First draft reflection

My story works well in describing a clear setting and plot. The short story is concise and
diction has been carefully selected. The story starts in the middle of an action and there are
examples of sensory language.

Areas to develop are to vary the sentence openers and use a more consistent verb tense.
The dialogues should be more lively and expressive.

My unexpected encounter

The clock is ticking. The sound from my classmates writing is mechanical. Everyone feels so
focused when they are writing. The sunlight is illuminating the old brown benches through
the faded translucent pale curtains that have constantly been exposed to the sun. I hear the
teacher's monotone voice muted as if I was somewhere distant and far away. I look at the
clock. It is the last lesson before school is finished.
After thirty minutes my lesson is over. I hear the banging noises from the lockers being
closed and the laughter of the students talking about their plans for the weekend. Suddenly I
hear someone shouting my name after me.
- Kaneki! Is that you?
I look backwards and I see a boy with ruff golden brown hair and a big smile running towards
me.
- Oh hi Tori, you scared me a little.
- Come on, we have been friends since childhood.
Afterwards we go to the schoolyard. Most of the students are going home or to after school
activities. I haven’t had an after school activity since two years ago since my mom passed
away. I used to play the piano and my mom, who is a piano teacher, was very strict. Since
the day she passed away from cancer, I haven’t touched a single keynote.
-Oh I forgot my soccer shoes, you can go now, I will catch up to you later, he says hastily.
- Alright. I will head home first to write my English homework, I say casually.
When walking home I notice that the cherry trees beside the roads have blossomed. Every
now and then small delicate pink flower pedals are floating down the tree. Suddenly, a
distant bright melody catches my attention. I have never heard someone play music in this
area. I wonder what kind of instrument it is. As I continue walking down the road with a slight
inquisitive feeling I see a small green hill. On top of the hill there are children with happy
faces chatting and giggling. Standing in the middle there is a girl with long brown hair
hanging down from her shoulders, she is wearing a jeans jacket and white knee length skirt.
The children are happily playing together with the girl and I think that they look like the
Bremen town musicians.Town musicians of Bremen is a story I used to listen to during
childhood and was my favorite goodnight story read by my mother.
I decide to take a picture of the scenery and the giggling group. Just as I take the picture, a
heavy wind blows through the hill that makes the leaves of the trees rustle and makes me
close my eyes to prevent the dust from getting into my eye. In that moment, the girl's skirt
gets blown up and down. But the girl notices me having my phone up as I was to take a
picture, she gets upset and sprints down and accuses me for illegal photographing.
-Hey you! What do you think you're doing? She shouts fiercely.
- What do you mean? I say innocently.
- You clearly tried to peek and take a photo! You pervert! She shouts.
- No I didn’t! I respond quickly.
- Hey Kaneki, a familiar voice shouts.
I look at the side and see Tori.
- Kaneki! What are you doing here in the middle of the road? Is that you Kaori?
- Yes. Aren’t you that boy who helped me find my bag that one time? She says
curiously.
- I certainly am, said Tori smiling.
Afterwards they began to chat lively. I follow their enthusiastic conversation and remain
silent.
- Oh wait! I have to go now, I have a violin competition in about 2 hours, the girl says
surprised.
- Wow!, you play the violin! So cool!, Tori says.
- You guys can come and listen if you want, the girl says.
- Let’s go Kaneki, you played the piano before, you should be interested in these kinds
of things.
- No I think I’ll pass, you can go and listen, Tori.
Suddenly the girl grabs my arm.
- let’s go!
The spontaneous action and the strong will made me just follow.

We arrive at the concert building entrance. The fast pace and the adrenaline from the sprint
makes my blood pump out faster and I can almost hear the beat up in my head. I look at the
building and see huge grey stone blocks and several big chunks of glass windows. I enter
the building and see several boys and girls with violin cases in different shapes and colors.
- I’m going to change clothes, the entrance to the concert hall is next to the corner, she
says with a smile.
The humidity in the concert hall is damp and the chilly temperature makes my individual hair
on my arm raise. At the center of the stage lies a majestic and elegant black grand piano. All
of a sudden I remember that day when I got a mental breakdown at the annual piano
competition for gifted children. It was that day when my mom took her last breath. I was
playing Beethoven’s stormy Sonata op. 27 nr. 2. It is the most unbridled in its representation
of emotion and it’s ferocity is astonishing. When I got to the middle of the piece, I thought of
my mother and that she had passed away. Due to this thought, my whole concentration went
away and even though my fingers were moving, my hearing was quickly disappearing. My
whole consciousness felt like it was descending beneath the water and every note I took was
mumbled. I stopped playing after that incident and I felt a part of myself disappear that day.
- Hey Kaneki! What are you doing there looking all nervous, come and sit here, what's
wrong?, Tori asked with a slightly concerned tone.
- Ehhm nothing, I was just caught up in a bad memory, I answered mumbling.
After ten minutes the first participants come on the stage. This person and the other
participants playing are very accurate and consistent. Kaori enters the stage as the last
competitor. She wears an elegant long pink dress and walks confidently to the center of the
stage. We all can feel the atmosphere tension up and no one dares to make a sound. As
soon as the stagelight focuses on her she begins to play her first stroke on the violin. The
note sends quivers throughout my entire body and my arm hair raises making me get
goosebumps. She plays Paganini’s Caprice nr. 5.
The tremendous technical difficulty of Caprice No 5 in A minor lies in its use of two
contrasted bowing techniques. The opening and closing sections require legato bowing in
order to play rapid ascending arpeggios combined with descending scales, the final bar
comprising a chromatic run of forty-eight notes to be played in one bow. Each bar of the
central part of this caprice contains sixteen semiquavers. Paganini marks them to be played
saltato.
She begins with a fierceful, almost devilish tone and her whole body and mind is engaged in
the music. Soon in the middle of the piece, tempo gets faster and the technique is more
exilibristic. The music is living and played with pure passion. The piece ends with an elegant
stroke in which the bow is thrown on the string and allowed to rebound and bounce again.

After the competition Kaori comes up to me.

- Congratulations on the first prize! It was amazing!, I say
- Thank you, she responds happily. By the way I heard you are a really good pianist.
Would you like to be my accompanist? She asks.
- Well, actually I have retired. I haven’t played the piano since two years ago, I answer
with a mumbling voice.
- Come on, you should give it a try. If you don’t play now you will regret it in the future,
she says with a clear voice.

Because of this encounter I began to play the piano again and I could live a happy, musical
life.