THE ART OF INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE:

AN ENLIGHTMENT FROM PROPHETIC LIFE

Life is beautiful but not always easy. It has problems too, it’s either we face them or walk
away from it. Growing up, people will always have different ways of handling things that
happens in their life. Every problem has a solution, and the solutions to all the problems of
Muslims are present in the life of Allah’s messenger S.A. His life is certainly a role model for
us to follow and a specimen for us to refer to at all times. No matter what problem arises, if
we look to the Prophet’s Seerah for a solution, definitely we will find it.

The art of Communication is not all natural. There are some etiquettes to be comply with
people, while we interact with them. Moreover, the most important thing is that, as a
Muslim, how could we turn our interactions and our interpersonal skills into worship. Social
interaction is the process of reciprocal influence exercised by individuals over one another
during social encounters. During a social interaction, the behaviors of the interaction
partners refer to each other. Effective Communication takes a significant amount of work
and energy stems from our understanding of ourselves and others. Effective communication
involves our ability to listen, our verbal communication skills, our non-verbal
communication skills, our understanding of relationship with others, our ability to analyze
an audience, or to understand communication environment.

Some people believe that the traits they have been nurtured on, which they are recognized
by and which have left a certain impression about them on the minds of others can never be
changed. They surrender to this thought, just as a person would surrender to the fact that
he cannot change his height or skin color. On the other hand, an intelligent person thinks
that to change one's nature can perhaps be easier than changing his clothes. Our nature is
not like spilt milk that cannot be scooped up again. Rather, we are always in control of it and
there are certain ways in which we can alter it, and even the way we think! The Prophet
SAW said, "Knowledge is only gained through learning, and clemency is only gained through
perseverance." The hero is the one who goes beyond his ability to improve his skills, until he
becomes able to improve, and perhaps even alter, the skills of others.

How many incidents that occurred in our childhood days do we still remember up until
today, be they happy or sad memories? Think about our childhood and no doubt we will
remember the day we receive a certificate of achievement at school, or when someone
praised us in a public gathering, and so on. These are the sort of incidents that become
imprinted in our memory such that we can never forget. We likewise remember the sad
memories from our child-hood, such as a teacher chastising us, or a fight with a classmate,
or being humiliated by a family member. How often does the good treatment of children
not only affect them but also their parents and families, and it earns their love and respect?
It is often the case that primary school teachers are contacted by their pupils' parents who
thank them and express their love and respect merely for the fact that they love and respect
their children. They may express their gratitude sometimes by words and sometimes as
gifts. Therefore, do not belittle smiling at a child, winning his heart and exercising
interpersonal skills with him.

The Prophet SAW would display the best form of treatment with children. Anas bin Malik -
may Allah be pleased with him- had a younger brother, and the Prophet SAW would play
with him and nickname him Abu 'Umayr. The child had a small bird that he played with.
Whenever the Prophet SAW would meet him, he would joke with him saying, "O Abu
'Umayr, what happened to al-Nughayr?" meaning, the bird. He would be kind and playful
with children. Whenever he would meet Zaynab bint Umm Salamah, he would playfully say
to her, "O Zuwaynib! O Zuwaynib!" Whenever he passed by children playing, he would greet
them. Whenever he visited the Ansaar, he would greet their children and place his hand on
their heads out of compassion. Upon the return of the Muslim army from Mutah, the
Prophet SAW along with the rest of the Muslims and their children met them on their way
back to Madinah, When the Prophet SAW saw the children he said, "Take the children and
carry them, and please pass me In Ja'far." They passed Abdullah bin Ja'far on to him and he
held him in his arms.
One day as the Prophet SAW was performing ablution, there came to him Mahmud bin al-
Rabi' who was only five years old. The Prophet SAW took some water in his mouth and
jokingly blew it out in his face. (Al-Bukhari). Generally, the Prophet SAW was lively and
merry with everyone. He would always try to make people happy. He would always be
easygoing with everyone so that people would not become bored in his company. A man
came to the Prophet SAW wanting a camel to ride on for a journey or expedition. The
Prophet SAW said to him jokingly, "I will give you an offspring of a camel!" The man became
surprised and thought of how he could possibly ride a camel's offspring that could not carry
his weight. He said, "O Messenger of Allah! What would I do with a camel's offspring?" The
Prophet SAW said, 'Does a camel give birth to anything but an offspring?' Meaning; I will
give you a grown camel, however, no doubt, it is still another camel's offspring! Once, he
jokingly said to Anas, "O you, the possessor of two ears!"

A woman once came to the Prophet SAW complaining about her husband, so he said to her,
"Is your husband the one whose eyes are white?" The woman became worried and thought
that her husband had become blind, in light of what Allah said about Jacob, "His eyes
whitened from grieving so much." meaning, he became blind. She went back to her husband
terrified and began to look into his eyes carefully. He asked her what the problem was. She
said, The Prophet SAW said that there is whiteness in your eyes!" The man said, "O woman!
Did he not tell you that the whiteness in my eyes is more than the blackness?" meaning;
everyone has whiteness and blackness in his eyes.

The Prophet SAW would react positively to whoever joked or bantered with him and he
would smile. Once Umar bin al-Khat-tab came to the Prophet SAW is who was at that time
angry with his wives, due to their demanding of more allowance. 'Umar - may Allah be
pleased with him - said, "O Messenger of Allah! If you recall us when we were men of the
Quraysh, we always controlled our women. If any of our women were to ask for more
allowance, we would have jumped up and grabbed her neck! But when we came to
Madinah, we found the women controlling their men, so our women began to learn these
tricks from their women!" Thereupon the Prophet SAW is smiled. Umar continued to speak
and the Prophet SAW continued to smile.
We read in various Ahadith that often the Prophet SAW would smile till his molar teeth
would show. He was indeed an extremely kind and friendly companion. If we were to train
ourselves to embrace such skills, we would surely taste the sweetness of life.

The skills of attracting people and winning their hearts are many. Some involve doing certain
actions while others involve avoiding certain actions Being cheerful attracts people. as does
no frowning. Beautiful words, interesting comments and jokes attract people, as does
listening attentively to others and reacting to their words. How about if we now discuss the
'calm attraction' effect? Yes, some people do not tend to speak much. You never get to hear
their voice in gatherings and congregations. In fact, if you notice them in a sitting, you will
see that they only move their head or eyes. They may move their mouth from time to time,
but only when smiling, without saying a word! Despite this, people love them and long to sit
in their company. Why is this? It is because they exercise what is called the 'Calm attraction'
effect.

Therefore, the art of listening has a various set of skills. Capturing people's hearts is not only
accomplished by letting them hear what they would like to hear, but by also listening to
what they would like us to hear. Train yourself to listen to others attentively. If you do have
criticisms to make, then do not be hasty in making them. Be an expert listener. Listen
attentively. Move your head to indicate you are following the conversation. React by
demonstrating facial expressions, like furrowing your forehead, raising your eyebrows,
smiling, or moving your lips in surprise. Notice how it affects the person who is addressing
you, be he young or old. You will find that he focuses on you even more. Our expertise in
listening attentively to others makes them profound in their love for us.

What creates ill feelings in the hearts of people for each other the most is the misuse of the
tongue and the evil consequences that follow. This includes the hastiness on behalf of some
to comment on someone's words as he speaks, or interrupting him without thinking twice,
which only results in hostile argumentation and people harboring ill feelings towards each
other. You will never be able to rectify all the people, teach them Islamic etiquettes, and
train them in the skills of dealing with people. Let us go beyond the idealism which many
become obsessed with when they say, "People are supposed to do this" or "People are
supposed to get used to that. Allah has said, "Man is hasty". Be careful not to allow your
hastiness to overtake your thoughtfulness. May Allah give us refuge from undesirable
manners, deeds and aspirations, Ameen.

KAVUNGAL HANNA SHARIN