T R ANSFOR MED MEN SER IES

MAN AND
FAMILY –
Preparation for
Family Life
Harrison Mahinda BBAM, BD, MPsy, MaLD (Ongoing)
 Introduction
Harrison Mahinda is the Director and Lead Trainer at Hamory Solutions Ltd. He has
also served as the Project Manager at SIM (Serving in Mission) International for the
Bible – Based Response to COVID-19 Project 2020-2023. Harrison Serves as an
Ordained Elder and an Evangelist at PCEA Kahawa Sukari

Prior to this, he served as the Programs Administrator at St Paul’s University – SPILL –

LDC (Institute of Leadership and Lifelong Learning) with the role of developing
programs, organizing trainings and documentation of programs activities and
disseminating of the programs to potential target groups.

He is a Certified Trainer of Trainers by St Paul’s University, an Adjunct Lecturer and an

Associate Counselor by the Kenya Counselling & Psychological Association
(KCPA/5542/19)

He is the developer and author of the Transformed Men Series Manual which was
Harrison K Mahinda
adopted by PCMF as a mentorship tool across the PCEA Church. He has also authored
the Peer Educators Toolkit for Compassion International.
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 WORDS TO REMEMBER

You can't build a great

building on a weak
foundation..

Gordon B. Hinckley

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Presentation Outline
TOPICS TO TACKLE

• Introduction
• God and Family
• Research on emerging concerns
• Journey to a marriage life
• Tips for a successful marriage
• The role of a man in a marriage
•Conclusion

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Introduction

✓ We all belong to a family

✓ Family is God given
✓ Jesus (in his human nature) was born and raised
up in a family and he parents played the role of
parenting (Luke 2:52 shows he was holistic)

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 ✓ There is a lot of outcry today.
Todays Family
✓ Numerous family challenges, lawlessness among
children, crime, irresponsibility
✓ Society has gone berserk; the crime rate is soaring
at an alarming rate, high acts of terrorism, rape and
defilement, human trafficking, drug trafficking and
homicide cases just to mention but a few

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 General Statistics

From Research According to various statistics, the increase in social upheavals can largely
be attributed to fathers’ absenteeism in a family set-up.

In America

Former US President George Washington Bush stated that fatherlessness

has emerged as one of the greatest social problems..

Here in Kenya

Former president Uhuru Kenyatta expressed his concern over the rising
cases of single parenthood terming it a threat to our traditional values and
the family.

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 Here in Kenya

From Research The former head of state went on to highlight the dangers associated with
single-parenthood-led families adding that if unchecked, the trend would
destroy the fundamental character of Kenya and cause untold harm to
our children.

The 2019 National census depicted a gloomy trajectory where families

headed by a single parent rose from 25.1 per cent in 2009 to 38. 2 per cent
in 2019. In most cases, the single parents are usually mothers.

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 Here in Kenya
Kenya Demographic
& According to the Kenya Demographic & Health Survey 2022 Nationally,
53% of children under age 18 live with both parents. Even with both
Health Survey 2022 parents still alive, 11% of children do not live with any of their parents,
while 23% live with their mothers as their fathers live elsewhere.

Fifty-nine percent of children living in urban areas live with both their
parents compared with 50% in rural areas

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 53%
children under age 18 live with both
parents

23%
live with their mothers as their fathers
live elsewhere
 Here in Kenya

University of Nairobi According to a report by Ndirangu Ngunjiri, a PHD student at the

University of Nairobi on Kenyan Prisons and police stations found that 46
per cent of inmates were fatherless, 60 per cent of juvenile inmates come
from fatherless homes and 90 per cent of convicted rapists come from
fatherless homes.

The research was carried out between April and September 2019.

The impact of absent fathers has heavily contributed to dysfunctional

childhood leading to delinquency.

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Findings from the Research

CASE ONE

For instance, in the case of Joseph Juma Odhiambo aka Yusuf, one of the three terror convicts
who escaped from Kamiti Maximum Prison fell into delinquency after his father rejected him
thus seeking solace and belonging in the wrong company.

CASE TWO

Victor Odede Bwire saw in Elgiva Bwire his cousin who was also convicted for terrorist activities,
a father figure and a role model he could emulate.

Elgiva inspired him to join a terror outfit and he was planning to attack the KICC building before
he was nabbed. He is currently serving a twenty-year sentence on terrorism charges.

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As a result…

Father’s absenteeism is present everywhere. Traditionally, it is expected that men will take
leadership in various spheres.

The very presence of a father embodies authority conveyed through his daily involvement in
family life.

However, women have taken over the leadership mantle in most places like churches, school
events, hospital visits and residential meetings by men being absent.

The result of father absenteeism can be seen and experienced through high levels of
indiscipline, immorality and psychopathological behavior among children.

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Factors that contribute to a fatherless generation:

CHANGES IN ATTITUDES TO MARRIAGE

✓ While some aspects of the ‘revolution’ in our approach to marriage and the family have
been good, is it possible that something good from the past has been lost.
✓ The aspect of individualism, equality (women empowerment), drugs and substance abuse
leading to separations, homosexuality, funding
✓ The world has also attempted to convince women that there is no need for a man/ he
comes last, the ladies today know they can get a child even without a man, others why they
should even get children. Young men thinking the same and taking vasectomy
Factors that contribute to a fatherless generation:

PROMOTION OF PREMARITAL SEX

✓ Lately, there is a growing trend where young men are involving themselves in irresponsible
sexual behaviors resulting in unplanned pregnancies.
✓ Married men having affairs outside their marriages
✓ Mostly, these men do not commit to bringing up the children in a family set-up where both
parents are actively present.
✓ They are proudly calling themselves ‘Baby daddies’ without putting into consideration the
impact it has on the psychological development and upbringing of these children.
What Should we
do?
We have to re-write this narrative
 The Journey …
Stages leading towards marriage

Infatuation Initiation Dating Courtship Marriage

Stage where individuals are Take steps to express Spending time together as At this stage, discuss long We believe in a marriage
drawn to each other interest or initiate contact you explore compatibility term goals, shared values initiated through a
and shared interest and decision to build a life wedding .
together

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Tips for getting it right from the word go…

Be Cautious on your relationship(s) Consider the background.

Do not commit too fast. Take time, get to know the person Appreciate that you come from different places and
without being suggestive backgrounds. Discuss the differences in your ideologies and
upbringing and accept each other’s’ views.

Have an accountability friend/ mentor Clarify commonness of vision .

Share your relationship with a trusted person. Allow them Clarify if you and your future spouse are completely
to give you their feedback. compatible in every aspect of your personalities, habits,
- Love is blind viewpoints, and goals
When it comes to dating…

Commitment Stage .

Best practices when dating include active

If you are convinced, you can commit
listening, genuine communication,
to the relationship. Beware not to be
respecting boundaries, and being
pushed to it. Let it be an inner
authentic. Understand her values and
conviction
goals, build trust, and cultivate a strong .Set boundaries and keep them
friendship as the foundation of the
You can introduce he to close family
relationship. Also, be open to compromise
and friends for accountability
and mutual growth
Courtship…
Courtship is the stage when you fully
agree to move on together.
Use this time to discuss arrangements for
your wedding
But also consider discussing about your
marriage and family life
It’s good to thoroughly discuss your
expectations AS EARLY AS
POSSIBLE before you’re actually
married so you can prepare for what
.lies ahead. By talking about these
things early on, you avoid the
problem of misunderstandings and
misconceptions later on.
 Biggest Relationships
Misconceptions

You need a Road Test My partner will change after I can maintain the same lifestyle
marriage

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Role of a Man in Marriage
1.Role of a man as a priest

He represents his wife and children to God. He spends time in prayer each
day remembering the needs and concerns of his wife.

2. Role of a man as a leader

A father is a figure of authority. Talk with your children about what is

right and wrong, what it means to stand up for others, and how to handle
adverse situations.
3. Role of a Man as a Mentor

Fathers have the greatest opportunity to influence their child by what

they say and do rather than by what they say the child should do. In other
words, actions speak louder than words. Fathers should model what they
want the child to enjoy.

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For Transformed Men Series

Thank you!

Contact us: Harrison K Mahinda – 0720 774956/ 0734 489 172