QUE and SCHELP

by

Joseph Arnone

Copyright © 2018 MonologueBlogger.com All rights reserved.

INT. MOTEL - AMERICAN SOUTH - DAY
SCHELP (18) and QUE (19) watch TV from bed.
QUE
Schelp, what time is it?
SCHELP
I don’t know, look at your phone,
why you always bothering me?
QUE
I’m bothering you by asking you
for the time?
SCHELP
You do it always. Always the
little stupid questions you have
to go on asking me about, like,
‘where’s the tv remote’ or, ‘Did
you see my purse?’ Who does that?
QUE
I’m always askin’ you cause you
always into my shit and I don’t
want to spend all day looking for
my belongings. Stay outta my shit
and I won’t have to ask you.
SCHELP
I ain’t never in your things.
Don’t accuse me a something that
ain’t ever tru.
QUE
I ain’t accusing you of nothing
but the facts, darling. Get your
facts straight and we cool.
(pause.)
Schelp goes into her purse.
Hey! Wutch you doin?
SCHELP
Got any gum? I need something to
chew—
QUE
Told you you always going through
my things.
SCHELP
Oh…well, got any?
 2.

QUE
Damn idiot, ain’t cha?
SCHELP
GOT ANY?
QUE
Nope. I just had the last piece.
Still fresh in my mouth if you
want it.
Schelp and Que kiss and he takes the gum from her mouth in
his.
Why you such a damn knucklehead
for?
SCHELP
I dunno.
QUE
Cutest knucklehead I ever did
meet.
SCHELP
Yeah…so, we gonna rehearse or not?
QUE
Again?
SCHELP
We gotta get it right, don’t we?
I almost botched it all up last
time.
QUE
That’s cause you you weren’t in
it, darling. You gotta get in it.
SCHELP
Are we gonna rehearse?
QUE (SIGHS)
Yeah, okay. Just once or twice
cause this is my chill time, which
is part of my preparation for
tomorrow. I don’t want to
overwork it and screw up my flow.
SCHELP
Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on already.
QUE
Alright. Start by coming in and
I’ll play the man at the counter.
 3.

SCHELP
Okay.
(beat)
Schelp breathes and then ignites into action ‘as if
entering a store’.
SCHELP (CONT'D)
Hello sir! Sir! Sir, there’s a
situation. I ran all the way here
nonstop about a mile up the road,
my girlfriend, she’s pregnant and
in labor, my car brokedown.
Please, please can you help me!
QUE
That was stupid.
SCHELP
What?!
QUE
That didn’t work, Schelp. The
story. You need a better story.
I thought we already discussed
this shit man.
SCHELP
What am I supposed to say?
QUE
Damn it. The point is to get this
old fool out of his store so I can
go in right?
SCHELP
Yeah.
QUE
Well, what’s to stop him from
calling an ambulance or something.
We need something immediate to
draw him out.
SCHELP
Okay, yeah. I got something! Let
me just do it. I don’t want to
analyze.
QUE
Fine.
SCHELP
You ready?
 4.

QUE
Yeah, come on man.
SCHLEP
Sir! Sir!
QUE
Yes.
SCHELP
Sir, can you come with me real
quick? My girlfriend is pregnant
and just fainted up the road and
I can’t seem to resuscitit her.
QUE
Wait, resuscitit? Did you just
say resuscitit, Schelp? (she
starts cracking up laughing)
SCHELP
What’s wrong with the—how do you
say the darn word, Que?
QUE
Damn you’re dumb boy. It’s
resuscitate. Not tit. Tate. Got
it? Like Channing Tatum but
resuscitate. Tate.
SCHELP
Damn girl, I got it, I got it.
QUE
I’m getting tired of this game.
You either ready or you ain’t,
Shlep.
SCHELP
One last try. I’ll jump right in.
Sir! Sir! My mom, she’s just
fainted, can you please assist me?
I can’t pick her up, she’s on the
ground right outside. I need
help. Please, real quick.
QUE
Oh snap. That was it. That was
good. I like it. Keeper. That
made me want to go outside for
your Moms. (she smiles) Good
shizz.
SCHELP
We got it.
 5.

QUE
Easy peasy baby, aby.
SCHELP
Hell yeah. Let’s do this.