Barlow 1

Brooke Barlow

Mrs. Smith

English 2760

February 28th, 2024

The Power That Causes Pain to Forget

Through a non-judgmental but emotional and personal lens Kiese Laymon writes about

being a young black man growing up in the South. His book Heavy is addressed to his mother

but also to any person in a place of power. Living amongst abuse Laymon struggles to find

control in his life through his weight, gambling, and revision. This American memoir manages to

highlight not only the abuse a parent can produce on a child, but the mistreatment an entire

nation can inflict upon one another. The fight against forgetting seems to be the only way to

move forward.

In his first chapter “Been” Laymon starts off by addressing “you”. “I did not want to

write to you” (Laymon 1). Although the book was written to his mother, somewhere along the

line this “you” seems to also become a metaphor for America. Laymon could have easily written

a book about growing up and becoming an award-winning author, but instead chose to remember

by writing his truth.

Heavy is written chronologically from childhood into adulthood. Acts of abuse do not

only come from his mother within his home. As one of the more chilling parts of the book

Laymon recollects his time at Beulah Beauford’s house and the sexual violence that resided

there. The “big boys” ask a young girl Layla to come alone with them into the room. As Laymon

sits outside of the door he questions what it means to be a man. Boys can be abusive to girls, but

Laymon also writes about his female babysitter being sexually violent towards him. One of the
 Barlow 2

“big boys” was also sexually violent towards one of the younger boys. Privilege can bring about

the power to harm. “I didn’t know how to tell you or anyone else the stories my body told me,

but, like you, I knew how to run, deflect, and duck” (Laymon 28). The truth that Laymon

addresses here is that parents, babysitters, white people, men, and straight kids can harm women,

children, black people, and queer kids in ways they could never be harmed themselves. Being a

young black man, he has learned how to run for protection. This harm is a truth that should not

be forgotten.

The power of revision is a way that Laymon can control how he remembers. “Revised

word patterns were revised thought patterns. Revised thought patterns shaped memory” (Laymon

86). As a teenager Laymon starts to witness more occurrences of racism. Many mistreatments

other heinous acts against black men are broadcasted, but television is not the only way racism

reaches him. His mother is pulled over by the police and the officer tries to question Laymon

even though he is still a child. As he begins reading many great books by black authors and

practices revision even his white English teacher/basketball coach takes every opportunity to

exploit his power. In giving Laymon feedback on an essay, the teacher only gives feedback about

basketball refusing to appropriately grade his paper. Again, privilege turns into power and power

yields harm. Through revision learns to remember.

Laymon expresses how harm is felt and seen on his body. He frequently refers to his size,

weight, stretch marks, and sweat. Eating and working out is one of the only forms of control that

he has. As a young adult in college Laymon literally is the embodiment of pain. He goes from

eating old pizza from the trash to not eating for days. His size and weight vary but the pain

remains the same. He is threatened at and removed from his college for writing about black

intolerance. His girlfriend is called racial and misogynistic slurs for being a black woman on
 Barlow 3

campus. His mom frequently asks for his money as she struggles to pay bills. The weight of his

world is causing him pain regardless of the number on the scale. Pretty soon his hip gives out

after going on a run from the amount of pain his body is carrying. Laymon tries to forget, but his

body continues to remember.

His weight is not the only form of self-harm in the book. His uncle Jimmy struggles with

alcoholism. His grandmother neglects her health when she has an infection on her head. His

mom continues to borrow money because of her gambling addiction which Laymon soon shares.

After college Laymon’s pain does not go away. He becomes a professor where privilege and

power still run rampant among his students. Particularly a white student who gets off easily by

saying he was pressured to use drugs by a big black student. Laymon reflects on the number of

times he has witnessed white people blaming black people. Harm leads to pain which leads to

gambling. Laymon even steals ten dollars from his girlfriend to head back to the casino.

At the casino he sees his mother. They finally meet head on for Laymon to have an

honest conversation. In this exchange there is still a lot unsaid and buried, but is there hope for

change? Laymon leaves his readers questioning how much pain he still carries and if he ever had

any moments of healing. He does not write a happy or resolved ending because these issues have

yet to be resolved and so much continues to be pushed under the rug in this nation.

The power that is privilege can cause so much pain that the pain is forgotten. When

Laymon ignores the pain, it still remains heavily in his body. He strives to share his memories

through his writing and revision. His memories consist of abuse within America and within

American homes. In order to continue forward they must not be forgotten.