves up as the prize by saying that “you won them”.

The variants of this game are:

1. Well done, you won me (you did well in the courtship)

2. Well done, you won over the competition (here she parades other men as well)
3. I prefer you / you are better (ie.: there were other men but I chose you)

In either case, she is the chooser and she is the prize that you won.
And by being the prized possession of the relationship, she also takes the higher value
position in the relationship (and you take the subordinate position).

Whenever a girl uses the competition of other men to become the prize in a relationship,
she’s not doing anybody a favor.
Not to the relationship, not to you and, ultimately, she’s undermining herself too.

Here’s what it says:

1. She thinks you’re so dumb you’ll be proud for “winning”

2. Such low-level power plays say bad things about her IQ
3. It might be a sign of insecurity

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4. Power plays OR building a great relationship: you can’t have both. What is she focusing
on?

Addressing “I’m the Prize” Power Plays

To address “I’m the prize power plays” ask her why she’s comparing you to her exes or to
other men.
Then explain to her what she’s doing and why it’s nasty.

Something like this:

You: I’m not really comfortable with you saying that.

I feel you are stacking me up against exes and making a contest out of it. I have no interest
in being part of a competition of winners and losers.

We are together now, and hopefully in the future as well. And that’s what matters.

I see relationships as collaborations to be better… together. and as much as I am very glad

we ended up together, I also believe you won as well.

And unless you’re curious or it’s relevant to the topic, I have no interest in discussing my
exes with you. This relationship is about you and I, and I wanna keep it that way.

There are many more ways women try to set themselves up as the prize of the
relationship.
Check out this forum entry for a pictorial guide on another “I’m the prize” power game:

– She maneuvers seats to lock-in and make him chase

10. The Mother-Figure Game

This one is powerful.

Some women manage to hold captive life-philandering men and to have high quality, un-
tamable men to always come back to them.

They do so by recreating the mother-son bond. They give him endless love and an
environment where they are accepted as they are, no matter what.

Codependent relationships are a sort of unhealthy mom-games, but not all mom games
are codependent.

It’s very rare though.

11. Boundaries Testing Power Moves

When a woman pushes his boundaries, she is subconsciously testing his inner resolve.

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Women want to know whether he is going to stand strong or if he is going to give in.
If he gives in, he lacks social power and resolve and she will consider him as “less” than
she is.

And that, most of the times, will kill her attraction because, as we have seen, women tend
to prefer men who are “more” than they are, especially in typically masculine spheres such
as dominance and social power.

Some women will go as far as being rude or aggressive to test your boundaries.
Here is one example:

In the example she had “somewhat of a reason” to be snippy, and it underlines her
jealousy.

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Some men might run with that and confirm they are “sluts”. These men are trying to show
off their “lover” qualities, hoping that she will agree to have sex with them quickly because
of their success.

But that’s not a good idea. Women lose respect -and attraction- for men that
allow their abuse to go unchecked. “Slut” is an insult, no matter how you slice it, and
verbal abuse is something you should never accept.

You must take all tests of your boundaries very seriously. Men who have even a minimum
of self-respect don’t accept abuse from their partners.

This is not about “being able to laugh at oneself”.

Even if you don’t take yourself too seriously, which you shouldn’t, you still must push
back on any type of abuse as if your whole relationship depended on it. Because it does.

12. “I Will Drop You” Game

This is a form of “game of chicken” power move.

It consists of hinting -or openly threatening- to end the relationship or to outright tell him
she can end the relationship far easier than he could.

It basically says, in a rather crude way, that she needs him less than he needs her.

She can use it during a heated exchange or when he acts a bit too cocky and dominant.
Alternatively, this can happen when she feels she has been stuck too long and needs to
move into the next commitment phase.

For example, if she wants to get official, or get married. And of course, you might see it
when she is well into her reproductive years and is getting antsy about children.

More on this game in the next lesson, which I Christened “games of chicken”.

13. Revenge Games (Against Dominant Men)

Finally, there are revenge games.

These happen sometimes to men who seek control and power but who don’t have her full
respect.

The woman uses passive-aggressive tactics and covert aggression to hit back at him, and
she enjoys seeing her man in pain or in difficulties.
Sometimes women who engage in revenge games have a sadistic streak.

You saw one example earlier, with the “branch-swinging” woman loving to go behind her
boyfriend’s back.

14.2. Bull Parading Game

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A specific kind of this game is about parading attractive men that will make him jealous.

These women love to see the insecurity and jealousy swell in their men, which serve to
give them back power.
Some women even get a kick in introducing and spending time with men they have been
lovers with.

I call it the “bull game” because in swingers’ clubs bulls are men who have sex with the
woman in front of the official boyfriend or husband.

Usually, men who are used for bull power moves are handsome, tall, buff, or all of them.
But… Not always.
I can vouch for the exceptions since it’s happened to me a couple of times and I’m none of
those above :).
A lady I was seeing invited me to her flat party. I think I kept my composure quite well
when she introduced me to her boyfriend, one of the biggest gym rats I had ever seen.

What was even more awkward is how touchy she was in front of him.
Then just to piss him off even more, she passed him over the camera to take a picture of
all of her friends, without him (and laid her hand flat on my chest).

This is another reason why trying to

“dominate” in relationships is a
hollow pursuit: domination attempts
by the man when he is not yet a true
and well-accepted leader makes
women rebel.
And it leads to toxic “relationships”.

We go back to some of the basic

principles of power here:

1. Use collaborative frames

2. Use the least amount of force
possible
3. Add warmth to your power

Questions? Open A Topic & Ask Here!

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