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Soulful Ties

Lovestruck - Raja Zia Ul Haq

Love can be halal or haram.
– Depends on who the person being loved is
– Falling in love is not that problem, but there things we do after it.
Love is both intestinal and unintentional.
– Love at first sight= unintentional
– First look is unintentional and we aren't held accountable for it.
– Second look: Tarna. Following around and stalking and sending messages and send a
friend request on Instagram. Keeps up to date with whatever the gurl is doing.
– Unintentional halal love: lowers gaze and talks to parents and asks them to just meet the
family. Proposer channels. If he gets married then Alhemdulilah then if he doesn't then
Allah is the best of planners.
Our parents are our well-wishers and not an enemy
– they might have different priorities than us
– Parents don't want friction for us, they want an easy life for us
– That's why phoppo ka beta is the best option for our parents
– Solution for ignorance is knowledge.
– If you do fall in love then do it through the proper channels. Let your parents meet them.
Don't give a deadlock.
– Allah has given has options. Halal or haram. If Allah has made things haram then he has
made 10 more things halal.
– You want to fall in love. It's fine then do Nikkah.
– In some religions and thoughts not getting married is seen as superiors However, in Islam
it is not. It is the sunnah of prophet Muhammad (SAW). Reason that Nikkah is half of our
deen.
– Whichever path you take there will be consequences.
– Whatever decision you make, don't get emotional.
– Homework for singles: Things that are necessary for future spouses. And 3 items that are
deal-breakers.
– What are things that are important for you? Get the list to someone from your elders. List
the qualities.
– Relationships are made on compromise.
– Love seems to be the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growth-- Mark Twain.
– Love also means sacrifice and compromise. Adjusting yourself to the other person.
– Love builds over time. Not like instant love. Love is not something that has an on and off
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switch.
– How do you help someone if they are stuck in relationship that they wanna get out of ?
Remember if you really love someone then you don't want to see them in hell-fire. Why get
involved in a relationship when you know you're earning sins and not good deeds. If you
know the relationship will not lead to marriage anytime soon then leave it.
– Medical student story: footsteps of the shaytan. After 4 years of relationship.
– If you wanna do it, then do it right.
– Litmus test: tell them clearly if you are interested then talk to my mom and dad.
● I know what I want am I willing to take the risk ?
– Find this type of love "I love you in this world and want you to be there with me in
Jannah" ( where do people get these types of religion?) A happy ever after

Visionary Marriage - Fahad Tasleem

Book: dealing with your and others doubts
What would I tell myself in 21 years ago ?
● 3 main advice
to complement and not to compete
– disagreements are bound to happen between men and women because men and women
have different nature.
– However, there are parts of men and women that are complimentary.
– Hawa, the lungs need air to breathe.
What makes us us?
– our material body?
– No, our ruh is who we are
– We have inner-subjectivity. I can describe what the biryani taste like but not exactly let you
know how it tasted like.
– Remember you are more than your body. You have a soul.
– Prophet's Hadith: term of beauty refers to beauty of outside. Looking through the shell.
– Will a woman entering paradise be more beautiful than a Hoor?
– A woman that strove in the way of Allah. Then she has external and internal beauty.
– Definition of extremism by western world is Islam. First critique was that followers of Islam
are over-sexualized then it was they are too prude.
– Western world: make having inter course as something evil.
– Western world went from one extreme to the other (celebrating sexual orientation)
– there's a difference between haya and immodesty.
– 2 aspects of connection: 1 is the physical and the other is the soul connection
– Who brought you together in the first place is Allah SWT. Allah wrote their name beside
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you before we were even born.
– 1) First advice is: understand that we have complimentary nature and not an adversary in
nature.
– Woman mostly have softer and merciful qualities.
– Men have mostly strength and powerful related qualities.
– Allah has all of these qualities.
– Allah is merciful and he loves those who are merciful. Allah is all-knowing and he loves
those who are knowledgeable. Allah is the most powerful and he loves those who are
strong.
. Learn to say beautiful words. When was the last time you complimented someone ? Words
of power
. Learn to say sorry. Understand that the person you're with has a ruh. That is who the true
person. What keeps you together is the internal beauty.

Art of selecting a life partner - Muhammad Ali

– make dua for good life partner.
This is the age of opinions
– where do we take our definitions from ?
– What are some challenges?
– We have to take care from whom are we taking our ideas from
– An idea: marry the person you love. So, people don't get married till they find someone
they love.
– Selection bias: picking up information that you preferred.
● make dua to Allah to protect you from biases
● Dua of Prophet Musa: rabbi shrahli
● Ask Allah for Wisdom
– zaroorat say zyada mazak dill ko sakht krdeyti hain
– using Instagram status to define your new husband
– Internet can give you an idea however the real idea is given when you look at their akhlaq
and their carrying of responsibilities.
– Don't have unreal expectations
– Rishtay asman pay banthain hain.
Yes, relations are made on heaven but you have your own will. So ask for help, do your research.
– are good men for good women?
It's not a general rule. Do not be depress, ask Allah and have hope in Him.
Tafseer of this is: good statements are for good people
 – what is meant by deen ?
– Religious commitment and akhlaq
– Deen is fearful of Allah and love of Allah and the prophet. Deen ka shouq.
– Purpose of marriage is sakoon
– Spirituality is softness
– Fatima bint eqass interaction with Prophet Muhammad that
– Smart questions are what can you accept and what you cannot accept ?
. how do you deal with anger and disputes ?
. Expenditure and responsibilities
. Life plan, vision, purpose, what do you think about children.

– Never ignore istikharah

– Don't go around asking your friends about their opinions
– Ask the thoughtful people
– Select wise people that you trust.
– Don't fall into the trap of dating
– Prophet SAW, a person is on the deen of his friends.
– Larkay kay baap --> judge the guy
– Larkiyon ki ma --> judge the girl
– Know Islam before marriage.

Why Marriages Break? - Muhammad Hijab

● Marriages can fail illegitimate reasons
– divorce doesn't always mean that either of the two parties have failed
– If this stigma persists then something worse can come about in essence depression and
zina
– Sometimes people can be uncomplimentary
● Set your priorities straight
– the she-males on the street
– Boys getting abused on the street.
– Islam made Nikkah easy
– Don't confuse being good to your parents as allowing your mother to be a tyrant to your
wife.
Conflict Resolution in Families - Mugheerah Luqman
Guiding principles for a relationship
– Taqwa
– Both the man and the woman should be willing
Relationship should have:
. Physical love
. Emotional love
– So, when you accept their hand in marriage with an able mind then own it. Even if you
don't love them, do acts that will lead to it.
. Haya is important
– never cross the boundaries that Allah has set for us.

● when we become overzealous to try to have a demeanor and control however that only
comes when you have taqwa.
● Islam respects culture
– culture has no right to contradict Islam
– If you differ in something then bring it back to Allah.
– Roles of genders need to be respected.
. The man has the right to be obeyed in Islam.
What is obedience ?
– obedience is not when the man can tell the woman everything even in disobeyed Allah.
– Obedience isn't when if doing the act the wife's degradation follows
– Obedience doesn't mean he tells his wife to do something that he should be doing.
– Obedience is everything other the following:
. Disobeying the Creator in obeying the Creation
. Doing something that wife cannot bear
. Obeying in something that the husband should be doing

QnA
How do you get the dear of marriage?
– you're always going to see examples of good and bad. You cannot let failures determine
your path. Marriage is always a risk.
– As many examples of bad, there are good
– Spend time learning about Taqwa of Allah.
– Maybe Allah expects you to be the exemplary marriage
How much contact is too much contact ?
Follow the local context. Pakistani context: follow your parents.
Follow the local context. Pakistani context: follow your parents.

– the man has to provide for the women. The man should be generous. Stingy and
cowardliness go together.
– A woman shouldn't accept more that what the man can do.
– Man should be affectionate and generous.
– Women shouldn't have unreal expectations.
– Marriage is clothing. Red flag is when the man doesn't do anything.
– The spending of the wealth is dependent on the man. So, trust Allah

– Who says a spiritual bond should be done before marriage ?

– marriage takes work.

Most deciding factors:

– Religious commitment. Respect for Allah and his rasool ‫ﷺ‬
– What do you think about women driving ?
– How do you deal with conflict resolution?

What should Muslim women stay in abuse ?

– Islam's stance is clear: you can take a divorce
– Take elder's advice or from people that you know are sincere on how should you move
forward.