Lesson 9: Personal Relationships

Teenage Relationships:
● Parents and Family
You go home to your respective families and relate to your parents, siblings, and other family
members. Parents and family are integral part of your lives. The level of closeness to, support of,
and communication with family can have an impact to your future romantic relationships. You likely
emulate and imbibe the behaviours and attitudes of your parents and family toward conflicts,
finances, intimacy and commitment.

● Friendship and Peers

Outside of family, you also relate to your friends and peers, some of whom you may have known
since childhood. Some of them may have established or formed new friendships with you in high
school. Good friends can be your stronghold and support of information related to physical and
emotional changes during this stage of development. Healthy friendships can be a strong
foundation for your journey toward adulthood. They help you learn varied social and emotional
skills including how to get along with others, particularly the opposite gender.

● Romantic Relationships
This is relating with the element and taste of romance. Romance is a “pleasurable feeling based on
attraction to another person.” It is part of the major developmental milestone that involves the
physical, social, and emotional aspects of a person, partly characterized by his/her interest and
desire for independence, space, and privacy. There is no definite age as to when individuals begin
relating. It starts in the womb between the unborn baby and the mother and goes on for life.

Nonetheless, the average when a person begins having relationships are as follows:
⮚ 9 – 11 years old - Starts to show independence and spend more time with friends and
family.
⮚ 10 – 14 years old - Spends more time in mixed gender groups which can end up in romantic
relationships.
⮚ 15 – 19 years old - Romantic relationships can become central to social life. Friendships
may become deeper and more stable.

● Casual Relationship
This is a type of relationship without a real and defined sense of seriousness and commitment.
Casual may mean non-committal. Depth and intensity are not part of this kind of relationship. For
adolescents this is a passing experience and may not have a strong to look back to. In fact, at times
this pertains to casual sexual activity that some adolescents engage in.

The Dynamics of Attraction, Love, and Commitment:

● Attraction
When you are attracted to something or someone, your interest is heightened. An invisible force
brings you closer to that which causes you to be interested. You ask, "What is in the person" that
draws you closer to him/her. They say attraction is a gift to man. There is no reason to be with
another person if you are not attracted in any way to him/her. Every single second, minute, or hour
spent with him/her can be a struggle if you are not attracted to him/her. However, when you are
interested or attracted, every part of you wants to be closer to the person. So you inch your way
closer to be able to find out even more and to fill in the gaps and satisfy the curiosity growing inside
you.

Attraction refers to the "act, process, or power of attracting and evoking interest, pleasure, or liking
for someone" (Merriam-Webster). During adolescence, attraction is strong among friends when
they have common interests and desires. The following are forms of attraction:
⮚ Crush. An adolescent may be attracted to another person, and such attraction may be
labelled as a crush. Emulating the observed admirable qualities of the person can be
considered an identity crush. Another form of crush can be romantic or intense infatuation
for someone. One may have the desire to be with the person and to experience escalating
thrill and "magic" of the moment however short-lived it may be.
⮚ Courtship. This includes stages in the romantic relationship whereby one gets to know
more about the other person in an exclusive manner through dating. Some go dating to
simply be with each other. But an article on The Difference between Dating and Courtship
(2014) states that those individuals who date with the goal of considering marriage call it
courtship.

Thus, those who may want to continue from simple dating as friends may spend longer time to get
to know the other person. It can be noted that many healthy and lasting relationships are based on
a strong foundation of true friendship established from the very beginning of the courtship. "Going
steady" is a stage where two individuals officially decide to deepen their relationship by levelling up
their commitment through higher exclusivity. An adolescent should, thus, be informed that
engaging in an exclusive relationship is a preparation for marriage. To do trial and error of getting
into one relationship to another to explore the "best partner" may not help in the search for a
perfect mate for marriage (Wolfe, 2016). married.

● Love
You can easily declare that you are in love. Being in love, for most people, may mean being very
happy, or being on cloud nine, or living in a dream land. You may either hardly move your pen to
answer some school activities or hear the knock of your mother on the door. You simply look up,
smile, and perhaps for you, that is love.
But love is deeper than this feeling. Psychologist Zick Rubin identifies three components of love,
namely, attachment, caring, and intimacy. Attachment refers to the desire for the presence of the
other person, which includes emotional support. Caring, on the other hand, refers to the concern
for the other person's well-being; while intimacy is the desire for privacy, closeness, and
communication.

● Commitment
In Steinberg's Triangular Theory of Love, he mentions three components such as passion, intimacy,
and commitment. Commitment, for Sternberg, is a cognitive process. It happens in the mind and is
a conscious effort or decision to love another person. Commitment helps maintain and sustain
relationships despite varied challenges. You commit to stay with the person as promised or even
vowed in marriage.
Lesson 10: Social Relationships in Middle and Late Adolescence

Various Roles of Individuals in the Society:

⮚ Status refers to the position that an individual is expected to hold in a group or community.
Status can be both ascribed or inherited and achieved or acquired. Ascribed or inherited status
comes by virtue of birth such as age, gender, family background, and ethnicity.
⮚ Role pertains to the behaviour that is expected from a person holding such status.
Based on the different statuses of individuals in the society, various roles can be identified in the
articles on Family Roles. These connect with other functions in Philippine society.

A. Family
o Father
In the past, the father was recognized as the breadwinner. He is also expected to be the
leader and authority figure in the family. However, the role of the father has changed over
time. Today, some fathers stay at home to take care of the children and do the household
chores, while the mother works. The father also nurtures and disciplines the children
together with the mother.
o Mother
The mother's primary role is to take care of and nurture her husband and children in the
house. However, with the changing roles of parents in the society, some mothers now work
outside the home and serve as leaders and authority figures in the family together with the
father or, in certain instances, as single parents.
o Children
Children are basically expected to perform tasks at home. They are also expected to go to
school, graduate, and help their siblings. Children may be engaged in varied roles especially
adolescents like you who may be involved with either community or school organizations
and many more.

B. Community
o Church leaders. Are expected to lead the faithful and the entire congregation in church
services and other outreach and faith-related activities.
o Government officials. Government officials are expected to perform their roles and
responsibilities and abide by the code of ethics for government service.
o Professionals (teachers, bankers, doctors, lawyers, engineers, IT practitioners, etc.).
Professionals have their own specific roles and functions in the community defined by
their training in school, internship, and professions. Some of these professions require
licensing to establish full authority, trust, and credibility in their respective fields of
work.
o Skilled workers (mechanics, craftsmen, electricians, bakers, etc.). Skilled workers are
highly needed in the community since their respective specialized skills are exclusive.
They gain more authority and credibility if they are licensed (e.g., TESDA certification).
o Youth leaders. Youth leaders are expected to lead young people and initiate activities
that may motivate and drive young people to be productive in society.
o Youth organization members. Being members of youth organizations, young people are
expected to follow their leaders. They perform specific functions in the organization
that may develop or enhance their skills. They discover more of themselves along the
way, including other things they could do to meet the needs of the organization.
Social Influence:
1. Conformity when adolescents change their behaviour to be like others. One example of this
is when they seek approval form others to feel that they belong. The challenge to this is
that they can go as far as changing their beliefs and value system to fit with peers or
well-admired superiors.
2. Compliance is when, for example, senior high school students do what they are asked to do
such as joining student organizations in school or outreach programs in the community. At
times, there can be temptations not to comply, but they will be reminded of the
consequences or disadvantages of not joining or involving themselves in such types of
activities.
3. Obedience is when adolescents submit themselves to authorities in the home, school, and
community. Adolescents may feel restricted to some extent, but they are confronted with
the pressing demand to obey. Between compliance and obedience, it is the latter that
adolescents may have no choice but to do it.

⮚ Group Leadership:
A leader is expected to lead others. One can stand out as a leader in a group. According to John
Maxwell in his book, 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leaderships, “The true measure of leadership is
influence – nothing more nothing less.”. He further explains that if a leader “lacks the ability to
influence, leading is nearly impossible.”

The strength of influence carried by the leader is a product of varied skills. Some of the major ones
are the following:
● General background of leadership
● Knowledge of job description and standards of evaluating work performance
● Knowledge of self and self-envisioning
● Formulating vision and mission of the team
● Conflict resolution and management
● Planning, leading, organizing, and consulting (PLOC)
● Mentoring and coaching
● Human relations and customer service
● Power-dressing
● Communication skills
● Stress management

⮚ Followership
Refers to a one’s ability to take directions and to deliver what is instructed of him/her. IT also refers
to a role held by an individual who involves himself/herself in any group or organization. The
success of a leader is caused by followers who commit themselves toward accomplishing the goals
set by them. Thus, the study of followership is closely associated with leadership.

A lot of times, being a follower is not likeable or easy since what is mostly appreciated is the leader
and his/her success. However, behind a successful leader are followers are followers who are
trained for high-quality performance, value commitment, and aim for success.

FOUR MAIN QUALITIES OF EFFECTIVE FOLLOWERS:

● Self-Management – this involves the followers’ ability to critically think, control, and work
independently.
 ● Commitment – This is a quality of followers who stick to the goals or thrusts of the group or
team.
● Competence – this refers to the essential skills and aptitudes of followers that allow them
to perform their duties and responsibilities as well as to improve and upgrade themselves
continually through higher education, training, seminars, and workshops.
● Courage – this refers to the followers’ ability to stand their ground, unbent by ethical
practices of some corrupt leaders or superiors. They are honest and loyal. They properly
assert themselves to their leaders and colleagues when values are questioned and
challenged.

Comparison between Self-Perception and Other’s perception:

Perception start with senses. As one looks at an image of a person approaching him/her, he/she is
using his/her visual sense. The moment there is recognition of that approaching person, perception
takes place. Perception happens when there is awareness and identification of the person. Thus in
psychology, sensation and perception go together.

Self-perception relates with how one perceives oneself. While there is a way of perceiving oneself,
others may be perceiving us in other ways. Our perception of ourselves affects how we behave.

Similarly, others’ perception of us, say, parents believing in the capacities of their adolescents, may
build up and provide motivation for adolescents to strive harder and be better person.