WellBeing

THE DARK SIDE OF

SELF-DISCIPLINE
Words by Hannah Pisani

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 Mind• Self-compassion
Contrary to popular belief, strict self-discipline is not
the secret to success — quite the opposite. It can cause
depression, anxiety and burnout. The better route to growth
and resilience is self-compassion.
D
o you wish you had more self-discipline? If you
do, you’re not alone. Research shows that
a massive 97 per cent of us wish we were more
conscientious, that we could carry out our work
and duties more carefully and consistently. In essence,
most of us wish we had more grit. More self-discipline.
But is this lauded trait really all it’s cracked up to be?
A growing body of research suggests otherwise.
De ning self-discipline
Self-discipline is defined as “the ability to control one’s
feelings and overcome one’s weaknesses”. Sounds great
in theory, right? If only we could motivate ourselves
to effortlessly choose a salad over a pizza or resist
hitting the snooze button when we made an internal
agreement to head to work early the night before.
Self-discipline is, supposedly, the skill that helps us solve
all these problems, enabling us to choose our longer-
term aspirations over our short-term desires. But, left
unchecked, too much self-discipline can turn ugly.
Self-discipline or self-punishment?
We all have internal monologues that accompany
us throughout the day. Our mind is essentially
a radio, broadcasting thoughts and ideas into our
consciousness 24/7. With high levels of self-discipline,
we can choose the thoughts and ideas we react
to proactively.
Say, for example, you really don’t feel like working
on your side hustle at the end of a long working day.
You’re unmotivated and tired, and turning on Netflix
is a much more appealing idea. In circumstances like
these, self-discipline would, theoretically, help you
overcome these urges and stick to your original plan.
Images: John Mor
But here’s where the risk lies. Too much self-discipline
— too much sacrificing our in-the-moment needs
and desires — can lead to depression, anxiety and
even burnout.
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Nowhere is this more apparent than in the start-up
game. Recent research from Swinburne University of
Technology in Melbourne found that entrepreneurs’
commitment to heedless self-discipline has knock-on
effects on their mental health, with most business
owners displaying signs of clinical obsession, distress
and anxiety.
“You can get into a start-up mode, where you push
yourself and abuse your body,” says psychiatrist and
former entrepreneur Michael A Freeman, succinctly
describing the risks of determination in overdrive.
It’s not just entrepreneurs vulnerable to the dark side
of self-discipline. Anyone can fall foul of over-exerting
restraint. Among eating disorder patients, for example,
researchers found a positive interdependence between
anorexia nervosa and high levels of self-control.
As a correlating study notes, “Individuals with
anorexia are often thought to exercise excessive self-
control to override food-related needs and desires
in their relentless pursuit of thinness.” The disorder
is deadly, with a mortality rate of up to 20 per cent
left untreated.
Is self-discipline always deadly?
Many self-help gurus, philosophers and successful
businesspeople champion self-discipline as the
key to success. But clearly, the ability to control
one’s impulses can also lead to feelings of sadness,
overwhelm and even mental health issues.
So is self-discipline inherently bad? The answer is
more nuanced than a Yes or No. It all comes down to
how you view, speak to and treat yourself. We all have
internal monologues that accompany us throughout
the day. The question you need to ask yourself is: Is
your inner voice critical or kind?
 Mind• Self-compassion

The antithesis
of being hard
on yourself is
When you attempt to control your thoughts and It’s clear that choosing self-compassion is the secret
fostering self- feelings, you will likely either come from a place of to fulfilment and satisfaction. Rather than making
compassion. love or criticism. Here’s what that looks like in context: us lazy, it enables us to become more in touch
with ourselves, set realistic goals and cultivate
Research Critical thought: “If I don’t succeed, I will be a harmonious state of mind.
shows that high a failure.”
Kind thought: “Everyone fails sometimes. What “Self-compassion is really conducive to motivation,”
levels of self- can I learn from this so I grow?” Neff continues. “The reason you don’t let your children
compassion Critical thought: “I am not good enough. I must eat five big tubs of ice cream is because you care
change myself.” about them. With self-compassion, if you care about
are linked to
Kind thought: “I am good enough. I am yourself, you do what’s healthy for you rather than
“increased imperfectly human, like everyone, and I will look what’s harmful to you.”
after myself.”
feelings of
For many of us, this is the missing ingredient to the
happiness, If your mind’s soundtrack is critical in nature, it’s time self-discipline equation. Excess self-control, without
to pause and assess. As Dr Richard Davidson, founder a deep sense of self-love, only leads to poor mental
optimism,
and director of the Center for Healthy Minds at the health. So rather than continue to emphasise self-
curiosity and University of Wisconsin–Madison, noted in the New discipline and arduous self-control, let’s focus on
York Times: “Self-criticism can take a toll on our minds speaking kindly to ourselves and looking after our
connectedness”.
and bodies. It can lead to ruminative thoughts that minds and bodies. Believe it or not, it’s a happier,
interfere with our productivity, and it can impact our more sustainable way to find success.
bodies by stimulating inflammatory mechanisms that
lead to chronic illness and accelerate ageing.”

From self-discipline to self-compassion

The antithesis of being hard on yourself is fostering
self-compassion. Research shows that high levels of
self-compassion are linked to “increased feelings of
happiness, optimism, curiosity and connectedness,
as well as decreased anxiety, depression, rumination
and fear of failure”. The trouble is, embracing self-
compassion is scary for many of us.

A pioneering researcher in self-compassion, Dr Kristin

Neff, notes: “The biggest reason people aren’t more
self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll
become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is
what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten
it wrong because our culture says being hard on
yourself is the way to be.”

Sound familiar? Perhaps you worry that if you stop

criticising yourself and loosen the reins on self-
discipline, your chances of happiness and success
will fall to the wayside. But the contrary is true. In
fact, a set of studies following hundreds of people
attempting to meet their goals — from getting fi tter to
completing their studies and attaining promotions —
found that the more people criticised themselves, the
slower their progress and the less likely they were to
actually achieve their goals. By contrast, people who
excel at cultivating self-compassion are more likely to
correct themselves after making mistakes and pursue
their goals sustainably.
Hannah Pisani is a freelance writer based
in London, England, covering all things
psychology and wellbeing. Along with
WellBeing, you can find her work in True
You journal and The Tab, among others.
When she’s not writing articles, she’s writing
lyrics — and you can find her songs on
Spotify. To read more of her work or listen
to her music, follow her on Instagram at
@hannahpisani_.

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