Tips on How to Cope with

Leaving a Religion
Contents
1. Introduction .......................................................................................................................................... 4
2. Why People Choose to Leave Their Religion ......................................................................................... 4
3. Leaving Religion Can Be Full of Emotion and Challenges ...................................................................... 5
4. Adopting a New Belief System .............................................................................................................. 6
5. Defining Purpose and Meaning in Your Life .......................................................................................... 8
6. Building a Support Network .................................................................................................................. 9
7. Practicing Self-Care and Mindfulness.................................................................................................. 10
8. Assessing the Need for Professional Help ........................................................................................... 12
9. Summary ............................................................................................................................................. 13
References................................................................................................................................................... 13
Copyright © 2023 by The Secular Community
Disclaimer: The Secular Community makes no representations or warranties as to the
accuracy or completeness of the contents of this work, including the fitness for a
particular purpose. The advice and strategies contained herein may not be suitable for
every situation. This work is provided with the understanding that The Secular
Community is not providing any medical, legal or other professional advice or services.
If professional assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person
should be sought.
1. Introduction
There are thousands of religions in the world and there are many reasons why people
choose to leave theirs. Leaving a religion is a deeply personal and sometimes
challenging decision that can have a significant impact on a person’s life. It can be
difficult, traumatic and, in some parts of the world, even dangerous.
Religious leaders and their zealous followers often consider leaving religion to be sinful,
a betrayal of their beliefs. But every individual has a right to their beliefs, including
whether to change their beliefs and whether or not they belong to a particular religion. In
1993, the United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted the following:
“The freedom to "have or to adopt" a religion or belief necessarily entails the
freedom to choose a religion or belief, including the right to replace one's current
religion or belief with another or to adopt atheistic views, as well as the right to
retain one's religion or belief. Article 18.2 bars coercion that would impair the right
to have or adopt a religion or belief, including the use of threat of physical force
or penal sanctions to compel believers or non-believers to adhere to their
religious beliefs and congregations, to recant their religion or belief or to convert.”
This pamphlet is intended to provide guidance and support for individuals who have
made the choice to leave their religion. It offers potential coping strategies to help
navigate the possible emotional, psychological and social aspects of the transition to a
non-religious life, helping to find fulfillment outside of a religious framework.

2. Why People Choose to Leave Their Religion

There are many reasons why people choose to leave their religion, including the
following:
Asserting autonomy and personal identity. Religion is deeply intertwined with and
often sublimates an individual’s identity. An individual’s decision to leave religion is a
choice to assert their personal autonomy and freedom. They are choosing to make their
own choices that align with what they have decided are their personal beliefs and
values instead of having them dictated by religious dogma whose tenets are deemed to
be more important than the individual.
Changes in Personal Beliefs. It is natural that a person’s beliefs can evolve and
change over time as they are educated, are exposed to worldviews, and factor in their
personal experiences. Such changes may cause them to understand that their beliefs
no longer align with the tenets and guidelines of their religion and/or they find that
scientific facts and explanations offer more satisfactory answers about the world.
Personal Experiences of Suffering or Tragedy. When a person suffers a great
personal loss, tragedy or witnesses widespread suffering, they may call into question
their belief in a benevolent and all-powerful deity. Their personal experiences may
become irreconcilable with religious teachings, causing them to disengage with religion.
Moral Conflicts. The Old Testament of the Bible, the foundation for three of the four
major religions, is full of conflicting morality. Hinduism, with its inclusion of the caste
system, has its own moral challenges. It is not surprising that people’s evolving ethical
and moral values may be in conflict with religious teachings, for example, the
discrimination against the LGBTQ+ community and the second-class status afforded
women. Changing social norms, increasing secularization, and exposure to diverse
cultures and beliefs can also influence an individual’s moral stance.
Physical and Emotional Abuse. The controlling nature of organized religions and the
authority claimed by religious figures have often resulted in emotional and/or physical
abuse of its members. In extreme situations, individuals can experience religious
trauma syndrome (RTS), a term which has been gaining increasing recognition. RTS
refers to the psychological, emotional and social distress experienced by individuals
subjected to harmful religious experiences or environments.

3. Leaving Religion Can Be Full of Emotion and Challenges

While we have an inherent right to believe or not believe as we see fit, the decision to
leave a religion that we have been a part of can present a series of challenges that must
be addressed and overcome so as not to affect a person’s mental and physical well-
being.

When leaving a religion, one can often experience a wide range of emotions, which
include the following:
 • Relief – Some people actually feel a sense of relief when they leave a religion, a
resolution to the doubts or conflicts they experienced with its teachings and
guidelines.
• Doubt – It shouldn’t be surprising that one might feel doubt about their decision
to shed their long-held beliefs, wondering if they made the right choice or will be
missing out on something important.
• Guilt – People sometimes feel guilt or shame when they leave their religion,
especially if their former religious community or family members view their
decision as a betrayal. This may lead to feelings of disappointment or struggling
with being harshly judged by others.
• Anger – Anger is another common emotion sometimes felt when someone
leaves their religion. The anger may be directed at the religion itself or the
leadership of the religious community.
• Loss and Loneliness – For those who have been deeply involved and invested
in their religion, leaving their religion may result in feeling a loss of identity,
community and purpose. Individuals may feel a void in their lives as they try and
adjust to the absence of religious rituals, traditions, and the social connections
they were a part of. They may feel isolated and alone, missing the sense of
belonging and support that were a part of their religious affiliation.
• Fear – Leaving a religion can be accompanied by fear of the unknown, i.e., what
will happen next and how to adjust to life without religion. Individuals may also
worry about the potential consequences, such as losing the support of family and
friends, facing social stigma or even, in extreme cases, fearing violence for
renouncing their religious beliefs.
• Freedom and Empowerment – For individuals who felt restricted or oppressed
by their former religion, leaving that religion can provide a newfound sense of
freedom and empowerment. They may embrace the opportunity to define their
own set of beliefs and guidelines for living.
It’s important to note that the emotions experienced by individuals can vary greatly,
depending on their personal history, experiences and the specific circumstances
surrounding their departure. It is also important to understand that an individual leaving
a religion is not alone. Many people have made the same or similar decisions in the
past and many more will do the same in the future.

4. Adopting a New Belief System

Leaving religion means abandoning a belief system based on superstition, the
supernatural and antiquated dogma that is paternalistic in nature and values belief in an
invisible being over the best interests and well-being of the individual. Developing a new
belief system is deeply personal. It’s important to approach the process with an open
mind, critical thinking, and a willingness to explore different perspectives. In considering
your beliefs, you should conduct research on various philosophies and practices and
question and challenge new ideas that you encounter. At the same time, you should
seek to clarify your own personal values and ethics.
The Secular Community has a set of beliefs that we believe provides a firm foundation
for living a positive, meaningful life:
1. We are all members of just one race – the human race. And we share one
home – the planet Earth. We all have the same basic aspirations for life,
liberty, and happiness. We should not be separated by religion or
discriminated against because of skin color, age, sexual orientation or other
prejudices.
2. The universe is governed by one overarching set of laws, the laws of nature.
3. To lead a happy, productive, virtuous life does not require the belief in an all-
powerful, supernatural being aware of our every thought and action who
intercedes in our daily lives. On the contrary, within the bounds of natural
laws, we are the masters of our own destinies and are responsible for actions
we take and their consequences. There is no supernatural being or force that
will come to our rescue if we as individuals or as a human community fail to
make the right choices. We are capable of establishing, on our own, an
effective set of guidelines that allow each individual to seek happiness and
live harmoniously with each other and with nature.
4. The human community, who must exist within the laws of nature, needs to
respect and preserve the environment. Humanity must take urgent action to
reverse the course of climate change that is already affecting the biosphere
and increasingly affecting the very existence of the planet’s plant and animal
populations, including humans.
5. Every human being is entitled to a basic set of rights as follows:
• The right to life and liberty, liberty being the freedom to do that
which injures neither another person nor the environment.
• The right to be happy.
• Being free from discrimination based on a person’s color, sex, age,
sexual orientation, religious or other personal beliefs, nationality or
social origin.
• Not being held in slavery or servitude.
• Being able to live in a free and open society with the right to vote,
free speech, a basic education and an environment free of harmful
pollution.
• Have an opportunity for honest employment that provides, at a
minimum, a sufficient income to cover basic needs for themselves
and their families.
• Have access to quality, affordable healthcare.
6. A democratic, secular society provides the best opportunity for communities
to be happy, prosperous and peaceful. A democracy is generally defined as
 rule by the majority, usually indirectly through a system of freely elected
representatives. As happiness is the most important aspect of the human
condition, it is incumbent on government to provide an environment that is
supportive of an individual’s ability to seek and achieve happiness in their
lives.

5. Defining Purpose and Meaning in Your Life

Purpose is the reason for being that we establish for ourselves around which we
structure our lives, providing a motive for directing our energies. But just having a
purpose is not enough. Your life also has to have meaning. Is your purpose to do
something meaningful with your life? And when we say meaningful, is it something
positive that contributes to society? Having a positive purpose and meaning in your life
is a key to real happiness and can provide a sense of direction, fulfillment, and
motivation. Some key reasons why having meaning and purpose is so important
include:
• Enhanced well-being and longevity. Research has shown that people who
have a strong sense of meaning and purpose in their lives tend to experience
higher levels of happiness, life satisfaction, and overall well-being. Knowing that
your actions contribute to something positive and meaningful can bring about a
deep sense of joy and contentment. Having a strong sense of purpose is also
associated with increased longevity. People with purposeful lives tend to take
better care of themselves, make healthier lifestyle choices, and have lower stress
levels.
• Resilience. When faced with challenges and setbacks, an individual who has a
strong sense of purpose is often more resilient. They are better able to cope with
stress and adversity because they are better able to put difficulties in
perspective.
• Improved relationships. Having a strong sense of purpose can help build
deeper and more meaningful relationships. If provides a basis for shared values
and goals, which can strengthen connections with others.
In her book The Power of Meaning, Emily Esfahani Smith writes about there being four
pillars upon which a meaningful life is built: belonging, purpose, storytelling, and
transcendence, which are accessible to everyone. A brief explanation of each follows:
• Belonging. Everyone needs to feel understood and welcomed by their friends,
family and other members of their network in order to feel that they belong. When
people feel they belong, it is an indication that they are in relationships that are
mutually supportive and that they have positive interactions with others in their
network. Further, the existence of close relationships with others provides an
important source of meaning in our lives.
 • Purpose. Purpose is a goal that “motivates our behavior and serves as an
organizing principle of our lives. Purpose can be something as grandiose as
fighting for human rights or as simple as just trying to be a good parent. “Living
purposefully requires self-reflection and self-knowledge. Each of us has different
strengths, talents, insights, and experiences that shape who we are. And so each
of us will have a different purpose, one that fits who we are and what we value.”
Having a meaningful purpose involves putting aside your own interests for the
sake of others.
• Storytelling. Storytelling is important in that it helps us define who we are and
how we got to be that way. “The stories we tell about ourselves reveal how we
understand ourselves and how we interpret the way our lives have unfolded.”
Telling your story, either verbally or in writing, helps to connect and find common
experiences with others.
• Transcendence. A transcendent experience is one that takes us beyond our
individual sense of who we are to make us feel connected to something larger,
i.e., the world and the universe around us. Looking up at the stars at night, for
example, and sensing the vastness of the universe is but one example of a
transcendent experience. Transcendence is often seen as a path to inner peace,
personal growth, and meaningful connections with others.

6. Building a Support Network

A support network is comprised of the people who share an individual’s experiences
and help provide them with encouragement, support and personal growth. Having a
good support network helps promote mental health and well-being. In order to build or
add to a support network, an individual should:
• Conduct a self-assessment. Gain an understanding of your strengths,
weaknesses and interests. Having such an understanding will help you connect
with others who share similar interests or can complement your skill set.
• Expand existing relationships. Reach out to people you already know and who
you can depend on. Enhance these relationships by demonstrating a genuine
interest and that you value those that you connect with. Be willing to help others
in your network. Networking is a two-way street. Offering your support, expertise
or assistance can strengthen your relationships.
• Communicate regularly. Keep in touch with the people in your network on a
regular basis. Communications can be through emails, texts, phone calls or in
person meetups. Regular communications helps to maintain and strengthen your
connections with members of your network.
• Diversify your network. Connect with people from various backgrounds and
experience. A diverse network can provide added perspectives and insights, and
adds depth to the strength of your network.
 • Be patient. Building a solid network takes time to cultivate meaningful
relationships. It’s not just about collecting contacts.
• Develop trust. Trust is the foundation of a supportive network. Be forthright,
honest, and respectful in your interactions with members of your network.

7. Practicing Self-Care and Mindfulness

Self-care is the practice of individuals using the knowledge and information available to
them to look after their own health. Self-care can help improve both physical and mental
health and generally involves four key dimensions: emotional, physical, psychological,
and spiritual health. Self-care is an essential practice that allows us to be the best
version of ourselves and better support those around us. It is a proactive approach to
well-being that helps us navigate life’s challenges.

Mindfulness is a tool used as an important part of self-care, primarily to help with

anxiety, anger, grief and other difficult circumstances that individuals encounter.
Mindfulness is a practice that dates back more than 2000 years and is used by people
all over the world. Meditation is one of the principal methods used to practice
mindfulness.
Mindfulness, at its most basic, is a focus on the present, recognizing the experiences
you are having without value judgements. Mindfulness is a ‘journey, not a destination’
and requires commitment to practice and patience. There are many books and videos
available about how to properly practice mindfulness and meditation. Research is
increasingly demonstrating that mindfulness can help with:
• Stress reduction.
• Improved memory and focus.
 • Physical benefits such as improved digestion and immune system response,
lower blood pressure, faster healing and better sleep.
• Improved self-esteem.
Self-care includes focusing on:
Emotional and Psychological Health. Promoting emotional well-being is important for
maintaining a person’s mental health and overall happiness. Some activities that can
help foster emotional health include:

• Mindfulness and meditation: Practicing mindfulness and meditation can help

reduce negative emotions and improve focus and self-awareness.
• Social connections: Spending time with friends and family, or participating in
group activities can provide emotional support and a sense of belonging.
• Creative expression: Engaging in creative activities such as painting, writing,
music, or crafts can be therapeutic and help in dealing with emotions.
• Volunteering and helping others: Giving back to the community or helping others
in need can create a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Physical Health. Promoting physical health is essential for overall well-being and a
high quality of life. Important steps an individual can take to improve and maintain their
physical health include:
• Regular exercise: Regular physical activity is important for maintaining or
improving muscular strength, cardiovascular health and metabolism. A
reasonable goal is to participate in at least 150 minutes of moderate intensity
exercise per week.
 • A balanced diet: A balanced diet is a cornerstone for maintaining physical health
and should include a variety of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins and
healthy fats. The intake of processed foods, sugary beverages and excessive
salt should be limited.
• Adequate sleep: Adults generally need between seven (7) and nine (9) hours of
sleep each night for optimal health and well-being.
• Stress management: Although all of us feel some kind of stress at one time or
another, chronic stress can have adverse effects on a person’s physical health.
Stress-reducing techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, yoga
or spending time communing with nature can help reduce stress levels.
Secular Spiritual Health. People often link spirituality with religion and its practices.
But spirituality does not rely on religious beliefs. Secular spirituality involves nurturing a
sense of meaning, purpose, and inner well-being independent of religious beliefs. It is a
focus on the principle that your life is always now – you do not live in the past or the
future. You are living life in the present. Some practices and strategies to promote your
spiritual health include:
• Self-Reflection and Mindfulness: Engaging in regular self-reflection and
mindfulness practices on a regular basis, observing your thoughts and emotions
without judgment, cultivates a deeper understanding of yourself.
• Emphasize Gratitude: Focus on the positive aspects of your life and practice
gratitude. Regularly acknowledge and appreciate the things you have,
experiences you’ve had, and the people that support you.
• Commune With Nature: Spend time in nature and develop a strong connection to
the natural world. Nature has a way of inspiring awe and wonder, which can
contribute to a sense of spiritual well-being.
• Philosophical Exploration: Study philosophy, ethics, and various worldviews to
expand your understanding of different perspectives on life, purpose and
existence.
• Learning and Personal Growth: Seek opportunities for personal growth and
learning on an on-going basis. Engaging in lifelong learning and setting goals for
self-improvement can provide a sense of progress and achievement.

8. Assessing the Need for Professional Help

Leaving a religion can be a very emotional and even a traumatic experience.
Sometimes, professional help is warranted to help deal with and resolve emotional
issues. Unfortunately, professional counselors experienced with such matters are often
hard to find. The cost of counselling services may also be an issue. Nonetheless, if you
are having difficulty dealing with the aftermath of leaving a religion, you should consider
trying to reach out for professional help.
In extreme circumstances such as in some African and Asian countries, people are
actually persecuted and even threatened with bodily harm for leaving their religion. In
such cases, often sanctioned by the state, help can be particularly difficult to obtain,
even though such persecution is a violation of what are supposed to be internationally
guaranteed human rights.
When the situation is extreme and the individual fears for their safety, they should
consider contacting the United Nations Refugee Agency (UNHCR) to seek asylum. To
seek asylum as a refugee, individuals need to apply for refugee status. Asylum seekers
can seek help by visiting the UNHCR’s help site (https://help.unhcr.org). The help page
lists a large number of countries but if a particular country is not listed, an individual can
check out the UNHCR contact page (https://www.unhcr.org/en-us/contact-us.html) and
search for the country of interest at the bottom of the page.

9. Summary
Leaving a religion can be an emotional undertaking. Emotions can be both good and
bad, sometimes causing great stress and even trauma. But leaving religion behind can
also be a positive development in a person’s life. Where leaving is difficult, there are a
number of coping strategies that an individual can leverage to make the transition to a
new life and a new set of beliefs and supportive community that can support that new
life. Such strategies take time to implement and the benefits will not be realized
overnight. But the result can be a better, more fulfilling life that is accompanied by a
positive outlook full of purpose and meaning.

References
Harris, Sam (2014). Waking Up: A Guide to Spirituality Without Religion. Simon &
Schuster.
Sockolov, Matthew (2018). Practicing Mindfulness: 75 Essential Meditations to Reduce
Stress, Improve Mental Health, and Find Peace in the Everyday. Althea Press.
Smith, Emily Esfahani Smith (2017). The Power of Meaning: Crafting a Life That
Matters. Crown.
Winell, Marlene (2007). Leaving the Fold: A Guide for Former Fundamentalists and
Others Leaving Their Religion. Apocryphile Press.