STUDENT DEVELOPMENT THEORY AUTOBIOGRAPHY 1

Student Development Theory Autobiography

Ayra Valerie Agluba

Higher Education Administration and Leadership Graduate Program

California State University, Fresno

HEAL 223: Student in Higher Education

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Moving in general is the most challenging life experience one can have. People leave

their countries for various reasons in the hope of a better life. As easy as it seems, experiencing

this as a young child and moving across the world is a challenging and painful experience. This

experience has shaped me into the person I am today. Leaving behind the environment I always

knew meant allowing my family and me to experience new aspects of life and explore new

opportunities in the United States. As a child it was not easy for me to leave everything behind,

leaving the place where I spent my childhood, I didn't quite understand why we had to move.

The only good part of this whole experience was that at least I was with my family throughout

this experience.

I believe that this experience was one of the most important events that made me more

mature and responsible at a very young age. Throughout my life, the English language has

always been related to education and success. English is not my first language, and without

knowing English it was difficult for me to acclimate to the new environment I was in.

Throughout my educational experiences, it was hard for me to cope with the American education

system and I was always viewed as the “other” kid. Though my family has always encouraged

me to do my best in school and has always been supportive of me. Growing up in an Asian

household there was the feeling of guilt and shame that comes with failure. This caused

difficulties for me as a child who just wants to fit in both at school and continue to abide by the

social and cultural rules at home. As I grew up and went through new experiences I was hesitant

to express myself fully. I was the kid who used soft voices, gave short responses to questions,

declined help from other people, and avoided eye contact as much as I could. People around me

tend to mistake my facial expressions for displeasure rather than concentration. And the times I

did express myself I was instantly shut down and degraded because of my identity. This was the
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most painful experience in my life. The feeling of not being accepted for who I am and

questioning what was wrong with me every day.

From middle school to high school I learned to cope with these experiences by staying

silent and pretending to be someone I’m not. All I wanted was to fit in and feel that I belong to

the group. I was so caught up with being part of the “group” that I was losing my own identity.

Reflecting on my experiences now, I hated the idea of easily normalizing children to be able to

assimilate into an environment that can potentially harm them mentally or physically. I was so

used to being treated as the minority growing up that the racism and the microaggression I

received from people every day were normal. Growing up I did not understand what it meant to

be included, it was hard to navigate these differences, and was occasionally painful and difficult

to fully understand what it meant not to be accepted. I am grateful to have my family and friends

who were there to support me in any shape or form. Learning that my identity has a huge impact

on how I live my life now and how I present myself within my personal and professional

settings, becoming more empathetic and understanding of others. This experience hugely

impacted my awareness of what it means to be a minority.

Within my personal experience, Kim’s Asian American Identity Development Model

definitely puts an emphasis on the “social and psychological consequences” of being racially

minoritized in the U.S. (Patton et. al., 2016). This model definitely has stuck with me as I reflect

on my traumatic experiences. The model described how the nature of racism seems almost

invisible, acknowledging that Asian Americans “consciously work to unlearn and challenge the

negative message and stereotypes they adopted into'' (Patton et. al., 2016). It identifies a number

of stages within the identity development of the model minority. Between adolescence and

adulthood, we move to understand and figure out, “well, am I white? I’m clearly not Black..”,
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and “where do I belong?”. As I entered college I found that this development has an awakening

moment. By being in a diverse environment I see myself resonating with a group of people

similar to myself, this was the sense of belonging I’ve always wanted. This is a sense of

redirection from the negative and traumatic experience I had growing up, it’s an impactful and

important moment in my life.

Being a First Generation college student has led me to the decision to pursue a master’s

degree in Higher Education, it has become the most important identity I carry throughout my

life. As I embark on my educational journey I have become aware of my goal, using my degree

to become rooted in student access and success. Believing that education is the most important

tool for anyone to grow and learn, acquiring the necessary knowledge to be the best version of

themselves. Growing up in a single immigrant-parent household I was always reminded that

having purpose is the key to enabling anyone in the world to do anything they aspire to do. This

gave me the power to work harder, strive further, and find meaning in whatever I do.

As I reflect on my experiences and identity, getting my degree was one of the key

motivations in proving myself to those who did not believe in my ability. My drive and

motivation come from my sincere dedication to those student minorities who experience neglect

and ignorance, allowing them to experience success and access to the education they deserve.

Being a first-generation student I did not know higher education existed as a field, and despite

this, it had the most impact on my college experience due to the empathy and compassion within

those who served and believed in my capabilities. Conversations with mentors, family/friends,

and colleagues, as well as a lot of self-reflection, I had a better understanding of how my identity

shapes how I lead. It shaped how easily I can relate to those who are different from myself and

how easily we can all work together to achieve our common goals.
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During my undergraduate career at the University of Merced, I have been privileged to be

part of a program that supports low-income first-generation college students. I was part of the

Fiat-Lux Scholars Program which provides personal and professional support for students

throughout their college careers. They serve to provide students with opportunities and

co-curricular experiences which enhance knowledge within their academic and personal growth

and support advocacy for students while offering access to university resources. As a scholar,

this program had the largest impact on my college experience, not only did this program support

me financially but also it helped me overcome barriers and celebrated my academic milestones

as a first-generation student. Through this program, I felt a sense of belonging that fosters my

experience as a student. I’ve connected with the greatest mentors, friends, and colleagues that

will forever be part of my life.

Ever since I was a young child I was always dealt with my shyness. It made me feel

uncomfortable, nervous, and self-conscious. I would try to isolate myself in any circumstance,

large or small. I was not the person that someone could easily talk to. As I went through my

Freshman year of college, I definitely gained more confidence in talking to people and going out

of my comfort zone, but it wasn’t enough for me. I spoke to my counselors from the Fiat–Lux

program about my goal to overcome my shyness. They suggested that I should apply for a

position in the program and become a student staff. They mentioned how it can be a way for me

to develop my communication skills and stray away from my shyness. And that is exactly what I

did while being part of the Fiat-Lux Program, I had the opportunity to be part of the student staff.

This experience was the most impactful for my higher education career.

Being at UC Merced I had an opportunity to enhance my understanding of higher

education through my coursework and my involvement with on-campus programs and

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organizations. What I figured out was that listening is the key to becoming a great leader. As I

quickly learned that higher education is a career that could potentially be an outlet for me

wanting to strive to practice compassion and empathy. I truly believed that there isn’t a more

rewarding career than one that allows you to help others. Within my student positions and

involvement on campus, I was able to be exposed to a diverse environment which was an

instrument in shaping my worldviews and values. My own cultural competency is built on a

lifetime of experiences as an immigrant myself. I hope to continue to preach about promoting

resilience and minimizing barriers to degree attainment for all students.

As I continue my educational journey I’ve gained formal and informal experiences such

as assisting in managing an on-campus community that recognizes and embraces the identities,

values, and beliefs of all students. I guide my work with the intersectionality framework, which

examines the complexities of lived experiences that move beyond the relationship between one’s

identity and the intersection system of inequality (Patton et. al., 2016). It recognizes the

intersection of students' race, ethnicity, gender, and lived experiences. Understanding that all

people possess multiple intersecting identities can create overlapping systems of oppression

which can deprive student development (Patton et. al., 2016). When engaging with students and

colleagues, having an intersectional mindset requires us to fully engage in critical reflection and

understand the importance of taking action in removing barriers that can potentially obstruct

student development. This allows students to be able to demonstrate their full capabilities and

authentic self. From my personal experience and research, many institutions fail to actively

support underrepresented students through a lack of resources and physical space. The idea of

Critical Race Theory emerges within intersectionality and is essential to address in response to

the prejudices and discrimination that the student minority faces every day.
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Through my undergraduate career at UC Merced, I had the opportunity to work for the

Office of Equity, Diversity, and Inclusion which also shaped why I am especially interested in

pursuing my career in higher education. I was influenced by the environment where I learned

how intentional programs/initiatives are created and the importance of collaborative partnerships,

research, and policy development are crucial in supporting all students. Working with leaders on

campus I’ve realized how these dialogues and conversations are especially rooted within the

campus climate. Collaborating with other campus departments to develop quality programming

that promotes resilience, life skills, and interpersonal development, was a step for me in taking

an active role in the increase of academic retention and outreach programs targeting students

from underrepresented groups. During my time at UC Merced, I served as a mentor to empower

and supper students by providing social and professional guidance, while advocating for the

interests of the scholars. I strive to create an open, safe space in which students feel free to

express different ideas, opinions, and worldviews. I know that when it comes to learning how to

best support others and advocate social justice in higher education, I’m engaging in a personal

and professional process that won’t end. I was able to help students through their

personal/academic challenges and identity development, while still moving through my own

development.

Erikson’s Identity Development Theory described eight stages of development in which

an individual's combinations of experience, beliefs, and values accompanied by a crisis shapes

their perceptions of self which develops over a lifespan (Patton et. al., 2016). He suggested that

this sense of identity plays a critical role in the development and continuity of one’s life (Patton

et. al., 2016). College students experience the transition of stages from adolescence to young

adulthood, this development pushes a person to define themselves (Patton et. al., 2016). This
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development includes becoming independent, experiencing the complexities of life, and

discovering who they really are (Patton et. al., 2016). Through the stage of adulthood, we work

to determine healthy relationships that foster our identity (Patton et. al., 2016). This psychosocial

development connects to career development in relation to sense of purpose, identity, and

career/occupational decisions. I see this in myself and the students I serve, we are all

continuously mentally and physically developing. From my younger self to now, the

development that happened shaped my identity and who I am today. Seeing the “crisis” as a

positive influence in my life, helped me identify my goals and aspirations. As a higher education

professional, it’s important to be aware of every student's lived experiences and listen to their

stories. Without my mentors who listened to my story, guided me through the barriers, and

encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone I would not be the person I am today. Becoming

involved in this field means facing the challenges of working with a population that needs the

most support. Helping others who went through the same struggles I had gone through. My goal

is to be at a point in my life where I can now give back, believing that every student deserves

access to an education that allows them to develop the best versions of themselves.

As I entered college, many people warned me about how fast four years of school goes

by. I didn't really believe it until I experienced it myself. Being a senior in college seemed

impossible. I look back at the long-time friends I made, the long hours I’ve spent studying, the

spontaneous adventures I’ve gone through, the challenges and barriers I’ve overcome, the

mentors I’ve met, and the experiences I’ve been privileged to have. It all seems like a sped-up

blur, four years is much shorter than I thought it would be. And with those four years, I’ve

changed and developed, granted that I'm completely a different person than when I started

college. In full transparency, my senior year was filled with panic at how quickly my life was
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slipping away, and with the pressure of finding a career soon after graduation, I was stressed. I

wasn’t sure if I really truly wanted to further my education and apply for schools again or if

should I enter the working field and consider going back to school years later. The big question

was, what did I want to do? Where do I want to go? But I did know one thing, I wanted to

continue to become a higher education practitioner and find work that connects and aligns with

my core values.

Being accepted into the Higher Education Administration Leadership Masters Program at

Fresno State was a step closer to my goals and aspirations. Applying to HEAL and meeting the

faculty was the best decision I’ve made for myself. I’ve connected not only with program values

and missions but also with those people in the program. I was privileged to continue my

education and pursue a degree where I get to understand my own values that enables me to create

a positive change through my graduate work. As I embark on my journey as a higher education

professional, I’m able to expand my social justice lens and be aware of my privilege and power

learning to continuously acknowledge and understand myself and others.

Being a grad student and working as a graduate assistant at the department of education

leadership at Fresno State, I have the opportunity to apply my knowledge in practical situations

while learning directly from my faculty and my colleagues. Throughout my time as a graduate

student so far, I’m continuously learning my own cultural competencies that will forever

develop. I am committed to student success and access, continuing to be mindful of those I serve.

I hope that I can give students the positive experience I have been privileged to receive during

my time in college. Hoping to take the lessons I’ve learned and those I will learn in the future

and apply them to my work in hopes to improve the college experience for many future

generations going forward.

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References

Patton, L. D., Renn, K. A., Guido, F. M., Quaye, S. J., & Evans, N. J., (2016). Student

development in college: Theory, research, and Practice (3rd Ed.). Jossey-Bass.