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The Second Moun tain
‘Heartfelt, refreshing, honest . . . a friendly, gentle nudging toward the

conclusion that real joy lies in moral commitment’ Irish Times
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About the Author
David Brooks is a columnist for The New York Times and frequent
broadcaster. His previous books include the bestsellers The Social
Animal and Bobos in Paradise. His New York Times columns reach
over 800,000 readers across the globe.
T h e Se con d
Mou n ta i n
The Quest for a Moral Life
David Brooks
P EN GU I N B O O K S
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First published in the United States of America by Random House,

an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC 2019
First published in Great Britain by Allen Lane 2019
Published in Penguin Books 2020
001
Text copyright © David Brooks, 2019
Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following

for permission to reprint previously published text: Alfred A. Knopf, an
imprint of the Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, a division of Penguin
Random House LLC: “Married” from The Great Fire: Poems,
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Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC . All rights reserved.
Random House, an imprint and division of Penguin Random House LLC:
Excerpt from “Leap Before You Look” from Collected Poems by W. H Auden,
copyright © 1945 and copyright renewed 1973 by W. H. Auden.
Used by permission of Random House, an imprint and division
of Penguin Random House LLC . All rights reserved.
The moral right of the author has been asserted
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To Anne,
who has brought boundless joy
ders
rest
CONTENTS
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION ix ix
PART
PARTI IThe
TheTwo
TwoMountains
Mountains
ONE Moral
ONE MoralEcologies
Ecologies 33
TWO The
TWO TheInstagram
Instagram
Life
Life 1414
THREE The
THREE TheInsecure
Insecure
Overachiever
Overachiever 2121
FOUR The
FOUR TheValley
Valley 2626
FIVE The
FIVE TheWilderness
Wilderness 3838
SIX Heart
SIX Heartand
andSoul
Soul 4444
SEVEN The
SEVEN TheCommitted
CommittedLife
Life 5252
EIGHTThe
EIGHT TheSecond
SecondMountain
Mountain 6060
The
TheFour
FourCommitments
Commitments
PART
PARTIIIIVocation
Vocation
NINE What
NINE WhatVocation
VocationLooks
LooksLike
Like 8787
TEN The
TEN TheAnnunciation
AnnunciationMoment
Moment 9494
ELEVEN What
ELEVEN WhatMentors
MentorsDo
Do 100
100
TWELVE Vampire
TWELVE VampireProblems
Problems 106
106
THIRTEENMastery
THIRTEEN Mastery 123
123
CONTENTS
x xviii CONTENTS
CONTENTS
PART
PARTIIIIIIMarriage
Marriage
FOURTEENThe
FOURTEEN TheMaximum
MaximumMarriage
Marriage 137
137
FIFTEEN The
FIFTEEN TheStages
Stages
ofof
Intimacy
Intimacy
I I 147
147
SIXTEEN The
SIXTEEN TheStages
Stages
ofof
Intimacy
Intimacy
II II 154
154
SEVENTEEN The
SEVENTEEN TheMarriage
MarriageDecision
Decision 165
165
EIGHTEEN Marriage:
EIGHTEEN Marriage:The
TheSchool
School
You
You
Build
Build
Together
Together 174
174
PART
PARTIVIVPhilosophy
Philosophyand
andFaith
Faith
NINETEEN Intellectual
NINETEEN Intellectual
Commitments
Commitments 189
189
TWENTY Religious
TWENTY ReligiousCommitment
Commitment 202
202
TWENTY-
TWENTY- ONE A A
ONE Most
Most
Unexpected
Unexpected
Turn
Turn
ofof
Events
Events 211
211
TWENTY-TWO Ramps
TWENTY-TWO Rampsand
andWalls
Walls 253
253
PART
PARTVVCommunity
Community
TWENTY-THREE The
TWENTY-THREE TheStages
Stages
ofof
Community
Community
Building
Building
I I 265
265
TWENTY-FOUR The
TWENTY-FOUR TheStages
Stages
ofof
Community
Community
Building
Building
II II 281
281
TWENTY-FIVE Conclusion:
TWENTY-FIVE Conclusion:The
TheRelationalist
RelationalistManifesto
Manifesto296
296
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS 313
313
NOTES
NOTES 317
317
INDEX
INDEX 329
329
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
Every
Everyonce onceinina awhile,
while,I Imeetmeeta aperson
personwho whoradiates
radiatesjoy. joy.These
These
are
arepeople
peoplewho whoseem seemtotoglow
glowwithwithananinner
innerlight.
light.They
Theyare arekind,
kind,tran-
tran-
quil,
quil,delighted
delightedbybysmall smallpleasures,
pleasures,and andgrateful
gratefulfor forthe thelarge
largeones.
ones.
These
Thesepeoplepeopleare arenotnotperfect.
perfect.TheyTheyget getexhausted
exhaustedand andstressed.
stressed.They They
make
makeerrorserrorsininjudgment.
judgment.But Buttheytheylive
livefor
forothers,
others,andandnot notforforthem-
them-
selves.
selves.They’ve
They’vemade madeunshakable
unshakablecommitments
commitmentstotofamily, family,a acause,
cause,a a
community,
community,orora afaith. faith.They
Theyknow knowwhy whythey
theywerewereputputononthisthisearth
earth
and
andderive
derivea adeep deepsatisfaction
satisfactionfrom fromdoing
doingwhatwhatthey
theyhavehavebeenbeencalled
called
totodo.
do.Life Lifeisn’t
isn’teasy
easyfor
forthese
thesepeople.
people.They’ve
They’vetakentakenononthe theburdens
burdensofof
others.
others.But Butthey
theyhavehavea serenity
a serenityaboutaboutthem,
them,a settled
a settledresolve.
resolve.TheyTheyare are
interested
interestedininyou, you,makemakeyou youfeel
feelcherished
cherishedand andknown,
known,and andtake
takedelight
delight
ininyour
yourgood. good.
When
Whenyou youmeet
meetthese
thesepeople,
people,you yourealize
realizethat
thatjoy
joyisisnot
notjust
justa afeel-
feel-
ing,
ing,it itcan
canbebeananoutlook.
outlook.There
Thereare aretemporary
temporaryhighshighsweweallallget getafter
after
wewewinwinsomesomevictory,
victory,and andthen
thentherethereisisalso
alsothis
thisother
otherkindkindofofperma-
perma-
nent
nentjoy joythat
thatanimates
animatespeople peoplewho whoare arenotnotobsessed
obsessedwith withthemselves
themselves
but
buthave
havegiven
giventhemselves
themselvesaway. away.
I Ioften
oftenfind findthat thattheir
theirlife
lifehas
haswhat
whatI Ithink
thinkofofasasa atwo-
two- mountain
mountain
shape.
shape.They Theygot gotout outofofschool,
school,beganbegantheirtheircareer
careerororstarted
starteda afamily,
family,
and
andidentifi
identifi ededthethemountain
mountainthey theythought
thoughtthey theywere
weremeant
meanttotoclimb:climb:
xiixxii INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
I’m
I’mgoing
goingtotobebea acop, cop,a adoctor,
doctor,ananentrepreneur,
entrepreneur,what whathavehaveyou.
you.On On
the
thefirstfirstmountain,
mountain,weweallallhave havetotoperform
performcertaincertainlifelifetasks:
tasks:establish
establish
ananidentity,
identity,separate
separatefrom fromour ourparents,
parents,cultivate
cultivateour ourtalents,
talents,build
builda a
secure
secureego, ego,and andtry trytotomake
makea amark markininthe theworld.
world.People
Peopleclimbing
climbingthat that
first
firstmountain
mountainspend spenda alotlotofoftime
timethinking
thinkingabout aboutreputation
reputationmanage-
manage-
ment.
ment.They Theyare arealways
alwayskeeping
keepingscore. score.How HowdodoI Imeasure
measureup? up?Where
Where
dodoI Irank?
rank?AsAsthe thepsychologist
psychologistJames JamesHollisHollisputs
putsit,it,atatthat
thatstage
stagewewe
have
havea atendency
tendencytotothink, think,I amI amwhat whatthe theworld
worldsayssaysI am.
I am.
The
Thegoals
goalsononthat thatfirst
firstmountain
mountainare arethe
thenormal
normalgoals goalsthat
thatourour
culture
cultureendorses—
endorses— totobebea asuccess,
success,totobebewell wellthought
thoughtof,of,totoget getinvited
invited
into
intothe theright
rightsocial socialcircles,
circles,and andtotoexperience
experiencepersonal
personalhappiness.
happiness.It’s It’s
allallthe
thenormal
normalstuff: stuff:nice
nicehome,
home,nice nicefamily,
family,nicenicevacations,
vacations,goodgoodfood,
food,
good
goodfriends,
friends,and andsosoon. on.
Then
Thensomething
somethinghappens. happens.
Some
Somepeoplepeopleget gettotothethetop topofofthat thatfirst
firstmountain,
mountain,taste tastesuccess,
success,
and
andfind findit it. .. .. unsatisfying.
. unsatisfying.“Is “Isthisthisallallthere
thereis?”
is?”they
theywonder.
wonder.They They
sense
sensetheretheremust mustbebea adeeperdeeperjourney
journeythey theycancantake.
take.
Other
Otherpeople peopleget getknocked
knockedoff offthat
thatmountain
mountainbybysome somefailure.
failure.
Something
Somethinghappens happenstototheir theircareer,
career,theirtheirfamily,
family,orortheir
theirreputation.
reputation.
Suddenly
Suddenlylife lifedoesn’t
doesn’tlook looklikelikea asteady
steadyascentascentupupthethemountain
mountainofofsuc- suc-
cess;
cess;it ithas
hasa adifferent
differentand andmoremoredisappointing
disappointingshape. shape.
For
Forstill
stillothers,
others,something
somethingunexpected
unexpectedhappens happensthat thatknocks
knocksthemthem
crossways:
crossways:the thedeathdeathofofa achild,
child,a acancer
cancerscare,scare,a astruggle
strugglewithwithaddic-
addic-
tion,
tion,somesomelife- life-altering
alteringtragedy
tragedythat thatwaswasnot notpart
partofofthetheoriginal
originalplan.
plan.
Whatever
Whateverthe thecause,
cause,thesethesepeople
peopleare arenonolonger
longerononthe themountain.
mountain.
They
Theyare aredowndownininthe thevalley
valleyofofbewilderment
bewildermentororsuffering.
suffering.ThisThiscan can
happen
happenatatany anyage, age,bybythe theway,way,fromfromeighteighttotoeighty-
eighty- five
fiveandandbeyond.
beyond.
It’s
It’snever
nevertootooearly earlyorortoo toolate
latetotoget getknocked
knockedoff offyour
yourfirstfirstmountain.
mountain.
These
Theseseasonsseasonsofofsuffering
sufferinghave havea away wayofofexposing
exposingthe thedeepest
deepest
parts
partsofofourselves
ourselvesand andreminding
remindingususthat thatwe’re
we’renot notthethepeople
peoplewewe
thought
thoughtwewewere. were.People
Peopleininthe thevalley
valleyhavehavebeen
beenbroken
brokenopen.open.TheyThey
have
havebeen beenreminded
remindedthat thatthey
theyare arenotnotjust
justthetheparts
partsofofthemselves
themselvesthat that
they
theyput putonondisplay.
display.ThereThereisisanother
anotherlayer layertotothem
themthey theyhave
havebeenbeen
neglecting,
neglecting,a asubstrate substratewhere wherethe thedark
darkwounds,
wounds,and andmostmostpowerful
powerful
yearnings
yearningslive. live.
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xiii
xi
xiii
Some
Someshrivel
shrivelininthe theface
faceofofthis
thiskind
kindofofsuffering.
suffering.They Theyseemseemtotoget get
more
moreafraid
afraidand andmore moreresentful.
resentful.They Theyshrink
shrinkaway awayfrom fromtheir
theirinner
inner
depths
depthsininfear.fear.Their
Theirliveslivesbecome
becomesmallersmallerand andlonelier.
lonelier.We Weallallknow
know
old
oldpeople
peoplewho whonurse
nurseeternal
eternalgrievances.
grievances.They Theydon’t don’tget getthetherespect
respect
they
theydeserve.
deserve.They Theylive livetheir
theirlives
livesasasananendless
endlesstantrum
tantrumabout aboutsome some
wrong
wrongdone donetotothem themlong longago.ago.
But
Butforforothers,
others,this thisvalley
valleyisisthe themaking
makingofofthem. them.The Theseason
seasonofof
suffering
sufferinginterrupts
interruptsthe thesuperfi
superfi cial
cialflow
flowofofeveryday
everydaylife. life.They
Theysee see
deeper
deeperintointothemselves
themselvesand andrealize
realizethatthatdown
downininthe thesubstrate,
substrate,flowing
flowing
from
fromallallthethetender
tenderplaces,places,there
thereisisa afundamental
fundamentalability abilitytotocare,
care,a a
yearning
yearningtototranscend
transcendthe theself
selfand
andcare
carefor
forothers.
others.And Andwhenwhenthey theyhave
have
encountered
encounteredthis thisyearning,
yearning,they theyare areready
readytotobecome
becomea awhole wholeperson.
person.
They
Theysee seefamiliar
familiarthingsthingswith withnewneweyes.
eyes.They
Theyare arefinally
finallyable
abletotolovelove
their
theirneighbor
neighborasasthemselves,
themselves,not notasasa aslogan
sloganbut buta apractical
practicalreality.
reality.
Their
Theirlifelifeisisdefi
defi nednedbybyhow howthey theyreact
reacttototheir
theirmoment
momentofofgreatestgreatest
adversity.
adversity.
The
Thepeople
peoplewho whoare aremade
madelargerlargerbybysuffering
sufferinggogoonontotostage stagetwo two
small
smallrebellions.
rebellions.First, First,theytheyrebel
rebelagainst
againsttheir
theirego egoideal.
ideal.When
Whenthey they
were
wereonontheir
theirfirstfirstmountain,
mountain,their theiregoegohadhadsomesomevision
visionofofwhatwhatit itwaswas
shooting
shootingfor— for— some
somevision visionofofprominence,
prominence,pleasure, pleasure,and andsuccess.
success.
Down
Downininthe thevalley
valleytheytheyloseloseinterest
interestinintheir
theirego egoideal.
ideal.OfOfcourse
courseaf-af-
terward
terwardtheytheystillstillfeel
feelandandsometimes
sometimessuccumb succumbtototheir theirselfi
selfishshdesires.
desires.
But,
But,overall,
overall,they
theyrealize
realizethe thedesires
desiresofofthetheegoegoare arenever
nevergoing
goingtotosat- sat-
isfy
isfythe
thedeep
deepregions
regionsthey theyhavehavediscovered
discoveredininthemselves.
themselves.They Theyrealize,
realize,
asasHenri
HenriNouwen
Nouwenput putit,it,that
thattheytheyarearemuch
muchbetterbetterthan thantheirtheirego ego
ideal.
ideal.
Second,
Second,they theyrebel
rebelagainst
againstthe themainstream
mainstreamculture. culture.All Alltheir
theirlives
lives
they’ve
they’vebeenbeentakingtakingeconomics
economicsclasses classesororliving
livinginina aculture
culturethat that
teaches
teachesthat thathuman humanbeings beingspursue pursueself-self-interest—
interest— money,
money,power, power,
fame.
fame.But Butsuddenly
suddenlythey theyare arenotnotinterested
interestedininwhat whatother otherpeople
peopletell tell
them
themtotowant.want.They Theywant wanttotowant wantthe thethings
thingsthat thatare aretruly
trulyworthworth
wanting.
wanting.They Theyelevate
elevatetheir theirdesires.
desires.The Theworldworldtells tellsthem
themtotobebea a
good
goodconsumer,
consumer,but butthey
theywantwanttotobebethe theoneoneconsumed—
consumed— bybya amoral
moral
cause.
cause.The Theworldworldtells tellsthem
themtotowant wantindependence,
independence,but butthey
theywantwant
interdependence—to
interdependence—tobebeenmeshed enmeshedinina aweb webofofwarm warmrelationships.
relationships.
xivxii
xiv INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
The
Theworldworldtells
tellsthem
themtotowant wantindividual
individualfreedom,freedom,but butthey
theywant
wantinti-
inti-
macy,
macy,responsibility,
responsibility,and andcommitment.
commitment.The Theworldworldwantswantsthem themtoto
climb
climbthe theladder
ladderand andpursue
pursuesuccess,
success,but buttheytheywantwanttotobebea aperson
personfor for
others.
others.The Themagazines
magazinesononthe themagazine
magazinerack rackwant
wantthemthemtotoaskask“What
“What
can
canI doI dototomake
makemyself
myselfhappy?”
happy?”but butthey theyglimpse
glimpsesomething
somethingbigger bigger
than
thanpersonal
personalhappiness.
happiness.
The
Thepeople
peoplewho whohave havebeen beenmademadelarger largerbybysuffering
sufferingare arebrave
brave
enough
enoughtotoletletpartspartsofoftheir
theirold oldself
selfdie.
die.Down
Downininthe thevalley,
valley,their
theirmo-
mo-
tivations
tivationschanged.
changed.They’ve
They’vegone gonefromfromself-self-centered
centeredtotoother-other-centered.
centered.
AtAtthis
thispoint,
point,people
peoplerealize,
realize,Oh, Oh,that thatfirstfirstmountain
mountainwasn’t wasn’tmy my
mountain
mountainafter afterall.
all.There’s
There’sanother,
another,bigger
biggermountain
mountainout outthere
therethat
thatisis
actually
actuallymy mymountain.
mountain.The Thesecond
secondmountain
mountainisisnot notthetheopposite
oppositeofofthe the
first
firstmountain.
mountain.To Toclimb
climbit itdoesn’t
doesn’tmeanmeanrejecting
rejectingthe thefirst
firstmountain.
mountain.
It’s
It’sthe
thejourney
journeyafter
afterit.it.It’s
It’sthethemore
moregenerous
generousand andsatisfying
satisfyingphase
phaseofof
life.
life.
Some
Somepeoplepeopleradically
radicallyalter altertheir
theirlivesliveswhenwhenthis thishappens.
happens.They They
give
giveupuptheirtheirlaw
lawpractices
practicesand andmove
movetotoTibet. Tibet.They Theyquit quittheir
theirjobs
jobsasas
consultants
consultantsand andbecome
becometeachers
teachersinininner- inner- city
cityschools.
schools.Others
Othersstaystayinin
their
theirbasic
basicfields
fieldsbutbutspend
spendtheir theirtime
timedifferently.
differently.I Ihave havea afriend
friendwhowho
built
builta asuccessful
successfulbusiness
businessininthe theCentral
CentralValley ValleyofofCalifornia.
California.She Shestill
still
has
hasherherbusiness
businessbut butspends
spendsmost mostofofher hertimetimebuilding
buildingpreschools
preschoolsand and
health
healthcenters
centersfor forthe
thepeople
peoplewho whowork
workininher hercompany.
company.She Sheisisononherher
second
secondmountain.
mountain.
Still
Stillothers
othersstay
stayinintheir
theirsame samejobsjobsand andtheirtheirsame
samemarriages,
marriages,but but
are
aretransformed.
transformed.It’s It’snot
notabout
aboutself selfanymore;
anymore;it’s it’sabout
abouta asummons.
summons.IfIf
they
theyare areprincipals,
principals,theirtheirjoy joyisisininseeing
seeingtheir theirteachers
teachersshine.
shine.IfIfthey
they
work
workinina acompany,
company,they theynonolonger
longersee seethemselves
themselvesasasmanagersmanagersbut butasas
mentors;
mentors;their theirenergies
energiesare aredevoted
devotedtotohelpinghelpingothersothersget getbetter.
better.They
They
want
wanttheir
theirorganizations
organizationstotobebethick thickplaces,
places,wherewherepeople
peoplefind findpurpose,
purpose,
and
andnot notthin
thinplaces,
places,where
wherepeople
peoplecome comejust justtotodraw
drawa asalary.
salary.
InIntheir
theirbook
bookPractical Wisdom,psychologist
PracticalWisdom, psychologistBarry BarrySchwartz
Schwartzand and
political
politicalscientist
scientistKenneth
KennethSharpe Sharpetell tella astory
storyabout
abouta ahospital
hospitaljanitor
janitor
named
namedLuke. Luke.InInthe thehospital
hospitalwhere whereLuke Lukeworked,
worked,there therewaswasa ayoung
young
man
manwho’dwho’dgotten
gottenintointoa afightfightand andwas wasnow nowinina acoma,coma,and andhehewasn’t
wasn’t
coming
comingout. out.Every
Everyday,day,his hisfather
fathersatsatbybyhis hisside
sideininsilent
silentvigil,
vigil,andandhad
had
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xiii
xvxv
done
donesosofor forsixsixmonths.
months.One Oneday,day,Luke
Lukecamecameininand andcleaned
cleanedthe theyoung
young
man’s
man’sroom.
room.His Hisfather
fatherwasn’t
wasn’tthere;
there;hehewaswasout outgetting
gettinga asmoke.
smoke.Later Later
that
thatday,
day,Luke
Lukeran raninto
intothe thefather
fatherininthe thehallway.
hallway.The Thefather
fathersnapped
snapped
atatLuke
Lukeand andaccused
accusedhim himofofnot notcleaning
cleaninghis hisson’s
son’sroom.
room.
The
Thefirst-
first-mountain
mountainresponseresponseisistotosee seeyour
yourjob jobasascleaning
cleaningrooms.rooms.
“I“Ididdidclean
cleanyouryourson’s
son’sroom,”
room,”you youwould
wouldsnap snapback.
back.“It“Itwaswasjustjustthat
that
youyouwerewereout outsmoking.”
smoking.”The Thesecond-
secondmountain
mountainresponse responseisistotosee seeyour
your
jobjobasasserving
servingpatients
patientsand andtheir
theirfamilies.
families.ItItisistotomeet meettheir
theirneeds
needsatata a
time
timeofofcrisis.
crisis.ThatThatresponse
responsesays, says,This
Thisman manneeds needscomfort.
comfort.Clean Cleanthe the
room
roomagain.
again.
And
Andthat’s
that’swhat
whatLuke
Lukedid. did.AsAshehetold
toldananinterviewer
interviewerlater, later,“I“Icleaned
cleaned
it itsosothat
thathehecouldcouldsee seeme mecleaning
cleaningit.it.. .. .. I. Ican
canunderstand
understandhow howhehe
could
couldbe. be.ItItwaswaslikelikesixsixmonths
monthsthat thathishisson sonwas wasthere.
there.He’dHe’dbeen beena a
little
littlefrustrated,
frustrated,and andI cleaned
I cleanedit itagain.
again.ButButI wasn’t
I wasn’tangry
angrywithwithhim. him.I I
guess
guessI could
I couldunderstand.”
understand.”
OrOrtake
takeAbraham
AbrahamLincoln.Lincoln.AsAsa ayoung youngman, man,Lincoln
Lincolnhad hada afero-
fero-
cious
cioushunger
hungerfor forfame
fameand andpower,
power,totothe thepoint
pointwhere wherehehewas wasscared
scaredbyby
thetheintensity
intensityofofhis hisown
ownhunger.
hunger.But Butpreserving
preservingthe theUnion
Unionwas wasa asum-
sum-
mons
monssosogreat greatthatthatconsiderations
considerationsofofself selfnonolonger
longermattered.
mattered.He Heleft left
personal
personalreputation
reputationbehindbehindand andsetsetoff
offononhishissecond
secondmountain.
mountain.
One
Oneday dayininNovember
November1861, 1861,hehepaid
paida acallcalltotothethehome
homeofofGeneral
General
George
GeorgeMcClellan,
McClellan,hoping hopingtotopresspresshim,him,ininperson,
person,tototaketakethethefight
fighttoto
thetheConfederacy
Confederacymore moreaggressively.
aggressively.When WhenLincoln Lincolnarrived,
arrived,McClel-
McClel-
lanlanwaswasnotnotatathome,
home,sosoLincoln
Lincolntold toldthethebutler
butlerthat thathe,he,Secretary
Secretaryofof
State
StateWilliam
WilliamSeward,Seward,and andananaide,
aide,John
JohnHay,
Hay,would wouldwaitwaitininthetheparlor.
parlor.
An Anhour hourlater,
later,McClellan
McClellanarrived arrivedhome homeand andwalked
walkedpast pastthetheroomroom
where
wherethe thepresident
presidentwas waswaiting.
waiting.Lincoln
Lincolnwaited waitedanother
anotherthirty
thirtymin- min-
utes.
utes.TheThebutler
butlerreturned
returnedtotosay saythat
thatMcClellan
McClellanhad haddecided
decidedtotoretire retire
forforthethenight
nightand andwould
wouldsee seeLincoln
Lincolnsome someother othertime.
time.McClellan
McClellanwas was
playing
playingpowerpowergames gameswith withLincoln.
Lincoln.
Hay
Haywas wasincensed.
incensed.Who Whohas hasthethegall
galltototreat
treatthethepresident
presidentofofthe the
United
UnitedStates
Stateswith withsuch
suchdisrespect?
disrespect?Lincoln,
Lincoln,however,however,was wasunruffl
unruffl ed.ed.
“Better
“Betteratatthisthistime,”
time,”hehetoldtoldSeward
Sewardand andHay,
Hay,“not “nottotobebemaking
makingpointspoints
ofofetiquette
etiquetteand andpersonal
personaldignity.”
dignity.”This Thiswasn’t
wasn’tabout abouthim.him.His Hispride
pride
waswasnot notatatstake.
stake.He Hewould
wouldbebewilling
willingtotowait waitforever
foreverif ifhehecould
couldfind finda a
xvixiv
xvi INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
general
generalwho whowould
wouldfight fightfor forthe
theUnion.
Union.ByBythis thispoint
pointLincoln
Lincolnhad had
given
givenhimself
himselfaway.away.TheThecausecausewas wasthe thecenter
centerofofhis hislife.
life.His
Hisultimate
ultimate
appeal
appealwas wastotosomething
somethingoutside,outside,not notinside.
inside.
That’s
That’sthe thecrucial
crucialwaywaytototelltellwhether
whetheryou youare areononyour
yourfirstfirstororsec-
sec-
ond
ondmountain.
mountain.Where Whereisisyour yourultimate
ultimateappeal? appeal?To Toself,
self,orortotosome-
some-
thing
thingoutside
outsideofofself?self?
IfIfthe
thefirst
firstmountain
mountainisisabout aboutbuilding
buildingupupthe theegoegoandanddefi defi ning
ningthethe
self,
self,the
thesecond
secondmountain
mountainisisabout aboutshedding
sheddingthe theego
egoand andlosing
losingthetheself.
self.
IfIfthe
thefirst
firstmountain
mountainisisaboutaboutacquisition,
acquisition,the thesecond
secondmountain
mountainisisabout about
contribution.
contribution.IfIfthe thefirst
firstmountain
mountainisiselitist—elitist— moving
movingup— up— the
thesecond
second
mountain
mountainisisegalitarian—
egalitarian— planting
plantingyourself
yourselfamid amidthose
thosewho whoneed,need,and
and
walking
walkingarm armininarm armwith
withthem.
them.
You
Youdon’tdon’tclimb
climbthe thesecond
secondmountain
mountainthe thewaywayyou youclimb
climbthe thefirst
first
mountain.
mountain.You Youconquer
conqueryour yourfirstfirstmountain.
mountain.You Youidentify
identifythe thesummit,
summit,
and
andyou youclaw clawyour
yourway waytoward
towardit.it.You Youare areconquered
conqueredbybyyour yoursecond
second
mountain.
mountain.You Yousurrender
surrendertotosome somesummons,
summons,and andyouyoudodoeverything
everything
necessary
necessarytotoanswer answerthe thecall
calland
andaddress
addressthe theproblem
problemororinjustice
injusticethatthat
isisininfront
frontofofyou.you.On Onthe thefirstfirstmountain
mountainyou youtendtendtotobebeambitious,
ambitious,
strategic,
strategic,and andindependent.
independent.On Onthe thesecond
secondmountain
mountainyou youtendtendtotobebe
relational,
relational,intimate,
intimate,and andrelentless.
relentless.
It’s
It’sgotten
gottensosoI Icancanrecognize
recognizefirst- first-and andsecond-
secondmountain
mountainpeople.people.
The
Thefirst- first-
mountain
mountainpeoplepeopleare areoften
oftencheerful,
cheerful,interesting,
interesting,and andfunfuntoto
bebearound.
around.They Theyoftenoftenhave
haveimpressive
impressivejobs jobsandandcancantake takeyou youtotoanan
amazing
amazingvariety varietyofofgreat
greatrestaurants.
restaurants.The Thesecond-
secondmountain
mountainpeople people
aren’t
aren’taverse
aversetotothe thepleasures
pleasuresofofthe theworld.
world.TheyTheydelight
delightinina good
a goodglass
glass
ofofwine
wineorora anicenicebeach.
beach.(There’s
(There’snothingnothingworse worsethan thanpeople
peoplewho whoareare
sosospiritualized
spiritualizedthey theydon’t
don’tlovelovethe theworld.)
world.)But Butthey
theyhavehavesurpassed
surpassed
these
thesepleasures
pleasuresininpursuit
pursuitofofmoral
moraljoy, joy,a afeeling
feelingthatthatthey
theyhave
havealigned
aligned
their
theirlife lifetoward
towardsome someultimate
ultimategood. good.IfIfthey theyhave havetotochoose,
choose,theythey
choose
choosejoy. joy.
Their
Theirdays daysare
areoften
oftenexhausting,
exhausting,becausebecausethey theyhave
haveput putthemselves
themselves
out
outforforpeople,
people,and andthose
thosepeople
peoplefill filltheir
theirdaysdayswithwithrequests
requestsand andde-de-
mands.
mands.But Buttheytheyare areliving
livingatata afullerfulleramplitude,
amplitude,activating
activatingdeeperdeeper
parts
partsofofthemselves
themselvesand andtaking
takingononbroaderbroaderresponsibilities.
responsibilities.They Theyhavehave
decided
decidedthat, that,asasC.C.S.S.Lewis
Lewisput putit,it,“The
“Theload,load,ororweight,
weight,ororburdenburdenofof
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xvii
xv
xvii
mymyneighbor’s
neighbor’sglory
gloryshould
shouldbebelaid
laiddaily
dailyononmy myback,
back,a aload
loadsosoheavy
heavy
that
thatonly
onlyhumility
humilitycancancarry
carryit,it,and
andthethebacksbacksofofthe
theproud
proudwill willbebe
broken.”
broken.”
I’ve
I’vecome
cometotorecognize
recognizefirst-
first-andandsecond-
secondmountain
mountainorganizations,
organizations,
too.
too.Sometimes
Sometimesyou youwork
workatata company
a companyororgogototoa college,
a college,and andit itdoesn’t
doesn’t
really
reallyleave
leavea mark
a markononyou.
you.You
Yougetgetout
outofofit itwhat
whatyou
youcame
camefor,for,and andyou
you
leave.
leave.Second-
Second- mountain
mountainorganizations
organizationstouch touchpeople
peopleatattheirtheirdepths
depths
and
andleave
leavea apermanent
permanentmark.mark.YouYoualways
alwaysknow knowwhen
whenyou youmeetmeeta aMa- Ma-
rine,
rine,a aMorehouse
Morehouseman, man,a aJuilliard
Juilliardpianist,
pianist,a aNASA
NASAscientist.
scientist.These These
institutions
institutionshavehavea acollective
collectivepurpose,
purpose,a ashared
sharedsetsetofofrituals,
rituals,a acom-com-
mon
monorigin
originstory.
story.They
Theynurture
nurturethick
thickrelationships
relationshipsand anddemand
demandfull full
commitment.
commitment.They Theydon’t
don’tmerely
merelyeducate;
educate;they theytransform.
transform.
THE
THEPLAN
PLAN
The
Thefirst firstpurpose
purposeofofthis thisbook
bookisistotoshow showhow howindividuals
individualsmovemovefromfrom
the
thefirst
firsttotothe
thesecond
secondmountain,
mountain,totoshow showwhatwhatthatthatkind
kindofofdeeper
deeperandand
more
morejoyful
joyfullife
lifelooks
lookslike,
like,step-
step- by-by-step
stepand
andininconcrete
concretedetail.
detail.Every-
Every-
body
bodysays saysyou
youshould
shouldserve
servea acause
causelarger
largerthanthanyourself,
yourself,butbutnobody
nobody
tells
tellsyouyouhow.
how.
TheThesecond
secondpurpose
purposeisistotoshow showhow howsocieties
societiescan canmove
movefromfromthe the
first
firsttotothethesecond
secondmountain.
mountain.This Thisisisultimately
ultimatelya abook bookabout
aboutrenewal,
renewal,
how
howthings
thingsthatthatarearedivided
dividedand andalienated
alienatedcan canfindfindnew newwholeness.
wholeness.Our Our
society
societysuffers
suffersfromfroma crisis
a crisisofofconnection,
connection,a crisisa crisisofofsolidarity.
solidarity.WeWelive
live
inina aculture
cultureofofhyper-
hyper- individualism.
individualism.There Thereisisalways
alwaysa atension
tensionbetween
between
self
selfand
andsociety,
society,between
betweenthe theindividual
individualand andthethegroup.
group.Over
Overthethepast
past
sixty
sixtyyears
yearswewehave
haveswung
swungtoo toofar fartoward
towardthe theself.
self.The
Theonly
onlyway
wayoutoutisis
totorebalance,
rebalance,totobuild builda aculture
culturethat thatsteers
steerspeople
peopletoward
towardrelation,
relation,
community,
community,and andcommitment—
commitment— thethethings
thingswewemost mostdeeply
deeplyyearn
yearnfor,
for,
yet
yetundermine
underminewith withourourhyper-
hyper- individualistic
individualisticway wayofoflife.
life.
InInthethefirst
firstsection
sectionI’mI’mgoing
goingtotogive givea afuller
fulleraccount
accountofofhowhowthe the
two-
two- mountain
mountainlife lifehappens.
happens.I’ll I’lltake
takeususupupthetheslope
slopeofofthe
thefirst
firstmoun-
moun-
tain,
tain,downdownthe thebackbackslope
slopeintointothe thevalley,
valley,and andthenthenupupthethesecond
second
mountain.
mountain.Please Pleasedon’t don’ttake
takethisthismetaphor
metaphortoo tooliterally.
literally.There
Thereis,is,ofof
course,
course,nonoone oneformula
formulathatthatcovers
covershow howallalllives
liveshappen.
happen.(My (Mywife,
wife,for
for
example,
example,seems seemstotohave haveclimbed
climbedher hersecond
secondmountain
mountainfirst. first.Unlike
Unlike
xviii
xviii
xvi INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
most
mostofofus,us,she
shewaswasraised
raisedininananenvironment
environmentthat thatemphasized
emphasizedmoral moral
commitment,
commitment,not notindividual
individualsuccess.)
success.)I’m I’musing
usingthisthistwo-two-mountain
mountain
metaphor
metaphortotorenderrenderininnarrative
narrativeform formtwo twodifferent
differentmoralmoralethoses
ethosesbyby
which
whichpeople
peoplecan canlive—
live— a alife
lifelived
livedforforself
selfand
anda alife
lifelived
livedasasa agift
giftforfor
others.
others.I Iwant
wanttotoshowshowhow howthis thisfirst
firstmode,
mode,whichwhichisiscommon
commonininour our
culture,
culture,doesn’t
doesn’tsatisfy.
satisfy.I’llI’lldescribe
describesome someofofthe theexperiences
experiencespeople people
have
haveonontheir
theirwaywaytotomore morefulfi fulfilling
llinglives,
lives,and
andshare
sharethe theimportant
important
truths
truthsthey
theydiscover.
discover.Most Mostofofususget getbetter
betteratatliving,
living,get getdeeper
deeperand and
wiser
wiserasaswewego,go,and
andthis
thisbook
bookseeks seekstotocapture
capturehow howthat thathappens.
happens.
InInthe
thesecond
secondhalf halfofofthethebook,
book,I’llI’lldescribe
describehow howpeoplepeoplelive
livewith
witha a
second-
secondmountain
mountainmentality.
mentality.People Peopleononthe thefirst
firstmountain
mountainhave havelives
lives
that
thatare
aremobile
mobileand andlightly
lightlyattached.
attached.People Peopleononthe thesecond
secondmountain
mountain
are
aredeeply
deeplyrooted
rootedand anddeeply
deeplycommitted.
committed.The Thesecond-
secondmountain
mountainlife lifeisis
a acommitted
committedlife. life.When
WhenI’m I’mdescribing
describinghow howsecond-
secondmountain
mountainpeoplepeople
live,
live,what
whatI’m I’mreally
reallydescribing
describingisishow howthese thesepeople
peoplemade mademaximal
maximal
commitments
commitmentstotoothers othersand andhow howtheytheylive livethem
themout outininfervent,
fervent,all-
all-
inin
ways.
ways.These
Thesepeoplepeopleare arenot notkeeping
keepingtheir theiroptions
optionsopen. open.TheyTheyare are
planted.
planted.People
Peopleononthe thesecond
secondmountain
mountainhave havemade
madestrong strongcommit-
commit-
ments
mentstotooneoneororallallofofthese
thesefourfourthings:
things:
AAvocation
vocation
AAspouse
spouseand
andfamily
family
AAphilosophy
philosophyororfaith
faith
AAcommunity
community
AAcommitment
commitmentisismaking makinga apromise
promisetotosomething
somethingwithout
withoutexpect-
expect-
ing
inga areward.
reward.AAcommitment
commitmentisisfalling
fallingininlove
lovewithwithsomething
somethingand and
then
thenbuilding
buildinga astructure
structureofofbehavior
behavioraround
aroundit itforforthose
thosemoments
moments
when
whenlovelovefalters.
falters.InInthis
thissecond
secondsection
sectionofofthis
thisbook
bookI will
I willtry
trytotode-
de-
scribe
scribecommitment
commitmentmaking: making:how howpeople
peoplearearecalled
calledbybya avocation
vocationand and
then
thenlive
liveit itout;
out;how
howtheytheydecide
decidewho
whototomarry
marryand andthrive
thriveininmarriage;
marriage;
how
howthey
theycome comeupupwithwiththeir
theirphilosophy
philosophyofoflifelifeand
andhow
howthey
theyexperi-
experi-
ence
encefaith;
faith;how howthey
theyareareseized
seizedbybya adesire
desiretotoserve
servetheir
theircommunity;
community;
and
andhowhowthey theyworkworkwithwithothers
otherstotohelp
helptheir
theircommunities
communitiesprosper.
prosper.
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xvii
xixxix
The
Thefulfifulfi llment
llmentofofour ourlives
livesdepends
dependsononhow howwell wellwewechoose
chooseand andlive
live
out
outthose
thosesometimes
sometimesclashingclashingcommitments.
commitments.
Some
Someofofthe thepeople
peopleI’ll I’llbebedescribing
describingininthese thesepages
pageslived
livedtheir
their
lives
livesatata avery
veryhighhighlevel.
level.Realistically,
Realistically,youyouand andI are
I arenot
notgoing
goingtotolive
live
asasself-
self-
sacrifi
sacrificially
ciallyasastheytheydid.did.We’ll
We’llfall
fallshort
shortbecause
becausewe’re
we’reordinary
ordinary
human
humanbeings,beings,and andwe’re
we’restill
stillgoing
goingtotobebeour ournormal
normalself-
self-
centered
centered
selves
selvesmoremorethan
thanwewecare caretotoadmit.
admit.But
Butit itisisstill
stillimportant
importanttotosetseta ahigh
high
standard.
standard.ItItisisstillstillimportant
importanttotobebeinspired
inspiredbybythe theexamples
examplesofofothers
others
and
andtotoremember
rememberthat thata alife
lifeofofdeep
deepcommitments
commitmentsisispossible. possible.When
When
wewefall
fallshort,
short,it itwill
willbebebecause
becauseofofour ourown
ownlimitations,
limitations,not notbecause
becausewewe
had
hadananinadequate
inadequateideal. ideal.
WHAT
WHATI’VE
I’VELEARNED
LEARNED
The
Thefirst-first-andandsecond-
second-mountain
mountaindistinction
distinctionmight mightsound sounda alittle
littlelike
like
the
therésumé
résumévirtues
virtuesversus
versuseulogy
eulogyvirtues
virtuesdistinction
distinctionI made I madeininmy mylastlast
book,
book,The TheRoad Character.And
RoadtotoCharacter. Andnow nowI should
I shouldconfess
confessthat thatI’m
I’mwriting
writing
this
thisbook
bookininpart parttotocompensate
compensatefor forthe
thelimitations
limitationsofofthat thatone.
one.TheThe
people
peopleI described
I describedininThe TheRoad Characterhave
RoadtotoCharacter havea alotlottototeach
teachus.us.But
Buta a
book
bookisiswritten
writteninina aparticular
particulartime, time,atata aparticular
particularspot spotononone’s
one’sjour-
jour-
ney.
ney.TheThefive fiveyears
yearssince
sinceI Ifinished
finishedthat thatbookbookhavehavebeen beenthe themost
mosttu- tu-
multuous
multuous years
years ofof
mymylife.
life.
Those
Those years—
years— sometimes
sometimes painful,
painful, sometimes
sometimes
joyous—
joyous— have
havebeen beenananadvanced
advancededucation
educationininthe theart artand
andpitfalls
pitfallsofof
living.
living.They
Theyhave havetaken
takenme mea alotlotfurther
furtherdown downthe theroad
roadtoward
towardunder-
under-
standing.
standing.
When
WhenI Iwrote wroteTheTheRoad Character,I Iwas
RoadtotoCharacter, wasstill
stillenclosed
enclosedininthe the
prison
prisonofofindividualism.
individualism.I believed
I believedthat thatlife
lifeisisgoing
goingbest bestwhen
whenwewetake take
individual
individualagency,
agency,whenwhenwewegrab grabthe thewheel
wheeland andsteer
steerour ourownownship.
ship.I I
still
stillbelieved
believedthat thatcharacter
characterisissomething
somethingyou youbuild
buildmostly
mostlyononyour your
own.
own.You Youidentify
identifyyouryourcorecoresin sinand andthen,
then,mustering
musteringallallyour yourwill-
will-
power,
power,you youmakemakeyourself
yourselfstrong
strongininyour yourweakest
weakestplaces.
places.
I no
I nolonger
longerbelieve
believethat
thatcharacter
characterformation
formationisismostly mostlyananindivid-
individ-
ual
ualtask,
task,ororisisachieved
achievedonona person-
a person- by-by-
person
personbasis.
basis.I noI nolonger
longerbelieve
believe
that
thatcharacter
characterbuilding
buildingisislike
likegoing
goingtotothe thegym:
gym:You Youdodoyour yourexercises
exercises
and
andyou youbuild
buildupupyouryourhonesty,
honesty,courage,courage,integrity,
integrity,and andgrit.
grit.I Inownow
xx INTRODUCTION
xxxviii INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
think
thinkgood
goodcharacter
characterisisa aby- by-
product
productofofgiving
givingyourself
yourselfaway.
away.You Youlovelove
things
thingsthat
thatareareworthy
worthyofoflove.
love.You
Yousurrender
surrendertotoa community
a communityororcause, cause,
make
makepromises
promisestotootherotherpeople,
people,build
builda athick
thickjungle
jungleofofloving
lovingattach-
attach-
ments,
ments,loseloseyourself
yourselfininthe thedaily
dailyact
actofofserving
servingothers
othersasasthey theyloselose
themselves
themselvesininthe thedaily
dailyacts
actsofofserving
servingyou.
you.Character
Characterisisa agood goodthing
thing
totohave,
have,andandthere’s
there’sa alotlottotobebelearned
learnedononthe theroad
roadtotocharacter.
character.But But
there’s
there’sa abetter
betterthing
thingtotohave—
have— moral
moraljoy.
joy.AndAndthat
thatserenity
serenityarrives
arrivesasas
you
youcome
comecloser
closertotoembodying
embodyingperfectperfectlove.
love.
Furthermore,
Furthermore,I Inonolonger longerbelieve
believethatthatthethecultural
culturaland andmoral
moral
structures
structuresofofour oursociety
societyare arefine,
fine,and
andallallwewehave
havetotododoisisfi xfi xourselves
ourselves
individually.
individually.Over Overthe thepast
pastfew
fewyears,
years,asasa aresult
resultofofpersonal,
personal,national,
national,
and
andglobal
globalevents,
events,I have
I havebecome
becomeradicalized.
radicalized.
I now
I nowthink
thinkthe therampant
rampantindividualism
individualismofofour ourcurrent
currentculture
cultureisisa a
catastrophe.
catastrophe.The Theemphasis
emphasisononself—self—individual
individualsuccess,
success,self-
self-
fulfi
fulfillment,
llment,
individual
individualfreedom,
freedom,self- self-
actualization—
actualization— isisa acatastrophe.
catastrophe.I Inow nowthink
think
that
thatliving
livinga agood
goodlifeliferequires
requiresa amuch
muchvaster
vastertransformation.
transformation.It’s It’snot
not
enough
enoughtotowork workononyouryourown ownweaknesses.
weaknesses.The Thewhole
wholecultural
culturalpara- para-
digm
digmhas hastotoshift
shiftfrom
fromthe themindset
mindsetofofhyper-
hyper- individualism
individualismtotothe therela-
rela-
tional
tionalmindset
mindsetofofthe thesecond
secondmountain.
mountain.
WHY
WHYWE
WEARE
AREHERE
HERE
I’ve
I’vewritten
writtenthis
thisbook,
book,ininpart,
part,totoremind
remindmyself
myselfofofthe
thekind
kindofoflife
lifeI want
I want
totolive.
live.Those
Thoseofofususwho whoare arewriters
writerswork workout outour
ourstuff
stuffininpublic,
public,even even
under
underthe theguise
guiseofofpretending
pretendingtotowrite writeabout
aboutsomeone
someoneelse. else.InInother
other
words,
words,wewetry trytototeach
teachwhat
whatit itisisthat
thatwewereally
reallyneed
needtotolearn.
learn.My Myfirst first
mountain
mountainwas wasananinsanely
insanelyluckyluckyone.one.I Iachieved
achievedfarfarmore
moreprofessional
professional
success
successthanthanI ever
I everexpected
expectedto.to.But Butthat
thatclimb
climbturned
turnedme meinto
intoa acertain
certain
sort
sortofofperson:
person:aloof,
aloof,invulnerable,
invulnerable,and anduncommunicative,
uncommunicative,atatleast leastwhen
when
it itcame
cametotomy myprivate
privatelife.
life.I sidestepped
I sidesteppedthe theresponsibilities
responsibilitiesofofrelation-
relation-
ship.
ship.MyMyex- ex-
wife
wifeandandI have
I haveananagreement
agreementthat thatwewedon’t
don’ttalk
talkabout
aboutour our
marriage
marriageand anddivorce
divorceininpublic.
public.But Butwhen
whenI look
I lookback
backgenerally
generallyononthe the
errors
errorsand andfailures
failuresandandsins
sinsofofmymylife,
life,they
theytend
tendtotobebefailures
failuresofofomis-omis-
sion,
sion,failures
failurestototruly
trulyshow
showupupfor forthethepeople
peopleI should
I shouldhave
havebeen
beenclosecloseto.to.
They
Theytend tendtotobebethethesins
sinsofofwithdrawal:
withdrawal:evasion,
evasion,workaholism,
workaholism,confl conflictict
avoidance,
avoidance,failure
failuretotoempathize,
empathize,and anda failure
a failuretotoexpress
expressmyself
myselfopenly.
openly.I I
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xxi
xixxxi
have
havetwo twoold oldand
anddeardearfriends
friendswho wholive live250250miles
milesfrom
fromme, me,for forexample,
example,
and
andtheir
theirside
sideofofthethefriendship
friendshiphas hasrequired
requiredimmense
immenseforbearance
forbearanceand and
forgiveness,
forgiveness,for forallallthethetimes
timesI’ve I’vebeenbeentoo toobusy,
busy,tootoodisorganized,
disorganized,too too
distant
distantwhen whentheytheywere wereininneed needororjust justavailable.
available.I Ilooklookatatthose thosedeardear
friendships
friendshipswith witha agratitude
gratitudemixed mixedwith withshame,
shame,and andthisthispattern—
pattern— not
not
being
beingpresent
presenttotowhat whatI love
I lovebecause
becauseI prioritize
I prioritizetime timeoveroverpeople,
people,pro- pro-
ductivity
ductivityover overrelationship—
relationship— isisa arecurring
recurringmotif motifininmy mylife.
life.
The
Thewages
wagesofofsin sinare
aresin.
sin.My Myfaults
faultsaccumulated
accumulatedand andthenthencrashed
crashed
down
downupon uponme meinin2013.
2013.InInthat thatyear,
year,lifelifeput
putme meininthethevalley.
valley.The There- re-
alities
alitiesthatthatused
usedtotodefi defi
nenemy mylife lifefell
fellaway.
away.Our Ourmarriage
marriageofoftwenty- twenty-
seven
sevenyears yearsended,
ended,and, and,ininthe thewake wakeofofthat thatfailed
failedcommitment,
commitment,I I
moved
movedinto intoananapartment.
apartment.My Mychildren
childrenwere wereemerging
emerginginto intoadulthood
adulthood
and
andhad hadeither
eitherleft
lefthomehomefor forcollege
collegeororwere werepreparing
preparingto.to.I still I stillgot
gottoto
see
seethemthemwhen whenwewewent wentout outtotodinnerdinnerand andsuch,
such,butbutI Imissed
missedthose those
fifteen-
fifteen- second
secondencounters
encountersininthe thehallway
hallwayororkitchen kitchenatathome. home.I Ihad had
spent
spentmy myadult
adultlife
lifeininthe theconservative
conservativemovement, movement,but butmy myconserva-
conserva-
tism
tismwas wasnonolonger
longerthe theprevailing
prevailingconservatism,
conservatism,sosoI found I foundmyself myselfinin-
tellectually
tellectuallyand andpolitically
politicallyunattached,
unattached,too. too.Much
Muchofofmy mysocial
sociallife lifehad
had
been
beenspentspentininconservative
conservativecircles, circles,and andthose
thoseconnections
connectionsdrifted driftedaway.away.
I Irealized
realizedI Ihad hada alotlotofoffriendships
friendshipsthat thatdidn’t
didn’trun rundeep.
deep.Few Fewpeople
people
confi
confi ded
dedininme, me,because
becauseI did I didnot notgivegiveoff offa avibe
vibethat
thatencouraged
encouragedvul- vul-
nerability.
nerability.I was I wastoo toobusy,
busy,ononthe themove.
move.
I was
I wasunplanted,
unplanted,lonely, lonely,humiliated,
humiliated,scattered.
scattered.I remember
I rememberwalking walking
through
throughthat thatperiod
periodinina astatestatethatthatresembled
resembledpermanent
permanentdrunkenness—
drunkenness—
mymyemotions
emotionswere wereallallononthe thesurface,
surface,my myplaylists
playlistswere
wereallallIrishIrishheart-
heart-
break
breaksongs songsbybySinéad
SinéadO’Connor
O’Connorand andSnow SnowPatrol.
Patrol.I Iwas wasthrowing
throwing
myself
myselfneedily
needilyuponuponmy myfriends
friendsininways waysthatthatareareembarrassing
embarrassingnow nowif ifI I
stop
stoptotoremember
rememberthem, them,whichwhichI try I trynot notto.to.I was
I wasunattached,
unattached,wonder- wonder-
ing
ingwhatwhatthe therest
restofofmy mylifelifeshould
shouldbe, be,confronting
confrontingthe theproblems
problemsofofa a
twenty-
twenty- two-
two-year-
year-oldoldwithwiththe themindmindofofa afifty- fifty-two-
two-year-
year- old.
old.
Having
Havingfailedfailedatata acommitment,
commitment,I’ve I’vespent
spentthe theensuing
ensuingfive fiveyears
years
thinking
thinkingand andreading
readingabout abouthow howtotododocommitments
commitmentswell, well,how howtotogivegive
your
yourlife lifemeaning
meaningafter afterworldly
worldlysuccesssuccesshas hasfailed
failedtotofulfifulfill.ll.This
Thisbookbook
isisa aproduct
productofofthatthatsearch.
search.Writing
Writingit itwas wasmy myattempt
attempttotokick kickmyself
myselfinin
mymyown ownrear,
rear,part
partofofmy mycontinual
continualeffort efforttotowrite
writemy myway waytotoa abetter
better
xxii
xxii
xx INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
life.
life.“A“Abookbookmust mustbebethe theaxe axefor forthethefrozen
frozensea seawithin
withinus,” us,”Kafka
Kafka
wrote.
wrote.ItItshouldshouldwake wakeususupupand andhammer
hammeratatour ourskull.
skull.Writing
Writingthis this
book
bookhas hasserved
servedthat thatpurpose
purposefor forme.me.
I’ve
I’vealso
alsowritten
writtenit,it,I Ihope,
hope,for foryou.
you.WhenWhenit itcomes comestotowhat whatwewe
writers
writersdo, do,I Ilikeliketotoapply
applyananobservation
observationbybyD.D.T.T.Niles: Niles:We Weare arelike
like
beggars
beggarswho whotry trytotoshow
showother otherbeggars
beggarswhere wherewewefound foundbread.
bread.You You
have
havetotoget getonly
onlya afewfewpages
pagesintointothisthisbook
booktotorealize
realizethatthatI quote
I quotea alotlot
ofofpeople
peoplewiser wiserthanthanmyself.
myself.I Imeanmeana alotlotofofpeople.
people.I’m I’munapologetic
unapologetic
about
aboutthis.this.It’sIt’soccurred
occurredtotome memany
manytimes timesoveroverthe thecourse
courseofofwriting
writing
this
thisbookbookthat thatmaybe
maybeI’m I’mnot notreally
reallya awriter.
writer.I’m I’ma ateacher
teacherorormiddle-
middle-
man.
man.I Itake takethe thecurriculum
curriculumofofother otherpeople’s
people’sknowledge
knowledgeand andI Ipass
passit it
along.
along.
Finally,
Finally,I Iwritewriteit itasasa aresponse
responsetotothe thecurrent
currenthistorical
historicalmoment.
moment.
For
Forsixsixdecades
decadesthe theworship
worshipofofthe theself
selfhashasbeen
beenthethecentral
centralpreoccupa-
preoccupa-
tion
tionofofour ourculture—
culture— molding
moldingthe theself,
self,investing
investingininthe theself,
self,expressing
expressing
the
theself.
self.Capitalism,
Capitalism,the themeritocracy,
meritocracy,and andmodern
modernsocial socialscience
sciencehavehave
normalized
normalizedselfi selfishness;
shness;they theyhave
havemade madeit itseemseemthat thatthetheonly
onlyhuman
human
motives
motivesthat thatare arereal
realarearethe
theself-
self-
interested
interestedones— ones— thethedesire
desirefor formoney,
money,
status,
status,and andpower.
power.They Theysilently
silentlyspread
spreadthe themessage
messagethat thatgiving,
giving,care,
care,
and
andlove loveare
arejustjusticing
icingononthe thecake
cakeofofsociety.
society.
When
Whena awhole wholesociety
societyisisbuilt
builtaround
aroundself- self-
preoccupation,
preoccupation,itsitsmem- mem-
bers
bersbecome
becomeseparated
separatedfrom fromone oneanother,
another,divided
dividedand andalienated.
alienated.And And
that
thatisiswhat
whathas hashappened
happenedtotous. us.We Weare aredown
downininthe thevalley.
valley.TheTherot rot
wewesee seeininour ourpolitics
politicsisiscaused
causedbybya arot rotininourourmoral
moraland andcultural
cultural
foundations—
foundations— ininthethewaywaywewerelate
relatetotoone oneanother,
another,ininthe thewaywaywewesee see
ourselves
ourselvesasasseparable
separablefrom fromone oneanother,
another,ininthe theindividualistic
individualisticvalues values
that
thathave havebecome
becomethe thewater
waterininwhich whichweweswim. swim.The Thefirst-first-mountain
mountain
culture
culturehas hasproven
proveninsuffi
insuffi cient,
cient,asasit italways
alwaysdoes.does.
Our
Oursociety
societyhas hasbecome
becomea aconspiracy
conspiracyagainst againstjoy. joy.ItIthas
hasputputtootoo
much
muchemphasis
emphasisononthe theindividuating
individuatingpart partofofour ourconsciousness—
consciousness—
individual
individualreason— reason— and
andtoo toolittle
littleemphasis
emphasisononthe thebonding
bondingparts partsofofour
our
consciousness,
consciousness,the theheart
heartand andsoul.
soul.We’ve
We’veseen seena ashocking
shockingrise riseofofmen-
men-
taltalillness,
illness,suicide,
suicide,and anddistrust.
distrust.We Wehavehavebecome
becometoo toocognitive
cognitivewhen when
weweshould
shouldbebemore moreemotional;
emotional;too tooutilitarian
utilitarianwhen whenweweshouldshouldbebeusingusing
a amoral
morallens;lens;too tooindividualistic
individualisticwhen whenweweshould shouldbebemore morecommunal.
communal.
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xxiii
xxi
xxiii
SoSoweweasaspeople
peopleand andasasa asociety
societyhave havetotofind findour oursecond
secondmountain.
mountain.
This
Thisdoesn’t
doesn’tmean meanrejecting
rejectingthe thethings
thingsweweachievedachievedononthe thefirstfirst
mountain—
mountain— thethenice
nicejob, job,the
thenice
nicehome,
home,the thepleasures
pleasuresofofa acomfortable
comfortable
life.
life.WeWeallallneedneeddaily dailyego egoboosts
booststhroughout
throughoutour ourlives.
lives.But Butit itdoes
does
require
requirea ashift
shiftininculture—
culture— a ashift
shiftininvalues
valuesand andphilosophy,
philosophy,a arenego- renego-
tiation
tiationofofthethestructure
structureofofpower powerininour oursociety.
society.It’s
It’sabout
aboutshifting
shiftingfrom from
one
onemode
modeofofthinking
thinkingtoward towardanother.
another.It’s It’sabout
aboutfinding
findingananethos ethosthat that
puts
putscommitment
commitmentmaking makingatatthe thecenter
centerofofthings.
things.
The
Thegoodgoodnews newsisisthat thatwhat
whatwewegive givetotoourourcommunity
communityininpennies, pennies,
our
ourcommunities
communitiesgive giveback
backtotoususinindollars.
dollars.IfIfthere
thereisisone onething
thingI have
I have
learned
learnedover overthe thepast
pastfive fiveyears,
years,it itisisthat
thatthe
theworld
worldisismore moreenchanted,
enchanted,
stranger,
stranger,more moremystical,
mystical,and andmore
moreinterconnected
interconnectedthan thananything
anythingwewe
could
couldhavehaveenvisioned
envisionedwhen whenwewewere wereononthe thefirst
firstmountain.
mountain.
Most
Mostofofthe thetime
timeweweaim aimtoo toolow.low.We Wewalk walkininshoes
shoestoo toosmall
smallfor for
us.
us.WeWespendspendour ourdaysdaysshooting
shootingfor fora alittle
littleburst
burstofofapproval
approvalororsome some
small
smallcareer
careervictory.
victory.But Butthere’s
there’sa ajoyful
joyfulway wayofofbeing
beingthat’s
that’snot notjust
justa a
little
littlebitbitbetter
betterthanthanthe thewaywayweweare arecurrently
currentlyliving;living;it’sit’sa aquantum
quantum
leap
leapbetter.
better.It’sIt’sasasif ifwe’re
we’reallallcompeting
competingtotoget geta alittle
littlecloser
closertotoa asun- sun-
lamp.
lamp.IfIfweweget getupupand andlive
livea adifferent
differentway, way,wewecan canbathe
batheininreal realsun-sun-
shine.
shine.
When
WhenI Imeet meetpeoplepeopleleading
leadinglives livesofofdeepdeepcommitment,
commitment,this thisfactfact
hits
hitsme:
me:Joy Joyisisreal.
real.
JOY
JOY
Before
BeforeI start
I startdescribing
describingthe thejourney
journeyacross
acrossthe thetwotwomountains,
mountains,I want I want
totopause
pauseover
overthat thatlast
lastpoint—
point— the
theone
oneabout
aboutjoy joybeing
beingreal.
real.Our Ourpublic
public
conversation
conversationisismuddled muddledaboutaboutthethedefidefinition
nitionofofa agood goodlife.
life.Often,
Often,wewe
say
saya agood
goodlife lifeisisa ahappy
happylife.
life.We
Welive,
live,asasit itsays
saysininour
ourfounding
foundingdocu- docu-
ment,
ment,ininpursuit
pursuitofofhappiness.
happiness.
InInallallforms
formsofofhappiness
happinesswewefeel feelgood,
good,elated,elated,uplifted.
uplifted.But Butthe the
word
word“happiness”
“happiness”can canmean
meana alotlotofofdifferent
differentthings.things.SoSoit’sit’simportant
important
totomake
makea adistinction
distinctionbetweenbetweenhappiness
happinessand andjoy. joy.
What’s
What’sthe thedifference?
difference?Happiness
Happinessinvolves
involvesa victory
a victoryforforthetheself,
self,anan
expansion
expansionofofself. self.Happiness
Happinesscomescomesasaswewemove movetowardtowardourourgoals,
goals,when
when
things
thingsgogoour ourway.way.You Youget
geta abig
bigpromotion.
promotion.You Yougraduate
graduatefrom fromcol-
col-
xxiv
xxiv
xxii INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
lege.
lege.Your
Yourteamteamwinswinsthe theSuper
SuperBowl.
Bowl.You Youhavehavea adelicious
deliciousmeal.meal.Hap-
Hap-
piness
pinessoften
oftenhas hastotododowith withsomesomesuccess,
success,some somenew newability,
ability,ororsome
some
heightened
heightenedsensual
sensualpleasure.
pleasure.
Joy
Joytends
tendstotoinvolve
involvesome sometranscendence
transcendenceofofself. self.It’s
It’swhen
whenthe theskinskin
barrier
barrierbetween
betweenyou youandandsomesomeotherotherperson
personororentityentityfades
fadesaway
awayand and
you
youfeel
feelfused
fusedtogether.
together.Joy Joyisispresent
presentwhen whenmother
motherand andbaby
babyarearegaz-gaz-
ing
ingadoringly
adoringlyinto intoeacheachother’s
other’seyes,
eyes,whenwhena ahikerhikerisisoverwhelmed
overwhelmedbyby
beauty
beautyininthe thewoods
woodsand andfeels
feelsatatone onewithwithnature,
nature,when whena agaggle
gaggleofof
friends
friendsare aredancing
dancingdeliriously
deliriouslyininunison. unison.Joy Joyoften
ofteninvolves
involvesself- self-
forgetting.
forgetting.Happiness
Happinessisiswhat whatweweaim aimfor forononthethefirstfirstmountain.
mountain.Joy Joyisis
a aby-
by-
product
productofofliving
livingononthe thesecond
secondmountain.
mountain.
WeWecan canhelp
helpcreate
createhappiness,
happiness,but butweweare areseized
seizedbybyjoy. joy.WeWeare are
pleased
pleasedbybyhappiness,
happiness,but butwewearearetransformed
transformedbybyjoy. joy.When
Whenweweexperi-
experi-
ence
encejoyjoyweweoften
oftenfeel feelwewehavehaveglimpsed
glimpsedinto intoa adeeper
deeperand andtruer
truerlayer
layer
ofofreality.
reality.AAnarcissist
narcissistcan canbebehappy,
happy,but buta anarcissist
narcissistcan cannever
neverbebejoy-joy-
ful,
ful,because
becausethe thesurrender
surrenderofofself selfisisthetheprecise
precisething
thinga anarcissist
narcissistcan’t
can’t
do.
do.AAnarcissist
narcissistcan’tcan’teven
evenconceive
conceiveofofjoy. joy.That’s
That’sone oneofofthetheproblems
problems
with
withbeing
beingstuck
stuckononthe thefirstfirstmountain:
mountain:You Youcan’t
can’tevenevensee seewhat
whatthe the
second
secondmountain
mountainoffers.offers.
MyMycorecorepoint
pointisisthatthathappiness
happinessisisgood, good,but butjoyjoyisisbetter.
better.Just
Justasasthe
the
second
secondmountain
mountainisisa afuller fullerand andricher
richerphase
phaseofoflife lifeafter
afterthethefirstfirst
mountain,
mountain,joy joyisisa afuller
fullerandandricher
richerstatestatebeyond
beyondhappiness.
happiness.Moreover,
Moreover,
while
whilehappiness
happinesstends tendstotobebefickle fickleandandfleeting,
fleeting,joy joycan
canbebefundamental
fundamental
and
andenduring.
enduring.The Themore moreyou youareareliving
livinga committed
a committedlife lifewell,
well,the
themore
more
joy
joywill
willbebeyour
yoursteady
steadystate,
state,thetheframe
frameofofmind mindyou youcarry
carryaround
aroundwith with
you
youandandshine
shineononothers.
others.You Youwillwillbecome
becomea joyful
a joyfulperson.
person.SoSothrough-
through-
out
outthis
thisbook
bookasasininlife,
life,joy
joyisisour
ournorth
northstar,
star,our
ournavigating
navigatingpoint. point.IfIfwewe
steer
steertoward
towardjoy, joy,wewewillwillwind
windupupatatthe theright
rightspot.
spot.
THE
THELEVELS
LEVELSOF
OFJOY
JOY
AAfewfewyears
yearsago,
ago,I started
I startedcollecting
collectingjoy. joy.Or,
Or,more
moreaccurately,
accurately,I started
I started
collecting
collectingaccounts
accountsofofjoy.joy.I Icollected
collectedpeople’s
people’sdescriptions
descriptionsofofwhatwhatit it
felt
feltlike
likewhen
whenlife
lifeseemed
seemedtotobebeatatitsitspeak,
peak,ininthose
thosemoments
momentswhenwhenlifelife
felt
feltfullest,
fullest,most
mostmeaningful,
meaningful,and andmostmostcomplete.
complete.
When
WhenI Ilook
lookoverovermymycollection
collectionnow, now,I Irealize
realizethat
thatthere
thereare
aredif-
dif-
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xxiii
xxv
xxv
ferent
ferentlayers
layersofofjoy.
joy.First,
First,there
thereisisphysical
physicaljoy.joy.There
Thereare aremoments
moments
when
whenyou youarearedoing
doingsomesomephysical
physicalactivity,
activity,often
oftenininrhythm
rhythmwith withother
other
people,
people,when whenyou youexperience
experienceflow. flow.InInAnna Karenina,Levin
AnnaKarenina, Levinisisout outcut-
cut-
ting
tinggrass
grasswith
withthe themen
menwho whoworkworkononthe thefarm.
farm.AtAtfirst
firstLevin
Levinisisclumsy
clumsy
with
withhis hisscythe,
scythe,but butthen
thenhehelearns
learnsthe themotion
motionand andcuts
cutsclean,
clean,straight
straight
rows.
rows.“The “Thelonger
longerLevinLevinmowed,mowed,the themore
moreoften
oftenhehefeltfeltthose
thosemo-mo-
ments
mentsofofoblivion
oblivionduring
duringwhichwhichit itwas wasnonolonger
longerhishisarms
armsthatthatswung
swung
thethescythe,
scythe,but butthethescythe
scytheitself
itselfthat
thatlent
lentmotion
motiontotohis hiswhole
wholebody,
body,full
full
ofoflife
lifeand
andconscious
consciousofofitself,
itself,and,
and,asasif ifbybymagic,
magic,without
withouta athought
thoughtofof
it,it,the
thework
workgot gotrightly
rightlyand andneatly
neatlydone doneononitsitsown.
own.TheseThesewere werethe the
most
mostblissful
blissfulmoments.”
moments.”
Flow
Flowisisespecially
especiallywonderful
wonderfulwhen whenit itisiscollective
collectiveflow,
flow,something
something
youyouexperience
experiencewith withyour
yourteam teamororunit.unit.My Myformer
formerhistory
historyprofessor
professor
William
WilliamMcNeillMcNeillexperienced
experiencedthat thatafter
afterhehewaswasdrafted
draftedintointothe thearmy
army
inin1941.
1941.InInbootbootcampcamphehewas wastaught
taughttotomarchmarchwith withthetheother
othermen meninin
hishisunit.
unit.He Hebegan
begantotoexperience
experiencestrange strangesensations
sensationswhilewhilemarching:
marching:
“Words
“Wordsare areinadequate
inadequatetotodescribe describethe theemotion
emotionaroused
arousedbybythe thepro-
pro-
longed
longedmovement
movementininunison unisonthat thatdrilling
drillinginvolved.
involved.AAsensesenseofofperva-
perva-
sive
sivewell-
well-being
beingisiswhatwhatI Irecall;
recall;more morespecifi
specifi cally,
cally,a astrange
strangesensesenseofof
personal
personalenlargement;
enlargement;a asort sortofofswelling
swellingout, out,becoming
becomingbigger biggerthan than
life,
life,thanks
thankstotoparticipation
participationinincollective
collectiveritual.”
ritual.”
The
Thenextnextlayer
layerofofjoy
joyisiscollective
collectiveeffervescence,
effervescence,celebratory
celebratorydance.dance.
InInalmost
almosteveryeveryculture,
culture,stretching
stretchingback backthrough
throughtime,time,joyous
joyousmo- mo-
ments
mentsare arecelebrated
celebratedand andenhanced
enhancedwith withrhythmic
rhythmicdancing.
dancing.I Iwritewrite
this
thisthethemorning
morningafter afterattending
attendingthe thewedding
weddingofofone oneofofmymyfriends,
friends,anan
Orthodox
OrthodoxJew. Jew.After
Afterthe theceremony,
ceremony,wewemen mendanced
dancedaround
aroundthe thegroom
groom
asasthethemusic
musicraced.
raced.We Wewereweretightly
tightlypacked,
packed,circling
circlingaround
aroundhim, him,andand
hehewas wasininthethecenter
centerofofthe thewhirl,
whirl,jumping
jumpingupupand anddowndownwith withwild
wild
abandon.
abandon.Every Everyfew fewminutes
minuteshehewould wouldcall calldifferent
differentpeople—
people— his
his
grandfather,
grandfather,a afriend,friend,even
evenme— me— totocome
cometotothe thewhite-
white- hot
hotcenter
centerandand
bounce
bouncewith withjoyjoywith
withhim himand andswing
swingour ourarms
armsandandroar
roarininlaughter.
laughter.
The
Thewriter
writerZadieZadieSmith
Smithonce oncedescribed
describedbeing beinginina anightclub
nightclubinin
London
Londoninin1999. 1999.She Shewaswaswandering
wanderingabout, about,looking
lookingfor forher
herfriends,
friends,
wondering
wonderingwhere whereher herhandbag
handbagwas, was,whenwhensuddenly
suddenlya asongsongbybyAATribe Tribe
Called
CalledQuest Questcamecameon. on.AtAtthatthatpoint,
point,she shewrote,
wrote,
xxvi
xxvi
xxiv INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
AArail-
rail-
thin
thinmanmanwithwithenormous
enormouseyes eyesreached
reachedacross
acrossa sea
a seaofofbod-
bod-
iesiesfor
formymyhand.
hand.He Hekeptkeptasking
askingme methe
thesame
samething
thingover
overand and
over:
over:“You“Youfeeling it?”I was.
feelingit?” I was.MyMyridiculous
ridiculousheelsheelswere
werekilling
killingme.me.
I was
I wasterrifi
terrifi
ededI might
I mightdie,die,yet
yetI felt
I feltsimultaneously
simultaneouslyoverwhelmed
overwhelmed
with
withdelight
delightthat
that“Can
“CanI Kick
I KickIt?”It?”should
shouldhappen
happentotobebeplaying
playing
atatthis
thisprecise
precisemoment
momentininthe thehistory
historyofofthetheworld,
world,andandwas
wasnownow
morphing
morphinginto into“Smells
“SmellsLikeLikeTeenTeenSpirit.”
Spirit.”I took
I tookthe
theman’s
man’shand.
hand.
The
Thetop topofofmymyhead
headflew flewaway.
away.We Wedanced
dancedand anddanced.
danced.We Wegavegave
ourselves
ourselvesupuptotojoy. joy.
InInthis
thiskind
kindofofjoy,
joy,like
likeallalljoy,
joy,thethecage
cageofofself-
self-
consciousness
consciousnessfalls falls
away,
away,and andpeople
peopleare arefused
fusedwith withthose
thosearound
aroundthem.
them.This Thiskindkindofofjoyjoyisis
allallpresent
presenttense;
tense;people
peopleare arecaptured
capturedbybyand andfully
fullyalive
aliveininthethemoment.
moment.
The
Thethird
thirdlayer
layerofofjoyjoyisiswhat
whatyou youmightmightcallcallemotional
emotionaljoy. joy.This
Thisisis
thethesudden
suddenbursting
burstingofoflove lovethat
thatyouyousee, see,for
forexample,
example,ononthe theface
faceofofa a
mother
motherwhen whenshe shefirst
firstlayslayseyes
eyesononher herinfant.
infant.Dorothy
DorothyDay Daycaptured
captured
it itbeautifully:
beautifully:“If“IfI hadI hadwritten
writtenthe thegreatest
greatestbook,
book,composed
composedthe thegreat-
great-
estestsymphony,
symphony,painted paintedthe themost
mostbeautiful
beautifulpainting
paintingororcarved
carvedthe themost
most
exquisite
exquisitefigure,figure,I Icould
couldnot nothave
havefelt feltthe
themore
moreexalted
exaltedcreator
creatorthan thanI I
diddidwhen
whenthey theyplaced
placedmy mychild
childininmy myarms.
arms.. .. .. No
. Nohuman
humancreature
creature
could
couldreceive
receiveororcontain
containsosovast vasta aflood
floodofoflove loveand
andjoy joyasasI felt
I feltafter
afterthethe
birth
birthofofmy mychild.
child.With
Withthis thiscame
camethe theneed
needtotoworship,
worship,totoadore.”adore.”
This
Thiskind kindofofjoy joyisisintimate
intimateand andpowerful.
powerful.I Ioften oftenspeakspeakofofthe the
time,
time,moremorethan thana adecade
decadeago agonow, now,whenwhenI came
I camehome homefrom fromwork workone one
summer
summerevening eveningand andpulled
pulledinto intothe thedriveway
drivewayononthe theside sideofofthe the
house
houseand andfound
foundmy mythree
threekids,kids,thenthentwelve,
twelve,nine,
nine,and andfour,
four,playing
playing
with
witha aplastic
plasticballballininthethebackyard.
backyard.They Theywere werekicking
kickingit itininthe theairair
andandthenthenracing
racingone oneanother
anotheracross acrossthe thegrass
grasstotocatch
catchit.it.TheyTheywerewere
giggling
gigglingand andtumbling
tumblingallallover overone oneanother
anotherand andhaving
havinga adeliriously
deliriously
good
goodtime.time.I sat
I satthere
thereininthe thecarcarlooking
lookingatatthis thistableau
tableauofoffamily
familyhap-hap-
piness
pinessthrough
throughthe thewindshield.
windshield.The Thesummer
summersun sunglowed
glowedthroughthroughthe the
trees.
trees.My Mylawn,
lawn,for forsome
somereason,
reason,lookedlookedperfect.
perfect.I experienced
I experienceda asort sort
ofofliquid
liquidjoy joyandandoverfl
overfl owing
owinggratitude
gratitudethat thatseemed
seemedtotostop stoptime,
time,that
that
made
mademy myheart
heartswell.
swell.I’m I’msure
sureallallparents
parentshave haveexperienced
experiencedsome- some-
thing
thinglike likethis.
this.
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xxvii
xxvv
xxvii
Emotional
Emotionaljoy joycan
canoften
oftenhappen
happenearlyearlyinina aromantic
romanticrelationship.
relationship.
Fresh
Freshlovers
loversglowglowatateach
eachother
otheracross
acrossa apicnic
picnicblanket.
blanket.Or
Orit itcan
canhap-
hap-
pen
penlater.
later.Old
Oldcouples
couplescancanfeel
feellike
likethey
theyare
aredeeper
deeperinineach
eachother
otherthan
than
they
theyare
areininthemselves.
themselves.You’ll
You’llhear
hearpeople
peopleininhappy
happymarriages
marriagestalk talkthis
this
way:
way:When
WhenI makeI makelovelovetotoher,
her,I disappear.
I disappear.
The
Thewriter
writerDavid
DavidWhyte
Whytemakes makesthe thecore
corepoint.
point.“Joy,”
“Joy,”hehewrites,
writes,
is isthe
themeeting
meetingplace,
place,ofofdeep
deepintentionality
intentionalityand andself-
self-
forgetting,
forgetting,
thethebodily
bodilyalchemy
alchemyofofwhat whatlies
liesinside
insideususinincommunion
communionwith with
what
whatformally
formallyseemed
seemedoutside,
outside,butbutis isnow
nowneither,
neither,butbutbecomes
becomes
a aliving
livingfrontier,
frontier,a avoice
voicespeaking
speakingbetweenbetweenususand andthetheworld:
world:
dance,
dance,laughter,
laughter,affection,
affection,skinskintouching
touchingskin, skin,singing
singingininthe
the
car,
car,music
musicininthe
thekitchen,
kitchen,thethequiet
quietirreplaceable
irreplaceableandandcompan-
compan-
ionable
ionablepresence
presenceofofa adaughter:
daughter:the thesheer
sheerintoxicating
intoxicatingbeauty
beautyofof
thetheworld
worldinhabited
inhabitedasasananedge edgebetween
betweenwhat whatwewepreviously
previously
thought
thoughtwas wasususand
andwhat
whatwewethought
thoughtwas wasother
otherthan
thanus.us.
The
Thefourth
fourthlayer
layerofofjoy joyisisspiritual
spiritualjoy.
joy.Sometimes
Sometimesjoy joycomes
comesnot not
through
throughmovement,
movement,not notthrough
throughlove,love,but
butfrom
fromananunexpected
unexpectedcontactcontact
with
withsomething
somethingthat thatseems
seemsboundaryless,
boundaryless,pure purespirit.
spirit.Joy
Joycomes
comeswithwitha a
sensation
sensationthat,that,asasthethewriter
writerJerry
JerryRoot,
Root,citing
citingCC.S..S.Lewis,
Lewis,put putit,it,allall
reality
realityisisiconoclastic—
iconoclastic— the
theworld
worldisisenchanted
enchantedbybya amystical
mysticalforce.force.
One
Oneday,
day,while
whilehehewas wasliving
livingininPrague,
Prague,the thepoet
poetChristian
ChristianWimanWiman
was
wasworking
workingininhis hiskitchen
kitchenwhenwhena afalcon
falconlanded
landedononthe thewindowsill,
windowsill,
about
aboutthree
threefeetfeetfrom
fromhim. him.The
Thebirdbirdscanned
scannedthe thetrees
treesbelow
belowand andthe the
building
buildingacrossacrossthe thestreet,
street,butbutdidn’t
didn’tyet yetturn
turntotolooklookatatWiman.
Wiman.
Wiman
Wimanwas wastransfi
transfi xed.
xed.He Hecalled
calledoutouttotohis
hisgirlfriend,
girlfriend,who whowaswasininthe the
bath,
bath,totocome
comesee,see,andandsheshecame
cameout, out,dripping,
dripping,and andstood
stoodnext nexttotohim,
him,
staring
staringatatthe thefalcon.
falcon.“Wish
“Wishfor forsomething,”
something,”she shewhispered.
whispered.Then Thenthe the
falcon
falconturned
turneditsitsheadheadand andlocked
lockedhis hiseyes
eyeswith
withWiman’s,
Wiman’s,and andWiman
Wiman
felt
feltsome
somebottom
bottomfall fallout
outwithin
withinhim.him.He Helater
laterwrote
wrotea poem
a poemabout
aboutthatthat
moment,
moment,which whichincludes
includesthis thisstanza:
stanza:
For
Fora along
longmoment
momentI’mI’mstill
stillinin
I wished
I wishedandandwished
wishedand
andwished
wished
xxviii
xxviii
xxvi INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
the
themoment
momentwould wouldnot notend.
end.
And
Andjust
justlike
likethat
thatit itvanished.
vanished.
This
Thiskind
kindofofspiritual
spiritualjoy joyoften
ofteninvolves
involvesmystical
mysticalattunement.
attunement.Tol- Tol-
stoy’s
stoy’smother
motherdied diedwhen
whenhehewas wasa ayoung
youngboy, boy,and
andbefore
beforethe
thefuneral
funeralhehe
found
foundhimself
himselfinina room
a roomalonealonewithwithher
heropenopencasket.
casket.He Heclimbed
climbedupuponon
a achair
chairtotolook
lookdown
downononher herandandexperienced
experienceda astrangestrangepeacefulness.
peacefulness.
“Somehow
“SomehowasasI Igazed, gazed,ananirrepressible,
irrepressible,incomprehensible
incomprehensiblepower power
seemed
seemedtotocompel
compelme,” me,”hehelater
laterwrote.
wrote.“For “Fora atime
timeI Ilost
lostallallsense
senseofof
existence
existenceandandexperienced
experienceda akind kindofofvague
vagueblissfulness
blissfulnesswhich
whichthoughthough
grand
grandandandsweet,
sweet,was wasalso
alsosad.”
sad.”Then
Thena aman manwalked
walkedintointothe
theroom
roomand and
Tolstoy
Tolstoyrealized
realizedthat thatthetheman
manmightmightthink
thinkhimhimunfeeling
unfeelingif ifheheworeworea a
blissful
blissfullook
lookononhis hisface,
face,sosototokeep
keepwithwithsocial
socialconvention,
convention,hehepre- pre-
tended
tendedtotoburst
burstout outcrying.
crying.“This“Thisegotistic
egotisticconsciousness
consciousnesscompletely
completely
annulled
annulledany anyelement
elementofofsincerity
sincerityininmy mywoe.”
woe.”
We
Weare areclimbing
climbingnow, now,totohigher
higherandandhigher
higherexperiences
experiencesofofjoy. joy.The
The
fifth
fifthlayer
layerofofjoy joyisistranscendent
transcendentjoy, joy,feeling
feelingatatoneonewith
withnature,
nature,the the
universe,
universe,ororGod.God.InInBackpacking
Backpackingwith Saints,Belden
withthetheSaints, BeldenLane
Lanedescribes
describes
the
theexperience
experienceofofhikinghikingthis thisway:
way:
Whenever
WheneverI plunge
I plungeinto intowilderness,
wilderness,my mybody
bodyandandthe
theenviron-
environ-
ment
mentmovemoveininand
andout outofofeach
eachother
otherininananintimate
intimatepattern
patternofof
exchange.
exchange.I Iwade
wadethrough
throughwater waterandandinhale
inhaleairairfilled
filledwith
withthe
the
scent
scentofofhoneysuckle.
honeysuckle.I’m I’mwrapped
wrappedinincobwebs
cobwebsand andpierced
piercedbyby
briars.
briars.I swallow
I swallowgnats
gnatsdrawn
drawntotothe thesweat
sweatononmymybody
bodyandandfeel
feel
the
therocks
rocksononthethetrail
trailthrough
throughmy myboots.
boots.Where
WhereI I“end”
“end”andand
everything
everythingelseelse“begins”
“begins”isn’tisn’talways
alwaysclear.
clear.What
Whatseems
seemstotobebe
“me”
“me”doesn’t
doesn’tstop
stopatatthe
thefi xed
fi xedboundary
boundaryofofmy myskin.
skin.
Such
Suchtranscendent
transcendentmoments
momentscan canlast
lastonly
onlya afew
fewminutes,
minutes,but butthey
they
can
canalter
altera alifetime.
lifetime.People
Peoplehavehavea asense
sensethat
thatthey
theyareareseeing
seeinginto
intothe
the
hidden
hiddenreality
realityofofthings,
things,andandafterward
afterwardthey
theycan
cannever
nevergogoback
backandandbebe
content
contenttotowatch
watchpale
paleshadows
shadowsdancing
dancingononthethewall
wallofofthe
thecave.
cave.Ralph
Ralph
Waldo
WaldoEmerson
Emersonbuilt builta aphilosophy
philosophyoff offsuch
suchmoments
momentsofoftranscen-
transcen-
dence.
dence.“Standing
“Standingononthe thebare
bareground—
ground— mymyhead
headbathed
bathedbybythetheblithe
blithe
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xxvii
xxix
xxix
airairand
anduplifted
upliftedinto intoinfiinfi nite
nitespace—
space— allallmean
meanegotism
egotismvanishes.
vanishes.I Ibe- be-
come
comethe thetransparent
transparenteyeball; eyeball;I Iam amnothing;
nothing;I Isee seeall;
all;the
thecurrents
currentsofof
thetheUniversal
UniversalBeing Beingcirculate
circulatethrough
throughme.” me.”
This
Thiskindkindofofjoy joyisisa adelicious,
delicious,if ifpainful,
painful,longing.
longing.ItItstartsstartswith
witha a
taste
tasteofofsomething
somethingeternal eternaland andthenthenthethejoyjoyconsists
consistsofoflonging
longingfor forthat
that
taste
tasteagain.
again.The Thejoy, joy,asasC.C.S.S.Lewis
Lewisput putit,it,isisnot
notthethesatisfaction
satisfactionofofthe the
longing
longingbut butthethelonging
longingitself.
itself.Saint
SaintAugustine
Augustinefelt feltGod’s
God’slove loveasasa deli-
a deli-
cious
ciousandandfervent
ferventhunger:hunger:“You “Youcalled,
called,shouted,
shouted,brokebrokethroughthroughmy my
deafness;
deafness;you youflared,
flared,blazed,
blazed,banished
banishedmy myblindness;
blindness;you youlavished
lavishedyour your
fragrance,
fragrance,I Igasped;
gasped;and andnow nowI Ipantpantforforyou; you;I Itasted
tastedyou, you,andandnownowI I
hunger
hungerand andthirst;
thirst;you youtouched
touchedme, me,andandI burned
I burnedfor foryour
yourpeace.”
peace.”
Other
Otherpeople,
people,thoughthoughnot notexplicitly
explicitlyreligious,
religious,also alsoexperience
experiencemo- mo-
ments
mentswhenwhenlove loveseemsseemstotoshineshinedowndownononthem. them.Jules
JulesEvans
Evanswas wasskiing
skiing
atatageagetwenty-
twenty- four
fourwhen whenhehefell felloff
offa acliff,
cliff,dropped
droppedthirty thirtyfeet,
feet,andand
broke
brokehishisleglegandandback.back.“As “AsI lay
I laythere
thereI felt
I feltimmersed
immersedininlove loveand
andlight.
light.
I’dI’dbeen
beensuffering
sufferingfrom fromemotional
emotionalproblems
problemsfor forsixsixyears
yearsand andfeared
feared
my myegoegowaswaspermanently
permanentlydamaged. damaged.InInthat thatmoment,
moment,I knew I knewthat thatI was
I was
OK,OK,I Iwas wasloved,
loved,that thatthere
therewas wassomething
somethingininme methat
thatcouldcouldnotnotbebe
damaged,
damaged,call callit it‘the
‘thesoul,’
soul,’oror‘the
‘theself,’
self,’‘pure
‘pureconsciousness’
consciousness’ororwhat what
have
haveyou.”
you.”
InIn2016,
2016,the theGallup
Galluporganization
organizationasked askedAmericans
Americansif ifthey theyhad
hadhad had
a amystical
mysticalexperience,
experience,a amoment momentwhen whenthey theywent wentbeyond
beyondtheir theirordi-
ordi-
nary
naryself
selfandandfeltfeltconnected
connectedtotosome someinfi infinity.
nity.Eighty-
Eighty- four
fourpercent
percentofof
respondents
respondentssaid saidtheytheyhad hadhadhadsuch
suchananexperience
experienceatatleast leastonce,
once,evenevenasas
7575percent
percentsaid saidthere’s
there’sa asocial
socialtaboo
tabooagainst
againstspeaking
speakingabout aboutit itininpub-
pub-
lic.
lic.
MORAL
MORALJOY
JOY
Here
HereI Iwantwanttotoshift
shiftnow nowtotothe thehighest
highestlayer
layerofofjoy,
joy,which
whichI’ll
I’llcall
call
moral
moraljoy.joy.I say
I saythis
thisisisthe
thehighest
highestform
formofofjoy
joyininpart
partbecause
becausethis
thisisisthe
the
kind
kindthat
thateveneventhetheskeptics
skepticscan’t
can’texplain
explainaway.
away.The Theskeptics
skepticscould
couldsay say
that
thatallallthose
thoseother
otherkindskindsofofpassing
passingjoyjoyare
arejust
justbrain
brainchemicals
chemicalsinin
some
someweird
weirdformation
formationthat thathappened
happenedtotohavehavekicked
kickedinintotoproduce
produceodd odd
sensations.
sensations.But Butmoral
moraljoy joyhas
hasananextra
extrafeature.
feature.ItItcan
canbecome
becomeperma-
perma-
nent.
nent.Some
Somepeoplepeoplelive livejoyfully
joyfullydaydaybybyday.
day.Their
Theirdaily
dailyactions
actionsare are
xxx INTRODUCTION
xxx
xxviii INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
aligned
alignedwithwiththeir
theirultimate
ultimatecommitments.
commitments.They Theyhave havegiven
giventhemselves
themselves
away,
away,united
unitedand andwholeheartedly.
wholeheartedly.They Theyare aresosograteful
gratefultotohave havefound
found
their
theirplace
placeandandtaken
takentheir
theirstand.
stand.They Theyhavehavethe theinnerinnerlight.
light.
Pope
PopeFrancis
Francisseems seemstotohave havethis,
this,and
andso,so,it itisissaid,
said,dodoBishop
BishopTutu Tutu
and
andPaul
PaulFarmer.
Farmer.SoSododoGeoffreyGeoffreyCanada, Canada,who whofounded
foundedthe theHarlem
Harlem
Children’s
Children’sZone, Zone,and andthethegreat
greatcellist
cellistYo-
Yo-YoYoMa. Ma.I Ionce oncewas wasseated
seated
with
withthetheDalai
DalaiLama Lamaatata lunch
a lunchininWashington.
Washington.He Hedidn’t
didn’tsay sayanything
anything
particularly
particularlyilluminating
illuminatingororprofound profoundduring duringthe thelunch,
lunch,but butevery
every
once
onceinina awhile
whilehehejust justburst
burstout outlaughing
laughingfor fornonoapparent
apparentreason.reason.He He
would
wouldlaugh,
laugh,and andI Iwanted
wantedtotobebepolite, polite,sosoI Iwould wouldlaugh, laugh,too. too.He He
laughed.
laughed.I Ilaughed.
laughed.He Heisisjustjusta ajoyful
joyfulman.man.Ebullience
Ebullienceisishis hisresting
resting
state.
state.
This
Thiskindkindofofmoralmoraljoy joycancanstart
startoutoutasasa asurgesurgeofofwhat whatthe thesocial
social
psychologists
psychologistscall call“moral
“moralelevation.”
elevation.”For Forexample,
example,a aresearcher
researcherwork- work-
ing
ingfor
forthethesocial
socialpsychologist
psychologistJonathanJonathanHaidt Haidtinterviewed
intervieweda awoman woman
who
whovolunteered
volunteeredatatthe theSalvation
SalvationArmy Armyone onewinter’s
winter’smorningmorningwith witha a
few
fewother
otherpeople
peoplefrom fromher herchurch.
church.One Oneofofthe theother
othervolunteers
volunteersofferedoffered
totogive
givea abunch
bunchofofthem thema arideridehome.
home.ItIthad hadbeen
beensnowing
snowingsolidly solidlythatthat
morning.
morning.AsAsthey theywereweredriving
drivingthroughthrougha aresidential
residentialneighborhood
neighborhood
they
theysawsawananolder
olderlady
ladystanding
standingininher herdriveway
drivewaywith witha asnowsnowshovel.
shovel.AtAt
the
thenext
nextintersection
intersectionone oneofofthe theguysguysininthe thebackseat
backseatasked askedtotobebe
dropped
droppedoff offthere.
there.They
Theyletlethim himout outofofthe
thecar,
car,figuring
figuringhehewas wasclose
closetoto
home.
home.
But
Butinstead
insteadofofgoinggoingintointosome
somenearbynearbyhouse,
house,hehewalked walkedupuptotothe the
lady,
lady,took
tookher hershovel,
shovel,andandstarted
startedshoveling
shovelingher herdriveway.
driveway.One Oneofofthe the
women
womenininthe thecarcarwitnessed
witnessedthis thisand andrecalled,
recalled,“I“Ifelt feltlike
likejumping
jumpingout out
ofofthe
thecarcarandandhugging
huggingthis thisguy.
guy.I Ifeltfeltlike
likesinging
singingand andrunning,
running,oror
skipping
skippingand andlaughing.
laughing.Just Justbeing
beingactive.
active.I felt
I feltlikelikesaying
sayingnice nicethings
things
about
aboutpeople.
people.Writing
Writinga abeautiful
beautifulpoem poemororlove lovesong. song.Playing
Playingininthe the
snow
snowlikelikea achild.
child.Telling
Tellingeverybody
everybodyabout abouthis hisdeed.
deed.. .. .. My
. Myspirit
spiritwaswas
lifted
liftedeven
evenhigher
higherthan thanit italready
alreadywas. was.I Iwas
wasjoyous,
joyous,happy,happy,smiling,
smiling,
energized.
energized.I wentI wenthomehomeand andgushed
gushedtotomy mysuite-
suite- mates,
mates,who whoclutched
clutchedatat
their
theirhearts.”
hearts.”AsAsHaidt Haidtnotes,
notes,powerful
powerfulmomentsmomentsofofmoral moralelevation
elevation
seem
seemtotopushpusha amental
mentalresetresetbutton,
button,wipingwipingout outfeelings
feelingsofofcynicism
cynicism
and
andreplacing
replacingthem themwithwithfeelings
feelingsofofhope,hope,love,
love,and andmoral
moralinspiration.
inspiration.
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xxxi
xxix
xxxi
These
Thesemoments
momentsofofelevation
elevationare areenergizing.
energizing.People Peoplefeel feelstrongly
stronglymoti- moti-
vated
vatedtotododosomething
somethinggood goodthemselves,
themselves,totoact, act,totodare,
dare,totosacrifi
sacrifi ce,ce,toto
help
helpothers.
others.
When
Whenpeople peoplemakemakegenerosity
generositypart partofoftheir
theirdaily
dailyroutine,
routine,they theyre- re-
fashion
fashionwho whotheytheyare.are.TheTheinteresting
interestingthing thingaboutaboutyour yourpersonality,
personality,
your
youressence,
essence,isisthatthatit itisisnot
notmoremoreororless lesspermanent
permanentlike likeyouryourleg leg
bone.
bone.YourYouressence
essenceisischangeable,
changeable,like likeyour
yourmind.mind.Every Everyaction actionyou you
take,
take,every
everythought
thoughtyou youhave,
have,changes
changesyou, you,even evenif ifjust
justa alittle,
little,making
making
you
youa alittle
littlemore
moreelevated
elevatedorora alittle
littlemore
moredegraded.
degraded.IfIfyou youdodoa aseries series
ofofgood
gooddeeds,
deeds,thethehabit
habitofofother-
other- centeredness
centerednessbecomes becomesgradually
graduallyen- en-
graved
gravedinto intoyour
yourlife.
life.ItItbecomes
becomeseasier easiertotododogood gooddeeds deedsdown downthe the
line.
line.IfIfyou
youlielieororbehave
behavecallously
callouslyororcruelly
cruellytowardtowardsomeone,
someone,your your
personality
personalitydegrades,
degrades,and andit itisiseasier
easierforforyou youtotododosomething
somethingeven even
worse
worselater
lateron.
on.AsAsthethecriminologists
criminologistssay, say,thethepeople
peoplewho whocommit
commitmur- mur-
der
derdon’t
don’tstart
startthere.
there.TheyTheyhave havetotowalkwalkthrough
througha alotlotofofdoors doorsbefore
before
they
theygetgettotothe
thepoint
pointwhere
wherethey theycancantake
takeanother
anotherhuman humanlife. life.
The
Thepeoplepeoplewhowhoradiate
radiatea apermanent
permanentjoy joyhave
havegivengiventhemselves
themselves
over
overtotolives
livesofofdeep
deepand andloving
lovingcommitment.
commitment.Giving Givinghas hasbecome
becometheir their
nature,
nature,and andlittle
littlebybylittle
littlethey
theyhavehavemademadetheir theirsoulssoulsincandescent.
incandescent.
There’s
There’salways
alwayssomething
somethingflowing flowingout outofofthe theinteriority
interiorityofofour ourspirit.
spirit.
For
Forsome
somepeople
peopleit’sit’smostly
mostlyfear fearororinsecurity.
insecurity.For Forthe thepeople
peoplewewecall call
joyful,
joyful,it’s
it’smostly
mostlygratitude,
gratitude,delight,
delight,and andkindness.
kindness.
How
Howdodoyou youbuild
buildyouryourpersonality
personalitytotoglow glowininthis thisway?
way?You Youmight
might
think
thinka bright
a brightpersonality
personalitywould wouldcomecomefrom fromananunburdened
unburdenedlife— life— a life
a life
ofofpleasures
pleasuresand andconstant
constantdelights.
delights.But Butif ifyouyouclosely
closelylook lookatatjoyfuljoyful
people,
people,you younotice
noticethatthatvery
veryoften
oftenthethepeople
peoplewho whohave havethethemostmostincan-
incan-
descent
descentsoulssoulshave
havetaken
takenononthe theheaviest
heaviestburdens.
burdens.
Benjamin
BenjaminHardy Hardyisisa awriter
writerwho whodescribed
describedhis hisdecision
decisiontototake takeonon
three
threefoster
fosterchildren
childrenininInc. Inc.magazine.
magazine.“Before“Beforehaving havingthat thatpersonal
personal
load
loadtotocarry,
carry,I Iwaswassomewhat
somewhatcomplacent.
complacent.I Ilacked lackedthe theurgency.
urgency.I I
didn’t
didn’thave
havethe thetraction
tractiontotomove moveforward,”
forward,”hehewrites. writes.“A“Alife lifeofofease
easeisis
not
notthe
thepathway
pathwaytotogrowthgrowthand andhappiness.
happiness.On Onthe thecontrary,
contrary,a alife lifeofof
ease
easeisishow
howyou yougetgetstuck
stuckand andconfused
confusedininlife.” life.”Taking
Takingononthose thosekids kids
meant
meantknowing
knowingmore moreabout aboutfrustration,
frustration,anxiety,
anxiety,and andfatigue,
fatigue,but butalso
also
elation,
elation,sweetness,
sweetness,and andespecially
especiallycaring
caringlove.love.Happiness
Happinesscan canbebetasted
tasted
xxxii
xxxii
xxx INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
alone.
alone.But Butpermanent
permanentjoy joycomes
comesout outofofananenmeshed
enmeshedand andembedded
embedded
life.
life.Happiness
Happinesshappens
happenswhen whena apersonal
personaldesire desireisisfulfi
fulfilled.
lled.Permanent
Permanent
moral
moraljoy joyseems
seemstotoemerge
emergewhen whendesire
desireisisturned
turnedoutward
outwardfor forothers.
others.
Gregory
GregoryBoyle Boyleministers
ministerstotogang gangmembers
membersininLos LosAngeles
Angelesand and
captures
capturesthe thedifference
differencebetween
betweena alife lifelived
livedfor forself
selfand
andone onelived
livedforfor
others:
others:“Compassion
“Compassionisisalways,always,atatitsitsmost
mostauthentic,
authentic,aboutabouta shift
a shiftfrom
from
the
thecramped
crampedworld worldofofself-
self-
preoccupation
preoccupationinto intoa amoremoreexpansive
expansiveplace place
ofoffellowship.”
fellowship.”It’s It’sone
oneofofthe
theinescapable
inescapabletruisms truismsofoflife:life:You
Youhave havetoto
lose
loseyourself
yourselftotofind findyourself,
yourself,givegiveyourself
yourselfaway awaytotoget geteverything
everything
back.
back.
You
Youmight
mightthink
thinkthisthiskind
kindofoflifelifeofofjoyous
joyousservice
serviceisisrare.
rare.ButButinin
the
thespring
springofof2018,
2018,I began
I begana aproject
projectcalledcalledWeave:
Weave:The TheSocial
SocialFabric
Fabric
Project
Projectatatthe theAspen
AspenInstitute.
Institute.TheTheidea ideaisistotoshine
shineattention
attentionononthe the
people
peoplewho whoarearedoing
doingthe thegrassroots
grassrootswork workofofcommunity
communitybuilding buildingand and
relationship
relationshiprepair.
repair.InInthethecourse
courseofofthat thatwork
workI’ve I’vefound
foundmyselfmyselfsur-sur-
rounded
roundedbybyincandescent
incandescentpeople peoplealmost
almostevery everyday.day.
There
ThereisisStephanie
StephanieHruzekHruzekininHouston,Houston,sitting sittingcross-
cross- legged
leggedonon
the
thefloor
floorwith
withkids
kidsatatFamilyPoint,
FamilyPoint,her herafter-
after-school
schoolprogram,
program,gleefully
gleefully
repeating
repeatingtonguetonguetwisters
twisterswith withthem:
them:“Say “Say‘Unique
‘UniqueNew NewYork’York’ten ten
times
timesfast!”
fast!”There
ThereisisKate KateGarvin
GarvinininColorado,
Colorado,being beinggreeted
greetedbyby
squeals
squealsofofdelight
delightwhen
whenshe shecomes
comesacross
acrossa aSomali
Somalirefugee
refugeeshe sheisishelp-
help-
ing
ingtotointegrate
integrateintointothethelocal
localschool
schoolsystem.
system.There’s
There’sDon DonFlow,Flow,who who
owns
ownsa achain
chainofofcarcardealerships
dealershipsininNorthNorthCarolina
Carolinaand andwho whoradiates
radiatesa a
quiet
quietsatisfaction
satisfactionshowing
showingthe thecommunity
communitycenter centerhehebuilt
builtininWinston-
Winston-
Salem.
Salem.There’s
There’sHarlan
HarlanCrow, Crow,a areal
realestate
estatedeveloper
developerwhose whoseeveryeverymo- mo-
ment,
ment,it itseems,
seems,isisdevoted
devotedtotohelping
helpingthe thepeople
peoplearound
aroundhim himbebemore more
comfortable.
comfortable.
There
ThereisisMack
MackMcCarter,
McCarter,founder
founderofofCommunity
CommunityRenewal RenewalInter- Inter-
national
nationalininShreveport,
Shreveport,Louisiana.
Louisiana.Mack Mackisisininhis hisseventies.
seventies.He’s He’sone oneofof
those
thosepeople
peoplewhenwhenthe thefirst
firsttime
timehehewalkswalksintointoa acoffee
coffeeshopshophehelearns
learns
everybody’s
everybody’sfirst firstname
nameand andhas hasa ajoke
jokeand andstory
storyfor forthem
themall. all.ByByhishis
third
thirdvisit
visithe’s
he’severybody’s
everybody’sold oldfriend.
friend.ByByhis hisfifth,
fifth,they
theywantwanthim himtoto
offi
officiate
ciateatattheir
theirwedding.
wedding.PeoplePeoplejustjustwantwanttotobebearound
aroundthe theguyguybe-be-
cause
causeheheisisflowing
flowingjoy. joy.
I ask
I askthese
thesepeople
peoplewhat whatbrings
bringsjoy joytototheir
theirdaily
dailylives.
lives.TheTheanswer
answer
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION xxxiii
xxxi
xxxiii
isisalways
alwaysa avariation
variationononthe thesame
sametheme—
theme— some
somemomentmomentwhen whentheythey
brought
broughtdelight
delighttotoanother.
another.“There “Thereisisjoy joyininself-
self-
forgetfulness,”
forgetfulness,”Helen Helen
Keller
Kellerobserved.
observed.“So “SoI try
I trytotomake
makethe thelight
lightininothers’
others’eyes eyesmy mysun,
sun,thethe
music
musicininothers’
others’earsearsmy mysymphony,
symphony,the thesmile
smileononothers’
others’lips
lipsmy
myhap-hap-
piness.”
piness.”
Miroslav
MiroslavVolf Volfisisa aprofessor
professoratatYale Yalewho whohas hasmade
madestudying
studyingjoy joyhis
his
specialty.
specialty.Joy Joyisisnotnota aself-
self-
standing
standingemotion,
emotion,heheconcludes.
concludes.ItItisisthe the
crown
crownofofa awell-
well-lived
livedlife.
life.“Joy
“Joyisisnot
notmerely
merelyexternal
externaltotothe thegood
goodlife,
life,
a amint
mintleaf leafononthethecake’s
cake’swhipped
whippedcream. cream.Rather,
Rather,the thegood
goodlifelifeex-
ex-
presses
pressesand andmanifests
manifestsitselfitselfininjoy.
joy.Joy
Joyisisthe theemotional
emotionaldimension
dimensionofof
life
lifethat
thatgoes
goeswell
wellandandthatthatisisled
ledwell,
well,a apositive
positiveaffective
affectiveresponse
responsetoto
life
lifegoing
goingwell wellandandlife
lifebeing
beingled ledwell.”
well.”
Happiness
Happinessisisthe theproper
propergoal goalfor forpeople
peopleonontheir theirfirstfirstmountain.
mountain.
And
Andhappiness
happinessisisgreat.
great.ButButweweonly onlyget getoneonelife,
life,sosowewemight
mightasaswellwell
use
useit ithunting
huntingfor forbigbiggame:
game:totoenjoyenjoyhappiness,
happiness,but buttotosurpass
surpasshappi-
happi-
ness
nesstoward
towardjoy.joy.
Happiness
Happinesstends tendstotobebeindividual;
individual;wewemeasure measureit itbybyasking,
asking,“Are“Are
you
youhappy?”
happy?”Joy Joytends
tendstotobebeself-
self-
transcending.
transcending.HappinessHappinessisissomething
something
you
youpursue;
pursue;joy joyisissomething
somethingthat thatrises
risesupupunexpectedly
unexpectedlyand andsweeps
sweeps
over
overyou. you.Happiness
Happinesscomes comesfrom fromaccomplishments;
accomplishments;joy joycomes
comesfromfrom
offering
offeringgifts.
gifts.Happiness
Happinessfades; fades;weweget getusedusedtotothe thethings
thingsthatthatused
usedtoto
make
makeusushappy.
happy.Joy Joydoesn’t
doesn’tfade.fade.To Tolive
livewith
withjoyjoyisistotolive
livewith
withwonder,
wonder,
gratitude,
gratitude,and andhope.
hope.People
Peoplewho whoare areononthe thesecond
secondmountain
mountainhave have
been
beentransformed.
transformed.They Theyare aredeeply
deeplycommitted.
committed.The Theoutpouring
outpouringofof
love
lovehas hasbecome
becomea asteady
steadyforce.
force.
PART I
The Two Mountains
ONE
ONE
Moral
MoralEcologies
Ecologies
When
WhenI wasI wasa ayoung
youngTV TVpundit,
pundit,I worked
I workedwith withJim JimLehrer,
Lehrer,who who
cofounded
cofoundeda aprogram
programthat thatisisnow
nowcalled
calledthethePBS NewsHour.When
PBSNewsHour. WhenJim Jim
was
wasononthe
theairairand
anddelivering
deliveringthe thenews,
news,his hisface
facetended
tendedtotobebewarmwarmbut but
stoical,
stoical,because
becausehehedid didnotnotthink
thinkheheshould
shouldbebethe thestory;
story;the thenews
news
should
shouldbebethethestory.
story.But
Butwhen
whenthe thecamera
camerawas wasnot
notononhim,
him,his hisface
facewas
was
incredibly
incrediblyexpressive.
expressive.When WhenI Iwas wastalking
talkingononour oursegment
segmentand andI Isaid
said
something
somethingcheapcheapororcrass,
crass,I would
I wouldsee seehis
hismouth
mouthturnturndown
downinindisplea-
displea-
sure.
sure.But
Butwhen
whenI Isaid saidsomething
somethingthat thatwas
wasuseful,
useful,civil,
civil,ororamusing,
amusing,I I
would
wouldseeseehis
hiseyes
eyescrinkle
crinklewith
withpleasure.
pleasure.For Forten
tenyears,
years,working
workingwith with
a aman
manI deeply
I deeplyadmired,
admired,I tried
I triedtotobehave
behaveinina awaywaythat
thatwould
wouldproduce
produce
the
theeye
eyecrinkle
crinkleand andnotnotthe
themouth
mouthdownturn.
downturn.
Lehrer
Lehrernever neverhad hadtotoformally
formallytell tellme
mehow howtotobehave,
behave,but butininthis
this
subtle
subtleand
andwordless
wordlessway, way,hehetrained
trainedme metotomeetmeetthetheNewsHour
NewsHourstan- stan-
dards
dardsofofwhat
whatisisright.
right.And
Andhehedidn’t
didn’toffer
offerthese
thesereactions
reactionsjustjusttotome;
me;hehe
offered
offeredthem
themtotoeveryone
everyoneononstaff,
staff,show
showafter
aftershow,
show,year
yearafter
afteryear.
year.InIn
this
thisway,
way,hehecreated
createdthetheNewsHour
NewsHourway wayofofbeing,
being,a amoral
moralecology
ecologyinin
which
whichcertain
certainvalues
valueswere
wereprioritized,
prioritized,and andcertain
certainways
waysofofbeingbeingex- ex-
4 4 THE
THETWO
TWOMOUNTAINS
MOUNTAINS
pected.
pected.It’s It’sbeen
beenseveral
severalyears
yearssince
sinceLehrer
Lehrerretired,
retired,but butthe
theculture
culturehehe
instilled
instilledstill
stilldefi
defi
nes
nesthe
theNewsHour
NewsHourtoday. today.
WeWeallallgrew grewupupininone onemoral
moralecology
ecologyororanother.
another.We Weallallcreate
create
microcultures
microculturesaround aroundususbybythe thewaywaywewelead
leadour
ourlives
livesand
andthe thevibes
vibeswewe
send
sendoutouttotothose
thosearound
aroundus. us.One
Oneofofthe thegreatest
greatestlegacies
legaciesa aperson
personcan can
leave
leaveisisa amoral
moralecology—
ecology— a asystem
systemofofbelief
beliefand
andbehavior
behaviorthat thatlives
livesonon
after
afterthey
theydie. die.
Some
Somemoral moralecologies
ecologiesare arelocal,
local,inina ahome
homeororoffi offi
ce,
ce,but
butsomesomeare are
vast
vastand
anddefidefinenewhole
wholeeraserasandandcivilizations.
civilizations.TheTheclassical
classicalGreeks
Greeksand and
Romans
Romanshad hadtheir
theirhonor
honorcodecodewith
withitsitsvision
visionofofimmortal
immortalfame. fame.InInthe the
late
latenineteenth
nineteenthcentury,century,Parisian
Parisianartists
artistsinvented
inventeda bohemian
a bohemiancode codecel-
cel-
ebrating
ebratingindividual
individualfreedom
freedomand andwildwildcreativity,
creativity,while whileacrossacrossthe the
Channel,
Channel,Victorian
Victorianmorality
moralitywas wasbeginning
beginningtotoform, form,withwithitsitsstrict
strict
codes
codesofofpropriety
proprietyand andrespectability.
respectability.Moral Moralecologies
ecologiessubtlysubtlyguideguide
how
howyou youdress,
dress,howhowyou youtalk,
talk,what
whatyou youadmire
admireand anddisdain,
disdain,and andhow
how
you
youdefi
defi
neneyouryourultimate
ultimatepurpose.
purpose.
Moral
Moralecologies
ecologiesare arecollective
collectiveresponses
responsestotothe thebig
bigproblems
problemsofofa a
specifi
specifi
c cmoment.
moment.For Forexample,
example,around
aroundthe themiddle
middlethird thirdofofthe thetwenti-
twenti-
eth
ethcentury,
century,peoplepeopleininthetheNorthern
NorthernHemisphere
Hemispherefaced faceda agreat
greatdepres-
depres-
sion
sionand
and a cataclysmic
a cataclysmic world
world war.
war.BigBig
problems
problems required
required big
biginstitutional
institutional
responses.
responses.People Peoplejoined
joinedarmies,
armies,formed
formedunions,
unions,worked
workedatatbig bigcompa-
compa-
nies.
nies.They
Theybonded bondedtightly
tightlytogether
togetherasaswarring
warringnations.
nations.Therefore,
Therefore,a a
culture
culturedeveloped
developedthat thatemphasized
emphasizeddoing doingyour
yourduty,
duty,fitting
fittinginto intoinsti-
insti-
tutions,
tutions,conforming
conformingtotothe thegroup,
group,deferring
deferringtotoauthority,
authority,not nottrying
tryingtoto
stick
stickout
outororget gettoo
toobig
bigfor
foryour
yourbritches.
britches.ThisThisgroup-
group- oriented
orientedmoral moral
ecology
ecologycould couldbebesummed
summedupupbybythe thephrase
phrase“We’re
“We’reAll AllininThisThisTo-To-
gether.”
gether.”
The
Thespiritspiritofofthis
thisculture
culturewas wasnicely
nicelycaptured
capturedinina abook bookbybyAlan Alan
Ehrenhalt
Ehrenhaltcalled calledThe
TheLost City,about
LostCity, aboutsomesomeofofthe
thecommunities
communitiesaround around
and
andininChicago
Chicagoininthe the1950s.
1950s.There
Therewasn’t
wasn’ta alotlotofofemphasis
emphasisput putonon
individual
individualchoice choicebackbackthen.
then.IfIfyou youwerewerea astar
starbaseball
baseballplayer
playerlikelike
Ernie
ErnieBanks,
Banks,you youdidn’t
didn’thave
havethe theoption
optionofofbecoming
becominga afree freeagent.
agent.YouYou
spent
spentyour
yourcareer
careerasasa Chicago
a ChicagoCub. Cub.IfIfyouyouhadhadthethewrong
wrongaccent
accentororthe the
wrong
wrongskin skincolor
colorororwere
werethe thewrong
wronggender,
gender,youyouprobably
probablycouldn’t
couldn’tget get
MORAL
MORAL ECOLOGIES 5 5
ECOLOGIES
a ajob
jobatatoneoneofofthethefancy
fancyoffioffi
cecebuildings
buildingsdowntown.
downtown.But Butpeople
peopleback back
then
thentended
tendedtotohave havesteady
steadyattachments
attachmentsand anda astable
stableconnection
connectiontoto
place.
place.They Theydid didtheir
theirduty
dutyfor fortheir
theirinstitutions.
institutions.
IfIfyouyouwere
werea aman manwho wholived
livedononChicago’s
Chicago’sSouth SouthSide, Side,there’s
there’sa a
good
goodchance
chanceyou youfollowed
followedyour yourfather
fatherand
andgrandfather
grandfatherinto intothe
theNabisco
Nabisco
plant,
plant,the thelargest
largestbakery
bakeryininthe theworld
worldatatthatthattime,
time,and andjoined
joinedthe the
union,
union,the theBakery
Bakeryand andConfectionery
ConfectioneryWorkers WorkersInternational.
International.
The
Thehouseshouseswereweresmall,
small,there
therewas wasnonoair-air-
conditioning,
conditioning,and andTV TV
had
hadnot notyetyetpenetrated,
penetrated,sosowhen whenthe theweather
weatherwas waswarm,
warm,socialsociallifelifewas
was
conducted
conductedononthe thefront
frontstoops,
stoops,ininthe thealleys,
alleys,andandwith
withchildren
childrenrun- run-
ning
ningfrom fromhouse
housetotohouse
houseallallday.
day.AAyoung
younghomeowner
homeownerwas wasenveloped
enveloped
inina aseries
seriesofofcommunal
communalactivities
activitiesthat,
that,asasEhrenhalt
Ehrenhaltputs putsit,it,“only
“onlythe the
most
mostdetermined
determinedloner lonercould
couldescape:
escape:barbecues,
barbecues,coffee coffeeklatches,
klatches,vol- vol-
leyball
leyballgames,games,baby-baby- sitting
sittingco- co-ops
opsandandthe theconstant
constantbartering
barteringofof
household
householdgoods.” goods.”
IfIfyou
youwentwenttotothethebank
bankyou youwent
wenttotothe thelocal
localbank,
bank,Talman
TalmanFed- Fed-
eral
eralSavings
Savingsand andLoan.
Loan.IfIfyou youbought
boughtmeat meatyou youwentwenttotothe thelocal
local
butcher,
butcher,Bertucci’s.
Bertucci’s.Sixty-
Sixty-twotwopercent
percentofofAmericans
Americansininthose thosedaysdayssaidsaid
they
theywere wereactive
activechurch
churchmembers,
members,and andif ifyou
youlived
livedininthatthatneighbor-
neighbor-
hood
hoodininChicago,
Chicago,you youwentwenttotoSt.St.Nick’s
Nick’sParish,
Parish,where
whereyou youlistened
listenedtoto
the
thekindly
kindlyFather
FatherFennessy
Fennessysay saymass
massininLatin.
Latin.YouYouprobably
probablysent sentyour
your
boys
boystotothe thelocal
localparochial
parochialschool,school,where
wherethey theysatsatininneat
neatrowsrowsand and
quaked
quakedunder underthe theiron
irondiscipline
disciplineofofFather
FatherLynch.
Lynch.
IfIfyou
youwent
wentinto
intopolitics,
politics,you youprobably
probablycouldn’t
couldn’twin winasasa afreelancer.
freelancer.
But
Butyouyoucould
couldjoinjoinBoss
BossDaley’s
Daley’smachine
machineand andthrive,
thrive,provided
providedyou youdiddid
what
whatyour yourauthority
authorityfigures
figurestold toldyouyoutotodo. do.For
Forexample,
example,John JohnFaryFary
served
servedthe themachine
machineininthe theIllinois
Illinoisstate
statelegislature,
legislature,and andwhenwhenhehewas was
sixty-
sixty-four
fourhehewas wasrewarded
rewardedwith witha aseat
seatininthetheU.S.
U.S.Congress.
Congress.When When
asked
askedwhat whathehewas wasgoing
goingtotododoonce onceelected
electedtotoCongress,
Congress,hehetold toldthethe
press,
press,“I“Iwill willgogototoWashington
Washingtontotohelp helprepresent
representMayorMayorDaley.Daley.For For
twenty-
twenty- one
oneyears,
years,I Irepresented
representedthe themayor
mayorininthe thelegislature,
legislature,and andhehe
was
wasalways
alwaysright.”
right.”He Hediddidhishisduty.
duty.
The
Theethos ethosnurtured
nurturedthe thesort
sortofofrich,
rich,community
communitylife lifethat
thatmanymany
people
peoplepine pineforfortoday.
today.IfIfsomebody
somebodyasked askedyou youwhere
whereyou youwere
werefrom, from,

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‘The Second Mountain will THE

not only be widely read; P EN GU IN P RES S

DAVID BROOKS THE SECOND MOUNTAIN

of outward success, down to the valley of Regular Coated

frequently eloquent and extraordinarily incisive. • Wet proofs

9780141990903_SecondMountain_Visuals.indd 1,3 29/01/2020 14:22

The Second Moun tain

‘Heartfelt, refreshing, honest . . . a friendly, gentle nudging toward the

‘Enormously comforting and galvanising . . . a better way to live’

‘Potentially life-changing lessons can be found in this relevant and

‘A thoughtful work that offers an uplifting message to those strug-

U K | USA | Canada | Ireland | Australia

Penguin Books is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies

First published in the United States of America by Random House,

Text copyright © David Brooks, 2019

Grateful acknowledgment is made to the following

The moral right of the author has been asserted

Printed in Great Britain by Clays Ltd, Elcograf S.p.A.

Penguin Random House is committed to a

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