Rewriting Negative Sentences: An Exercise

Rewrite the following negative sentences to make them less harsh by eliminating negatives,
changing voice and/or tense, by subordinating ideas, or by eliminating references to the specific
reader.
Negative Example
We cannot consider you for the position in our Child Welfare Department. You, unfortunately,
have no course background in social sciences.
Reworded
1. Applicants for the position in our Child Welfare Department need a background in social
sciences. When you can demonstrate such a background, we will be able to consider your
application.
2. We will be able to consider your application for a position in our Child Welfare Department
when you can demonstrate a background in social sciences.
Exercise 1
1. I have been given no back-up to support the latest billing adjustment.

2. I realize this will not be possible in all situations, but the difference seems to detract from the
quality we are trying to get.

3. Under the conditions of Academic Fresh Start you are not eligible for consideration; therefore,
we cannot honor your request.

4. We haven't been able to secure anything like this for eight or nine years.

5. I don't know of anything that needs to be done except for Smith to watch for the final
regulations.

6. I conclude from what you said that you might not realize the term "visitor" refers to people
who are neither students nor employees.

7. If the fine is not paid by 5:00 P.M. October 30, 2010, a $3.00 late fee would also be assessed.

8. Our apartments have only one bedroom, and, therefore, our policy is to allow no more than
three people. Since the additional child will increase the family to four, we cannot approve your
application.
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9. The award is one I will treasure and will not take lightly, particularly in view of the numerous
educators eligible for your recognition.

10. We are sorry, but our policy does not permit pets in the hotel. You will have to make other
arrangements for them.

11. We have treated your Kolman tent with Scotchguard, but we cannot replace it since it
became mildewed when you failed to dry the tent out before placing it in the carrying bag.

12. Since your payment of $400 is 150 days overdue, it is impossible for us to extend you credit.
We will send out your next order when we receive your payment.

13. We have checked your credit record with other businesses and cannot extend you credit
because of your slow paying habits.

14. You lack the credit references we require for opening an account at Smith's. We are sorry
that we cannot extend credit to you at this time.

15. It seems you accidentally dropped your lens. We certainly cannot replace it even though it
was purchased only two months ago.

16. Because of shortages of material, we will not be able to ship before November 12.

17. We are sorry that we cannot add a car to the policy without a specific description of the
vehicle.

18. This information is being sent to you now so that we will avoid later misunderstandings
about our credit terms.

19. You won't be sorry you made this decision.

20. Your bike has been repaired, and we hope you will have no further trouble with it.

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Exercise 2

You are the head of HR; write a letter to all employees (with the appropriate date, from field, subject
field, and signage) announcing that this year there will be no pay increase due to the recession.

Exercise 3

Identify which writing plan-direct or indirect-you would use for the following messages.

a) A memo to employees announcing the cancellation of a lunchtime lecture series.

b) A letter informing a customer of a six-week postponement of on-site software training.
c) A memo to an immediate subordinate denying him a requested two-day leave to
participate in a square-dancing competition. It is company practice to write all internal
messages straightforwardly.
d) A memo from an executive rejecting a manager’s phased retirement plan.
e) A letter from a roofing company denying a customer’s request to repair a roof for which
the warranty expired five months ago.

Analyze the strengths and weaknesses of the following openings for bad news messages.

a) We were very happy to receiving your recent request for a refund of the purchase price of
your new XJL copier, the model Consumers Annual ranked tops for efficiency and
customer satisfaction.
b) We are so sorry that we won’t be repairing your poorly functioning air conditioning
systems.
c) Thank you for contacting Amitron about a marketing position. I receive hundreds of
applications from qualified college graduates just like you.
d) You honestly can’t expect us to investigate a claim for a product that is no longer under
warranty.
e) We at Timberline Tire and Auto make every effort to provide our customers with high-
quality products at the lowest possible prices. We are committed to finding ways to make
shopping at our stores more convenient for you.
f) Each year, our company sponsors a holiday dinner for employees to show our
appreciation for their hard work and commitment, but this year severe budgets cuts
prevent us from hosting such an event.
g) You are surely our best-dressed sales representative. I always look forward to receiving
proposals from well-attired staff members.

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Answer: -

1. It will be great if I can be provided with back-up to support the latest billing adjustment.

2. At-times this might not work in some situations but we need to ensure that quality does not take
a hit.
3. We have recorded your request but as per the Academic fresh Start we cannot consider you right
now but in case the guidelines changes we will definitely contact you.

4. We should now secure anything like this because from past 8-9 years because of some
bottlenecks this did not happen.
5. Is there anything that has to be done because as per my knowledge only Smith has to watch for
the final regulations.
6. At this conclusion we should together think of a term other than visitor because it might be
difficult to realize that it refers to people who are neither employees nor students .
7.