TAMIU FYWP ENGL 1301: Visual Analysis

Essay 2 Peer Review: Editing

Directions: Mark your responses directly onto the paper you are editing, or you can write your
answers here. If you are unsure, simply state that something seems off, but you are unsure of
what.

1. How is the essay organized? Does each paragraph contain one and only one main idea
that connects to the controlling idea for the essay? Does this organization help move the
ideas forward? Tell the author if the organization works or offer organization ideas.
The paragraphs in the essay are all structured to analyze a certain aspect/element of the
album content.

2. Where could the author use stronger transitions to strengthen connections between his/her
points? For a reminder about transitions, please visit:
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/mechanics/transitions_and_transitional_devic
es/index.html
Though the body paragraphs are separate ideas that connect, the transitions could be
stronger to bond them.

3. Does the author have any fragments, comma splices, or run-ons? If so, mark them in the
text. If you know the rule, then go ahead an offer advice to the author. If you do not know
the rule, then simply mention that something seems off. For a reminder, please visit:
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/english_as_a_second_language/esl_students/punctuation/com
mas.html
All fragments, comma splices, and run-ons along with capitalization and other errors are
highlighted in blue.

4. Where could the author use more detail to further illustrate his/her claim? Does the author
provide a sufficient amount of evidence from the image? Indicate these places in the text
where the author gives details and where the author needs to add more.
The author should add more evidence to strengthen their claim from the chosen image
throughout the essay.

5. Are the style and tone of the essay appropriate for the audience?
The style and tone of the essay is appropriate for the audience.

6. Are the sentences and word choices varied? Does the author use strong, active verbs and
solid, descriptive nouns? Indicate where the author could strengthen the verbs and nouns.

The sentences and word choices are descriptive; however, I feel that there should be more
variation in the words that are used.
7. Is the author too repetitive or present too much information? In other words, does the
essay overwhelm you as a reader because there is too much information or underwhelm
you because there is too little information? Indicate in the text where the author needs
less or more information.
The author presents too much information about the actual content of the album and not
enough about the actual image itself.

8. Is the essay confusing because information has been omitted and/or too much information
is assumed to be known by the readers?

The content of the essay overall is not confusing. While there are some areas where the
audience might not know who or what the content is referring to, the author explains most
of the essay in a simplified matter.

9. Is the essay in the correct MLA format?

The “Works Cited” section is not in the proper MLA format and the header where the
author’s name and page number belong, are in the incorrect format. I suggest using an
MLA works cited template or generator and fixing the header in the document settings.

10. Indicate in the text the author’s strengths and weaknesses.

Strengths:
The author uses very descriptive language throughout the essay.

The author does a good job of explaining meanings and symbolisms.

Weaknesses:
There is more focus on other aspects of the album that are not the actual image.

The topic sentences in the body paragraphs are a bit unclear.

11. What are two or three revision suggestions you have for the writer?

1.) Focus the essay and the thesis on the visual analysis of the album rather than the
actual content of the album.
2.) Fix capitalization errors along with missing spaces.
3.) Create stronger transitions.