BUILDING RAPPORT AND SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIPS

RAPPORT- The Oxford English Dictionary (OED, 1999), defines rapport in similar
terms as ‘a close and harmonious relationship in which there is a common
understanding’.
THE NATURE OF RAPPORT
- As an emotional ‘state’ created from a flow of interactions with other people.
It’s important to understand that rapport is in a constant state of flux.
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality preference principles to try
and guestimate. - it is developed by Katherine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myer,
and first published for practical application by CPP Inc. in 1975. It is the world’s most
widely used personality assessment tool.

JUNG’S FOUR DICHOTOMIES:

- Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I)- people with the (E) preference get their
energy from interacting with others and are often recognized as ‘good talkers’.
While, the people with the (I) preference like to spend time thinking and
reflecting and are often recognized as ‘good listeners’.
- Sensing (S) or Intuiting (N)- people with an (S) preference like working with
hard data and are often considered to be practical and common-sense types.
While the people with (N) preference respond best to more abstract or
theoretical information and are often seen as creative types.
- Thinking (T) or Feeling (F)- people with a (T) preference reach their
decisions by using their logic and their ‘head’. While the people with (F)
preference prefer to rely on their feelings and ‘heart’.
- Judging (J) or Perceiving (P)- people with (J) preference like to plan,
structure and organize their lives. While those people with (P) preference
prefer spontaneity, freedom and variety.

THE THEORY STATE THAT PEOPLE LIKE PEOPLE WHO HAVE THE
SAME PREFERENCES AS THEIRS.
Why rapport is so important in working relationships?
- As a professional you will already know that the workplace is not just a
network of systems, processes, and tasks, it’s a human network too. To enjoy
success, you have to be able to work successfully with a wide variety of
people from different backgrounds, with various life experiences and
viewpoints, who may have little appreciation of your world.

THE BUSINESS CONTEXT FOR RAPPORT

- Face to Face- job interview, negotiation, formal presentations or pitches.
- Over the phone- In today’s workplace, the first contact you have with
someone new and influential (and perhaps remotely located) is very likely to
be via e-mail.
- Via E-Mail- acceptance on the job.

THE PSYCHOCOLOGY OF RAPPORT

MODEL OF THE WORLD- derived from the cognitive psychology, the term refers
to the internal thought processes that define a person’s understanding (perception) of
how the real world works.

How are models of the world created?

- We discover the world through our senses ; what we see, hear, feel smell and
taste. However, we are bombarded with a vast, ever increasing, quantity of
external information all the time. Without proper controls in place, our brains
would fry attempting to process all this sensory data. So, to ensure we can
cope up with this onslaught, our conscious mind applies what are termed
“information filters’; namely our values, beliefs, memories and decisions,
which delete, distort and generalized the data we receive so we can respond to
it effectively. Our models of the world are in fact, survival mechanism and
there are as many variations as there are people; a fact that presents those of us
seeking to build rapport with a tiny bit of a challenge, especially as these
models are not usually visible to others. However, there are clues if you know
what to look for.
META PROGRAMS- are those that operate at a subconscious level and have most
influence on our behaviors. They help us not only to understand why different people
behave differently, but they allow us to predict how someone will react in a specific
situation.

TECHNIQUES FOR CREATING AND SUSTAINING RAPPORT FACE TO

FACE

FIRST IMPRESSION COUNTS

Like it or not, people will make a judgement on your credibility as a professional
based on your appearance, demeanor, body language and your first interaction with
them.

THREE MOST COMMON UNPOPULAR HANDSHAKE

1. The ‘wet fish’ – limp and flaccid. May imply that the person lacks substance.
2. The ‘boss’ – palm downwards, on top of yours, taking the ‘upper hand’. May
imply a dominant power player.
3. The ‘little me’ – soft and gentle, lacking grip pressure. May imply
submissiveness.

Note:
Firm handshake – stand straight, make eye contact, reach out and greet.
Double Hander – represent as the corporate favorite. Also known as politician’s
handshake.
Rapport as two-way process based on verbal ‘give and take’: you speak, I listen vice
versa. It will therefore help the conversation flow if you prepare questions to ask a
person you are meeting for the first time. Or, take a few minutes to learn something
about the person before you get together.

PROFESSOR ALBERT MEHRABIAN’S 7-38-55 PER CENT RULE

(also known as the Three V’s in human face-to-face communications)

o Verbal (words – 7%)

o Vocal (tone of voice – 38%)
o Visual (body language – 55%)

NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING (NLP)

- approach to communication, personal development and psychotherapy created
in the 1970s by Richard Bandler and John Grinder.
- “Neuro” as a connection between our brain’s neurological process of sight,
hearing, smell, taste, touch and feeling.
- “Linguistic” as the use of language to order our thoughts and communicate.
- “Programming” as our behavioral choices that have been learned through our
life experiences.

MIRROR-MATCH-PACE
- a meta program from NPL.
- you build rapport through a skill called pacing achieved though mirroring or
matching the communication channels.

ACKOWLEDGEMENT UNDERSTANDING ACCEPTANCE

WE ARE LIKE! TRUST RESPECT

The Business Context for Rapport
Face to face
“It is important as a professional you are sincere in your use of these skills and that
you use them with integrity”

Posture - refers to the position or stance of the body, particularly when standing or
sitting. It can also refer to the attitude or approach one adopts towards a particular
situation or topic.

Body Movements- refer to the gestures, motions, or actions made by a person's body,
such as hand gestures, facial expressions, or shifts in posture. These movements often
convey nonverbal messages and can communicate emotions, intentions, or attitudes.

Gestures - Gestures can include hand signals, nods, shrugs, or facial expressions, and
they often accompany speech to emphasize or clarify meaning.

Facial Expression - These expressions include smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, and
squinted eyes, among others, and they play a significant role in nonverbal
communication.

Breathing - refers to the rhythm and pace of speech, including pauses for clarity and
emphasis.

Shoulder - Notice position and any tension

When matching their voice, you can try varying your own

Rhythm - flow of their speech.

Speed - Try to speak at a similar pace to theirs.
Volume - Adjust your volume to be in line with theirs.
Pitch - Aim to match the tone and pitch of their voice.

Five Internal Senses

V- isual - refers to anything related to sight or the sense of vision.
A- uditoty - the sense of hearing or the perception of sound.
K - inaesthetic - refers to the sense of movement or physical sensation
O - lfactory - relates to the sense of smell.
G - ustatory - refers to the sense of taste.

TECHNIQUES FOR CREATING AND SUSTAINING RAPPORT OVER THE

PHONE
 Sit up straight: Maintain good posture to project confidence and attentiveness.
 Open the call with a smile: Smiling while speaking can be heard in your voice
and helps to establish a positive tone.
 Start the conversation with small talk: Engage in casual conversation to build a
connection before delving into the main topic.
 Listen well: Pay close attention to the speaker, show interest, and respond
appropriately.
 Match words: Mirror the language and tone used by the other person to establish
rapport and create a sense of understanding.
 Show empathy: Demonstrate understanding and compassion for the other
person's perspective or situation.
 Be friendly, even in difficult conversations: Maintain a warm and respectful
demeanor, even when discussing challenging topics.
 Know when to close the conversation: Recognize cues indicating the end of the
discussion and conclude the call politely and professionally.

TECHNIQUES FOR CREATING RAPPORT VIA EMAIL

1ST - Let’s consider the opening greeting of the an email. It’s so important to create a
great first impression, but there are no hard and fast rules. Avoid opening an email
with “DEAR” or even just their fist name at all cost.
2nd - Almost everyone loves reading messages that are positive and affirming. Write in
a friendly and approachable tone, as if you were having a conversation in person.
3rd - emotive and sensory words (remember VAKOG) Use polite language and
respectful phrases to show consideration for the recipient. Show real interest in what
the other person has to say to build a connection. It’s makes it more interesting for a
start, which will reflect how they see you as a person.
4th - Show empathy with the person in the email where you can, particularly when
closing the email. Show gratitude for the recipient's time, input, or assistance to
strengthen the relationship and encourage continued interaction.
5th - Check the quality of your email before press Send. Use the spelling and grammar
checker. Read the email out loud.

How to Destroy Rapport

 Don't disagree vehemently: While disagreements are natural, expressing them too
strongly can damage rapport. It's important to express differing opinions
respectfully and constructively.
 Don't talk too much: Effective communication involves listening as much as
speaking. Hogging the conversation can make others feel unheard and diminish
rapport. Allow for balanced dialogue where everyone has a chance to contribute.
 Don't deliver an uninvited sales pitch: Pushing products or services without
consent can come across as intrusive and self-serving. Instead, focus on building
trust and understanding before discussing potential offerings.
 Don't be negative, critical, or defensive: Negative attitudes, excessive criticism,
or defensiveness can create tension and erode rapport. Maintain a positive and
open-minded approach to foster constructive communication.
 Don't try to score points: Engaging in debates solely to win or prove oneself right
can lead to adversarial relationships. Prioritize collaboration and mutual
understanding over competition.

 Don't fake interest: Insincerity is easily detected and undermines trust. Be

genuinely interested in others' perspectives and experiences to build authentic
connections.

 Don't be dishonest: Honesty and integrity are essential for building and
maintaining rapport. Misleading or deceiving others can quickly destroy trust and
credibility in relationships.