PERSONAL REFLECTION PAPER 1

Personal Reflection Paper

My development as an adolescent consists of various revelations and reflections about

my identity learned that have led me to the person I am today. For example, there are a few

instances in my life where I distinctly remember becoming aware of my ethnic and racial

identity. The first time was when I was in elementary school-- which happened to be

predominantly White. One day, as my classmates around me began opening their lunch pails to

eat, I remember seeing them proudly showing off their Lunchables, burgers, and peanut butter

and jelly sandwiches. On the other hand, I had a plastic bag with aluminum foil wrapped around

my homemade, Mexican burrito. I remember feeling so embarrassed to eat my lunch in front of

them that I rapidly threw it away and did not eat lunch that day.

Looking back, I see how much this experience applies to the racial and cultural identity

development (RCID) model by Sue and Sue (2003). The first stage of conformity, describes

exactly what I did. I internalized negative stereotypes of my ethnic background by thinking that

the food my mom made was nasty and threw it away. I tried to conform with my White

classmates by attempting to fit in and believing that my food was not “normal”.

As I entered high school, I adapted the second stage (dissonance) and third stage

(resistance and immersion). This was largely due to the fact that I moved to a predominantly

Hispanic town. As White individuals were now the minority group, I rejected their norms and

gained curiosity of my own ethnic background. Therefore, I began actively exploring my culture

through friendships, foods, music, clothing, and traditions.

It was until I graduated high school that I entered the fourth stage (introspection).

Coming to Fresno State, I was challenged with molding my own identity as well as adapting to

so many diverse individuals from both minority and majority ethnic groups. However, a few
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months into my first year, I got a job at the Cross Cultural and Gender Center, where I was

exposed and worked closely alongside many wonderful people from different ethnicities. I also

took Sociology classes which taught me about critical race theory, racial biases, and social

injustices. This helped me move onto the last stage which is synergistic articulation and

awareness. After these past years as an undergrad and graduate student, I can proudly say that I

wholeheartedly embrace my ethnic identity. I also both embrace and appreciate the contributions

of other ethnic backgrounds which make up our world. I do not see our society as a melting pot

but as a beautiful salad bowl with differences and similarities that make up who we are.

Similar to my ethnic identity, race was a topic that I never learned about or knew very

well of as an adolescent. However, there were certain experiences that obligated me to confront

my race. Bernardo Ferdman and Placida Gallegos’s (2012) considerations for understanding how

Latinos encounter race apply a lot to these experiences. The first consideration is the significance

of skin color, specifically how favorable it is viewed for Latinos to have light skin rather than

dark skin. Ferdman and Gallegos state that “skin color remains pertinent among Latinos, and

racism may manifest itself in the devaluing of those with darker skin” (Patton et al., 2016, p.

105). When I was younger, I distinctly remember a time where my dad would ask in a

disapproving tone why I was playing in the sun so much. Moreover, he would insist that I play

under the shade because the color of my skin was getting “too dark”. Therefore, growing up, I

was socially influenced to value a lighter skin complexion rather than a darker one.

The second applicable consideration from Ferdman and Gallegos (2012) is how “Latinos

respond in various ways to the racial categories in which they are placed in the United States”

(Patton et al., 2016, p.105). For instance, the first time I became aware of what race I was

perceived as was when I was in high school. I was barely starting to fill out my college
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application with the help of an advisor, when I stumbled upon the race question. The racial

categories listed: White, Black, Asian, and American Indian. I was so confused and did not know

what to select. I thought Hispanic was a race. I even said to her, “I am Mexican. What do I

choose?”. My advisor stood quiet and then told me to just select what my race was. I was still

confused after she said that. Therefore, I remember logging into my high school student portal to

check my demographics to see what race I was listed as and seeing White. I was so shocked.

“Am I White?”, I asked her. I remember there were other students in the classroom hearing my

question and laughing at me, but my mind was blown. I was having an identity crisis. The next

day, I remember feeling forced to choose that racial category in order to complete my college

applications and not feeling good after, as I knew deep down that I did not identify as White.

It took me some time after this experience to learn that others feel the same way that I do.

According to Ferdman and Gallegos (Patton et al., 2016, p.45), some Latinos “identify as White,

while others reject this classification and use Latino as a racial and an ethnic category”. For me, I

know that race is a social construct and has no biological premise (Patton et al., 2016). Therefore

I feel more confident in selecting my ethnicity rather than my race as I know that my ethnicity is

something of more value to me. If I have to select a racial category, I do not select “White” and

feel more comfortable choosing “Other”.

Having lived all these experiences, I can confidently say that I identify as a

“Latino-identified” and “Latino-integrated” individual (Patton et al., 2016). This means that I

uphold a “pan-Latino identity” as well as have an orientation that understands that I am

“contributing within a larger multicultural framework inclusive of all people” (2016).

Altogether, these moments in my life have led me to reflect and think about what I

identity as-- whether it is my racial or ethnic identity. It is fair to say that other Latinos, as well,
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share similar experiences that have led them to the person they are today. The theories of

Ferdman, Gallegos, and Sue relate to these noteworthy experiences.

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References

Patton, L. D., Renn, K. A., Guido, F. M., Quaye, S. J., & Evans, N. J., (2016). Student

development in college: Theory, research, and Practice (3rd Ed.). Jossey-Bass.