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A Rose in Bloom

Alyssa Hart
©All rights reserved.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination
or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No part of the book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying,
recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

2017 © Published by Allysa Hart.

Hart, Allysa
A Rose In Bloom

Cover Art by Allysa Hart at Allycat’s Creations

This book is intended for adults only. Spanking and other sexual activities represented in this book are fantasies only, intended for adults.
Nothing in this book should be interpreted as the author's advocating any non-consensual spanking/sexual activity or the spanking of
minors.
 Dedication

This book is dedicated to all of my author friends. I have been amazed how much love and support can be found in this community.
You have welcomed me with open arms. You have encouraged me, taught me, loved me, and pushed me to be a better writer. You have
not been afraid to critique me and guide me and I am so thankful for each and every one of you.
I want to say a special THANK YOU to Maren Smith and Rayanna Jamison:
Maren, you scooped me up and encouraged me from the moment you found out I was an aspiring author. Thank you for always
being willing to answer my questions. Thank you for the grammar lessons and thank you for all of your help with edits.
Rayanna, you have become a true mentor to me. When I am crying because I think my story is horrific, you are never too busy to
“take a look.” Day to day you are my go to person on all things “authory” and I would be lost without you. Thank you for your hours and
hours of dedication to me and these stories. They would not be the same without all of your “helpful” comments.
Thank you for putting up with me.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Epilogue
Adopting Katie
Meet Allysa Hart and Allycat’s Creations!
 Prologue

Rose sat at the edge of the exam table garbed in a hospital gown. Her feet swung back and forth
while she hugged herself with one arm and chewed on the thumbnail of the opposite hand. Her eyes
stayed glued to the door awaiting the news. After months and months of trying to get pregnant with
medical help, she should be used to this by now, but she wasn't. Each time she told herself it was her
turn. Each time she hugged the little human that she imagined was taking root in her belly. And each
time she left with another gaping hole in her heart. Every visit ended with her having to acknowledge
the defeat in her husband's face. He wanted so desperately to have a child, but her body was broken.
He was saddled with a woman that could not fulfill his dreams of being a father. She could sense
them growing apart. He wasn't interested in her at all anymore. If he had been paying any attention, he
would have seen that she needed him to take command. Not sure if she could handle any more of these
visits, she wished he would put an end to it all. She did everything she could to serve him, to be the
perfect submissive, but carrying his child was all that mattered. Of course, he had never said any of
that to her, but she knew her husband. He was unhappy, and it was her fault.
A knock on the door signaled the doctor’s arrival. Her always attentive husband was by her side
before the door opened. How could she feel like he didn’t pay attention? Maybe he was as lost as she
was and she was selfish with her thoughts. One look at the doctor’s face and her hopes were dashed.
It was the same answer each time. Her body did not take the egg. Closing her eyes, all she could do
was squeeze Keith’s hand and pray that something would change. She could not go on this way. It was
slowly killing them both.
 Chapter One

Swinging the racquet hard, Keith created a punishing speed for himself as he chased the ball
around the court. His go-to for stress relief had always been racquetball. Something about the racquet
swishing through the air, connecting with the ball, and sending it sailing into the walls was
therapeutic, but even his favorite pastime was doing nothing to calm his nerves. Instead of the
methodical sound of the blue rubber ball calming his thoughts, it felt like each reverberation was
bouncing around in his brain. In his mental state, he didn’t even notice that his opponent had stopped
playing and was standing out of his way until the ball finally got past him and was caught in the hands
of the older man.
Jared, Keith’s friend and mentor, crossed his arms and raised a single eyebrow in silent question.
“Don’t look at me like that. I am not one of your subbies.”
The older man shrugged, looking completely unaffected by Keith's comment. “You’re right; you
aren’t my type. What’s going on? “
Keith ignored the question in favor of quenching his thirst. “We done? Or do you wanna go another
round?”
“Well, you played that last one alone, so you tell me?”
Keith sighed rubbing the back of his neck. He didn’t want to talk, but it would probably help, and
if he knew Jared, the man’s intuition had already seen through the precarious hold he had on his
nerves. He was so damn tired. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, he felt like the life had been
sucked out of him. He was distracted all the time and everything he ever held dear was slipping
through his fingers. Deciding the time had come to confide in his old friend, he dropped onto one of
the wooden benches and took a deep breath. “Rose and I have been trying to get pregnant. It hasn’t
exactly been a pleasant endeavor.”
“Then you’re doing it wrong,” Jared interjected with a wry smile.
Keith leveled him with a grim and unamused smirk. “We are not doing it wrong, dirty old man. My
woman is plenty satisfied, thank you very much. I meant that month after month of negative pregnancy
tests has been stressful. She's on edge. I'm on edge. It’s awful. Not to mention all of the money we've
poured into fertility treatments. I want a family as much as she does, but something's gotta give. I feel
like I’m losing her.” He slumped his shoulders in defeat. It was just too much weight, too much
pressure in their relationship.
“What are you going to do?” Jared was a lawyer; he would lead the conversation in a way that
forced Keith to come to his own conclusions. The man had his opinions, but he refused to push them
on anyone unless he was expressly asked to.
“That’s just it. I don’t know. The only thing I know for certain is that we can't keep going on like
this. The doctors aren't optimistic that anything will help us to conceive. We've talked about having a
family since we started our relationship and now that looks like an impossibility. I’m at a complete
loss on how to approach Rose. She is so … lost.”
“What are your instincts telling you to do?”
“I want to protect her from any more heartache, and the only way to do that is to put my foot down
and say we're done. Maybe we try again in a year or two, but as of right now, I think we need to put
this aside.”
“So, what’s stopping you from telling her that?”
His matter-of-fact tone made Keith want to punch him, but Jared's words were carefully chosen
and with purpose. The most frustrating part for Keith was that he had no answer. The only thing
stopping him was his fear of hurting his fragile wife, but he was more worried about what would
happen if this behavior continued.
“You are the head of your household, right?” Jared’s knowing look told Keith he knew the answer
already.
Keith was a Dom, he had learned this about himself very early on and had sought out a mentor.
After a visit to a local kink club, he connected with Jared and began his journey. Taking charge of his
life and the woman he loved was second nature due to his innate need to lead and protect. It was also
a large part of the reason he had joined the police force. After years of Keith playing with different
subs, Jared introduced him to Rose. The younger man had been skeptical at first. She was beautiful,
confident, and the most submissive creature he had ever been given the honor to meet. The woman
was too good to be true and it took him months of dating her to realize that she was exactly what she
appeared to be—perfect.
Dates led to playing together and then to him disciplining her for an incident over a wine glass.
With her bottom bright red, and tears in her eyes, he had gotten down on one knee and proposed. That
was five years ago.
“She trusts you to be strong enough to make the hard decisions. She needs that from you. Are you
strong enough? Do you have the courage to stand up and say no more? Do you have sufficient faith in
your relationship to do that?”
“Of course, I have faith. It’s just not that easy.” The urge to slug the old geezer grew in spades.
“Do you have her best interests at heart?”
“You know I do.”
“So does she. She knows that you won’t let her down and that you always try to do what's best for
her. She trusts you.”
Keith took a deep breath. He knew Jared was right, and maybe it was the exhaustion, but he was at
a loss on how to regain control of his position in their family. At the moment, it seemed like an
overwhelming and insurmountable task. “I would be open to any suggestions you may have.”
“When is the last time you two went on a vacation?” Crossing his arms, Jared leaned against the
wall and waited for the response.
“Two years ago, we went to New York City, but the whole trip was a mess. Our flight was
delayed due to crappy weather, then we both got sick and had to come home early.”
“You need to get away. Reconnect. Re-establish your love and roles for each other. Press the reset
button and have a do-over. Have you heard of Rawhide Ranch in Montana? It’s an exclusive BDSM
resort, and it's owned by a close friend of mine. He can get you past the extensive waiting list and
push you through the vetting process. He owes me a favor.” Jared winked. He had a way of collecting
favors from people.
 “It might be exactly what we need to get us out of this. Make the call and I will talk to Rosie about
it when I get home.”
“You’re a good man, a good Dom, and a good husband, and you have a good woman by your side.
Don’t let anything get in the way of that.”
“Thanks, old man.”
“Watch it, young gun. This old man can still kick your ass. One more game, that is, unless you're
tired.”
"You're on, Gramps."
Even though he still had a lot to think about, Keith felt lighter. Talking to his friend had helped
immensely. The ideas he had been mulling over were finally clarified and he was ready to take back
his life. He just prayed Jared's observations were correct and his little wife would know that his
heart was in the right place.
Sweaty and tired from his extensive workout, Keith dragged himself home. Entering through the
garage, he was assaulted by the smell of bleach. Prompted by stress, Rose was cleaning again. It was
all she did these days, relentlessly cleaning and organizing their home, trying to bring control to her
out of control world. After tossing his gym bag in the laundry room, he went in search of his wife.
She was on her hands and knees scrubbing the grout of their tiled entryway. Grout, he noted, that
she had scoured the week before. He took a deep breath as he observed her actions. Her hands were
covered in cracked skin from being subjected to harsh cleaning chemicals. Her muscles were tense,
and she sniffled and wiped her face on her sleeve every so often. What she didn’t do was
acknowledge him in any capacity. It was like he wasn’t even there. He didn’t try to stifle his deep
sigh. How had he let things get to this point? He missed the bouncy woman that would greet him with
an excited hug or the sexy vixen who would be waiting for him in tantalizing lingerie that she knew
would not survive the removal process due to his impatience.
He cleared his throat, and Rose halted her actions to look in his direction. Her eyes were puffy
and red from crying, and her face was pale and drawn from lack of sleep. Keith’s stomach clenched at
the sight of this woman he barely recognized. This was his fault. He had failed her. By giving her
space and letting her work through things in her own way, he had inadvertently abandoned her needs
as his wife and his submissive. No more, he thought. This ends today.
Feeling empowered, he was prepared to handle the issue head on, refusing to come home to this
sad sight any longer. “You just cleaned that, Rosie. The house looks wonderful. You have worked
hard, and I appreciate you so much, but you’re done. Put all of the cleaning materials away and don't
touch them again until I say otherwise.”
She sat back on her haunches and stared at him open mouthed.
“Don’t look at me like that. Do as you are told. I'm going to run you a bath, and we're ordering in
for dinner. You and I need to talk.”
Rolling her eyes and shaking her head in disbelief, she ignored his instructions and returned to her
work. “You can’t just walk in here and tell me to stop cleaning. That’s asinine. This floor is filthy.
After this, I need to clean all the baseboards. We might need to get some paint to touch up all of the
scuff marks.”
He accepted the responsibility for her inability to take him seriously, especially after months of
allowing her to push him and get away with so much. He had expected resistance but he was as
stubborn as he was impatient, and her bravado would only last so long before he won.
“Rose, what I said was not a suggestion. Put it all away. We are going to have a long talk tonight
and set some things back to rights. If you don't obey, then we can start with a punishment and then we
will get on with the evening I have planned. It's your choice.” Crossing his arms, he widened his
stance and adopted the authoritative look that typically turned her into his wonderfully obedient little
subbie. She didn’t even glance at him! Keith sighed heavily. He didn't want to punish her, but it
appeared that it was his only option.
“Okay, babe. Just remember that I gave you a chance and you chose to do this the hard way.”
Striding toward her, he scooped her off the ground and threw her over his shoulder.
“Put me down, Keith. I’m not in the mood.”
“For punishment? Neither am I, but I told you what would happen.”
She didn't even try to escape his hold which was not normal behavior and he almost faltered in his
quest to stop and check on her. His wife was strong-willed and a fighter, and she normally wouldn’t
just lay limp during a time like this. He had hoped that she would show some signs of her former self,
but no such luck. He was going to have to push her harder.
“Okay, you win. I'll put the stuff away or whatever. Just put me down and stop acting like a cave-
man. We aren’t playing tonight.” Her voice sounded bored and he was offended by her blasé attitude.
He stalked all the way to their bedroom. “Playing? No one said anything about playing. I have let
you continue behaving this way for a long time, but it’s over now. I'm your husband and your Dom,
and it's my job to keep you healthy and happy.” Setting her on her feet, he sat on the bed and pulled
her between his knees. “I've failed in my duties to you and I’m sorry. Can you please forgive me?”
Rose stared back at him in disbelief.
He hated that she was so far gone that she didn’t even know how to react. Or maybe that was just
her emotional state? Either way, he needed to follow through. It had been a while since he had
spanked her, so he hoped it wouldn’t take much to bring the necessary tears which would start the
road to healing. “You know how much I love you, right, babe?”
“Of course, I just ... Why now? What brought this sudden change on?”
“I played racquetball with Jared today.”
Her face scrunched up in question. “You play with him every week.”
“The stress was too much to contain today, and he picked up on it. We talked and he brought some
things to light and made me realize I wasn't living up to my role as your Dom. He’s right. So tonight,
that changes, and it starts with you going over my knee. Lose the pants and panties and let’s get this
done.”
Rose’s eyes glistened with tears as she took a step back and slid her shorts and panties over her
quivering bottom. Without bending, she allowed the clothing to slide down her body and puddle
around her feet. “I’m sorry for not obeying. If you just give me another chance, I'll do what you asked.
I promise.”
“I’m sorry too, but we both need this. If you didn’t agree, you would have fought me from the get
go. You need to feel my hand on your bottom. You need it to help you release some of the tension that
is threatening to snap you in half. We both need this to clear the air and start getting our life back.
Come here.”
Rose took a slow step forward and placed herself where he indicated. Grasping her chapped
hands, he cursed under his breath as he swiped his thumbs over the raw skin of her knuckles. “We've
let our attempt to build a family tear apart what we so carefully built together. Tonight, we are going
to get back to where we belong. Do you understand?”
Nodding, the tears spilled from her eyes. “But you wanted to be a daddy. We were going to have a
big family.”
“I want you. Having children would have been wonderful, Rosie, but losing you over this issue
would kill me. Do you understand that? You're not just my wife. You're my world.”
 Chapter Two

Dissolving before him, she threw her arms around his neck and fell completely apart. Closing his
eyes, Keith held her tightly to his body and wished he could absorb all her pain and make it
disappear. Tears tracked down his cheeks as she shook with sobs. But even after a good cry, her
muscles were tight and he knew the only way to relax her was to remove every shred of control she
had left. Steeling himself, he created some distance between them so that he could see her face. He
wiped her tears with his thumbs.
“Go get your cuffs, please.”
Her eyes widened. “But I thought I was going over your knee? That means I don’t need them.”
She was right. He didn't usually bind her when she was put over his knee. His strength was enough
to hold her in place, but the cuffs took her physical and mental control away and would help to fully
immerse her in the submissive mindset.
“You may now also bring your wooden spoon,” he added.
“But you said you were using your hand!”
“Would you like to also add the loop?”
“No, Sir.” She dropped her gaze and finally began to fall in line with what was happening.
“Who is in charge around here? Especially in this room,” he asked.
“You are.”
“That’s right. Do as you were told and be quick about it. I'd like to enjoy some time with you
tonight.” He hated that he sounded so cold, but this punishment was different than any other he had
ever administered. This one was to help them start anew, and it would cleanse them both so they
could begin rebuilding the crumbling structure of their marriage.
Rose shuffled to her armoire and collected the requested items. Returning with the tools, she held
them out to him, but he made no move to receive them.
“How are you supposed to present things to me when you are about to be punished?”
Rose inhaled sharply before gracefully kneeling at his feet. Bowing her head, she held the items up
to him.
“Good girl. Stay right there.” Keith stood and gently secured the leather cuffs around one wrist
before pulling it behind her back and securing the second. He ran his finger underneath to make sure
the hold was not too tight. Repeating the same process on her ankles, he grasped her arm and assisted
her to stand. He could have kicked himself for not having her strip completely, but it was too late for
that. One step at a time, he thought.
Reclaiming his seat on the bed, he firmly guided her across his lap. She hated having her hands
behind her in this position, but the fact that she had to rely on him to hold her in place was a good
exercise in trust. Her helplessness sent a surge of power through his body. He rubbed her bottom,
admiring the milky white skin before him—the perfect canvas that would soon carry a crimson hue.
Disciplining her was not one of his chosen past times, but spanking her was never a hardship. When
she walked around with his marks of love and adoration peppered across her backside, he beamed
with pride.
“When I give you a directive, there's a reason for it. The only response that should pass those
beautiful lips is ‘Yes, Sir.’ I take responsibility for the fact that I have not been holding you
accountable lately, but I did warn you, did I not?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Are you going to be a good girl for me?”
Rose sniffled and nodded, but before he had laid down five hard quick swats, she was answering
him correctly. “Yes, Sir! I’m going to be good.” She hissed and wiggled when the blows stopped and
he returned to the rubbing.
“Oh, this is going to be tough to take if those light swats got that reaction.” He attempted but failed
to keep the smile out of his voice.
“It’s been a while, Sir.” She ground out between clenched teeth.
“I know, but we are going to remedy that. No more passive and permissive domming. I am
reclaiming my place as head of this household.” His voice softened. “I want our life back, Rosie.”
Her body began to melt over his knee. “Me too, but …”
Adding a few more swats, he silenced her argument.
“No ‘buts.’ I was going to save this conversation for later, but I think we should have it now. You
know I want a family, but I refuse to lose you or our relationship in the process. We are going to take
a break from fertility treatments, charting ovulation, and anything else that is associated with
pregnancy. We're going back to being Keith and Rose. Husband and wife. Dominant and submissive.
We're going to reclaim this relationship before there is nothing left to salvage.”
He didn’t wait for her to respond. Rose was a strong independent woman. She had her own
thoughts and opinions and was not afraid to share them when necessary. She loved to submit to her
husband, and he knew she wouldn’t want their relationship any other way, but even if it led to
punishment, she never failed to make herself heard. Her silence was enough to assure him that she
agreed.
His next strikes landed lighter than the first few. Not having been spanked in a while, the skin was
already turning pink. A long steady session would help her to unwind. Harsh discipline would get her
to break to the place she needed to be, which would build her back into the woman he knew and
loved as he held her snugly and securely. He needed to bring her to tears, but that would come later.
He had time—and the spoon.
Rose wiggled on his lap as his hand began to fall harder and harder. Lengthening the time between
swats, he let each settle before laying the next one down. There was no pattern and no cadence. It was
as if each swat existed all on its own with no memory of what came before and no guide as to what
was coming next. The pink transformed, turning to a brilliant shade of red. With that, the wiggling
grew increasingly desperate, but she still didn't voice any objections.
Keith rubbed her back as he picked up the spoon. “This could have been over if you would have
obeyed, my love. But since you didn’t, I’m going to use this spoon to bring some much-needed tears to
the surface. You know this needs to be done for both our sakes.”
Her little whimper made him smile. Spinning the spoon in his hand, he recalled the cruise they had
taken and the circumstances that brought forth that beautiful little sound.
 Rose pouted nearby as Keith was assured that their purchases would be delivered to the cruise
ship. It was early in the day and he didn't want to have to cart the bag with him all over the island.
The little man behind the counter had silently observed the couple's interaction while he went
about his work.
“I suggest you change the attitude, little girl, or we can go back to the ship and you can spend
the rest of the day in our room,” Keith had sternly warned.
“I don’t understand why you’re being such a penny pincher. We brought plenty of money and
those earrings are perfect.”
“We brought plenty, but it's a long cruise and we need to spread out the purchases. I gave you
the chance to get the earrings. You chose the necklace.”
Of course, she had no way of knowing that he had already bought the earrings for her as a
surprise.
“You’re being a butthead.” Her arms were crossed in front of her and her behavior was one of a
petulant teenager, which included a tiny stomp of her foot.
Keith tried to hold back his ire, but it bubbled right beneath the surface of his self-control.
Wanting to get out of the store and get her alone, he turned back to the counter and noticed an
exquisitely worked, hand-carved wooden spoon that had been crafted from a single piece of wood.
He didn’t recall seeing it there before, but when he raised his eyebrow at the cashier, he received a
wink and a knowing nod. Keith smiled at the intuitive shopkeeper as the spoon was slid into the
bag, and decided to keep the bag with him in the event he found a use for the special new toy.
Thanking the man as he paid, Keith led his wayward wife out of the store.
“Do you remember where this little gem came from, Rosie-girl?” Taking that spoon to her bottom
while onboard the ship had been a memorable affair.
“Our honeymoon, Sir.” Her voice was meek, and he knew she had taken the same path down
memory lane.
“That’s right. It's kind of symbolic for us, isn’t it? This spoon signifies new chapters. Do you agree
that we are entering a new chapter in our story?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Me too.”

***

Without warning, the symbolic implement lit a fire to her sit spots, and Rose was unable to keep
her composure. The sting that the smooth wooden bowl evoked was horrendous. She hated it with a
passion, but she was thankful to be over her husband’s knee at that particular moment. She had been
lost, feeling like she had been floating in a sea of nothingness with no one to keep her grounded. She
was tired of treading water, tired of fighting, tired of being strong. Being disciplined gave her the
ability to shed all of that. Keith took charge, and as the spoon lit a painful fire on her bottom, the
tension burned away and exited her body in gut wrenching sobs.
As far as punishments went, this one was tame compared to what she was accustomed to, but it
was exactly what she needed to set her to rights. The crest of her bottom to the tender crease of her
thighs felt as if it were on fire. Collapsing over her husband’s strong knee, she absorbed the pain and
released her pent-up angst. Even with her full submission, the attack on her posterior continued,
flushing the negativity from her system with each smack of the spoon. Before realizing that the
spanking had ceased, she was lifted into her husband's tight hold and laid on the bed where he slowly
released her hands from their bindings and rubbed her shoulders to ease the discomfort. Her feet were
freed, and he stretched out next to her as she cried. Keith had a way of using his body as a human
shield; it was her favorite feeling. With his whole being wrapped around hers, she was safe. She was
loved, and no matter what was going on or where they were, his body was home to her. With this final
thought, she drifted into a blissful slumber.
The sound of a door closing abruptly woke her and she sat up in bed, struggling to gain her
bearings. The room was growing darker as the sun set and she was alone. She wrapped the blanket
tightly around her body to stop her shivering from the rare episode of sub drop which occurred when
her adrenaline peaked and then plunged. Following such an emotional session, she wasn’t surprised
that it had struck her so hard. Thankfully, before the tears returned, Keith was back and armed with
pizza. Setting it on the nightstand, he embraced her.
“Are you okay? I didn’t want to leave you, but you slept for quite a while. I only went to the door
to pay for dinner.” Her nerves settled as he rubbed her back.
The aroma of the pizza floated to her nose and changed her focus from her jumbled thoughts to her
empty stomach. “You ordered out?"
"Yeah. I know it's unheard of in this house, but I wasn't up to cooking."
"Good, I’m hungry,” she bluntly proclaimed.
Keith laughed and flipped the box open. With one hand, he deftly removed a slice of pizza, still
steaming and with cheese drooping over the side. He held it to her lips and urged her to eat. Taking a
tentative bite, she was relieved that it wasn’t hot enough to burn her tongue, and she moaned as the
cheesy goodness penetrated her taste buds.
“Good, huh? Extra cheese, just the way you like it.” Keith took his own bite, and his eyes rolled to
the back of his head. “Oh, God that is good."
The treat was a welcome distraction. Staying wrapped in the blanket meant that Keith had to feed
her, and she didn’t mind it one bit. It was just another way for him to take charge for the evening.
Rose hadn’t realized how much she had missed this. All of it.
With her stomach full, she turned her head away as she was offered another bite. Her man had no
problem finishing it on his own, and the two stayed cuddled together watching reruns of Bewitched on
television. Rose loved the innocence of old television shows. They were pure and entertaining, and
they didn’t force her to think. She did not watch television much, preferring to read, but when she did,
this was her choice.
“After this episode, we are going to take a bath. How's your bottom?”
She wiggled her backside on the mattress, gauging the soreness of the skin. “Not too bad. Maybe
you're losing your touch.”
Keith busted out laughing. “So soon with the sass, my little subbie? Maybe you need more?”
“Mmm, the fun kind maybe.” She scooted closer to him and gave him her best ‘come hither’ look.
“It's all fun.”
“Maybe to you,” she scoffed.
“Oh please, you love every second of it. Don’t kid yourself.”
“I'm not kidding myself. Sometimes you’re mean and I don't like a bit of it.” She crossed her arms
in a pout.
“I wouldn’t have to be mean if you would behave.” It was not often that she earned real discipline,
and usually she didn't handle it well so his teasing helped both feel lighter.
“I hate when you say that. Maybe I would behave better if you weren’t so bossy and demanding.”
He squeezed her tightly. “I missed this.”
 “Me too. Thank you for pulling your head out of your ass.” The sass continued although she
questioned how far she should push—not that she was worried about going over his knee again.
“Hey, watch it. You’re dangerously close to stepping over a line.” His eyebrows rose in warning.
Rose buried her face in the blanket and giggled. “Sorry.”
“I’m sure you are. Haven’t you tasted enough soap to knock off the cussing?”
“Ass is not cussing. You say it.”
“It is when you say it like you just did. You want to keep arguing so I can roast your butt again or
should we take a bath? There's something else I want to discuss.”
Rose nibbled on her bottom lip. What more could he want to say? She felt better than she had in
months and serious talk would ruin that. “Do we have to? Can’t we just relax for the rest of the
night?”
“Don't worry, this will be a good type of talk. C’mon.” He stripped the blanket from her body and
threw her over his shoulder.
“What’s with the caveman act all of a sudden?” she objected from her inverted position.
Keith grunted, his hand firmly settled on her ass as he stalked towards their master bath. “It's way
more efficient than waiting for you to decide to do as you’re told.”
“Whatever.” Three sharp smacks had her apologizing for the forbidden term.
“That word should be stricken from your vocabulary.” He spoke over her squeals of pain.
“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”
Keith grumbled under his breath as he set her on her feet near the Jacuzzi tub. He dumped in some
of her favorite bath salts in the running water and then stripped himself of clothing. He then tenderly
pulled off her shirt and turned her around, trailing kisses across the back of her neck to each bra strap
as he slid it off her shoulder. Her whole body shivered at his quiet ministrations.
“Are you cold? You have goosebumps.”
“A little, but that’s not why I have goosebumps.”
His low grunt told her he knew exactly what his attention was doing to her body, and she had to
stop herself from growling at him. He loved to tease her but now all she wanted was a good, hard
fuck.
“I know what you're thinking. Later I will give you what you want. Promise.”
Rose sighed and placed her hand in his, allowing him to assist her into the hot bubbly water.
Sitting cautiously, she leaned forward waiting for Keith to take his spot behind her and then cuddled
into him. The sound of the running water, the feel of her body pressed against his, and the smell of the
bath salts permeating the air were the perfect combination to help her relax.
Keith moved her hair from her neck and his lips brushed her pulse point. “I think we need to get
away for a while.”
“What?”
“I think we should go on a vacation. Jared knows the owner of a BDSM resort in Montana, and he
said he could get us in. I think it would be good to escape all of this and reestablish us. We both have
vacation time accrued, so let's use it.”
The idea of getting away was lovely. Going to a BDSM resort meant they would be around like-
minded people, and it also meant there would probably be a lot of kinky fun. Excitement filled her for
the first time in longer than she could remember. “I'm on board! When do we leave?”
 Chapter Three

The car rocked and bumped down the long gravel driveway, passing a few outbuildings and some
horse stables. Keith was excited about going horseback riding; however, Rose was not. Being jarred
around on top of an enormous animal in the dead of summer was not her idea of a good time. She
would much rather sunbathe by the pool.
“The pictures don’t do this place justice. It’s huge!”
The pamphlet had boasted that there were three hundred acres surrounding the property that
functioned as both a working ranch and a BDSM hideaway. The main building was a single story, and
from their viewpoint, they could not tell how far back it stretched. The overhead view on the
brochure showed that the structure was built in a u-shape with an oversized swimming pool, Jacuzzi
tubs, and gardens occupying the center. From the looks of it, the tubs were small and sectioned
between decorative plants and bushes to create a more romantic and intimate setting. Rose had been
promised copious amounts of time being pampered and pleasured in one of those tubs. She wasn’t
certain how it all would work; she was not an exhibitionist, and even though this place was for
couples in the lifestyle, she was not sure that she could relax enough to be pleasured outdoors. Keith
had promised her that he would be able to get her into the headspace she needed to be to give in to
her body’s cravings. With secret hopes that he was right, she had been able to refrain from arguing
with her cocky Dom.
The cab came to a slow halt in front of a massive set of entry doors. Keith paid the driver and
collected their luggage before they traipsed up the few steps. The porch stretched the entire length of
the building and had multiple little sitting areas with swings sprinkled throughout. Rose giggled to
herself thinking about the innocent picture that was painted by the appearance of the outside. No one
would know that the inside was full of kinky couples engaging in all sorts of naughty fun. Her body
responded with a shiver when she thought of all the things Keith had promised he would do to her.
She could not wait to get him alone. The front doors opened and an adorable young brunette dressed
from head to toe in a stereotypical cowgirl outfit greeted them excitedly.
Bouncing in her boots, she introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Sadie. You must be Keith and Rose.
Master Derek told me all about you. Come on in. We are so excited you are here. Master Jared said
we are to give you the VIP treatment, so we set you up with our nicest suite. You can leave your bags
here. Moses will get them.”
“I got it.” Keith smiled. They had not packed a ton and with the larger cases on rollers, Rose knew
he was handling it just fine.
“Well okay, but … never mind. Anyways, follow me and we will get you settled and fed, and I
will handle your check in.” The girl’s excitement was contagious and Rose felt an instant connection
with her. She wished she could get to know her, but this week was about reconnecting with her
husband, not making new friends. She knew Keith had big plans to keep her very busy.
As large as the building was, it was very simple to navigate. The main rooms could be found in
the center area of the “U” with the guest suites down the corridors. Everything was clearly marked
and easily accessible. The rooms on the inside portion contained the standard and luxury suites which
had sliding glass doors that opened directly to the pool area or on a path to one of the private
Jacuzzis. To Rose’s delight, their patio opened to a fully private Jacuzzi tub with a gate to access the
pool if they wished. There were nicely padded lounge chairs for sunbathing and a small dinette.
She couldn't get over the luxurious beauty of their room. The king-sized poster bed was a
commanding presence, but did not limit the space. Included was a sitting area, complete with
fireplace and television, a dining area, with a well-hidden, but practical, kitchenette, and the
bathroom of her dreams. A large sunken tub was framed by beautiful crystal tiles and shimmering
accents that would make any woman feel like a princess. The light was dimmed, giving the illusion
that the room was bathed in candlelight. Rose's thoughts drifted to the things Keith could do with her
in that tub as well as in the Jacuzzi and every other available space at every available moment. She
was giddy with the discovery that her desires had returned.
Sadie told them of two different restaurants that offered a dining room and room service options
and the gift shop that had anything they could want or need.
With a proud smile, she said, “If you don't see what you want, Moses will retrieve it for you or we
can order with same day delivery. We pride ourselves on creating an environment where our guests
want for nothing. The local community gets a lot of financial support from Rawhide, and they bend
over backward to keep us happy. Our desire is to be a full service, one-stop BDSM dream vacation.”
Rose was in awe. It all seemed too good to be true. Keith chuckled in her ear.
"Now do you believe me? By the way, how's your bottom feeling?"
Rose groaned and rolled her eyes

***

“Did you pack enough socks and underwear? I refuse to do laundry on our vacation.”
“You packed all of that. Rosie, take a breath and calm down. We have everything, and if we
forgot something, we can buy it. We aren’t going to Mars. They have stores in Montana.”
Grabbing the closest thing to her, which lucky for Keith was a pillow, she threw it at his smug
smiling face. Catching it in midair, he began to stalk toward her. “So that’s how you want to play,
my naughty subbie?”
Rose took a few steps back, but was stopped short by the wall. He reached out to grab her, but
she managed to slip under his arm and run out of the bedroom, laughing all the way. She had not
felt this free in months.
Escaping to the kitchen, she put the island between her and the entrance and waited for the
chase to begin. She missed the playful side of their relationship that had been so scarce of late.
She giggled as Keith entered the kitchen with hands on his hips and a smirk on his face. He shook
his head and clicked his tongue against his teeth.
“Naughty, naughty girl. First, you throw something at me and then you run from me? What am I
going to do with you?”
“Keep me!” She said cheekily with a beaming smile.
 “Ha, keep you? You are stuck with me, so that’s a given. No, I think I need to redden your
bottom before our trip just to remind you to behave yourself.”
Shaking her head vehemently, Rose said “Nope, I think that’s a stupid idea. What we should do
is go back and finish packing and then I might let you take me for a nice meal before our flight.”
“Is that right?” He cocked his head to the side.
“Mmhmm.”
“Well, we are packed and you have gone over the luggage way more than necessary, so that's
done. I also think going for a meal is a great idea. Since a spanking is over quickly, we have plenty
of time.”
Rose squirmed in place. While her brain screamed fight, her body begged for his attention. She
hated to admit that being spanked, whether for pleasure or punishment, was a cathartic and
relaxing experience. Having her control stripped away was the only way for her to relax, and her
husband was the master at getting her where she needed to be. He could lead her straight into
subspace where her mind would float without a care in the world. Over his knee, bound by his love
and attention was where she found freedom, and his skill allowed him to hold her there for as long
as he saw fit. Of course, she reminded herself, as she plotted her escape, it was easy to
romanticize a spanking when one wasn’t being spanked. In reality, it just hurt!
Keith moved to one side of the kitchen island, and she mirrored his movement in the opposite
direction. If he gave up enough space, she could run out of the kitchen, but where could she go?
After a few more steps, he reached for the drawer that held the majority of cooking utensils used
strictly on her butt. She waited for him to look down before making her escape and heard him
chuckle as she raced away. She made a mental note to purge that drawer when they got home from
the ranch as she cut into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.
“Little sub, little sub, let me in.”
Rose giggled at his big bad wolf reference and played along. “Only if you forgive me for my
sinny, sin, sin.”
She heard his low laugh through the door, but it faded slowly as if he was walking away.
Knowing he never gave up that easily, she crept to the door and put her ear against it to see if she
could hear what he was up to. Footsteps approached and she backed away quickly when the door
knob began to jiggle. Frantically, she searched for a means of escape or a weapon to defend
herself. She spied the bath brush, but quickly abandoned that idea with the thought of how using it
could easily backfire. Behind the bath brush, the brushed nickel of the water spigots sparkled, and
her eyes traveled up to the detachable showerhead. Her naughty side took over, and she jumped
into the shower, grabbing the head just as the door creaked open to reveal her grinning husband.
He smugly crossed his arms with a key in one hand and a floppy rubber spatula in the other.
“Don’t come any closer or I will turn this water on.” She widened her stance, aimed the shower
head, and took hold of the spigot to show him she was serious. His eyebrow raised, and he clicked
his tongue against his teeth.
“Oh, Rosie. You really don't wanna do that.”
“Well then, go put that weapon away and let’s just go eat.” She haphazardly waved the shower
head at him.
“This? This isn't a weapon. It's a cooking utensil.”
“It's a weapon of ass destruction, and it needs to be put out of its misery!”
“You’re the one who chose this by running from me. It’s only gonna get worse. Come out of
there and take your spanking like a big girl.” He took a step toward her, and she tightened her
grasp.
“I will do it, Keith. I will turn on this water if you take another step.” She took a nervous step
backward as her bravado wavered.
His smile darkened. “Maybe you have forgotten how much more painful it is to get spanked on
a wet bottom?”
She had forgotten. Rose bit her lip and glanced at the sprayer. Big mistake. Keith jumped into
action, unarming her in one fluid motion. She tried to duck out of his reach, but not this time.
Apprehended and upended before she was even out of the shower, Rose kicked and squirmed to get
away, but she was trapped.
Keith made himself comfortable on the closed toilet before skimming her pants and panties to
her knees. Something cold and wet was applied to her backside.
“Nonono! Don’t do that!”
“Little too late, my naughty girl. You wanted to play with water, so that's what we will do."
Water dripped onto her bottom and she shivered as some slid between her legs.
“Cold?”
“You know it is you bastard, let me go.”
“Oh, sweetie, bad move. Let's see how this feels on a nice wet bottom, shall we?”
The spatula smacked loudly, and the sting was intense. Rose instantly began to fight to get
away, but all she did was tire herself out because Keith did not miss a beat. He skipped the
fleshiest part of her bottom and went straight for her sit spots and upper thighs. Unable to hold
anything back, Rose screamed. She couldn’t remember the last time a spanking hurt this bad. The
water had been a terrible idea. After a minute or so of a constant barrage of spanks, Keith stopped
and caressed her quivering skin with his warm hand.
“Now if you were a good girl, this could have been over, but you had to go and call me a nasty
name, didn’t you?”
Panting and out of breath, Rose shook her head. “No no, I’m sorry.”
“Oh, I bet you are. Your bottom is quite red, but I want you to feel this for our whole adventure
today. This should help.”
Again, something cold hit her backside, it was soothing at first, but that only lasted until her
pants were being fixed and she was standing in front of her stern man. A warm feeling began to
build, and Rose saw the capsaicin cream sitting open on the counter. “You didn’t! Tell me you
didn’t. I’m allergic to that stuff!”
“You are not, you little liar. You also know I would never use anything on you that would harm
you. Your little bottom is going to be on fire for the entire day, and by the time I get my hands on
you this evening, you will be so wet and ready for me that I bet it will take less than a minute to
have you begging for release.”
Rose wanted to slap the self-satisfied look right off his face, but he was correct. Her body
always wanted him after a spanking. The hotter she glowed, the needier she became and the
constant heat in her backside was going to have her in a state of heightened awareness all damn
day. Deciding not to give him any satisfaction, she turned to walk away. “Pft. Are we going to eat
or what?”
“Oh, I’m going to eat alright.”
Her body shuddered, and she almost orgasmed right there.

***
 The sound of a door closing snapped Rose back to the present and she squirmed as a wave of heat
radiated from her core. A pair of strong arms wrapped around from behind and sharp stubble scraped
against her neck, right below her ear.
“Oh, God. Please tell me you are going to put me out of my misery?” She pulled his arms tighter
around her midsection and rubbed her backside against him.
“Mmm, well you have been a very good girl. Maybe we should wait a little longer while we go
enjoy dinner and meet Master Derek.” The low rumble of his voice sent shivers down her spine.
“Pretty please. I promise to behave, just please let me come.”
“Aww, how can I deny you when you beg so prettily? I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll let you show
me just how sorry you are for your naughtiness this morning and then I’ll decide if you deserve to
come before dinner.”
“How can I ... oh!” Rose gasped as Keith pressed his pelvis hard into her lower back. Turning
around in his arms, Rose raised onto her toes and gave her husband a chaste kiss before sinking to her
knees. “I am so sorry for my naughty behavior this morning, Sir. Please forgive my obstinacy and
disobedience.”
Keith stroked her hair and smiled. “You know what it does to me to see you on your knees. How
sorry are you?”
“May I?” She gestured to his tented trousers.
“You absolutely may, but no hands.”
Rose rolled her eyes. “For real?”
“Nope, not for real, you just lost your chance. I guess you’re going to have to spend the rest of
your evening frustrated. I, however, don’t deserve to be punished.” Lowering his zipper, Keith pulled
out his impressive manhood. “Now you can be a good girl and take care of me before dinner. If you
do a good job, then I’ll consider letting you come before bed.”
Rose’s stomach dropped as she realized what her eye roll had cost her—she would be forced to
ache for another few hours. She also knew that he was serious about allowing her to come before
bed, especially since there was no way in hell she’d be able to sleep a wink if she didn’t get some
relief. Sitting on her haunches, she grasped the base of his penis before lightly kissing the head. With
one last look up into his eyes, she went to work earning her orgasm.
 Chapter Four

Freshly dressed and extremely frustrated, Rose perused the menu in front of her. She didn’t want to
eat. She wanted to pout and hold a grudge, but that was not the behavior befitting a proper
submissive, and it would not get her what she wanted.
Dressed like a Catholic school girl, complete with pigtail braids, Sadie bounced to their table.
“Have you ordered yet? I forgot to tell you that Daddy Derek wanted to have you over for dinner in
the big house. I hope that’s okay. We were going to eat here, but he forgot to tell Chef, so there's a big
dinner waiting for us.”
“Wow, that’s very kind, thank you, we would love to accept the invitation. Right, Rosie?”
The lift of his eyebrow spoke volumes, and she knew she would need to put on a very happy face
and play the good girl. How could she fake it to that extent when all she wanted to do was kick him in
the shin with her pretty, pointed stiletto? The thought of him hopping around holding his injured leg
made her smile, and she decided exactly how she was going to grin and bear it for the evening. “Of
course, we accept. We are so thankful for the amazing treatment.”
“Well, we love Master Jared, so we know we will love you too. Daddy never invites people up to
the big house. That’s why I forgot to tell you.”
“That’s no problem, should we go now? We don’t want to keep anyone waiting.” Keith stood up
and went around the table to pull Rose’s seat out and offer his hand.
“Yep, follow me. We can take the tunnel.”
“The tunnel?” Rose’s voice squeaked in question.
“Yep, the big house and a couple of other places on the property are connected by an underground
system. When the weather gets yucky, it’s nice to have a warm, dry way to get here. We have golf
carts that we use to get from one place to the other. Daddy also doesn’t like anyone traveling back and
forth when it’s dark out. He’s a bit of a worry wart.”
Rose took in Sadie’s outfit and the way that she spoke and formulated some questions in her head.
She had acted as the perfect tour guide and hostess when they had arrived, but now she was acting
like a child excited to have company over for dinner. She even walked differently—almost with a
skip to her step. Rose was curious about the change, but she didn’t want to ask probing questions. She
would save them for later when she and Keith could have some privacy, that is, after she was rid of
the frustrating ache that she had been left to suffer through. She fought to keep from glaring in Keith’s
direction as another wave of heat tingled through her body.
“I’m glad there are carts. Walking any distance in these would not be fun.” She indicated her
shoes.
 Sadie looked at her shoes and raised her eyebrow in distaste, “I would break an ankle in those
things. How on earth do you walk at all?”
“Years of practice.” Rose winked. Shoes were one of her weaknesses and she had been wearing
heels for as long as she could remember. She loved the fact that high-heels enhanced the length of her
shapely legs and lifted her ass, and knew that Keith couldn’t resist ogling her as she glided in front of
him.
Sadie giggled and linked her arm with Rose. “Daddy would keep me barefoot or in my bunny
slippers if it was up to him. He’s a fuddy-duddy.”
“I don’t think he would appreciate the name calling, do you?” Keith teased.
“No, probably not.” Sadie automatically dropped her gaze to the ground and blushed.
They took an elevator down to a well-lit cement tunnel. A golf cart was waiting for them with a
devilishly handsome man at the wheel.
“This is Moses. He’s my big brother.” The man smiled and nodded in their direction. “He’s deaf,
so if you need to talk to him, just tap him on the shoulder and speak clearly. He can read lips, but he
doesn’t speak to anyone except Daddy.”
Sadie jumped in the front and Keith buckled Rose into the back before seating himself.
“I can buckle myself, you know.” Rose whispered in his ear. After buckling himself in, Keith
intertwined his fingers with hers and brought her hand to his lips.
“I know you can, but I wanted to do it. It's my job to keep my little subbie safe and happy.”
“If you wanted me to be happy, then you would be nicer to me.” She tried to pull her hand away,
but he held tight and even pulled her in tighter.
Chuckling, he nipped at her knuckle. “Behave yourself and I will be very nice.”
Rose’s eye roll thankfully went unnoticed.

***

Keith could not believe the extravagance of Rawhide Ranch. It had to have cost millions to build
the underground system that they currently traveled through. He wrapped his arm around his wife’s
shoulder as the cart picked up speed.
In true Rose fashion, she accepted his gesture for what it was and, even though she was frustrated
with him, she scooted into his protective embrace. Kissing her temple in a silent ‘thank you,’ he
relaxed and listened to the whir of the golf cart echo off the walls of the tunnel before it came to a
slow stop at their destination. Unbuckling himself, he hopped out and did the same for his wife. She
took his hand and carefully disembarked.
Sadie bounced in front of a sturdy door. “I forgot my key card again, so we have to wait for Mr.
Slowpoke.”
Moses seemed to ‘hear’ her verbal jab because he slowed his gait and raised a brow in her
direction. The little stinker’s eyes rolled and Keith couldn’t stop the itch in his palm. Derek had his
hands full with this one, no doubt.
“Hurry!” Sadie shook both hands in a motion that made Moses halt in his tracks. Crossing his
arms, he just waited. Keith was unsure what the man was doing until Sadie’s shoulder slumped in
defeat and she spoke to him using sign language. Whatever she said seemed to assuage the man and he
reached around her to unlock the security door. It opened slowly of its own accord, resembling that of
a thick metal bank vault with large posts that anchored it closed. He must have been admiring the
structure because Sadie spoke up again.
 “I told you Daddy was a worrywart.”
“He’s a man intent on keeping his home and the people he loves safe. That is not being a
worrywart; that’s using wisdom. I am a police officer, sweetie. You have strangers staying this close
to where you live. Your daddy is a smart man, and if I were in his shoes, I would be the same exact
way.” Keith couldn’t help but chastise the little brat. He was careful with his words, but his tone had
the little girl squirming. Good. A big hand patted his shoulder, and he turned to see Moses smile and
nod his approval. The man may not be able to hear, but he sure was attuned to everything else.
The large door closed and locked before Moses and Sadie moved to lead the way with Rose and
Keith trailing. “Where did that come from?” Rose whispered.
“Where did what come from?”
“I don’t know. That tone … those words. I have never heard you speak to anyone like that.”
“I didn’t change anything. I just guarded my words to make sure I was not disrespecting Derek.”
“Whatever, I’ve heard you speak to hundreds of people, including other subs, and you’ve never
spoken like that to anyone.”
“Watch the sass, Rosie-girl. Don’t forget what’s at stake. I still think you’re being silly; there was
no change in my voice.”
Rose relented with a sigh. “If you say so.”
Keith gave a hard pinch to her naughty backside. Her squeak made Sadie turn around, and the
blush that laid on his wife’s cheeks was more than satisfying. Sadie’s giggle pulled a groan from
Rose, and he couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Ah, there you are.” Derek’s booming voice greeted them as the elevator door slid open.
“Daddy!” Sadie jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist, and his arms
followed suit. She looked like a real little girl in his arms, and Keith got an unusual ache in his heart.
Something about their relationship was so intimate.
“Sorry, it took so long.” Sadie explained. “I had to find them, and we almost goofed cuz they were
at the restaurant already, but they didn’t order yet.”
“Thank you, Angel. Are you being a good little hostess?” Sadie made a noncommittal noise in her
throat, and Derek winked at the couple. “I know my girl. I hope she’s behaved herself.”
“She’s been just fine. Nice to finally meet you. Jared has told me all about you and I want to thank
you so much for the hospitality.”
Derek grasped his outstretched hand. “The pleasure is all mine. The old guy hasn’t been up to visit
in a while. How is he?”
“He’s doing well. The practice is thriving and keeping him busy. I’ve had to fight to keep our
weekly racquetball game. He needs a wife.”
It was an ongoing joke that the old man needed a wife to keep him active, but the truth was he was
more active than any of them. He had been married once, to the love of his life. When he lost her, he
vowed to never share his bed with anyone else, and he had kept that promise for all the years Keith
had known him. He dominated women, even worked as a disciplinarian for the local club, but he did
not sleep with them.
Derek nodded in agreement, still holding tight to the little monkey in his arms. “Rose, I hope
you’re finding our accommodations acceptable. If you two need anything, please don’t hesitate to
ask.”
“I already told them all that, Daddy,” Sadie sassed, earning herself a sound smack to her bottom.
“Don’t interrupt me, little girl.”
Except for a sniffle, she resumed her silent snuggle.
 Rose smiled and shook her head. “Everything’s been wonderful, thank you.” She scooted closer to
Keith, and he could see that something about the other man made her slightly uneasy. He squeezed her
hand in comfort.
“Well, great. I’m glad to hear it. Let’s eat, shall we? You ready to walk, Angel?”
“Noooo. Carry me, please?” Her whole body tightened around his in protest.
“You’re lucky you’re cute, you know that? Moses? Will you join us for dinner?” He signed as he
spoke. His request was met with a negative shake of the head and a few signs before Moses nodded
in Keith’s direction and headed back down to the tunnel.
“Where’s he going, Daddy?” Sadie’s eyes followed the man’s retreating form without her lifting
her chin from his shoulder.
“You know Moses. There’s always work to be done.” Derek shook his head and sighed.
“You should make him take a vacation.”
“Oh, should I now? How do you propose I do that? He’s about as stubborn as you are.” He poked
her in the side, making her squirm.
“When I’m stubborn, I get a spankin'.” She grinned.
Derek body shook with laughter. “He would like that too much.”
Her head shot up and she took his cheeks in her hands. “Oh, I know! You could ground him from
Nanny J.”
He shook his head, “You, my dear, need to mind your own business and stay out of other people’s
business. Moses is just fine. He rests when he needs to and what he and Nanny J do is none of your
concern.”
“All the Littles know, Daddy. It’s not a secret.” Her eyes rolled, but it went unnoticed by everyone
except Keith. All he could do was shake his head in her direction.
“What am I going to do with you Littles?” His over-exaggerated sigh made Sadie giggle. The
sound was so innocent that Keith forgot for a moment that she was really an adult.
“Keep us! Duh.” She should have been perpetually dizzy for all the times she rolled her eyes.
“Does Rose give you this much sass, Keith?”
His wife snapped her head in his direction, eyes wide in surprise. He squeezed her hand. “She has
her moments.” Rose was a private person by nature, and he always respected that by not sharing
things about their private life with others.
“This one’s moments are 24/7.”
“Don't you hate when they talk about you like you aren't even there, Rosie?” Sadie asked snarkily.
“Don't you love it when they basically beg you to tan their hides, Keith?” Derek shot back.
The look on Sadie’s face was pure surprise, and Keith couldn't help but laugh out loud. Rose’s
body shook with mirth and his heart lightened. At that moment, he finally saw his wife again—the
woman she was before all the fertility stress. Sending a silent thank you to Jared for his ingenious
idea, he wrapped an arm around the giggling woman and pulled her close. A soft kiss to her temple
conveyed the message that his words could not. Everything was going to get better; he would make
sure of it.
 Chapter Five

Dinner with Sadie and Derek was an interesting affair. Rose’s attention was riveted by their
particular relationship. Derek played the girl’s father, and it was very obvious that it was not a game
or role play. This was their life. He was strict, but adored her beyond belief. Sadie was happy,
carefree, and infuriatingly naughty. Rose found herself wondering what it would be like to experience
that kind of freedom. She kept a tight hold on herself, which was why she needed Keith’s specific
form of love and discipline. He was the only one that could strip her of her self-imposed boundaries
and help her to fly. She envied the relationship in front of her, but it was not something that would
work for her life.
A squeeze on her thigh pulled her from her thoughts. Glancing at her husband, she could see his
inquisitive eyes boring into her. She didn’t understand how he could ask her questions with a simple
look, but he did. This look said they would be having a talk later. He had questions, and so did she.
Taking a bite of the tender filet in front of her, Rose moaned. “Okay, I need to speak with whoever
cooked this steak.”
“Chef is an absolute professional at preparing steak. It doesn’t hurt that we keep our own cattle, so
the meat is fresh. When I hired him, he demanded fresh meat and produce.”
“Not many people make demands around here and get away with it, but Daddy likes food so he
listens to Chef.” Sadie put her hand to her chin and tittered to herself. “Hmm, that gives me an idea.”
“You mess with my food, little girl, and you will be sitting tender at every meal for a month. Do
you understand me?” There was a mixture of tease and pure threat in his voice. The combination was
confusing, but Sadie seemed to get the picture.
Crossing her arms, she slouched and pushed out her bottom lip. “Why do you always think I’m
gonna be bad? Maybe I just wanted to plan a surprise.”
“I know that smile and that laugh, so don’t even think about it. Sit up and finish your dinner.”
“No.” Sadie’s frown deepened, and Rose’s words were out before she could think.
“It’s not nice to tell your daddy ‘no,’ especially in front of guests.”
Sadie’s eyebrows furrowed and she looked at Rose before sitting up and apologizing sweetly.
Derek smiled. “You are forgiven, my love.”
Keith took Rose’s hand and stood abruptly. “Excuse us for a second.” A tug of her arm had her
standing and almost stumbling to keep up with his wide gait.
Out of earshot of the other couple, Keith pushed her up against the wall and kissed her, hard. It
was less of a kiss and more of a claiming. He devoured her, right there in the hallway. Removing his
lips from hers, he pressed his forehead to hers, effectively pinning her.
“What the hell was that? I have never seen that side of you before. Hell, I am so turned on and so
frustrated I don’t know whether to take you into the bathroom and bend you over the sink to spank you
or fuck you.”
Rose was surprised at his words. It was seldom that Keith cursed, so when he did, she knew he
meant business. “I ...”
“You what? What was that back there? You just interfered between a Dom and his sub. If Derek
would have shown any kind of frustration, then you would be looking at a long and thorough
punishment. Thankfully, he did not seem offended. We are going to go back in there and you are going
to apologize. You can also forget about me soothing that ache. When we get back to the room, I am
going to remind you exactly who is in charge. Got it?”
“Y-yes, sir. I don’t know where it came from. I’m sorry.”
Keith kissed her again before turning her back toward the room and laying a resounding smack to
her butt. His responses had her off balance, but it was not the time or place to argue. She would
apologize and plead her case later.
Sitting back in front of her plate, she took a breath before speaking. “Master Derek, I am sorry for
interfering between you and Sadie. I spoke out of turn. Please forgive me.”
Derek’s kind eyes smiled, like he knew something she didn’t. “Rose, look at me, darling. No hard
feelings, alright? We do not practice protocols in the house unless it is specifically discussed first.
Sadie is deep in her Little space, so for all intents and purposes, she is a little girl amongst adults.
You did nothing wrong. Keith, thank you for the respect. I would have probably reacted the same way
had the tables been turned, but please don’t worry. No harm done, right. Angel?”
The jerk of her head as she responded made her pigtails dance. “Nope, I’m fine.”
Rose smiled at the two of them before turning her attention to Keith. The frustration in his eyes had
softened, and he squeezed her hand under the table. She kept the sigh of relief to herself before taking
her last bite of the delectable dinner.
“I hope you saved room for dessert. Chef made his famous chocolate mousse.” Derek pulled Sadie
out of her seat and into his lap.
Keith sat back in his chair. “I am not one to turn down dessert, but maybe we can wait a bit?”
“Of course. Let me take you on a tour.” He kissed Sadie’s neck. “I want you to go to your room
and change, sweet girl.”
“Yes, Sir!” Giving him a kiss on the cheek, the girl left the room quickly, with an air of excitement
swirling around her.
The question was on the tip of Rose’s tongue, but Derek beat her to it. “She will be a bit. Coming
out of her Little girl persona can be a difficult transition, but I would like to show you my private
dungeon and there are no Littles allowed.” Winking, he stood and stretched. “Do you like to read,
Rose? Let me show you Sadie’s favorite room of the house.”
***
It was almost thirty minutes before Sadie came back downstairs. They had been shown an
enormous library stacked high with every book imaginable, a fully equipped gourmet kitchen, a den
outfitted with comfortable furniture and a television that took up almost an entire wall, and a more
formal living room that was ‘only used for business folks.’ All the rooms had two things in common;
they were large enough to house a football team and they were undoubtedly decorated to reflect that
the owner was a proud rancher. Sadie approached them just as they had finished the tour. The
transition was stark. She had skipped upstairs like a little girl and come back down as a woman. Her
outfit, her hair, everything about her had shifted. All except her smile. It still carried a carefree,
youthful spirit. She joined Derek and he laid a chaste kiss on the back of her hand.
 “There’s my beautiful wife! Okay, let’s get to the fun. You’re in for a real treat. You will never see
another dungeon like the one I built.”
Derek wasn’t lying. It was an exquisite combination of leather, wood, and metal that fit perfectly
with the theme of a BDSM Ranch.
“A dungeon with Montana charm. Who could want anything more than that?” Keith gave his
assessment in a teasing manner, but Rose could tell he was being sincere. Derek took them around the
perimeter explaining how each piece was hand built by him and Moses, and each apparatus had so
many uses that Rose lost track. The space was not overly huge, which gave it a cozy feeling—that is,
as cozy as a dungeon could be described.
“How many people can play here at once?”
“It comfortably fits around fifty, I reckon, but you two are the first to see it. We just put the
finishing touches on it this morning. Sunday night I am having a few of the couples out for a private
party.”
“You both should come,” Sadie interjected before Derek had the chance to extend his own invite.
He eyed her sideways and lifted a brow. “Interrupt me again, little lady, and we will be testing out
some of this equipment this evening.”
“Is that supposed to be a threat?” Sadie joked.
“Keith, have you ever handled a bullwhip?”
What seemed like a change in subject was a veiled threat, and both women knew it. Sadie’s back
went ramrod straight and Rose shook her head.
“No, I haven’t. I have seen some demos, but I’ve never thrown one.”
“It’s an art and one I studied for years under the tutelage of the Whip Master himself, Tanner
Marks. He taught me to respect the power of the whip and use it as an extension of my own body. It
isn’t for everyone, that’s for sure.”
“The only kind of whip I need is a flogger. Isn’t that true, Rosie?” He winked in her direction and
she shivered. He was an artist with the flogger and could have her body humming within minutes. She
loved it.
“The way her eyes glazed over tells me that you must be quite skilled.” Derek walked over to a
wall that resembled a barn door and slid it open. A light turned on, illuminating a display of
implements that could make any lifestyler drool. The sensual smell of leather permeated the air as
though the aroma had been trapped behind the door just waiting for a chance to tease the senses of an
unsuspecting subbie.
“Close your mouth, baby. You’re drooling,” Keith whispered in her ear. Out of pure impulse, she
sent her elbow into his gut causing a grunt of pain followed by a gale of laughter to come from the
infuriating man. “Leather is Rosie’s favorite. As you can see by the drool on her chin.”
This time he caught her elbow before it made contact. “Careful, sweetie, or I might have Derek
show me how to swing one of these.” Keith approached the wall. “May I?”
After an affirmative nod from Derek, Keith removed one of the coiled whips. Running his fingers
over it, he let it unroll and it slithered like a snake as the end met the floor. He then smirked in her
direction. The prospect of being struck with one of those lethal weapons was frightening and not an
experience she cared to have, but Rose was able to appreciate the beauty of the plaited cord.
“Will you be doing a demo at this party you are having?” Keith asked without taking his eyes off
his wife. She frowned. What was he up to?
“Why wait? Sadie, should we give these folks a show?” An excited nod answered his query. “You
know what to do then, darling. While my busy little bee goes about her business, let me show you the
rest of the space.”
“There’s more?” Rose asked in surprise.
“There’s always more in this house, little lady.” Derek winked before he turned to approach a
wall that was outfitted with shackles and various anchors to which a sub could be secured to the wall.
Flipping one of the bricks down, he pressed a button. Rose watched in awe as the wall slowly split
and opened inward. A row of bright white lights illuminated a path that was sandwiched between
rows of seats.
“Welcome to the viewing room. This is the place for a naughty subbie who needs a public
chastisement. We’ll also use it for auctions, demos, seminars, and collaring ceremonies. Of course,
there’s a screen for use as a home theater.”
“This is amazing. Everything has been so well planned.” Keith mused aloud as he leaned against
one of the chairs and surveyed the room.
“Thank you. A lot of brilliant minds have come together to make this a reality. We have added bits
and pieces over the years, but with the remodel, upgraded furniture, and addition of the theater, it’s a
brand-new space. We will be able to host events and bring in more money for the Little’s program
and upgrading the resort. Plus, my employees deserve a raise with how hard they work for me.”
“What is the Little’s program?” Rose asked.
“I’m ready, Sir.” Sadie stood at the entrance and to Rose’s surprise, she was stark naked except
for the thick black leather cuffs that adorned her wrists and ankles.
“Mmm, yes, you sure are my sweet. Good girl. Would you like some clamps?”
“If that pleases you, Sir.”
“Oh, you really are trying to earn some points, aren’t you? We will skip those for the evening and
focus on making your body dance to the pain of my whip. How’s that sound, darling?”
“Delightful, Sir.” Her body reacted so fiercely to her partner’s words that Rose could not avert
her eyes. Her skin was covered in tiny goosebumps, her nipples were standing at attention, and the
telltale shine of her arousal sparkled even in the low light. Rose’s heart was beating so loud she
swore the others could hear it.
Derek and Sadie began their dance like the whole world had ceased to exist. His eyes bore into
his sub as he stalked over to her. Wrapping his fist in her hair, he pulled her lips to his own and
devoured her mouth.
Keith wrapped his arms around Rose from behind, pulling her in close. “They have an intense
dynamic, don’t they?” Rose nodded, but didn’t trust herself to speak. She didn’t want to do anything to
disturb the couple.
After being released from the kiss, Sadie made her way to the St. Andrew’s cross that she had set
in the center of the room and stood still as she waited to be fastened in place. As Derek attached her
limbs one by one, he checked the hold of the chains and the space between her cuffs and her skin
before backing up to remove his hat and shirt.
“There’s a sofa right there; you two make yourselves comfortable. It will keep you at a safe
distance but is close enough to still see the show. Make sure you stay put until I lay my whip down. I
can’t be worried about anything except what I’m doing once I begin.”
Keith and Rose moved to the sofa without a word.
Rose watched silently as Derek surveyed the wall of coiled whips; there was an obvious physical
difference between each one, and Rose was curious to what the differences meant to the chained
submissive. She had never been on a cross before, nor was she comfortable playing publically, so the
opportunity never came up. Seeing Sadie so thoroughly bound in place and knowing they would be
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
The Project Gutenberg eBook of Sunnuntai
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States
and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it
under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this
ebook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the
United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where
you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Sunnuntai
Romaani

Author: Ester Ståhlberg

Release date: October 8, 2023 [eBook #71834]

Language: Finnish

Original publication: Porvoo: WSOY, 1922

Credits: Juhani Kärkkäinen and Tapio Riikonen

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SUNNUNTAI

***
SUNNUNTAI

Romaani

Kirj.

Ester Ståhlberg

Porvoossa, Werner Söderström Osakeyhtiö, 1922.

Äidilleni.

1.

Ilta hämärtää. Koivut ikkunani ulkopuolella ovat paksussa

huurteessa, ja tuulen henki huojuttaa hiljaa niiden valkoisia oksia. On
syvä rauha ja hiljaisuus. Viereisestä huoneesta kuuluu yksinäisen
keinutuolin natinaa, muuten ei napsahdustakaan koko talossa.
 Siellä istuu isä, hitaasti kiikuttaen keinutuolia, pää kätensä
varassa. On sunnuntai-ilta. Koko päivä on ollut samaa äänetöntä
sunnuntaita, samaa pyhien pyhää. Olemme yhdessä katselleet
valokuviasi, yhdessä entisiä kirjeitäsi. Talo on ollut sinua täynnä, ja
jokainen soppi ja jokainen esine on kertonut sinusta.

Olen joskus tarkannut isää, kun hän siinä kumarassa istuu sinun
kirjeesi hyppysissään. Olen tarkannut hänen raukeata ilmettänsä,
hänen laihtuneita kasvojansa. Hän ei saa öisin unta. Hänen kätensä
ovat entistä kalpeammat, hänen huulensa väräjävät, kun hän
kuvaasi katselee. Ja kun luen kirjeistäsi jonkun kuvauksen entisestä
kesäelämästämme tai mistä tahansa, mihin mielesi on ollut kiintynyt,
sulkee hän silmänsä ja hänen rinnastaan nousee raskas huokaus
ikäänkuin jostakin syvältä, hänen olemuksensa pohjimmaisesta
pohjukasta.

Nyt on ilta. Kuuntelen tuota keinutuolin natinaa ja tiedän varsin

hyvin missä hänen mielensä vaeltaa. Hän soudattaa siinä esille
kuvan toisensa jälkeen murheellisen sydämensä lohdutukseksi. Hän
muistaa niitä äskeisiä päiviämme, jolloin sinä muutamalla
harppauksella juosten portaat saavuit koulusta ja kerroit illan suussa
hänelle juttujasi. Silloin oli vielä viihtymisemme häiriintymätön
yhteisen kotilieden ympärillä. Ja karhuntaljalla isän jalkojen juuressa
nukahti joka ilta pieni liinatukkainen tyttölapsi.

Kaikki on siitä muuttunut. Nyt on maailma äänetön ja elämämme

kulku on pysähtynyt. Arki touhuineen on poissa, ja meillä on
sunnuntai. Yhtämittainen, salaperäinen sunnuntai. Tuulen suhina on
toisenlainen kuin ennen, junan vihellys kuuluu kuin toisesta, meille
vieraasta maailmasta. Huomaan usein isän silmistä, että hän
katselee jotakin, jota eivät muut näe, ja kuuntelee jotakin, jota eivät
muut kuule. Meille on avattu salattu tie, jota kulkiessamme entisten
näköalojen takaa avautuvat uudet, jonka varsilla oudot kukkaset
loistavat ja vieraat linnut meille visertävät. Kuitenkin se on oman
elämämme polku. Astumme tätä polkua poispäin nykyisyydestämme,
mutta on kuin emme olisi siitä ennen mitään aavistaneet.

Pelkään pahoin, ettei isän silmä koskaan enää käänny siitä

maailmasta pois edes sen verran, että hän jaksaisi nykypäivän
kutsua seurata. Pelkään, että hän on menneen ajan lumoissa niin
kokonaan, ettei hän tule mitään tulevaisuutta enää tavoitelleeksi.
Uskon oi jospa voisin olla sitä uskomatta! — mutta uskon joskus,
ettei hänen katseensa enää koskaan palaja siltä veräjältä, jonka
taakse sinä hävisit.

Menen hiljaa hänen huoneeseensa. Hän ei nosta päätään. Lasken

käteni hellävaroin hänen olkapäällensä. Hän ei näy huomaavan
tuloani. Otsa on uurtunut, suupielissä on syvät vaot. Annan katseeni
liukua ulos ikkunasta huurteisten oksien lomitse yli hämärtävien
lumikenttien. Miten kutsun hänet takaisin elämään?

Kaareutuuhan täällä vielä taivas ja paistaahan joskus taas aurinko.

Onhan tässä vielä koti tallella, on pieni tyttönen vuoteessansa, ovat
tuossa ruohokentät lumen alla, ja ensi keväänä ne taas viheriöinä
helottavat. Olethan täällä sinäkin, Yrjö. Olet — vaikka oletkin poissa,
olet kuitenkin luonamme pysyväisemmin, muuttumattomammin kuin
koskaan ennen.

— Onhan hän kuitenkin luonamme — sanon ääneen.

Valkotukkainen mies katsahtaa minuun ja nyökkää päätään. Sitä

katsetta en unohda. Siinä ei ollut sillä hetkellä kaipauksen
katkeruutta. Siinä on varmuutta jostakin. Mistä?
 — Muistellaan yhdessä! — sanon taasen ääneen. — Kaivataan
yhdessä! Sillä lailla on helpompi kantaa kuormaa, ja yhteinen kaipuu
muuttuu elämän voimaksi. Se, mikä meillä on yhteistä, ei ole
kenenkään muun omaa kuin meidän kahden, ja meillä on suuret
aarteet. Yrjö on avannut meille portin omaan elämäämme ja
elämään yleensä. Hän tulee itse meitä vastaan kaikkialla. Nyt vasta
näemme silmillämme, tajuamme toisin kuin ennen oman
kohtalomme ja muittenkin kohtaloita. Ja kaiken takana ovat
loppumattomat avaruudet.

Hän sulkee käteni omaansa ja minä istuudun tuolille hänen

viereensä.

Tuossa ovat mahonkituolit molemmin puolin pöytää ja sohva

pöydän takana. Yrjö! Niissä istuimme ennen iltaisin. Tule! Istuudu
tuohon isän tyhjään nojatuoliin kuten muinoin! Jutelkaamme
keskenämme kuin ennen, ja antakaamme tuon väsyneen miehen
lämmetä ääntemme kuulemisesta. Suokaamme hänelle nykyhetken
unohduksen lepo ja menneitten päivien lohdutus. Yrjö, auttakaamme
häntä, rohkaiskaamme häntä, niin että hän entisyyden muistoista
saa voimaa elämään uutta elämää. Aika ei todellisuudessa pysähdy,
ihmisen on riennettävä eteenpäin, sillä yksin kohtalo asettaa hänelle
hänen matkansa päämäärän. Mutta hän jaksaa paremmin kestää
kovat kaudet, kun hän saa rauhassa muistella ja niistä
muisteloistaan koota itsellensä uutta tarmoa. Niinpä tehkäämme
hänelle tämä ilta leppoisaksi ja rauhan täyttä suloa uhkuvaksi.
Kulukoon lohdullisesti tämä pyhäinen sunnuntai loppuansa kohti,
lampun hauskasti valaistessa hänen kirjoituspöytäänsä ja hämärän
kurkistaessa sisään punaviiruisten uutimien lomitse.

*****
 Kerro, poikaseni, tulimmeko sinulle koskaan sanoneeksi, miten
paljon me sinua rakastimme? Emme suinkaan. Sillä emmehän
tulleet vakuuttaneeksi sinulle päivänselvää asiaa. Emmekä
kiittäneeksi sinua siitä, että olit olemassa. Emme siitäkään, että olit
meille olemassa, sillä niin oli kohtalomme säätänyt.

Jospa voisin puhua sinulle sanattomasti! Sanat eivät kuitenkaan

ilmaise sitä mitä tunnen. Niillä on ahtaat rajansa, mutta en tule ilman
niitä toimeen. Kun vaivun sinun kanssasi muistelemaan entistä
elämäämme, olen riippuvainen rajoista, muodoista ja väreistä Ja
kuitenkin on kaiken takana jotakin rannatonta, jotakin sanoin
sanomatonta.

2.

Ajattelen sitä hetkeä, jolloin kohtalomme langat yhtyivät. Et voi sitä

muistaa, mutta olen usein kertonut siitä sinulle. Se oli se hetki, jolloin
näimme toisemme ensi kerran. Synnyit silloin toistamiseen, sillä
synnyit silloin meille.

Siinä huoneessa ei kuulunut kiirehtiviä askelia, ei valituksia, ei

huudahduksia. Et tervehtinyt minua kirkunalla enkä minä lähestynyt
sinua tyydyttääkseni alkuperäisintä vaistoasi. Siinä huoneessa
vallitsi äänettömyys. Ja me kohtasimme toisemme ainoastaan
viipyvässä ihmettelevässä katseessa, ikäänkuin olisimme jonkin
kadonneen jälleen nähneet.

Eikä ollut silloin muuta olemassa kuin tämä lapsi, joka oli äitinsä
löytänyt, ja tämä äiti, joka oli löytänyt lapsensa.
 Varmaan sinäkin vaistomaisesti tunsit, että se päivä oli ratkaiseva.
Sillä sinä olit siitä asti toisessa suhteessa minuun kuin olit
kehenkään muuhun tutussa ympäristössäsi. Enkä koskaan unohda
sitä onnen hymyä, joka aina levisi kasvoillesi myöhemmin joskus
puhuessamme tästä yhtymisestämme ja lapsuutesi varhaisimmista
muistoista.

Sinä päivänä istuit valkoisen jakkarapöydän ääressä, edessäsi

kulunut kuvakirja. Huoneen muusta sisustuksesta minulla ei ole
aavistustakaan. Sen vain tiedän, että siinä oli pieniä lastenvuoteita ja
niissä nukkuvia pikkulapsia, ja meidät saattoi sinne laitoksen
johtajatar, diakonissanpuku yllään. Hän oli korkeasukuinen nainen,
hienopiirteinen ja komearyhtinen, tottunut käskemään, mutta sinä olit
hänen silmäteränsä, ja hän valvoi tarkasti tulevaisuutesi
kaikinpuolista turvaamista. Meihin hän oli jostakin syystä saanut
ehdottoman luottamuksen. Ja sen takia hän seisoi syrjässä odottaen
kohtalomme kehitystä.

Isä jäi äänetönnä sinua katselemaan. Minä lähestyin sinua ja

kyykistyin viereesi lattialle. Sinä vain suurilla silmilläsi minua katsoit
ja katsoit. Sydämeni oli kuin vellova vesi, toivon ja pelon vaiheilla
läikkyvä. Uskaltaisinko koskettaa noita pehmeitä kämmeniä sinun
siitä säikkymättä? Otin kätesi omaani ja sinä annoit sen silmiä
räpäyttämättä tapahtua. Tunsin silkkisen hipiäsi kosketuksen ja suljin
molemmat kätesi omiini. Silloin irroitit ne otteestani ja kiersit hennot
käsivartesi kaulaani.

Silmistäni valahtivat kyyneleet ja minä nostin sinut käsivarsilleni.

Suljin sinut syliini ja painoin otsani karkean mekkosi poimuihin.

Ja minusta tuntui kuin olisi jossain ajan kello lyönyt, erottaen

ajanjakson edellisestä. Se löi sinulle ja minulle. Ja sinä olit kuitenkin
vasta pieni lapsi, joka sopertelit ensimäisiä sanojasi.

Minä nousin ja käännyin isään päin. Näin, että asia hänenkin

puoleltaan oli ratkaistu. Huoneen kynnyksellä seisoi johtajatar-
diakonissa, eikä hänkään selvityksiä kaivannut. Mitään sanomatta
läksimme huoneesta pois, sillä tavanmukaiset kysymykset ja
vastaukset olivat tässä tarpeettomat.

Tuosta hetkestä tuli elämämme rajapyykki. Monet muut ovat

vähitellen häipyneet tietoisuudestamme, mutta se on aina loistanut
vastaamme yhtä kirkkaana muistojemme kätköistä.

3.

Niin se tapahtui. Mutta kesti kauan ennenkuin saimme ottaa sinut

mukaamme kotiin, sillä olimme vieraassa maassa, jolla oli omat
lakinsa. Odottaessamme asian laillista järjestelyä meidän oli pakko
pysyä kärsivällisinä kauankin, ja tämän ajan kestäessä oli aina
mahdollista, että jotakin arvaamatonta voisi tapahtua.

Vihdoin isä ei enää voinut aikaansa hukata, hänen täytyi, jos kohta
vastahakoisesti, matkustaa kotimaahamme. Minä jäin. Ja olin valmis
odottamaan sinua vaikka vuosia, jos sikseen tulisi.

Päivästä päivään elin vain sitä hetkeä varten, jolloin sain sinut
nähdä. Sinä tähystelit tuloani ikkunasta ja tallustelit minua vastaan.
En tahtonut tavata sinua muitten läsnäollessa, ja siksi vein sinut aina
ulos. Pistin yllesi päällystakkisi, jos oli sateista, muuten sait tulla
kanssani kävelylle hoitolapuvussasi. Sinä astua tepastelit vieressäni
paksut villasukat jalassasi kesähelteestä huolimatta ja punaruutuinen
esiliina peittämässä harmaata mekkoasi. Mutta mitäpä minä
tamineistasi! Olit silmissäni maailman herttaisin lapsi, ja vieläkin olen
varmasti vakuutettu, että todella olitkin. Ja sitäpaitsi, kukapa siinä
suurkaupungin vilinässä olisi ennättänyt kiinnittää huomiotaan
nuoreen naiseen, joka talutti pientä palleroistaan!

Ne kävelyt olivat minulle elämän puhtainta onnea. Pojan pieni käsi

omassani tunsin hänen rajattoman luottamuksensa virtaavan
lävitseni ja oman sydämeni sykkivän rakkautta häntä kohtaan.
Löytäessäni tyhjän istuimen puistossa nostin hänet syliini ja hän
nojasi minuun. Hän istui siinä kuin varmimmassa turvassaan, hän
nukkui siihen kuin lintunen pesäänsä. Ja hänen herätessään laulelin
hänelle outoja lauluja omalla kielelläni, katsoen hänen ihmetteleviin
silmiinsä hänen siinä polvellani kiikkuessaan, rusopintaiset kasvot
minuun käännettyinä.

Silloin tunsin, ettei mikään mahti voisi erottaa minua sinusta. Että
kaikki äidinvaistoni olivat kasvamassa voimaksi, joka voisi siirtää
vuoria sinun tähtesi.

Ja kuitenkin oli vielä mahdollista, että hän, joka oli sinut niin
vähäiseksi arvioinut, että miltei synnyinhetkenäsi oli sinut hylännyt,
voisi sinut minulta riistää.

Mutta en sitä mahdollisuutta muuta kuin ohimennen pelännyt. Sillä

en voinut uskoa hänen vaativan sinua takaisin. Hän oli luopunut
sinusta vapaaehtoisesti, jättäen sinut elämän purteen satunnaisen
kohtalon varaan. Olit kyllä ollut hyvissä käsissä tähän asti, mutta
tällä suojelijallasi oli lupa siirtää sinut eteenpäin muitten huomaan.
Synnyttäjäsi oli enää vain nimellisesti äitisi. Sillä elämän laki on
lahjomaton.
 Eikä tässä ollut muusta kysymystäkään kuin hänen valkoisen
kätensä allekirjoituksesta. Uusi sormus välkkyi hänen sormessaan,
tiesin sen. Se kiiltäisi siinä hänen piirtäessään nimensä paperille,
joka ratkaisisi elämäsi kohtalon.

Vapaaksi hän oli tahtonut tulla — siis olkoon hän vapaa ainiaaksi.
Pukekoon hän yllensä nuoruutensa ja kauneutensa hulmuavat
vaatteet ja käyköön elämän karkeloon! Huuhdelkoon kulmiltaan
öitten salaiset murheet ja rientäköön onnen tanhuville! Tulkoon
maailman loisto ja upeus hänen osakseen, jos hän sitä haluaa,
mutta älköön hän koskaan vaipuko muistelemaan varhaisimman
nuoruutensa haaveita! Silloin hiipii ehkä hänen sydämeensä avuton
autiuden tunne, joka hiljaa hänen elinlankaansa jäytää.

Nyt hän ei halunnut menneestä ajasta mitään tietää. Hän tahtoi

unohtaa nuo keväiset yöt, jolloin satakielet lehdoissa lauloivat ja
kastehelmet ruohonkorsissa hohtivat. Hän heitti ne hetket unholan
hämärään, sillä hän ei voinut sitoa itseään siihen, joka oli vain
virvatulen leikkiä. Eikä siihenkään, joka teki tämän haihtuvan kuplan
todelliseksi hänen silmissään. Hän ei ollut niitä, jotka ottavat
lapsensa käsivarrelleen astuaksensa ulos elämään sen kanssa.

Hän siis pakeni, koska hän ei muuta voinut. Hän heitti kaikki
luotansa ja sulki portin takanansa, koska hän ei tahtonut mistään
vastata. Silloin tulin minä kulkien tietä pitkin ja löysin luomakunnan
aarteen hylättynä. Jouduttakoon hän askeleitansa, häntä ei enää
tarvittu. Suljin tämän hyljätyn olennon syliini ja kannoin sen ilosta
laulahtaen oman kotini kynnyksen yli.

Niin. Minä tunsin, että tämän lapsen takia olin valmis tekemään
mahdottomiakin. Nouskoon vaikka koko maailma sanomaan, ettei
hän ole omani! Uhmailisin maailmaa vastaten, että se tuomitsi
harhaan. Kukaan ei tule äidiksi synnyttämällä lapsen, jota hän ei ole
voinut olla synnyttämättä ja jonka hän sitten hylkää. Mutta äidiksi
tulee se, joka lasta rakastaen vaalii sitä omana sielunaan, oman
elämänsä kukkana.

Mutta ainoastaan harvoin ja sivumennen ajattelin niitä, jotka olivat

antaneet sinulle elämän lahjan. Useimmiten unohdin ne tykkänään,
eivätkä ne koskaan tulleetkaan tajunnassani täysin eläviksi. Olin
ihmeteltävän huoleton. Todella tuntui sieltä, kuin olisit syntynyt sinä
hetkenä, jolloin sinut ensi kerran näin. He olivat vain kangastuksia,
jotka häipyivät olemattomiin, he olivat vain harhailevaa sumua, joka
utupilvinä pakenee päivän kehrän ensimmäisiä valoenteitä.

Mutta sinä — sinä olit kastehelminen kukkaiskupu, jonka yksin

meidän silmämme oli nähnyt. Sinä olit kaukaisessa vuoristossa
säteilevä hohtokivi, joka meidän yksin oli sallittu löytää. Tai olitko
linnunpoikanen, joka oli pudonnut pesästään ja jonka piipitystä me
yksin kuulimme? Jonka pelastin käteeni hoitaakseni sydänkäpynäni.
Ja elämä sulki meidät sykähtävään helmaansa, ja tuuli riemuitsi ohi
liitäessään. Sillä itse pyhä kohtalo oli tarttunut käteemme ohjaten
meidät sinne, missä sinä varroit. Se oli meidät vihkinyt löytämään
sinut ja ilolla ja ylpeydellä omistamaan sinut Jumalan ja ihmisten
edessä.

4.

Kävelyiltämme palattuamme tuli joskus diakonissa-täti vastaamme

käytävässä. Ja jos silloin kysäisin ratkaisun päivää tai hetkeä, kohotti
hän vain olkapäitään merkiksi siitä, ettei hän mitään tiennyt.
 — Ei syytä pelkoon — sanoi hän. — Kukaan ei teiltä lastanne vie.
Olen kokenut tarpeeksi tietääkseni sen. On vain yhtä ja toista
huolehdittavaa, ennenkuin asiat ovat laillisessa järjestyksessä.

Hän oli oikeassa.

Koitti vihdoin se päivä, jolloin sain noutaa sinut luokseni

viedäkseni sinut mukaani merten ja mantereitten taakse omaan
kotiimme.

Niinpä tulit omaksemme. Ja se päivä on ollut elämämme

kohtalokkaimpia.

Viimeisen kerran tullessani laitokseen juoksit vastaani ilosta

kirkuen ja polviini kiinni tarrautuen. Nostin sinut korkealle ilmaan,
jolloin sinulta pääsi helähtävä nauru, ja olkapäilläni kieppuen ja
käsiäsi huitoen riensit kanssani käytävää pitkin huoneeseesi. Oivalsit
heti, että tänään sinua odotti jokin tavallista hauskempi, ja melkein
vapisit kuumeisesta malttamattomuudesta. Meillä oli molemmilla
tulinen kiire saada päällystakki yllesi ja lakki päähäsi. Ja sitten
kiertää laitosta sanoaksemme hyvästit kilteille tädeille.

Hyvästi ja kiitos kaikesta!

Ja sitten seisoimme yhdessä portaitten alla katukäytävällä, sinä ja

minä! Muistatko sinä sen — sinä ja minä!

Eikä meitä enää mikään eroittaisi!

Tartuit heti käteeni ja aloit epävakaisilla jaloillasi tarmokkaasti

taivaltaa eteenpäin ikäänkuin arvaten, että nyt oli kysymyksessä
pitempiaikainen matka. Sinä pieni veijari olit niin sanomattoman
tyytyväisen näköinen. Lyhyet jalantypykkäsi ponnistelivat
urhoollisesti ja syrjäsilmin kurkistit minuun ikäänkuin urkkien, mihin
maailmanmatkojen päähän nyt oli tarkoitus vaeltaa. Sinä et
rahtuakaan epäröinyt, sinä olit varma, että siellä paratiisin ovi meille
avautuisi. Enkä minäkään sitä epäillyt.

Asfaltti huokui lämpöä allamme, ja raitiovaunut kilisivät. Pikkupojat

nappipelineen unohtivat koko muun olevaisuuden, katukaupustelijat
huusivat hajamielisesti sanomalehtiänsä, banaanejansa,
kengänmustettansa kaupaksi. Avopäälapset tirkistelivät
portinpielistä, härnäsivät toisiansa ja tömistivät sitten yhtenä vilinänä
pakoon rotevaa poikaa, joka silmät vilkkuen ajoi heitä takaa.

Meitä ei mikään liikuttanut emmekä mitään huomanneet. Me

kuljimme käsi kädessä ja katse katseessa kohti yhteistä
tulevaisuuttamme.

*****

Millaisia päiviä sitten seurasikaan! Jos voisi niin varhaisista ajoista

ammentaa esille unholan pimentoon vajonneita kuvia, muistaisit sinä
kuten minäkin ennen kaikkea sen hämyhohteisen iltapäivän, jolloin
yhdessä liikuskelimme pauhaavan kaupungin keskuksessa. Oli
ainoastaan vuorokausi kulunut siitä, kun ensi kerran omana
lapsenani olit käsivarrelleni nukkunut. Seuraavana päivänä
lähdimme ulos heti päivällisen jälkeen, sillä en kärsinyt nähdä sinua
hoitolavaatteissasi. Pois siis kaikki vanha ja kuta pikemmin sitä
parempi! Pojallani tuli olla omat somat vaatteensa eikä rihmaakaan
entisyydestään.

Tuo menneisyys oli kuitattu ja ainiaaksi lopussa, ja mikä sitä

muistutti, oli karkotettava pois tietoisuudestamme. Tule siis,
mennään hakemaan pikkumiehelle sellaiset vaatteet, jotka hänen
arvolleen sopivat!

Tuolla jo raitiovaunu tulla hurisi, ja saimme paikan siinä. Matka

syrjäkaupungilta keskikaupungille kesti kauan, ja minusta tuntui, että
noitten vieraitten vaunussa istujien huomio kiintyi meihin. Enkä sitä
ensinkään ihmetellyt. Sillä kukapa ei olisi sellaista lasta ihaillut ja
hänen äitiään kadehtinut! Tunsin arvoni monin verroin kohonneen.
Olimme siis nyt niin pitkällä, että istuit polvellani kenen tahansa
nähden ja olit omanani kaikkien näitten ihmisten edessä. Se oli
meille suuri-arvoinen ja merkillinen päivä.

Katsokaa te vain! Kyllä kannattaa!

Sinä et hiiskunut halaistua sanaa koko matkalla, mutta silmäsi

seisoivat tarkkaavaisina päässäsi ja korvasi olivat pystyssä. Sinä
sirkeäsilmäinen matkamies! Mistä minä silloin arvasin, että luontaiset
harrastuksesi sinä hetkenä saivat ensimmäisen vaistomaisen
herätteen, että sinussa paloi väkevä intohimo kaikkeen, mikä
puhkuen, säikkyen, sihisten tai ulisten liikkui tai pani liikkeelle. Sitten
sen selvästi huomasin myöhemmin, kun jouduit tavalla tai toisella
tekemiseen koneellisten ilmiöiden kanssa. Nyt katsoin vain hymyillen
vaaksanpituiseen mieheen ja hänen tutkivaan ilmeeseensä, jättäen
hänet omaan rauhaansa maailman ilmiöitä havaitsemaan.

Astuimme alas jonkin lasten vaatetusliikkeen kohdalla, ja aloin

tarkastaa sen varastoja. Seisoit tuolilla lampun alla hiukan ymmällä
kaikesta tuosta kääntämisestä ja koettelemisesta, pyörittelemisestä
ja mittaamisesta, jonka alaiseksi käsittämättömästä syystä olit
joutunut. Mutta koska täällä emme saaneet kaikkia tarpeitamme
tyydytetyksi, jatkoimme retkeämme seuraavaan ja sitä seuraavaan
liikkeeseen, ja kun nämäkin sijaitsivat keskikaupungilla, kannoin
sinut toisesta toiseen niiden välisen lyhyen matkan. Ensimmäiset
valot sytytettiin katujen kulmauksissa, sanomalehtipoikain kiljunta
kävi yhä äänekkäämmäksi, polkupyöräilijäin tiu'ut helisivät yhä
tiheämmin, ja poika painoi yhä enemmän käsivarsillani. Hänen
päänsä lämmitti kosteana olkapäätäni, hänen hengityksensä kävi
tasaiseksi ja syväksi, hänen jäsenensä raukenivat rennoiksi. Hän
nukkui. Jo olin lysähtää kokoon uupumuksesta, ennenkuin tapasin
auton ja pääsin ystäviemme kotiin, jossa asuimme ja jossa suurella
myötätunnolla seurattiin tarinamme kehitystä.

Mutta tämä ensimmäinen uupumukseni sinun tähtesi värisi

ruumiissani niin suloisena raukeutena, että mieltäni vieläkin huumaa
sen muisto. Tunnen vieläkin pääsi painon rinnoillani ja käsivartesi
kiinteän puristuksen kaulani ympäri. Suu on puoliraollaan ja
valkoisten helmirivien lomitse hivelee poskeani hengityksesi keveä
kosketus. Ja minusta tuntuu kuin kaikella tällä minut olisi kultaisin
kirjaimin kirjoitettu onnellisten ihmisten kirjaan, ja kuin iloni
yltäkylläisyydessä tahtoisin jakaa omaa saamaani hyvää koko
maailmalle, siunaten kaikkia ja kaikkea.

Siunattu olkoon tämä hämärikkö ahtaitten katujen melussa!

Siunattu olkoon grammofoonien laulu avatuista kahvila-ikkunoista,
rattaiden räminä ja kellojen kilinä, raitiovaunujen vauhti ja
näyteikkunoitten silmiä hivelevä komeus! Siunattu olkoon tuokin
ihmismeri, joka hyväntahtoisesti sulki meidät hyrskivään helmaansa,
kieltämättä meiltä osuuttamme elämän onneen!

Siunattu olkoon tuo rauhaa henkivä päivänlaskun hetki, jolloin olin

vaipua maahan väsymyksestä sinua hoivatessani! Olisin iloiten
ponnistellut voimiani sinun tähtesi vielä tänäänkin ja joka päivä
tämän päivän maille mentyä. Ja tiedäthän, mikä onni minulle olisi
ollut, jos olisit pysynyt vanhuuteni huolenpidon esineenä ja päivieni
valona myöhäiseen iltaan asti.

*****

Vihdoin olimme valmiit matkustamaan kotiin.

Teit sen matkan kerran myöhemmin edestakaisin. Tiedät,

minkälainen on meri, kun se kirkkaina elokuun päivinä
auringonpaisteessa kimmeltää. Silloin se oli kuin peili, ja kalalokit
kiersivät laivaamme tehden pitkiä, loivia kaaria.

Sinä peräkannella katselit potkurin kiertämää ryöppyävää vaahtoa

tai paistattelit päivää polvellani istuen valkoisessa korituolissa
naisten salongin ikkunan alla. Se oli toinen esittelysi maailmalle,
paljon tärkeämpi kuin ensimmäinen. Mutta hauskinta meistä oli
piiloutua hyttiimme, jossa saimme leikkiä ja jutella mielinmäärin
kahden kesken. Siellä kenkäsi purjehtivat edestakaisin sohvalla, ja
sinä asuit milloin matkalaukussa, milloin sohvatyynyn takana. Ja
samallahan sinun oli opittava ensimmäiset suomalaiset sanasi —
minkä niminen oli oma paitasi, mitä rannukkaat puolisukkasi ja nuo
muutkin tavarat, jotka olimme yhdessä ostaneet tuona
puolihämyisenä iltapäivänä pauhaavassa suurkaupungissa.

Näihin ensimmäisiin tavaroihin on liittynyt niin paljon muistoja,

etten koskaan ole hennonut luopua niistä kaikista. Tiedät, että
minulla on niitä vieläkin joitakuita piironginlaatikossani, ja olet joskus
nauraen levittänyt ne polvellesi tai vetänyt lastensukat suurille
kämmenillesi. Lapselliseksi olet minua silloin sanonut ja olkapäitäsi
kohottaen minulle naurahdellut, mutta uskon sentään, että olet salaa
siitä pitänytkin. Aina, kun sattumalta olemme tulleet niitä yhdessä
katselleeksi tai edes vilaukseltakaan nähneeksi, on edessämme ollut
hohtava meren pinta, kone on kumeasti jyskyttänyt lattian alla ja
olemme häiritsemättä omistaneet toisemme ja aarteemme
ihastuttavassa kammiossamme.

Oli ainoastaan pari tuttavaa laivassa, ja muistan vielä, miten

eräänä päivänä toinen heistä ihmetellen sanoi minulle:

3°

— Sinähän jumaloit häntä!

Totta hän puhui. Minä jumaloin sinua, Yrjö.

*****

Kun kallioinen saaristomme lähestyi, nousimme kannelle. Siellä

näkyi — Suomi! Sitä sanaa olimme hartaasti harjoittaneet pitkin
matkaa, ja sinä lausuit sen jo miltei suomalaisesti ääntäen. Suomi oli
jotakin suunnattomasti hauskaa. Kaikki oli Suomea. Metsäiset
saaret, vaaleaksi maalatut huvilat, veneet laivasiltojen kupeella, uivat
lapset rannoilla, haukkuvat koirat kallioilla. Jo näkyivät Viaporin
linnoitukset ja vallit, kirkot ja sipulinmuotoiset kupukatot. Molemmin
puolin kapeata väylää laivat ja moottoriveneet jyskyttivät ja
täksyttivät, ja vihdoin sukelsi meren helmasta esille valkoisen
hohtava kaupunki torneineen ja huippuineen.

Näin tuon venäläisen lipun Viaporin valleilla ikäänkuin olisin

nähnyt sen ensi kerran. Ja nuo venäläiset sotamiehet, jotka siinä
vahtia pitivät pyssyt olallaan. Selkääni karmi ja melkein häpesin.
Sellaisen orjuutetun kansan jäseneksi hänet tuon! Vapaasta
kansasta sorron alaisuuteen! Mutta olkoon, se on sittenkin kunniakas
maa, tämä maamme. Emme ole koskaan sisäisesti taipuneet, ja kai