Willy Wonka Screenplay

GUIDE TO THIS SCRIPT:
This transcription was completed May 10, 1998. In

only a
few places, the words were hard to make out; these
places
are indicated by a *** after any word which is in
question.
UPDATE - February 26, 1999 Buy the DVD from

I have received the words that Willy Wonka is singing AMAZON.com
during
the Wonkamobile ride! They are now in the script,
with Buy the movie on
translation!!! VHS Video
from Amazon.com
Translations of foreign phrases follow in brackets. only $13.99
Scene numbers do not correspond to every change of Buy the

scene CD
(e.g., the news montages are lumped together). I
numbered
in a way such that major changes of locations or
progressions of action take a new number.
Soundtrack
No credit info is listed -- you can find it on the From Amazon.com $11.49
video or
on any number of Willy Wonka web sites.
Any info, suggestions, omissions, or possible

corrections
(but I'll fight ya tooth and nail!), please e-mail
the
transcriber (Aaron Villa, not the owner of this page)
at
amv20@columbia.edu -- Happy reading!
_____________________________________________________
_______
WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

transcribed by Aaron Villa
(Kids run from school to the Candy Shop.)

1. BILL'S CANDY SHOP
(Kids enter, yelling.)
KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler! I want a Sizzler!
BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it

going to
be? A triple cream cup for Christopher . . .
KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter!
BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . .
ONE KID: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . .
BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . .
ANOTHER KID: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . .
BILL: And listen! Wonka's got a new one today.
KIDS: What is it?
BILL: This is called a Scrumdidilyumptious Bar.
WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar?

How
does he do it?
BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims?
WINKELMANN: No . . .
BILL: Or a bird how it flies?
WINKELMANN: No . . .
BILL: No sirree, you don't! They do it because they

were
born to do it. Just like Willy Wonka was born to be
a candy
man, you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer.
WHO CAN TAKE A SUNRISE

SPRINKLE IT WITH DEW
COVER IT IN CHOCOLATE AND A MIRACLE OR TWO
THE CANDY MAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE
AND MAKES THE WORLD TASTE GOOD
WHO CAN TAKE A RAINBOW

WRAP IT IN A SIGH
SOAK IT IN THE SUN AND MAKE A STRAWBERRY LEMON
PIE
KIDS:
THE CANDY MAN?
BILL:
THE CANDY MAN
THE CANDY MAN CAN
KIDS: Me! Me!
BILL:
WILLY WONKA MAKES
EVERYTHING HE BAKES
SATISFYING AND DELICIOUS
TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD WISHES
YOU CAN EVEN EAT THE DISHES
WHO CAN TAKE TOMORROW

DIP IT IN A DREAM
SEPARATE THE SORROW AND COLLECT UP ALL THE CREAM
THE CANDY MAN
KIDS:
WILLY WONKA CAN
BILL:
THE CANDY MAN CAN

AND THE WORLD TASTES GOOD
'CAUSE THE CANDY MAN THINKS IT SHOULD . . .
2. ON THE STREET
(Charlie has been watching through the window.

He
walks away, toward Mr. Jopeck's newsstand.)
CHARLIE: Hi, Mr. Jopeck.
JOPECK: Ah, come along, Charlie; you're late.
CHARLIE: It's payday, Mr. Jopeck.
JOPECK: You're right. (He pays Charlie.) There you

are.
CHARLIE: Thanks.
JOPECK: Say hello to your Grandpa Joe.
CHARLIE: Okay.
(Charlie delivers the papers.)
3. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES
(Charlie stands outside the gates looking at the

factory.)
TINKER:
Up the airy mountain
Down the rushing glen
We dare not go a-hunting
For fear of little men.
You see: Nobody ever goes in, . . . and nobody

ever
comes out!
4. BUCKETS' HOUSE
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Charlie's late.
GRANDPA JOE: He works too hard for a little boy. He

should
have some time to play.
MRS. BUCKET: Not enough hours in the day. With the

four of
you bedridden for the past twenty years, it takes a
lot of
work to keep this family going.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: If only his father were alive.
GRANDPA JOE: Soon as I get my strength back, I'm

gonna get
out of this bed and help him.
MRS. BUCKET: Dad, in all the years you've been saying

you're
going to get out of that bed, I've yet to see you set
foot
on the floor.
GRANDPA JOE: Well . . . maybe if the floor wasn't so

cold.
(Charlie enters.)
CHARLIE: Hi, everybody!
GRANDPA JOE: Wake up!
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Wake up!
GRANDPA JOE: Wake up; Charlie's home!
CHARLIE: Grandpa George. (He kisses him.) Grandma

Georgina. (Kisses her.) Grandma Josephine. (Kisses
her.)
Grandpa Joe. (Kisses him. Looks at Joe's bowl of
cabbage
water.) Is this your supper, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: Well, it's yours too, Charlie.
CHARLIE: I'm fed up with cabbage water. It's not

enough!
GRANDMA GEORGINA: Charlie!
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: It's all we have.

GRANDPA JOE: What are you saying?
CHARLIE: How about this? (Produces a loaf of bread.)
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, where'd you get that?
GRANDPA JOE: What difference does it make where he

got it?
Point is: he got it.
CHARLIE: It's my first payday.
MRS. BUCKET: Good for you, Charlie. We'll have a

real
banquet.
CHARLIE: Mom . . .? Here's what's left. You keep

it.
Except for this. From now on, I'm going to pay for
your
tobacco.
GRANDPA JOE: No one's going to pay for it, Charlie.

I'm
giving it up.
MRS. BUCKET: Come on, Dad, it's only one pipe a day.
GRANDPA JOE: When a loaf of bread looks like a

banquet, I've
no right buying tobacco.
CHARLIE: Go on, Grandpa. Please take it.
5. BUCKET'S HOUSE - LATER THAT NIGHT
CHARLIE: After I finished my paper route, I was in

front of
Wonka's. There was this strange man there. I think
he was
a tinker. He was standing right behind me, looking
up at
the factory. Just before he left he said, "Nobody
ever goes
in, and nobody ever comes out."
GRANDPA JOE: And right he was, Charlie. Not since

the
tragic day that Willy Wonka locked it.
CHARLIE: Why'd he lock it?
GRANDPA JOE: Because all the other chocolate makers

in the
world were sending in spies--dressed as workers!--to
steal
Mr. Wonka's secret recipes. Especially Slugworth . .
. oh,
that Slugworth, he was the worst! Finally Mr. Wonka
shouted, "I shall be ruined! Close the factory!"
And
that's just what he did. He locked the gates and
vanished
completely. And then suddenly, about three years
later, the
most amazing thing happened. The factory started
working
again, full blast! And more delicious candies were
coming
out than ever before. But the gates stayed locked so
that
no one, not even Mr. Slugworth, could steal them.
CHARLIE: But Grandpa, someone must be helping Mr.

Wonka work
the factory.
GRANDPA JOE: Thousands must be helping him.
CHARLIE: But who? Who are they?
GRANDPA JOE: That is the biggest mystery of them all.
6. SCHOOL
MR. TURKENTINE: Charlie Bucket.
CHARLIE: Yes, Mr. Turkentine?
MR. TURKENTINE: I shall need an assistant. Come and

give me
a hand.
(Charlie joins him at the front.)
We have here nitric acid, glycerin, and a special
mixture of
my own. Together it's horrible, dangerous stuff;
blows you
up. But mixed together in the right way, as only I
know
how, what do you think it makes?
CHARLIE: I don't know, sir.
MR. TURKENTINE: Of course you don't know. You don't

know
because only I know. If you knew and I didn't know,
then
you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you. And
for a
student to teach his teacher is presumptuous and
rude. Do
I make myself clear?
CHARLIE: Yes, sir.
(The students laugh.)
MR. TURKENTINE: Good. Now, mixed together in the

right way,
these three highly dangerous ingredients make the
finest
wart remover in the world. The trick is to pour them
in in
equal amounts. Now, Charlie, you take the nitric
acid and
the glycerin, and I'll take my own special mixture.
You
ready? Good lad: pour.
(They pour; the mixture emits a small boom and a

large
puff of smoke. The kids cheer.)
CHARLIE: Did we do it wrong?
MR. TURKENTINE: No, certainly not; this is for very

big
warts.
(Commotion in the hall.)
KID #1 (O.C.): I'm gonna get there first. Get out of

my
way.
MR. TURKENTINE: Now what's going on out there?
KID #2 (O.C.): I hope there's still some left.
(Mr. Turkentine opens the door.)
MR. TURKENTINE: You, Winkelmann, come here. What's

happening?
WINKELMANN: Willy Wonka's opening his factory; he's

gonna
let people in.
MR. TURKENTINE: Are you sure?
WINKELMANN: It's on the radio. And he's giving

truckloads
of chocolate away.
MR. TURKENTINE: Class dismissed!
WINKELMANN: No, no, it's only for five people.
MR. TURKENTINE: Class un-dismissed.
WINKELMANN: He's hidden five Golden Tickets, and the

people
who find them will win the big prize.
MR. TURKENTINE: Where's he hidden the tickets?
WINKELMANN: Inside five Wonka Bars! You gotta buy

Wonka
Bars to find 'em!
MR. TURKENTINE: Class re-dismissed!

KID #3 (O.C.): I'll meet you downstairs.
KID #4 (O.C.): I'm gonna buy the whole store!
(Commotion continues; kids saying, "I'm

gonna . . ."
fades into the general wash of noise.)
7. NEWSROOM
TV NEWSMAN: And now, details on the sudden

announcement that
has captured the attention of entire world. Hidden
among
the countless billions of Wonka Bars are five gold
tickets.
And to the five people who find them will come the
most
fabulous prize one could wish for: a lifetime supply
of
chocolate.
8. BUCKETS' HOUSE
TV NEWSMAN (on TV): (continuous) And as if this were

not
enough, each winner before he receives his prize will
be
personally escorted through the top secret chocolate
factory
. . .
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: (on "escorted") They're all crazy!
GRANDPA JOE: Sssshhh! The man's a genius! He'll

sell a
million bars.
TV NEWSMAN: (continuous) . . . by the mythical Willy

Wonka
himself. The amount of chocolate involved in this
competition has relighted*** the imagination to
incite***
candy eaters and all citizens around the world.
CHARLIE: (on "involved") Grandpa, do you think I've

got a
chance to find one?
GRANDPA JOE: One? I'm counting on you to find all

five!
CHARLIE: One's enough for me.
9. NEWS MONTAGE
TV NEWSMAN: (continuous) Already we have reports

coming in
that the response is phenomenal. Wonka Bars are
beginning
to disappear from candy store shelves at a rate to
boggle
the mind. Truly it is incredible the way that
Wonkamania
has descended upon the globe. While the world
searches, we
watch and wait, wondering where the pursuit will lead
and
how long the spirit of man will hold up under the
strain.
10. PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE
HOFSTEDDER: I'm still having these dreams, Doctor,

and I
still can't stop myself from believing them.
DOCTOR: I've told, Mr. Hofstedder, to believe in

one's
dreams is a manifestation of insanity. And the
sooner you
accept this, the sooner you will get well.
HOFSTEDDER: But I dreamed the Archangel appeared and

whispered into my ear and told me where to find a
Golden
Wonka Ticket.
DOCTOR: And what exactly did he say?
HOFSTEDDER: Well what difference does that make?

This was a
dream, a fantasy. I mean, you said just now--
DOCTOR: Shut up, Hofstedder, and tell me where the

ticket
is!
11. NEWSROOM
ANCHORMAN: We began with five Golden Tickets like

five lucky
bolts of lightning ready to strike without notice at
any
point on the map. No one knew where, no one knew
when the
first one would hit. But as you all know, last night
we got
our answer. While we in America slept, the first
golden
ticket was found in the small town of Duselheim,
Germany.
We've been waiting several hours for the follow-up
story,
and we're finally ready with a live report.
12. DUSELHEIM
GERMAN BROADCASTER: Proud we are, for the attention

of the
entire world focuses today right here in Duselheim, a
community suddenly thrust into prominence by the
unexpected
discovery of the first Wonka Golden Ticket. Its
lucky
finder is the son of our most prominent parve
butcher. The
boy's name? Augustus Gloop. Augustus Gloop, the
pride of
Duselheim, the fame of Western Germany, an example
for the
whole world. Augustus, how does it make you feel to
be the
first Golden Ticket finder?
AUGUSTUS: Hungry.
GERMAN BROADCASTER: Any other feelings?
AUGUSTUS: Feel sorry for Wonka. It's gonna cost him

a
fortune in fudge.
GERMAN BROACASTER: Mr. Gloop, would you mind saying--
(Mr. Gloop bites off the end of the microphone.)
GERMAN BROADCASTER: Mrs. Gloop, would you care to say

a few
words to the television audience?
MRS. GLOOP: I just knew Augustus would find a Golden

Ticket.
Eating is his hobby, you know. We encourage him. He
wouldn't do it unless he needed the nourishment,
would he?
Anyway, it's all vitamins.
(As Mrs. Gloop speaks, a strange man [Slugworth]

whispers into Augustus' ear.)
13. BUCKETS' HOUSE
ALL: Happy Birthday, Charlie!
GRANDPA JOE: Happy Birthday.
MRS. BUCKET: Here you are, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Thank you. (Opens the present; it's a long

red
scarf.) It's terrific.
MRS. BUCKET: We each knitted a bit: Grandma Georgina,

Grandma Josephine, and me.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: I did the end pieces with the

little
tassels.
GRANDPA JOE: And here's a little gift from Grandpa

George
and me.
CHARLIE: I think I know what this is. (Opens the
gift; it's
a Wonka bar.) It is: a Wonka.
GRANDPA JOE: Open it, Charlie. Let's see that Golden

Ticket.
CHARLIE: Wouldn't that be fantastic?
MRS. BUCKET: It's not fair to raise his hopes.
GRANDPA JOE: Never mind. Go on, open it, Charlie. I

want
to see that gold.
MRS. BUCKET: Stop it, Dad.
CHARLIE: I've got the same chance as anybody else,

haven't
I?
GRANDPA JOE: You've got more, Charlie, because you

want it
more. Go on, open it.
CHARLIE: Here goes. (He turns his back to them and

opens
it.) I got it!
GRANDPA JOE: Where? Where?
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Let's see!
CHARLIE: Fooled you, didn't I. You thought I really

had it.
GRANDPA JOE: Never mind, Charlie. You'll find one.
CHARLIE: Here, everybody have a bite.
GRANDPA JOE: No no no, you eat it.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Certainly not.
GRANDMA GEORGINA: No no no no no.
14. SALT'S FACTORY
(Women are on the factory floor unwrapping Wonka

Bars.
The Salts are upstairs in an office.)
VERUCA: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden

Ticket,
Daddy.
MR. SALT: I know, Angel. We're doing the best we

can. I've
got every girl on the bleeding staff hunting for you.
VERUCA: All right, where is it? Why haven't they
found it?
MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician!

Give me
time!
VERUCA: I want it now! What's the matter with those

twerps
down there?
MR. SALT: For five days now the entire flipping

factory's
been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in
there
since Monday. They've been shelling flaming
chocolate bars
from dawn to dusk.
VERUCA: Make 'em work nights.
MR. SALT: (shouting down the stairs) Come along, come

along,
you girls, put a jack in it or you'll be out on your
ears,
every one of you! And listen to this: the first girl
that
finds a Golden Ticket gets a one pound bonus in her
pay
bucket! What do you think of that?
(The women scream and begin unwrapping more

furiously.)
VERUCA: They're not even trying. They don't want to

find
it. They're jealous of me.
MR. SALT: Sweetheart, I can't push 'em no harder.

Nineteen
thousand bars an hour they're shelling. Seven
hundred and
sixty thousand they've done so far.
VERUCA: You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have

it the
very first day!
MRS. SALT: You're going to very unpopular around

here,
Henry, if you don't deliver soon.
MR. SALT: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to

see her
unhappy.
VERUCA: I won't talk to you ever again. You're a

rotten,
mean father. You never give me anything I want. And
I
won't go to school 'til I have it.
MR. SALT: Veruca, sweetheart, angel . . . Now.
There are
only four tickets left in the whole world, and the
whole
ruddy world's hunting for them. What can I do?
WORKER: I got it! I got it, Mr. Salt, here it is!
VERUCA: It's about time too! I want it!
(Slugworth leads the worker up the stairs to

Veruca.)
VERUCA: Give me that ticket! It's mine! I've found

a
Golden Ticket!
(Slugworth whispers in Veruca's ear.)
MR. SALT: Thank God for that.
MRS. SALT: Aye. Happiness is what counts with

children.
Happiness and harmony.
15. NEWS REPORT
REPORTER: This, ladies and gentlemen, is the sign of

our
times . . . the symbol of the havoc, the mad craze
that's
sweeping the world today. Whatever corner of the
globe we
are in, whichever of the five continents we're on,
the great
search for Wonka Bars continues. We're now nearing
the end
of our forty-third day in the hunt for Golden
Tickets, and
everywhere we're beginning to see signs of anxiety.
Every
hour on the hour, new shipments are being sent to
different
points around the globe, but they're just not moving
fast
enough. And as time passes, the men who seek them
become
more and more desperate.
16. COMPUTER LAB
TECHNICIAN: Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all

been
during these last few days, but now I think I can
safely say
that your time and money have been well spent. We're
about
to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age.
Based
on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability,
this
machine will tell us the precise location of the
three
remaining Golden Tickets. (He punches computer
buttons;
reads the card it emits) It says, "I won't tell.
That
would be cheating." I am now telling the computer
that, if
it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly
share with
it the grand prize. (Pushes buttons; reads card) He
says,
"What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of
chocolate?" I am now telling the computer exactly
what he
can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate.
17. MILES CITY, MONTANA
MONTANA REPORTER: And it can happen right here too,

unbelievable as it sounds, right here in America.
Where
even in the smallest town, the happiest of dreams can
come
true. Because folks, here she is, Miss Violet
Beauregarde,
finder of Wonka's Golden Ticket Number Three, from
Miles
City, Montana. And with her, the proud parents: Mr.
Beauregarde, a prominent local politician, a great
civic
leader, a philosopher--
MR. BEAUREGARDE: (grabs microphone) Hi, folks, Sam

Beauregarde here, Square Deal Sam to you, with all of
today's great giveaway bargains. The finest values
you'll
get anywhere in the entire country. Now this little
number
right here's a four door sedan . . .
VIOLET: (on "number") Come on, Dad, they don't want

you!
MONTANA REPORTER: (to Mr. Beauregarde) Thank you,

sir.
Violet, would you care to say a few words to the
nation.
VIOLET: Sure I will. Here it is, Golden Ticket

Number
Three, and it's all mine.
MONTANA REPORTER: Tell us how it happened, Violet.
VIOLET: Well I'm a gum-chewer, normally, but when I

heard
about these ticket things of Wonka's I laid off the
gum and
switched to candy bars instead. Now, of course, I'm
right
back on gum. I chew it all day except at meal times
when I
stick it behind my ear.
MRS. BEAUREGARDE: Violet . . .
VIOLET: Cool it, Mother. Now this piece of gum here

is one
that I've been chewing on for three months solid, and
that's
a world record! It's beaten the record held by my
best
friend Miss Cornelia Prinzmetel, and was she mad!
Hi,
Cornelia, how are you sweetie?
(Slugworth whispers in Violet's ear.)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Let me just butt in here for a

moment to
say that if any of you folks watching are
dissatisfied with
your . . .
MONTANA REPORTER: Mister . . . just a minute . . .

this
isn't . . .
18. LAUNDERER
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, what are you doing here?
CHARLIE: I thought if you were ready, I'd walk you

home.
MRS. BUCKET: I wish I were, but it looks like I'm

gonna be
here late tonight.
CHARLIE: Oh, well, then I guess I'll be going.
MRS. BUCKET: Well why don't you stay a minute? Here,

pull
up a pile of clothes and sit down. Everything all
right at
school?
CHARLIE: Yep.
MRS. BUCKET: Good. Go on your newspaper route

today?
CHARLIE: Just finished.
MRS. BUCKET: Good.
CHARLIE: I wanted to tell you something.
MRS. BUCKET: Oh?

CHARLIE: They found the third ticket today.
MRS. BUCKET: Did they?
CHARLIE: Yeah. Well . . . guess I'll be going now.
MRS. BUCKET: Is that all?
CHARLIE: Well I thought you'd like to know. Most

people are
pretty interested. I know I'm interested. There are
only
two tickets left you know. Just two. Pretty soon
just one.
MRS. BUCKET: I wonder who the lucky ones will be.
CHARLIE: Well in case you're wondering if it'll be

me, it
won't be. Just in case you're wondering, you can
count me
out.
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie . . . there are a hundred

billion
people in this world, and only five of them will find
Golden
Tickets. Even if you had a sackful of money you
probably
wouldn't find one. And after this contest is over,
you'll
be no different from the billions of others who
didn't find
one.
CHARLIE: But I am different. I want it more than any

of
them.
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, you'll get your chance. One

day
things will change.
CHARLIE: When? When will they change?
MRS. BUCKET: Probably when you least expect it. See

you
later.
YOU GET BLUE

LIKE EVERYONE
BUT ME AND GRANDPA JOE
CAN MAKE YOUR TROUBLES GO AWAY
BLOW AWAY
THERE THEY GO
CHEER UP, CHARLIE

GIVE ME A SMILE
WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT SMILE I USED TO KNOW
DON'T YOU KNOW YOUR GRIN HAS ALWAYS BEEN
MY SUNSHINE
LET THAT SUNSHINE SHOW
COME ON, CHARLIE

NO NEED TO FROWN
DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW THE WORLD IS STILL YOUR TOY
WHEN THE WORLD GETS HEAVY
NEVER PITAPAT 'EM
UP AND AT 'EM, BOY
SOMEDAY SWEET AS A SONG

CHARLIE'S LUCKY DAY WILL COME ALONG
'TIL THAT DAY YOU'VE GOTTA STAY IN STRONG,
CHARLIE
UP ON TOP IS RIGHT WHERE YOU BELONG
LOOK UP CHARLIE
YOU'LL SEE A STAR
JUST FOLLOW IT AND KEEP YOUR DREAM IN VIEW
PRETTY SOON THE SKY IS GONNA CLEAR UP CHARLIE
CHEER UP, CHARLIE, DO
CHEER UP, CHARLIE
JUST BE GLAD YOU'RE YOU
19. MARBLE FALLS, ARIZONA
ARIZONA REPORTER: While the rest of the world goes on

searching, here in the Southwest it has actually
happened.
That's what I said, friends. There's only one Golden
Ticket
left in the entire world because right here in our
own
community of Marble Falls, Arizona, is lucky winner
number
four. Now, the name soon to be heard around the
universe is
Mr. Mike Teevee. Hey, Mike, do you think we might
shut that
thing off?
MIKE: No, are you crazy?
MRS. TEEVEE: He won't answer 'til the station break.
ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, the country wants to hear

from you;
the world is waiting--
MIKE: Can't you shut up? I'm busy. Boy, what a

great show.
MRS. TEEVEE: I serve all his TV dinners right here.

He's
never even been to the table.
REPORTER #2: You love to watch TV, Mike?
MIKE: You bet.
REPORTER #3: What about that Golden Ticket, Mike?

That's
what we all came to hear--
MIKE: Hold it! I wanna catch this.
REPORTER #2: You like the killings, huh?
MIKE: What do you think life's all about?
ARIZONA REPORTER: Mike, would you tell us--
MIKE: (shoots his cap gun) Wait 'til I get a real

one.
Colt .45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will you,
Pop.
MR. TEEVEE: Not 'til you're twelve, son.
(Slugworth whispers in Mike's ear.)
20. NEWSROOM
ANCHORMAN: Four down, and one to go. And somewhere

out
there, another lucky person is moving closer and
closer to
finding the last of the most sought after prizes in
history.
Though we cannot help but envy him, whoever he is,
and we
might be tempted to be bitter in our losing, we must
remember there are many more important things--many
more
important things. Offhand I can't think of what they
are,
but I'm sure there must be something. And now for
tomorrow's weather and--
21. BUCKETS' HOUSE
CHARLIE: Why'd you wake me up, Grandpa? Is something

wrong?
(Grandpa pulls out a Wonka bar.) Grandpa, that money
was
for tobacco.
GRANDPA JOE: I told you, Charlie, I've given it up.

Go on,
open it. One ticket left. Now let's see some of
that gold.
CHARLIE: No, you do it. I can't.
GRANDPA JOE: Something tells me we're gonna be lucky

this
time. I've got a funny feeling inside. Which end
shall I
open first?
CHARLIE: That end. Just a tiny bit.
GRANDPA JOE: Like this?

CHARLIE: Now a bit more.
GRANDPA JOE: You finish it; I can't.
CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, you do it.
GRANDPA JOE: All right, here goes. (He opens the

wrapper.)
CHARLIE: You know . . . I bet those Golden Tickets

make the
chocolate taste terrible.
(They hug.)
22. AUCTION
AUCTIONEER: Lot four-oh-three (403). I can

personally
guarantee, ladies and gentlemen, that this is the one
and
only, the absolutely last case of Wonka Bars left in
the
United Kingdom. Shall we start the bidding at one
thousand
pounds? Do I hear one thousand pounds? Fifteen
hundred
pounds? Two thousand? I have two thousand five
hundred
here. Four thousand pounds? Forty-five hundred
pounds!
Five thousand pou--Your Majesty!
23. CURTIS HOME
DETECTIVE: I'm sorry, Mrs. Curtis. Doesn't seem to

be
anything in his papers to give us a clue.
MRS. CURTIS: They kidnapped my husband twelve hours

ago.
When are we going to hear from them? What do they
want?
DETECTIVE: Try to stay calm. They did it for ransom.

All
we can do is wait to hear their demands.
MRS. CURTIS: I'll give them anything, anything they

want!
All I want is to have Harold back!
(The phone rings.)
DETECTIVE: (on phone) Go ahead, we're listening. Uh

huh.
Uh huh.
MRS. CURTIS: What did they ask for? Whatever it is,

they
can have it.
DETECTIVE: They want your case of Wonka Bars. Mrs.

Curtis,
did you hear me? It's your husband's life or your
case of
Wonka Bars.
MRS. CURTIS: How long will they give me to think it

over?
24. NEWSROOM
ANCHORMAN: That's it, that's it! It's all over! The

Wonka
Contest is all over! The fifth and final ticket has
been
found, and we've got a live report coming in directly
now
from Paraguay, South America.
PARAGUAY REPORTER: Ladies and Gentlemen, it is

finished.
The end has come. The fifth and last Golden Ticket
has just
been found right here in Paraguay. The finder is
lucky
Alberto Min~oleta, the multimillionaire owner of
gambling
casinos throughout South America.
25. BUCKETS' HOUSE
PARAGUAY REPORTER (on TV): Here is the most recent

picture
of Alberto the happy finder, the man who has finally
put an
end to Wonkamania for all the world.
GRANDPA JOE: (on "put") Turn it off. Well, that's

that. No
more Golden Tickets.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: A lot of rubbish, the whole thing.
GRANDPA JOE: Not to Charlie it wasn't. A little

boy's got
to have something in this world to hope for. What's
he got
to hope for now?
GRANDMA GEORGINA: Who's going to tell him?
MRS. BUCKET: Let's not wake him. He'll find out soon
enough.
GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, let him sleep. Let him have one
last
dream.
26. SCHOOL
MR. TURKENTINE: (clears throat) I've just decided to
switch
our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the
test we
take each Friday on what we learned during the week
will now
take place on Monday before we've learned it. But
since
today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest.
Pencils ready. Today we are going to learn about . .
.
percentages. And for an example, let's take the
recent
unpleasantness. Supposing that there were a thousand
Wonka Bars in the world and during the contest you
each
opened a certain number of them. That number is a
percent.
Everyone understand?
KIDS: (some moan; others:) No.
MR. TURKENTINE: You, Madeline Durkin, how many Wonka

Bars
did you open?
MADELINE: About a hundred.
MR. TURKENTINE: There are ten hundreds in a thousand;

therefore you opened ten percent. You, Peter Goff,
how many
did you open?
PETER: A hundred and fifty.
MR. TURKENTINE: That's ten percent half over again,

which
makes fifteen percent. Charlie Bucket, how many did
you
open?
CHARLIE: Two.
MR. TURKENTINE: That's easy. Two hundred is twice

one
hundred . . .
CHARLIE: Not two hundred. Just two.
MR. TURKENTINE: Two? What do you mean you only

opened two?
CHARLIE: I don't care very much for chocolate.
MR. TURKENTINE: Well I can't figure out just two, so

let's
pretend you opened two hundred. Now, if you opened
two
hundred Wonka Bars, apart from being dreadfully sick,
you'd
have used up twenty percent of one thousand, which is
fifteen percent half over again, ten percent--
27. ON THE STREET
(Charlie finds a coin in a sewer grate and digs

it
out.)
28. BILL'S CANDY SHOP
CHARLIE: (clears his throat)
BILL: Hi.
CHARLIE: I'd like a bar of chocolate please.
BILL: Yeah, sure. What kind? A Slugworth Sizzler?

A Wonka
Scrumdidilyumptious?
CHARLIE: Whichever's the biggest.
BILL: Try a Scrumdidilyumptious. Now that all the

tickets
have been found, I don't have to hide them anymore.
(Clears
his throat and holds out his hand. Charlie pays.)
Hey,
hey, hey, take it easy. You'll get a stomach ache if
you
swallow it like that.
CHARLIE: Bye.
BILL: Bye now.
CHARLIE: I think I'll buy just one more, for my

Grandpa Joe.
BILL: Sure. Why not try a regular Wonka Bar this

time?
CHARLIE: Fine.
JOPECK (O.C.): Extra, extra! Read all about it!

Hear the
latest news! Get your papers here!
MAN #1 (O.C.): What's going on?
JOPECK (O.C.): Hear about the scandal.
29. ON THE STREET
MAN #2 (O.C.): Look at this.
MAN #3 (O.C.): Which one?
MAN #4 (O.C.): Here, let me see.

JOPECK: Extra, extra! Hear about the scandal.
MAN #5: Gimme a newspaper.
JOPECK: All right, all right, take it easy. One at a

time.
MAN #6: Who's the one that did it?
MAN #7: Did you hear the news?
JOPECK (O.C.): (continues through next lines) All

right, all
right, just a moment . . . wait your turn . . . give
me a
chance . . .
MAN WITH PAPER: That gambler from Paraguay made up a

phony
ticket.
SECOND MAN: That means there's one Golden Ticket

still
floating around somewhere.
MAN WITH PAPER: Can you imagine the nerve of that

guy,
trying to fool the whole world?
SECOND MAN: Aw, he really was a crook! Well this

means the
contest goes on forever. Wonder where they'll find
the next
one.
JOPECK (O.C.): Take it easy, take it easy, one at a

time.
(Charlie opens his Wonka Bar; there is the

Golden
Ticket!)
WOMAN #1: Hey, you've got it! You've got the last
Golden
Ticket! The kid's found the last Golden Ticket!
Hold it
up, sonny, so we can see!
MAN A: Hey, let me see it!
MAN B: It really is gold!
JOPECK: Stand back there. Leave the boy alone!
MAN C: Hey, kid, come over here.
WOMAN #2: Let me see it! Did you see what he's got?
JOPECK: You're going to kill him! Leave him alone!

Break
it up.
MAN D: Let me see it! Over here, show it over here!
MAN B: It really is gold!
MAN C: I wanna see it. Hey, kid . . .
JOPECK: Come on, Charlie! Hold on to that ticket!

Run for
it, Charlie! Run straight home and don't stop 'til
you get
there!
(Charlie starts running home.)
30. ALLEY
(Slughworth steps into Charlie's path.)
SLUGWORTH: I congratulate you, little boy. Well

done. You
found the fifth Golden Ticket. May I introduce
myself.
Arthur Slugworth, President of Slugworth Chocolates,
Incorporated. Now listen carefully because I'm going
to
make you very rich indeed. Mr. Wonka is at this
moment
working on a fantastic invention: the Everlasting
Gobstopper. If he succeeds, he'll ruin me. So all I
want
you to do is to get hold of just one Everlasting
Gobstopper
and bring it to me so that I can find the secret
formula.
Your reward will be ten thousand of these. (He flips
through a stack of money.) Think it over, will you.
A new
house for your family, and good food and comfort for
the
rest of their lives. And don't forget the name:
Everlasting
Gobstopper.
31. BUCKETS' HOUSE
CHARLIE: Look, everyone, look, I've got it! The

fifth
Golden Ticket is mine!
GRANDPA JOE: You're pulling our legs, Charlie! There

aren't
any more Golden Tickets.
CHARLIE: No, Grandpa, the last one was a fake; it

said so in
the papers. I found some money in the street, and I
bought
a Wonka Bar, and the ticket was in it.
MRS. BUCKET: Charlie!

CHARLIE: Look at it, Grandpa, see for yourself!
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Read it, Joe, for heaven's sake!
GRANDPA JOE: "Greetings to you, the lucky finder of

this
Golden Ticket, from Mr. Willy Wonka. Present this
ticket at
the factory gates at ten o'clock in the morning of
the first
day of October, and do not be late. You may bring
with you
one member of your own family but no one else. In
your
wildest dreams you could not imagine the marvelous
surprises
that await you!" Charlie, you've done it!
MRS. BUCKET: I can't believe it!
CHARLIE: Grandpa? It says I can take somebody with

me. I
wish you could go.
GRANDPA JOE: (struggling to get out of bed) Charlie.

(Charlie helps him.) Ah, that's good. Now help me
up. (He
stands, then falls back on the bed) Oh!
CHARLIE: Are you okay?
GRANDPA JOE: Oh yeah, I'm fine, Charlie. (He stands

up and
stumbles.)
GRANDMA GEORGINA: (screams)
MRS. BUCKET: Easy, Dad.
GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Joe! Watch it, Joe!
GRANDPA JOE: Look at me! Look at me! Up and about .

. . I
haven't done this in twenty years.
CHARLIE: Grandpa!
GRANDPA JOE:
I NEVER THOUGHT MY LIFE COULD BE
ANYTHING BUT CATASTROPHE
BUT SUDDENLY I BEGIN TO SEE
A BIT OF GOOD LUCK FOR ME
'CAUSE I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET

I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TWINKLE IN MY EYE
I NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO SHINE

NEVER A HAPPY SONG TO SING
BUT SUDDENLY HALF THE WORLD IS MINE
WHAT AN AMAZING THING
It's ours, Charlie!
I'VE GOT A GOLDEN SUN UP IN THE SKY
Slippers, Charlie!
I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SEE THE DAY

WHEN I WOULD FACE THE WORLD AND SAY
CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE:

"GOOD MORNING! AND LOOK AT THE SUN!"
GRANDPA JOE:
I NEVER THOUGHT THAT I WOULD BE
SLAP IN THE LAP OF LUXURY
'CAUSE I'D HAVE SAID
CHARLIE:
"IT COULDN'T BE DONE"
GRANDPA JOE:
BUT IT CAN BE DONE
Oooh! The cane, Charlie! Ah! Ahhh! (He laughs.)

Here I
go! Watch my speed!
GRANDPA JOE:
I NEVER DREAMED THAT I WOULD CLIMB
OVER THE MOON IN ECSTASY
BUT NEVERTHELESS IT'S THERE THAT I'M
SHORTLY ABOUT TO BE

I'VE GOT A GOLDEN CHANCE TO MAKE MY WAY
AND WITH A GOLDEN TICKET IT'S A GOLDEN DAY
GRANDPA JOE:
Good morning! Look at the sun!

'CAUSE I'D HAVE SAID, "IT COULDN'T BE DONE"
GRANDPA JOE:
BUT IT CAN BE DONE
I NEVER DREAMED THAT I WOULD CLIMB

OVER THE MOON IN ECSTASY
BUT NEVERTHELESS IT'S THERE THAT I'M
SHORTLY ABOUT TO BE

I'VE GOT A GOLDEN TICKET
I'VE GOT A GOLDEN CHANCE TO MAKE MY WAY
AND WITH A GOLDEN TICKET IT'S A GOLDEN DAY
MRS. BUCKET: Stop! It says the first of October;

that's
tomorrow!
GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles, Charlie! We've got

a lot
to do. Comb your hair, wash your face, polish your
shoes,
and brush your--
MRS. BUCKET: I'll take care of everything, Dad.
GRANDPA JOE: We don't have too much time.
CHARLIE: Grandpa . . . on the way home today, I ran

into Mr.
Slugworth.
32. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES
(A large crowd is gathered, including reporters

and a
band.)
MIKE: Hey, Mom, we're on TV! Hi, everybody in Marble

Falls!
Hi, Billy! Hi, Maggie! Hi, Fishface! How do I
look?
(Cut to:)
LOCAL REPORTER: You guys ready?
CAMERAMAN (O.C.): Yeah, you're on.
LOCAL REPORTER: Well, this is it folks. This is the

big
day, the historic day on which Willy Wonka has
promised to
open his gates and shower gifts on the five lucky
winners.
From all over the globe, people have gathered here
waiting
for the hour to strike, waiting to catch a glimpse of
that
legendary magician Mr. Willy Wonka.
(Cut to:)
MR. BEUAREGARDE: Hi, friends. Sam Beauregarde here.
The
next time you're in Miles City, Montana, don't forget
to
visit Beauregarde's AutoMart . . .
VIOLET: (on "Beauregarde's") Cut it out, Dad; for

heaven's
sake, this is my show! Hi, Cornelia sweetie, I've
still got
it. And how's this for a stretch? (She stretches
her gum
down and lets go.)
(Cut to:)
VERUCA: I want to go in first before anybody else.
MR. SALT: Anything you say, sweetheart.
(Cut to:)
MRS. GLOOP: (taking food away from Augustus) Save
some room
for later, Augustus liebling [darling].
(Cut to:)
CHARLIE: Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: Mmm?
CHARLIE: I don't believe it. We did it; we're

actually
going in.
GRANDPA JOE: We're going to see the greatest of them

all:
Mr. Willy Wonka!
(The clock strikes ten. Willy Wonka emerges;

the crowd
cheers until they see he is limping with a cane.
At
the end of the red carpet, he sticks the cane in
the
stones and performs an acrobatic somersault.
The crowd
applauds.)
WONKA: Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, my friends.

Welcome
to my chocolate factory. (to the ticket holders)
Would you
come forward please?
MR. SALT: Veruca first! Get back, you! Come on,

Veruca
sweetheart!
(Slugworth gives the thumbs up to Charlie.)
CHARLIE: That's Slugworth! That's the one I've told

you
about!
WONKA: Welcome. It's nice to have you here. I'm so

glad
you could come. This is going to be such an exciting
day.
I hope you enjoy it. I think you will. And now
would you
please show me your Golden Tickets.
VERUCA: I'm Veruca Salt.
WONKA: My dear Veruca, what a pleasure. And how

pretty you
look in that lovely mink coat.
VERUCA: I've got three others at home.
WONKA: And Mr. Salt, overjoyed to see you, sir.

Would you
just step over there for a minute.
AUGUSTUS: Augustus Gloop.
WONKA: Augustus, my dear boy, how good to see you--

and in
such fine shape. And this must be the radiant Mrs.
Gloop.
Just over there, dear lady.
VIOLET: Violet Beauregarde.
WONKA: Darling child, welcome to Wonka's.
VIOLET: What kind of gum you got here?
WONKA: Charming, charming!
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Sam Beauregarde here, Mr. Wonka.
WONKA: My dear sir, what a genuine pleasure.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: If ever you need anything in the

automotive
line, just call on Sam B, phone number's on the card.
With
Sam B, it's a guarantee.
MIKE: I'm Mike Teevee.
WONKA: Mike . . .
MIKE: Wham! (He pulls his gun.) You're dead!
WONKA: Wonderful to meet you, Mike. And Mrs. Teevee,

how do
you do? What an adorable little boy you have.
MRS. TEEVEE: Thank you.
WONKA: Just over there.
CHARLIE: Charlie Bucket.
WONKA: Well, well, Charlie Bucket, I read all about

you in
the papers. I'm so happy for you. And who is this
gentleman?
CHARLIE: My grandfather, Grandpa Joe.
WONKA: Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed,

enraptured,
entranced; are we ready? Yes! Good! In we go!
(They all enter the factory.)

33. ENTRANCE HALLWAY
WONKA: Now: hats, coats, galoshes, over here. But

hurry
please, we have so much time and so little to see.
Wait a
minute! Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.
VIOLET: When do I get my chocolate?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: First take off your coat, Violet.
MIKE: Boy, what weird looking coat hangers.
(The hand coat hangers grab the clothes; the

group
gasps and screams, startled.)
WONKA: Little surprises around every corner but

nothing
dangerous. Don't be alarmed. And as soon as your
outer
vestments are in hand, we'll begin. Now. Will the
children
kindly step up here.
(He pulls back a curtain to reveal a contract.)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: (mutters, reading)
MR. SALT: (mutters through his teeth, reading, then:)

Floods, fire, frost, or frippery?
MIKE: Accidents? What kind of accidents?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . Labor unions? . . . (Returns

to
muttering.)
MRS. TEEVEE: I didn't know we had to sign anything

for this
tour.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: . . . in trying to determine . . .

(mutters)
VIOLET: I can't see what it says in the bottom.
WONKA: Violet? You first. Sign here.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hold it! Lemme through here, you

kids.
Violet, baby, don't you sign anything there. What's
this
all about?
WONKA: Standard form of contract.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Don't talk to me about contracts,

Wonka; I
use 'em myself. They're strictly for suckers.
WONKA: Yes, but you wouldn't begrudge me a little
protection. A drop.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't sign anything without my

lawyer.
MR. SALT: My Veruca don't sign anything either.
WONKA: Then she don't go in. I'm sorry, rules of the

house.
VERUCA: I want to go in. Don't you dare stop me.
MR. SALT: I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart.
VERUCA: (to Violet) Gimme that pen. (to Mr. Salt)

You're
always making things difficult.
WONKA: Nicely handled, Veruca. She's a girl who

knows where
she's going. Violet . . .?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Wait a minute, what's all that small

print
there at the bottom?
WONKA: Oh, if you have any problems, dial

information, thank
you for calling. Mike? Augustus?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet. Violet!
MRS. TEEVEE: I assume there's an accident indemnity

clause.
WONKA: Never between friends.
MIKE: Saw this in a movie once. Guy signed his

wife's
insurance policy. Then he bumped her off.
WONKA: Clever.
CHARLIE: What about me, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: Sign away, Charlie; we got nothing to

lose.
VERUCA: Let's go in; come on!
WONKA: Patience, patience, little dear. Everything

has to
be in order. Everyone's signed? Yes. Good. On we
go!
(opening lock) Ninety-nine . . . forty-four . . .
one
hundred percent pure. (He pushes open the door.)
Just
through the other door please.
34. DEAD END HALLWAY
(They rush in; chaos ensues.)
MR. SALT: Uh, Wonka, there's some mistake here . . .
MIKE: There is no other door.
VERUCA: There's no way out!
WONKA: Well I know there's a door here someplace.
MRS. GLOOP: (screams)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't like this, Wonka; I don't

like it
at all!
MR. SALT: Is this a trick or something, Wonka?
MRS. GLOOP: Help! Mr. Wonka, help! I'm getting

squashed!
Save me!
WONKA: Is it my soul that calls upon my name?
VERUCA: Let me out or I'll scream!
MRS. TEEVEE: Somebody's touching me.
MR. SALT: Now look here, Wonka . . .
WONKA: Excuse me, question time will come at the end

of the
session. We must press on. Come along . . . come
along . .
. Ah, here we are.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Oh, don't be a darn fool, Wonka;

that's the
way we came in.
WONKA: It is? Are you sure?
MR. SALT: We've just come through there.
WONKA: Huh. How do you like that?
(He leans against the door; it opens. The crowd

emits
"Oh"s and "Aw"s. During this:)
VIOLET: It's all different . . .

WONKA: There we are . . .
MR. SALT: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of fun

house?
WONKA: Why, having fun?

MRS. TEEVEE: I've had enough. I'm not going in
there.
MR. BEAUREGADE: Come on, Violet, we're getting out of

here.
WONKA: Oh, you can't get out backwards. You've gotta

go
forwards to go back. Better press on.
35. SKEWED PERSPECTIVE ROOM
(Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as

it
goes on.)
CHARLIE: Hey, the room is getting smaller!
MRS. TEEVEE: No, it's not; he's getting bigger.
MR. SALT: He's at it again.
MIKE: Where's the chocolate?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I doubt if there is any.
MR. SALT: I doubt if any of us will get out of here

alive.
WONKA: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody

is sure
about.
MRS. GLOOP: You're not squeezing me through that tiny

door.
MR. SALT: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No

one can
get through there.
WONKA: My dear friends, you are now about to enter

the nerve
center of the entire Wonka Factory. Inside this
room, all
of my dreams become realities. And some of my
realities
become dreams. And almost everything you will see is
eatible. Edible. I mean, you can eat almost
everything.
AUGUSTUS: Let me in, I'm starving!
WONKA: Now, don't get overexcited! Don't lose your

head,
Augustus! We wouldn't want anyone to lose that!
Yet. Now,
the combination . . . This is a musical lock. (He
plays the
opening to Mozart's "Marriage of Figaro.")
MRS. TEEVEE: Rachmaninoff.

WONKA: Ladies and gentlemen . . . boys and
girls . . .
36. THE CHOCOLATE ROOM
WONKA: (as the door opens) The chocolate room.
Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three.
COME WITH ME
AND YOU'LL BE
IN A WORLD OF PURE IMAGINATION
TAKE A LOOK
(whips cane around)
AND YOU'LL SEE
INTO YOUR IMAGINATION
WE'LL BEGIN
(whips cane around)
WITH A SPIN
TRAVELLING IN THE WORLD OF MY CREATION
WHAT WE'LL SEE
WILL DEFY
EXPLANATION
(whips cane around)
IF YOU WANT TO VIEW PARADISE

SIMPLY LOOK AROUND AND VIEW IT
ANYTHING YOU WANT TO, DO IT
WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD
(pulls hair out of Mike's head)
THERE'S NOTHING
TO IT
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hurry up, Violet.
CHARLIE: This way, Grandpa.
WONKA:
THERE IS NO LIFE I KNOW
TO COMPARE WITH PURE IMAGINATION
LIVING THERE
YOU'LL BE FREE
IF YOU TRULY WISH TO BE

WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD
THERE'S NOTHING
TO IT
THERE IS NO LIFE I KNOW

TO COMPARE WITH PURE IMAGINATION
LIVING THERE
YOU'LL BE FREE
IF YOU TRULY
WISH TO BE
MRS. GLOOP: What a disgusting, dirty river.
MR. SALT: It's industrial waste, that. You've ruined

your
watershed, Wonka. It's polluted.
WONKA: It's chocolate.
VERUCA: That's chocolate?!?
CHARLIE: That's chocolate.
VIOLET: A chocolate river.
GRANDPA JOE: That's the most fantastic thing I've

ever seen.
WONKA: Ten thousand gallons an hour. And look at my

waterfall. That's the most important thing. It's
mixing my
chocolate. It's actually churning my chocolate. You
know,
no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by
waterfall. (to Mr. Salt) But it's the only way if
you want
it just right . . .
CHARLIE: Grandpa, look over there across the river!

They're
little men!
GRANDPA JOE: Jumping Crocodiles, Charlie! Now we

know who
makes the chocolate.
MR. SALT: I never saw anybody with an orange face

before.
Funny-looking people, aren't they, Wonka?
MRS. TEEVEE: What are they doing there?
WONKA: It must be creaming and sugaring time.
VIOLET: Well they can't be real people.
WONKA: Well of course they're real people.
MR. SALT: Stuff and nonsense.
WONKA: No, Oompa Loompas.
THE GROUP: Oompa Loompas?!?
WONKA: From Loompaland.
MRS. TEEVEE: Loompaland? There's no such place.
WONKA: Excuse me, dear lady . . .
MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.

WONKA: Oh, well then you know all about it and what a
terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes
and
fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas
were so
small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right
and
left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for
breakfast and
think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live
with me
in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles
and
Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten Vermicious
Knids."
MR. SALT: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind

of
rubbish is that?
WONKA: I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted

in
writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy I
transported
the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory
here.
VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. I want

you to
get me an Oompa Loompa right away.
MR. SALT: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you
one
before the day is out.
VERUCA: I want an Oompa Loompa now!
VIOLET: Can it, you nit!
AUGUSTUS (O.C.): Mmmmm . . . this stuff is terrific.
CHARLIE: Grandpa, look at Augustus.
GRANDPA JOE (O.C.): Don't worry, he can't drink it

all.
MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, sweetheart, save some room for

later.
WONKA: Oh, uh, Augustus, please, don't do that. My

chocolate must never be touched by human hands.
Plea--don't
do that! Don't do that; you're contaminating my
entire
river. Please, I beg you, Augustus!
(Augustus falls in; Mrs. Gloop and others

scream.)
MIKE: Man overboard.

WONKA: My chocolate!
AUGUSTUS: Help!
WONKA: My chocolate! My beautiful chocolate.
AUGUSTUS: Help!
MRS. GLOOP: Don't just stand there; do something!
WONKA: Help. Police. Murder.
GRANDPA JOE: Quick, Charlie, here!
CHARLIE: Quick, Augustus, grab this!
(Augustus tries to grab the huge lollipop

Charlie
offers, but he sinks below the water.)
MRS. TEEVEE: What--what's happening to him?
MR. SALT: It looks like he's drowning.
MRS. GLOOP: Dive in! Save him!
WONKA: Oh, it's too late.
MRS. GLOOP: Too late?
WONKA: Oh, he's had it now; the suction's got him.
MR. SALT: What suction?
MRS. GLOOP: Augustus, come back. Where is he?
WONKA: Watch the pipe.
VERUCA: How long is he going to stay down, Daddy?
MRS. GLOOP: He can't swim.
WONKA: There's no better time to learn.
MIKE: There's his coat going up the pipe.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Call a plumber.
MR. SALT: He's stuck in the pipe there, isn't he,

Wonka?
It's his stomach that's done that.
AUGUSTUS: (stuck in the pipe) Heeelllp! Heeelllp!
VIOLET: He's blocking all the chocolate.
GRANDPA JOE: Well, what happens now?
WONKA: Oh, the pressure'll get him out. Terrific

pressure
is building up behind the blockage.
(Commotion.)
MR. SALT: I wonder how long it's gonna take him to

push
through.
WONKA: The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last.
MR. SALT: He, he's gonna go up this time. He--he--

Go on,
boy, go on!
MRS. GLOOP: This is terrible.
CHARLIE: He'll never get out!
GRANDPA JOE: Yes, he will, Charlie. Watch. Remember

you
once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?
(Augustus shoots up the pipe.)
MRS. GLOOP: He's gone! He'll be made into

marshmallows in
five seconds!
WONKA: Impossible, my dear lady, that's absurd!

Unthinkable!
MRS. GLOOP: Why?
WONKA: Because that pipe doesn't go to the

marshmallow room;
it goes to the fudge room.
MRS. GLOOP: You terrible man.
(Wonka plays a short tune on the pipe whistle;

an Oompa
Loompa comes over.)
MR. SALT: Who said that?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: What the heck is that?

GRANDPA JOE: He's got a whistle.
WONKA: Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room,

but look
sharp! Or her little boy is liable to get poured
into the
boiler.
MRS. GLOOP: You've boiled him up, I know it!
WONKA: Nihil desperandum [Nothing to despair], dear

lady.
Across the desert lies the promised land. Goodbye,
Mrs.
Gloop. Adieu! Auf wiedersehen! Gesundheit.
Farewell.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DOO
I'VE GOT A PERFECT PUZZLE FOR YOU
OOMPA LOOMPA, DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN ME
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU GUZZLE DOWN SWEETS

EATING AS MUCH AS AN ELEPHANT EATS
WHAT ARE YOU AT GETTING TERRIBLY FAT
WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL COME OF THAT
I DON'T LIKE THE LOOK OF IT
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DAH

IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
YOU WILL LIVE IN HAPPINESS TOO
LIKE THE OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
DOOMPADEE DOO
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, what kind of place you running

here
anyhow, Wonka?
WONKA: Uhhhh . . . mesdames et messieurs, maintenant

nous
allons faire grand petit voyage par bateau. [Ladies
and
Gentlemen, now we are going for a great little boat
trip.]
MR. SALT: What's he talking about?
WONKA: Voulez-vous entrer le Wonkatania? [Do you

want to
come on the Wonkatania?]
(The Wonkatania floats down the river.)
CHARLIE: Wow, what a boat.
GRANDPA JOE: Ohhhh, looks good enough to eat.
MR. SALT: That's quite a nice little canoe you've got

there,
Wonka.
WONKA: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail

her by.
All aboard, everybody.
MR. SALT: Uh, ladies first, and that means Veruca.
GRANDPA JOE: If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.
MR. SALT: You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?
WONKA: With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured.
MRS. TEEVEE: She's tres joli [very pretty], but is

she
seaworthy?
WONKA: Nothing to worry about, my dear lady. I take
good
care of my guests.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, you took real good care of

that
August kid over there, that's for sure.
WONKA: Everybody aboard? You're going to love this.

Just
love it.
(The boat begins to sail.)
VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a boat like this. A

beautiful
paddle boat, that's what I want.
GRANDPA JOE: What she wants is a good kick in the

pants.
MRS. TEEVEE: I think I'm gonna be seasick.
WONKA: Here, try one of these.
MRS. TEEVEE: What are they?
WONKA: Rainbow drops. Suck 'em and you can spit in

seven
different colors.
VIOLET: (picking her nose) Spitting's a dirty habit.
WONKA: I know a worse one.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: What business you in, Salt?
MR. SALT: Nuts.
(The boat heads into the tunnel.)
MR. SALT: Hang on, where are we going?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I don't know, but I don't like the

looks of
that tunnel up there. Hey, Wonka, I want off!
WONKA: 'Round the world and home again, that's the

sailor's
way!
37. THE TUNNEL
(Commotion. Disgusting images flash on the

wall.)
VERUCA: I don't like this ride, Daddy.
WONKA: Faster!
MR. SALT: Wonka, do me a favor? Tell those people to
stop
paddling back there.
WONKA: Faster!
MRS. TEEVEE: We're going too fast!
WONKA: Faster! Faster!
VIOLET: We're gonna sink, I know it!
VERUCA: Why doesn't he stop the boat?
WONKA: Faster!
MR. SALT: Hang on, darling! Just close your eyes and
hang
on tight!
MIKE: What's happening?
WONKA: Faster!
VIOLET: What is this, a freak-out?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hey, this isn't funny, Wonka!
MR. SALT: You can't possibly see where you're going,

Wonka!
WONKA: You're right. I can't.
MIKE: Boy, what a great series this would make.
MR. SALT: Wonka . . .
CHARLIE: This is kind of strange . . .
GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, strange, Charlie, but it's fun!

Ha ha!
MIKE: This is terrific!
MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhhhhh . . .
MR. SALT: How much to get off the boat, Wonka?
MRS. TEEVEE: Ugghhh . . . I think I'm gonna be sick.
MR. SALT: I can take a joke, but this has gone too
far.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Tell that little guy to turn us

around,
Wonka!
MRS. TEEVEE: Aaaaaaa! Now I am gonna be sick!
VERUCA: Save me, Daddy!

CHARLIE: (reacting when Slugworth's face appears on
the
wall) Grandpa!
GRANDPA: It couldn't be.
(A few screams . . .)
WONKA:
THERE'S NO EARTHLY WAY OF KNOWING
MR. SALT: Heh, heh . . . he's singing . . .
WONKA:
WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOING
THERE'S NO KNOWING WHERE WE'RE ROWING
MR. SALT:
(echoing) ROWING . . .
WONKA:
OR WHICH WAY THE RIVER'S FLOWING
IS IT RAINING
IS IT SNOWING
IS A HURRICANE A-BLOWING
Bleh!
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of hell a glowing?
Is the grisly reaper mowing?
Yes! The danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they're certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing!
(Wonka screams. Chaos.)
VERUCA: Oh, make him stop, Daddy!
MR. SALT: Wonka, this has gone far enough!
WONKA: Quite right, sir! Stop the boat!
38. HALLWAY OUTSIDE INVENTING ROOM
WONKA: We're there.
MRS. TEEVEE: Where?
WONKA: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant

step for
us. All ashore!
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Let me off this crate!
MIKE: Now why don't they show stuff like that on TV?
MRS. TEEVEE: I don't know.

MR. SALT: What a nightmare.
VERUCA: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.
(Charlie and Grandpa Joe read a sign.)
CHARLIE: Dairy cream . . .
GRANDPA JOE: Whipped cream . . .
CHARLIE: Coffee cream . . .
GRANDPA JOE: Vanilla cream . . .
CHARLIE AND GRANDPA JOE: Hair cream?
WONKA: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre

aufmerksamkeit. [My friends (masters), please give
me your
attention.]
MRS. TEEVEE: That's not French.
WONKA: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und

gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik. [You
have now
come to the most interesting and, at the same time,
the most
secret room of my factory.]
MR. SALT: I can't take much more of this.
WONKA: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room.

[Ladies
and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room.] Now remember, no
messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.
GRANDPA JOE: No telling what?
WONKA: You see, all of my most secret inventions are

cooking
and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his
false
teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't
touch a
thing!
39. THE INVENTING ROOM
(Various contraptions bubble, churn, and whistle.)
GRANDPA JOE: Inventing room? It looks more like a

Turkish
bath to me.
CHARLIE: Even if Slugworth did get in here, he

couldn't find
anything.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You got a garbage strike going on

here,
Wonka?
MRS. TEEVEE: Who does your cleaning up?
MR. SALT: Shouldn't you be wearing rubber gloves?

You'll
have the health inspectors after you, you know that,
don't
you.
WONKA: (as he mixes a concoction) Invention, my dear

friends, is ninety-three percent perspiration, . . .
six
percent electricity, . . . four percent
evaporation, . . .
and two percent butterscotch ripple.
(He tastes.)
MRS. TEEVEE: That's a hundred and five percent!
MR. SALT: Any good?
WONKA: (high, Muppet-like voice) Yes! Excuse

me . . . (to
Veruca) Time is a precious thing. Never waste it.
(He
throws an alarm clock into the cauldron.)
VERUCA: He's absolutely bonkers.
CHARLIE: And that's not bad.
MIKE: (eating something) Mmmm . . .
WONKA:
IN SPRINGTIME, THE ONLY PRETTY RING TIME
BIRDS SING, HEY DING
A-DING, A-DING
SWEET LOVERS LOVE THE SPRING--
(An explosion in Mike's mouth knocks him

backwards.)
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike!
WONKA: I told you not to, silly boy.
MRS. TEEVEE: Your teeth!
MIKE: Boy, that's great stuff.
WONKA: That's exploding candy for your enemies.

Great idea,
isn't it. Not ready yet, though, still too weak.
Needs
more gelignite. (He puts sneakers into a pot.)
MR. SALT: What's that for?
WONKA: Gives it a little kick.

MR. SALT: Wonka? Butterscotch . . . butter gin . . .
you've
got something going on inside of here?
WONKA: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. (Tests

a
pot.) Aaa!
VIOLET: What's the matter? Too hot, Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: Too cold. Far too cold.
MR. SALT: That's gourmet cooking for you.
(Mr. Beauregarde tries to look into the

Everlasting
Gobstopper machine; a buzzer goes off.)
WONKA: No! Don't. Please. Forgive me, but no one

must
look under there. This is the most secret machine in
my
entire factory. This is the one that's really going
to
sizzle old Slugworth.
CHARLIE: What's it do?
WONKA: Would you like to see?
CHARLIE: Yeah.
(Wonka pushes a button. The machine goes

through a
long process, then produces Everlasting
Gobstoppers.)
CHARLIE: But what's it do?
WONKA: Can't you see? It makes Everlasting

Gobstoppers.
VIOLET: Did you say "Everlasting Gobstoppers"?

(Wonka
mouths the last words with her.)
WONKA: That's right. For children with very little

pocket
money. You can suck 'em forever.
VERUCA: I want an Everlasting Gobstopper.
VIOLET: Me too!
MIKE: And me!
WONKA: Fantastic invention. Revolutionize the

industry.
You can suck 'em and suck 'em and suck 'em, and
they'll
never get any smaller. Never. At least I don't
think they
do. A few more tests.
MIKE: How do you make 'em?
WONKA: I'm a trifle deaf in this ear. Speak a little

louder
next time. Who wants an Everlasting Gobstopper?
(The children say "Me!" or "I do!")
WONKA: I can only give them to you if you solemnly

swear to
keep them for yourselves and never show them to
another
living soul as long as you all shall live. Agreed?
(Veruca crosses her fingers behind her back.)
CHILDREN: Agreed.
WONKA: Good. (He hands them out.) One for you, and
one for
you, and one for you.
GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what about Charlie?
WONKA: And one for Charlie.
VERUCA: Hey, she's got two. I want another one!
VIOLET: Stop squawking, you twit!
WONKA: Everybody has had one, and one is enough for

anybody.
Now come along. Now over here, if you'll follow me,
I have
something rather special to show you.
MR. SALT: Well, it's special, all right. I only hope

my
Veruca doesn't want one. (He laughs.)
MIKE: What a contraption.
WONKA: Isn't she scrumptious? She's my

revolutionary, non-
pollutionary mechanical wonder. Now: button, button,
who's
got the button?
CHARLIE: It's over there.
WONKA: Here?
CHARLIE: Yeah.
WONKA: (pushes the button; the contraption begins to

work)
What you are witnessing, dear friends, is the most
enormous
miracle of the machine age: the creation of a
confectionery
giant! Finito!
VERUCA: That's all?
WONKA: That's all?!? Don't you know what this is?
VIOLET: By gum, it's gum!
WONKA: Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous,

sensational
gum in the whole world.
VIOLET: What's so fab about it?
WONKA: This little piece of gum is a three course

dinner.
MR. SALT: Bull.
WONKA: No, roast beef, but I haven't got it quite

right yet.
VIOLET: (grabbing the gum) I don't care.
WONKA: Oh, I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't.
VIOLET: So long as it's gum, then that's for me.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, now don't you do anything

stupid.
VIOLET: (sighs in disgust)
CHARLIE: What's it taste like?
VIOLET: Madness! It's tomato soup! It's hot and

creamy.
I can actually feel it running down my throat! It's
delicious!
WONKA: Stop, don't . . .
CHARLIE: Why doesn't she listen to Mr. Wonka?
GRANDPA JOE: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.
VIOLET: (continuous) And every chew gets better and

better!
Mmmm . . . this sure is great soup. Hey, second
course is
coming up! Roast beef and a baked potato! Mmmm.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: With sour cream? (He laughs.)

What's for
dessert, baby?
VIOLET: Dessert? Here it comes. Blueberry pie and

cream!
It's the most marvelous blueberry pie that I've ever
tasted!
CHARLIE: Look at her face!
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Holy Toledo, what's happening to

your face?
VIOLET: Cool it, Dad! Lemme finish.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Yeah, but your face is turning blue!

Violet, you're turning violet, Violet!
VIOLET: What are you talking about?
WONKA: I told you I hadn't got it quite right yet.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You can say that again. Look what

it's
done to my kid!
WONKA: It always goes wrong when we come to the

dessert.
Always.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Violet, what are you doing now?!?

You're
blowing up!
VIOLET: I feel funny.
GRANDPA JOE: I'm not surprised.
VIOLET: What's happening?
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You're blowing up like a balloon!
WONKA: Like a blueberry.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Somebody do something! Call a

doctor!
MRS. TEEVEE: Stick her with a pin.
CHARLIE: She'll pop!
WONKA: It happens every time! They all become

blueberries.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: You've really done it this time,

haven't
you, Wonka. I'll break you for this.
WONKA: Oh, well, I'll get it right in the end.
VIOLET: Help! Help!
(Wonka plays the pipe whistle.)
MR. BEAUREGARDE: We've got to let the air out of her,

quick!
WONKA: There's no air in there.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Hmm?
WONKA: That's juice.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Juice?!?
WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) Would you roll the young

lady
down to the juicing room at once, please.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: What for?
WONKA: For squeezing. She has to be squeezed

immediately
before she explodes.
MR. BEAUREGARDE: Explodes?!?
WONKA: It's a fairly simple operation.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU (OO OO OO)
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADAH DEE
IF YOU ARE WISE YOU'LL LISTEN TO ME
GUM CHEWING'S FINE WHEN IT'S ONCE IN A WHILE

IT STOPS YOU FROM SMOKING AND BRIGHTENS YOUR
SMILE
BUT IT'S REPULSIVE, REVOLTING, AND WRONG
CHEWING AND CHEWING ALL DAY LONG
THE WAY THAT A COW DOES

GIVEN GOOD MANNERS YOU WILL GO FAR
MR. BEAUREGARDE: I'll get even with you for this,

Wonka, if
it's the last thing I ever do! I got a blueberry for
a
daughter . . . (The Oompa Loompa leads him away.)
WONKA: Where is fancy bred? In the heart, or in the

head?
Shall we roll on? (An Oompa Loompa hands him his
cane)
Thank you. (to the group) Well, well, well . . .
two
naughty, nasty little children gone. Three good,
sweet
little children left. Hurry, please, long way to go
yet.
40. WALLPAPER ROOM
WONKA: Wait a minute. Must show you this. Lickable

wallpaper for nursery walls. Lick an orange, it
tastes like
an orange. Lick a pineapple, it tastes like a
pineapple.
Go ahead, try it.
GRANDPA JOE: Oh.
MIKE: Mmm, I got a plum.
CHARLIE: Grandpa, this banana's fantastic! It tastes

so
real.
WONKA: Try some more. The strawberries taste like

strawberries. The snozzberries taste like
snozzberries!
VERUCA: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a

snozzberry?
WONKA: We are the music-makers, and we are the

dreamers of
dreams. Come along, come along.
41. FIZZY LIFTING ROOM
WONKA: Something very unusual in here. Bubbles,

bubbles
everywhere, but not a drop to drink. Yet.
CHARLIE: What's it making, Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: Fizzy Lifting Drinks. They fill you with gas,

and
the gas is so terrifically lifting that it lifts you
right
off the ground like a balloon.
VERUCA: Oh, isn't it high! Gosh!
WONKA: But I daren't sell it yet. It's still too

powerful.
MIKE: Come on, let us try some! Please?

VERUCA: Oh, let us try some. Don't be mean!
WONKA: No, no, no. Absolutely not. There'd be

children
floating around all over the place. Come along now;
don't
hang about. You're going to be wild about this next
room.
(All but Charlie and Grandpa Joe exit.)
GRANDPA JOE: Let's take a drink, Charlie; nobody's

watching.
CHARLIE: Yeah.
GRANDPA JOE: A small one won't hurt us. (He opens a

bottle
and drinks.) Mmmm, not bad. (Charlie drinks.)
Well?
CHARLIE: Nothing's happening.
GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie. I can't

understand
WHYYYY . . . oh, oh, oh, I feel terribly
strange . . .
CHARLIE: What do we do now, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: I don't know, Charlie, but AAAAAA! OH,

OH!
We're in big trouble! Mr. Wonka isn't gonna like
this.
CHARLIE: We can't stay up here all day!
GRANDPA JOE: You're right, Charlie, but--
CHARLIE: I'm gonna try and get down.
GRANDPA JOE: All right, Charlie, but please . . . be

very
careful.
CHARLIE: Hey, it's fun, Grandpa! It works! Come on

in, the
air's fine!
GRANDPA JOE: Oh, I don't know, Charlie. I haven't

been
swimming in twenty years, I--
CHARLIE: (on "haven't") Come on, give me your hand.
GRANDPA JOE: I don't think I ought to . . . Oh.

Oh! This
is great!
CHARLIE: (shooting upward) Hey, try this, Grandpa!

Whee!
GRANDPA JOE: All right, Charlie, wait for me!

Wheeeeee!
CHARLIE: Wheeeee!
GRANDPA JOE: I'm a shooting star!
CHARLIE: I'm a rocket! Grandpa, this is really

great.
GRANDPA JOE: Look, I'm a bird! I feel light as a

feather.
Look down, Charlie. We're really high now.
CHARLIE: Watch this, Grandpa. (He somersaults.)

GRANDPA JOE: Wonderful, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Wow. Try it, Grandpa.
GRANDPA JOE: Oh, I don't know, I . . .
CHARLIE: Come on, Grandpa.
GRANDPA JOE: All right. (He somersaults.)
CHARLIE: Hey, you did it, Grandpa.
GRANDPA JOE: Ohhhh . . . ohhhh, I think I hit an air

pocket.
CHARLIE: You can fly to the moon this way.
GRANDPA JOE: Let's just fly south for the winter.
CHARLIE: Why not? I'm a bird!
GRANDPA JOE: I'm a plane!
CHARLIE: I'm . . . going too high! Hey, Grandpa, I

can't
get down! Help! Grandpa, the fan!
GRANDPA JOE: Stay away from it, Charlie; it'll chop

us to
bits! We're in trouble, Charlie. I can't stop!
CHARLIE: It's pulling me in!
GRANDPA JOE: I can't stop! I can't stop!
CHARLIE: What do we do?
GRANDPA JOE: Grab hold of something, quick!
CHARLIE: There's nothing to grab on to! Help! We're

gonna
get killed!
GRANDPA JOE: Help! Help!
CHARLIE: Help!
GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka, please! Turn off the fan!

Oh! Oh!
(He burps.) Oooo, I'm going down! Quick, Charlie,
burp,
burp! If you don't get down you'll be chopped into
ribbons!
CHARLIE: Help! I can't! Help!
GRANDPA JOE: You've gotta burp, Charlie. It's the

only way.
CHARLIE: (burps)
GRANDPA JOE: 'Atta boy. Burp again. (Charlie
continues to
burp.) 'Atta boy, come on. Ahhhh, that's wonderful,
Charlie.
(The two burp back and forth.)
GRANDPA JOE: Grab onto me, Charlie. We're gonna be

all
right now. (They land.) Good boy. From now on, we
keep
our feet on the ground. Come on, let's catch up to
the
others!
(One last burp.)
42. THE GEESE ROOM
WONKA: I know what you're thinking: They can't be

doing what
they're doing. But they are. They have to. I
haven't met
the Oompa Loompa yet who could do it. These are the
geese
that lay the golden eggs. As you can see, they're
larger
than ordinary geese. As a matter of fact, they're
quadruple
size geese which produce octuple size eggs. They're
laying
overtime right now for Easter.
MIKE: But Easter's over!
WONKA: Ssshhh . . . (He covers Mike's mouth.) They

don't
know that. I'm trying to get ahead for next year.
MR. SALT: What happens if they drop one of those

eggs,
Wonka?
WONKA: An omelet fit for a king, sir.
VERUCA: Are they chocolate eggs?
WONKA: Golden chocolate eggs. That's a great

delicacy. But
I wouldn't get too close. The geese are very
temperamental.
That's why we have the Eggdicator.
MRS. TEEVEE: Eggdi-what?
WONKA: The Eggdicator. The Eggdicator can tell the

difference between a good egg and a bad egg. If it's
a good
egg, it's shined up and shipped out all over the
world. But
if it's a bad egg . . . down the chute.
GRANDPA JOE: It's an educated Eggdicator.
MR. SALT: It's a lot of nonsense.
WONKA: (singing) A little nonsense now and then is

relished
by the wisest men.
VERUCA: Hey, Daddy, I want a golden goose.
CHARLIE: Here we go again.
MR. SALT: All right, sweetheart, all right. Daddy'll

get
you a golden goose as soon as we get home.
VERUCA: No, I want one of those!
MR. SALT: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden
goose?
WONKA: They're not for sale.
MR. SALT: Name your price.
WONKA: She can't have one.
VERUCA: Who says I can't?
MR. SALT: The man with the funny hat.
VERUCA: I want one! I want a golden goose!
Gooses,
Geeses,
I want my geese to lay gold eggs for Easter
MR. SALT:
It will, sweetheart.
VERUCA:
At least a hundred a day
MR. SALT:
Anything you say
VERUCA:
And by the way . . .
MR. SALT: What.
VERUCA:
I want a feast
MR. SALT: You ate before you came to the factory.
VERUCA:
I WANT A BEAN FEAST
MR. SALT: Huh, one of those.

VERUCA:
CREAM BUNS AND DONUTS AND FRUITCAKE WITH NO NUTS
SO GOOD YOU COULD GO NUTS
MR. SALT: You can have all those things when you get
home.
VERUCA: No, now!

I WANT A BALL
I WANT A PARTY
PINK MACAROONS AND A MILLION BALLOONS
AND PERFORMING BABOONS AND--
GIVE IT TO ME
MR. SALT: Later.
VERUCA: (elbowing Mr. Salt in the stomach) Now!
I WANT THE WORLD

I WANT THE WHOLE WORLD
I WANT TO LOCK IT ALL UP IN MY POCKET
IT'S MY BAR OF CHOCOLATE
GIVE IT TO ME NOW
I WANT TODAY
I WANT TOMORROW
I WANT TO WEAR 'EM LIKE BRAIDS IN MY HAIR
AND I DON'T WANT TO SHARE 'EM
I WANT A PARTY WITH ROOMFULS OF LAUGHTERS

TEN THOUSAND TONS OF ICE CREAM
AND IF I DON'T GET THE THINGS I AM AFTER
I'M GOING TO SCREAM
I WANT THE WORKS

I WANT THE WHOLE WORKS
PRESENTS AND PRIZES AND SWEETS AND SURPRISES
OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES AND NOW!
DON'T CARE HOW

I WANT IT NOW
DON'T CARE HOW
I WANT IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
(Veruca, deemed a Bad Egg by the Eggdicator,

falls down
the chute.)
WONKA: She was a bad egg.
MR. SALT: Um . . . where's she gone?
WONKA: Where all the other bad eggs go: down the
garbage
chute.
MR. SALT: (laughing) The garbage chute. Where does

it lead
to?
WONKA: To the furnace.
MR. SALT: (laughing heartily) To the furnace. She'll

be
sizzled like a sausage.
WONKA: Well not necessarily. She could be stuck just

inside
the tube.
MR. SALT: Inside the . . .? Hold on! Veruca,

sweetheart,
Daddy's coming!
(He jumps down the Eggdicator chute.)
WONKA: There's gonna be a lot of garbage today.
GRANDPA JOE: Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he

wanted.
CHARLIE: What's that?
GRANDPA JOE: Veruca went first.
CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in

the
furnace, will they?
WONKA: Hmmm . . . well, I think that furnace is lit

only
every other day, so they have a good sporting chance,
haven't they.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU
WHO DO YOU BLAME WHEN YOUR KID IS A BRAT

PAMPERED AND SPOILED LIKE A SIAMESE CAT
BLAMING THE KIDS IS A LIE AND A SHAME
YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO'S TO BLAME
THE MOTHER AND THE FATHER

IF YOU'RE NOT SPOILED THEN YOU WILL GO FAR.
WONKA: I don't understand it. The children are

disappearing
like rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall
we
press on?
MRS. TEEVEE: Mr. Wonka, can't we sit down for a

minute? The
pace is killing me.
WONKA: My dear lady, transportation has already been
arranged.
43. WONKAMOBILE ROOM
(Oompa Loompas fill the Wonkamobile with soda.)
WONKA: Behold the Wonkamobile. A thing of beauty is

a joy
forever. Places, please, the dance is about to
begin.
Better grab a seat, they're going fast.
GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka, what's that they're filling

it up
with?
WONKA: Oh, ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer

bubbles, bubble-ade, bubble cola, double cola, double
bubble
burp-a-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that
tickles
your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power
there
is in one of those things.
GRANDPA JOE: Sorry I asked.
MIKE: You think Slugworth would pay extra to know

about
this?
MRS. TEEVEE: Just keep your eyes open and your mouth
shut.
WONKA: Everybody set?
CHARLIE: Is this gonna go fast, Grandpa?
GRANDPA JOE: It should, Charlie. It's got more gas

in it
than a politician.
WONKA: Now hold on tight. I'm gonna really open her

up this
time and see what she can do. Swifter than
eagles . . .
stronger than lions . . .
(Bubble suds begin to spray out at everyone.)
MIKE AND MRS. TEEVEE: Ohhhhhhhh!
WONKA: Must be a leak in the distilling tubes.
CHARLIE: Grandpa!
GRANDPA JOE: I'm getting it too!
WONKA:
MARTHA! MARTHA! DU ENTSCHWANDEST
[MARTHA! MARTHA! YOU HAVE VANISHED]
MIKE: It's getting in my eye!
WONKA: (continuous)
AH, MEIN GLUCK NAHMST DU MIT DIR
[MY HAPPINESS YOU TAKE WITH YOU]
MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, it's even in my shoes! I'm soaked!

It'll
never come out!
MIKE: It's sticking to my gun.
WONKA: (continuous)
GEHT ES HIN WO DU ENTSCHWANDEST
[DOES IT GO WHERE YOU HAVE VANISHED]
ODER TEILE ES MIT MIR.
[OR (DO YOU) SHARE IT WITH ME.]
MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, my dress, my hair, my face! Ohhhhhh

. . .
I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka!
(They go through the Hsawaknow.)
MRS. TEEVEE: I'm dry cleaned!
CHARLIE: Hey, Grandpa, what was that we just went

through?
WONKA: Hsawaknow.
MRS. TEEVEE: Is that Japanese?
WONKA: No, that's "Wonkawash" spelled backwards.

That's it,
ladies and gentlemen. The journey is over.
GRANDPA JOE: Finest bath I've had in twenty years.
CHARLIE: Let's do it again, Mr. Wonka.
MRS. TEEVEE: You mean that's as far as it goes?
MIKE: Couldn't we have walked?
WONKA: If the Good Lord had intended us to walk, he

wouldn't
have invented roller skates. Now would you all
please put
these on. (They take white coats and goggles.) We
have to
be very careful. There's dangerous stuff inside.
44. WONKAVISION ROOM
WONKA: Wonkavision: my very latest and greatest

invention.
MIKE: It's television.

WONKA: Uh, it's Wonkavision. Now I suppose you all
know how
ordinary television works. You photograph something
and--
MIKE: Sure, I do. You photograph something, and then

the
photograph is split up into millions of tiny pieces,
and
they go whizzing through the air down to your TV set
where
they're all put together again in the right order.
WONKA: You should open your mouth a little wider when

you
speak. So I said to myself, "If they can do it with
a
photograph, why can't I do it with a bar of
chocolate?" I
shall now send this chocolate bar from one end of the
room
to the other. It has to be big because whenever you
transmit something by television, it always ends up
smaller
on the other end. Goggles on, please. Lights,
camera,
action!
MRS. TEEVEE: (screams)
WONKA: You can remove your goggles.
CHARLIE: Where's the chocolate?
WONKA: It's flying over our heads in a million

pieces. Now
watch the screen. Here it comes. There it is. Take
it.
MIKE: How can you take it? It's just a picture.
WONKA: All right, you take it.
CHARLIE: It's real.
WONKA: Taste it; it's delicious. It's just gotten

smaller,
that's all.
CHARLIE: It's perfect.
MRS. TEEVEE: It's unbelievable.
GRANDPA JOE: It's a miracle.
MIKE: It's a TV dinner.
WONKA: It's Wonkavision.
GRANDPA JOE: It could change the world.

MIKE: Mr. Wonka, can you send other things? Not just
chocolate, I mean.
WONKA: Anything you like.
MIKE: What about . . . people?
WONKA: People? Hmmm . . . I don't really know. I

suppose I
could. Yes, I'm sure I could. I'm pretty sure I
could.
But it might have some messy results.
MIKE: Look at me; I'm gonna be the first person in

the world
to be sent by television!
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike, get away from that thing!
WONKA: Stop, don't, come back . . .
MIKE: Lights, camera, action!
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Where are you?
GRANDPA JOE: He's up there, in a million pieces!
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike! Are you there?
WONKA: No good shouting here. Watch the screen.
MRS. TEEVEE: Mike? Why's he taking so long?
CHARLIE: Million pieces take a long time to put

together.
MRS. TEEVEE: Oh, where are they?
WONKA: There's definitely something coming through.
MRS. TEEVEE: Is it Mike?
WONKA: Well it's hard to tell, but I--
MRS. TEEVEE: (wailing at the sight of Mike, now

shrunk)
Ooooooooh ho-hoooooh!
GRANDPA JOE: Our little group is getting smaller by

the
minute.
MIKE: Look at me, everybody; I'm the first person in

the
world to be sent by television. Wow, what a wild
trip that
was. It's the greatest thing that's ever happened to
me.
Am I coming in clear? Hey, Mom, I said, "Am I coming
in
clear?"
WONKA: Great. He's completely unharmed.
MRS. TEEVEE: You call that unharmed?
MIKE: Wow, that was something. Can I do it again?
MRS. TEEVEE: No, there'll be nothing left.
MIKE: Don't worry about a thing, Mom; I feel fine.

I'm
famous. I'm a TV star. Wait 'til the kids back home
hear
about this.
MRS. TEEVEE: Nobody's gonna hear about this.
MIKE: Where are you taking me? I don't want to go in

there!
(Mrs. Teevee puts Mike in her purse.)
MIKE (in the purse): Hey, let me out! It's dark in

here.
MRS. TEEVEE: Be quiet. (to Mr. Wonka) Well . . .
MIKE (in the purse): Come on, Mom, I want to be on

TV.
WONKA: Well, fortunately small boys are extremely

springy
and elastic, . . .
MIKE (in the purse): Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw***

my way
out.
WONKA: (continuous) . . . so I think we'll put him in

my
special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the
trick.
MIKE (in the purse): I'm warning you, Mom; there's a

nail
file in here . . .
MRS. TEEVEE: Taffy . . .
WONKA: (to an Oompa Loompa) To the taffy-pulling

room.
You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be
extremely
careful.
MIKE (in the purse): (on "You'll") If you don't let

me out,
I'll [smear your lipstick]*** all over everything.
MRS. TEEVEE: (losing it) T-t-taffy pull-- (as the

Oompa
Loompa whispers to Willy Wonka) Oh, what's he saying?
(Mike continues to protest.)***
WONKA: (to the Oompa Loompa) No, no, I won't hold you
responsible.
(Mrs. Teevee faints backwards into Grandpa Joe's

arms.)
WONKA: And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say

goodbye.
(Mrs. Teevee emits a noise.) No, no, don't speak.
For some
moments in life there are no words. Run along now.
(The
Oompa Loompas drag her out.) Adieu, adieu, parting
is such
sweet sorrow.
OOMPA LOOMPAS:
I'VE GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU
WHAT DO YOU GET FROM A GLUT OF TV

A PAIN IN THE NECK AND AN I.Q. OF THREE
WHY DON'T YOU TRY SIMPLY READING A BOOK
OR COULD YOU JUST NOT BEAR TO LOOK
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO
YOU'LL GET NO COMMERCIALS.

IF YOU'RE NOT GREEDY YOU WILL GO FAR
LIKE THE
OOMPA
OOMPA LOOMPA DOOMPADEE DO
45. OUTSIDE WILLY WONKA'S OFFICE
WONKA: So much to do, so much to do, invoices and

bills,
letters . . . I must answer that note from the queen.
CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka, what's gonna happen to the other

kids?
Augustus, Veruca?
WONKA: My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite

all
right. When they leave here, they'll be completely
restored
to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe
they'll be
a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry
about
them.
GRANDPA JOE: Eh, what do we do now, Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: Oh, yes, well, I hope you enjoyed yourselves.

Excuse
me for not showing you out. Straight up the stairs.
You'll
find the way. I'm terribly busy. Whole day wasted.
Goodbye
to you both. Goodbye. (He enters his office.)
CHARLIE: What happened? Did we do something wrong?
GRANDPA JOE: I don't know, Charlie. But I'm gonna

find out.
(They enter the office.)
46. WILLY WONKA'S OFFICE
(Everything is cut in half.)
GRANDPA JOE: Mr. Wonka?
WONKA: I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
GRANDPA JOE: I just wanted to ask about the

chocolate. The
lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. When does
he get
it?
WONKA: He doesn't.
GRANDPA JOE: Why not?
WONKA: Because he broke the rules.
GRANDPA JOE: What rules? We didn't see any rules,

did we,
Charlie?
WONKA: Wrong, sir, wrong! Under Section Thirty-Seven

B of
the contract signed by him it states quite clearly
that all
offers shall become null and void if--and you can
read it
for yourself in this photostatic copy: "I, the
undersigned,
shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses
herein
and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera . . . fax
mentis
incendium gloria culpum, et cetera, et cetera . . .
memo bis
punitor delicatum!" It's all there, black and white,
clear
as crystal! You stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks. You
bumped
into the ceiling which now has to be washed and
sterilized,
so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!
GRANDPA JOE: You're a crook! You're a cheat and a

swindler!
That's what you are. How can you do a thing like
this?
Build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his
dreams
to pieces. You're an inhuman monster!
WONKA: I said Good Day!
GRANDPA JOE: Come on, Charlie, let's get out of here.

I'll
get even with him if it's the last thing I ever do.
If
Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.
(Long pause.)
CHARLIE: Mr. Wonka . . .
(Charlie leaves the Gobstopper on Willy Wonka's

desk.)
WONKA: So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Charlie . .
. my boy . . . You won! You did it! You did it! I
knew
you would; I just knew you would. Oh, Charlie,
forgive me
for putting you through this. Please, forgive me.
Come in,
Mr. Wilkinson. Charlie, meet Mr. Wilkinson.
(Wilkinson--formerly known as Slugworth--

enters.)
WILKINSON: Pleasure.
CHARLIE: Slugworth!
WONKA: No, no, that's not Slugworth. He works for

me.
CHARLIE: For you?
WONKA: I had to test you, Charlie. And you passed

the test.
You won!
GRANDPA JOE: Won what?
WONKA: The jackpot, my dear sir, the grand and

glorious
jackpot.
CHARLIE: The chocolate?
WONKA: The chocolate, yes, the chocolate, but that's

just
the beginning. We have to get on, we have to get on;
we
have so much time, and so little to do. Strike that.
Reverse it. This way please. We'll take the
Wonkavator.
Step in, Charlie. Grandpa Joe, sir. This is the
Great
Glass Wonkavator.
GRANDPA JOE: It's an elevator.
WONKA: It's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up

and
down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways and
slantways and
longways and backways . . .
CHARLIE: And frontways?
WONKA: . . . and squareways and frontways and any

other ways
that you can think of. It can take you to any room
in the
whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons.
Any of
these buttons. Just press a button and ZING! You're
off.
And up until now I've pressed them all . . . except
one.
This one. Go ahead, Charlie.
CHARLIE: Me? (He pushes the button.)
WONKA: There it goes. Hold on tight. I'm not

exactly sure
what's going to happen. Faster, faster . . . If we
don't
pick up enough speed, we'll never get through.
CHARLIE: Get through what?
WONKA: Ah-ha!
GRANDPA JOE: You mean we're going . . .?
WONKA: Up and out!
GRANDPA JOE: But this roof is made of glass. It'll

shatter
into a thousand pieces. We'll be cut to ribbons!
WONKA: Probably. Hold on, everybody. Here it comes.
(The Wonkavator crashes through the roof and

flies into
the sky.)
GRANDPA JOE: You did it, Mr. Wonka, congratulations!
WONKA: Get up. Take a look.
CHARLIE: Grandpa, our town looks so pretty from up

here.
GRANDPA JOE: Yeah, look over here, Charlie. I think

I see
our house.
CHARLIE: Wow.
GRANDPA JOE: It really looks beautiful.
CHARLIE: There's my school, Grandpa.
WONKA: How did you like the chocolate factory,

Charlie?
CHARLIE: I think it's the most wonderful place in the

whole
world.
WONKA: I'm very pleased to hear you say that because

I'm
giving it to you. That's all right, isn't it?
GRANDPA JOE: You're giving Charlie the--?
WONKA: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want

to
try. So, who can I trust to run the factory when I
leave
and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a
grownup.
A grownup would want to do everything his own way,
not mine.
That's why I decided a long time ago I had to find a
child.
A very honest, loving child to whom I can tell all my
most
precious candy making secrets.
CHARLIE: And that's why you sent out the Golden

Tickets.
WONKA: That's right. So the factory's yours,

Charlie; you
can move in immediately.
GRANDPA JOE: And me?
WONKA: Absolutely.
CHARLIE: What happens to the rest of--
WONKA: The whole family. I want you to bring them

all.
(Charlie hugs him.) But Charlie . . . don't forget
what
happened to the man who suddenly got everything he
always
wanted.
CHARLIE: What happened?
WONKA: He lived happily ever after.
END CREDIT SINGERS (VOICEOVER):

WANT TO MAKE THE WORLD
The Movie Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory is Copyright 1971 Warner Brothers.
This page is just a fan's dedication to a great movie. No copyright infringment intended.

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GUIDE TO THIS SCRIPT:

This transcription was completed May 10, 1998. In

UPDATE - February 26, 1999 Buy the DVD from

Scene numbers do not correspond to every change of Buy the

Any info, suggestions, omissions, or possible

WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY

(Kids run from school to the Candy Shop.)

(Kids enter, yelling.)

KIDS: (yelling) Sizzler! I want a Sizzler!

BILL: All right, all right, all right, what's it

KIDS: (yelling) A Squelchy Snorter!

BILL: A Squelchy Snorter for Otis . . .

ONE KID: I want a Squelchy Snorter . . .

BILL: A Sizzler for June Marie . . .

ANOTHER KID: C'mon, give me a Sizzler . . .

BILL: And listen! Wonka's got a new one today.

KIDS: What is it?

BILL: This is called a Scrumdidilyumptious Bar.

WINKELMANN: (mispronouncing) Scrumbibilyunctious Bar?

BILL: My dear boy, do you ask a fish how it swims?

BILL: Or a bird how it flies?

BILL: No sirree, you don't! They do it because they

WHO CAN TAKE A SUNRISE

WHO CAN TAKE A RAINBOW

KIDS: Me! Me!

WHO CAN TAKE TOMORROW

THE CANDY MAN CAN 'CAUSE HE MIXES IT WITH LOVE

(Charlie has been watching through the window.

CHARLIE: Hi, Mr. Jopeck.

JOPECK: Ah, come along, Charlie; you're late.

CHARLIE: It's payday, Mr. Jopeck.

JOPECK: You're right. (He pays Charlie.) There you

JOPECK: Say hello to your Grandpa Joe.

(Charlie delivers the papers.)

3. WONKA'S FACTORY GATES

(Charlie stands outside the gates looking at the

You see: Nobody ever goes in, . . . and nobody

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Charlie's late.

GRANDPA JOE: He works too hard for a little boy. He

MRS. BUCKET: Not enough hours in the day. With the

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: If only his father were alive.

GRANDPA JOE: Soon as I get my strength back, I'm

MRS. BUCKET: Dad, in all the years you've been saying

GRANDPA JOE: Well . . . maybe if the floor wasn't so

CHARLIE: Hi, everybody!

GRANDPA JOE: Wake up!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: Wake up!

GRANDPA JOE: Wake up; Charlie's home!

CHARLIE: Grandpa George. (He kisses him.) Grandma

GRANDPA JOE: Well, it's yours too, Charlie.

CHARLIE: I'm fed up with cabbage water. It's not

GRANDMA GEORGINA: Charlie!

GRANDMA JOSEPHINE: It's all we have.

CHARLIE: How about this? (Produces a loaf of bread.)

MRS. BUCKET: Charlie, where'd you get that?

GRANDPA JOE: What difference does it make where he

CHARLIE: It's my first payday.

MRS. BUCKET: Good for you, Charlie. We'll have a