1.

Two things you feel this draft does especially well,

2. Two things you feel you could still improve on, and
3. One sentence from the final draft that you are particularly proud of.

1. I believe this draft does a good job of using a wide range of papers to support my
research question. I include articles analysing past trends of treatment towards
transgender individuals such as ones exploring traditional cinema and its effects. I use
articles that explore the difference between traditional cineman and cinema now, as well
as articles with statistics of future trends for transgender populations and also opinions on
how media affects representation from the effected party themselves. Another thing I
think this draft does well is convey the importance of this subject and how its currently
changing.

2. One thing my draft could definitely improve on is referring to sources by the authors
name rather than the sources title in order to make my writing more concise. This
feedback was given by Professor Kitty which I should have discovered in the initial
feedback stage. The next thing I would like to improve on is the use of an outline when
writing. I found writing and organzitng this paper much easier than some other research/
source based appears because I wrote out the points I wanted to make and which sources
best conveyed that information. Although I did a better job doing this than usual, I wish
like to pay more attention to my outline in the future and check that each source does the
best job conveying the message I want because I ended up needing to look for additional
sources to back smaller claims up during the final draft. This would have been easier if I
spent more time perfecting the outline.

3. “Understanding the media’s role and influence on the cultural shifts of inclusivity and
diversity toward these individuals can be used to further inclusivity and shape perceptions
to help fight to gain LGBTQ+ rights.” I particularly like this sentence because it makes
the purpose/ focus of my paper very clear.