well hello, pretty boy.

HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY omg ur 17 now :) cheers to you for another trip around the sun!
for the classics ofc I wish u the best wishes on this beautiful day – may u have
many, many more... with me!! I hope u stay healthy and safe and happy most of all.
let’s spend countless years by each other’s side and remain together and
inseparable through them all. I love youuuu :3

So so so, idk where or how to start this... the day I met u — actually u know I've
been seeing u from afar since last year. late 2021. I thought u were very pretty,
and looked kinda emo 😭 idk why I liked it. u weren't really a crush at that time
but I remember the feeling I used to get every time I saw u in the skl yard. u were
alone most of the time, wearing that cool leather jacket and rocking the look with
ur nerd glasses and that pretty watch u always had on ur wrist. u stood out to me,
and I really enjoyed watching u. I never knew ur name and always assumed u studied
f s3 grp 1 cuz u were always there.
I never expected it to be u, u know? but it is u, it's all u. so u can imagine my
surprise when I walked into class this year and noticed u in the back. it was a
cute coincidence and I remember thinking “omg that’s emo Peter Parker in the back”.
I rarely mentioned u to anyone, u were like my own little secret.
At the start it was just admiration. u were quiet and discreet, not out of
insecurity or timidness but u had the “I don't give a fuck” attitude in a somewhat
respectful way and ur aura in general lured me in. something abt u clicked with me
and idk how to explain it. u made me very curious abt u. I would sit in class not
daring to turn around and u rarely spoke loud the first months, but when u did I
would hold my breath just to hear ur voice. slowly everything started revolving
around u. I would spin my pen the same way u do cuz I learned it from watching u in
science class every tuesday. I started noticing we do the same nose scrunch to lift
our glasses up, and that I saw myself in u in a way. I even took notice of the
white fur on ur clothes, u wore dark colors so I always knew u had a cat before
even telling me hehe. everything u did and how u did it made sense. I’m good at
reading ppl but the level of familiarity I had with u wasn't just ordinary cuz I
knew u weren't just “ppl” to me. everything lined up from my side. it fell right
into place.
and I knew that something would happen, I felt it in my soul that u weren't just
anyone I’d come across in life. I didn’t blv in such coincidences. u weren't just a
silly crush I’ll get over from in a few months or a silly obsession. I took that
step like a free fall, my head was put on pause when I came over ur acc on insta.
then I followed u.
u followed me back.
u texted me (twice!!;!.&:!:€!!) and I texted u back.
boom.
we started talking and I slowly fell in love with everything about u. u started
becoming my favorite notification, and I’d wait after skl for ur text every day. I
thought I would get used to the feeling, but my heart still dances when ur name
pops up on my screen. I still jump around when u say u love me and I smile like an
idiot every time u double cross my mind. I say ur name all the time when ur not
around just to put more of u in this world. I kick my feet when I daydream abt u
and listen to ur vcs when I can't fall asleep. I fell for u so hard that now every
romance anime I watch makes me think of u and I find a parallel to us everywhere.
so much that when I hear a love song I sing along as hard as I can because of u.
that when I type a “j” ur name appears first on my keyboard. even when we’re just
playing games and not talking as much, I simply love u. my friends and my mom know
so much abt how deeply I do since I never shut up abt u. my mouth hasn't shut up
abt u ever since u kissed it. u held my heart so tightly from the very first day, u
felt right all along. we’d talk abt deep topics at night and laugh like children at
the silliest of things. u would touch my soul like no one ever did before with a
word, a look, an accidental graze of ur fingers against mine. ur breath as u kiss
my neck, my heart beating fast at every wild thought. u became my most cherished
person, I adored u in every way. I still do and it makes me the happiest, and I
always will.

listen, I love u. it's that clear, that simple. I know we have our ups and downs
but I can wholeheartedly say that u are the best thing that has ever happened to
me. and I know sometimes I can be a disappointment, that I rarely know what I want
or think before I act, but u should know that in half a lifetime of spectacular
messes, u are the very first thing that's felt right.
we went through a lot of shit, and we didn't deserve it. lots of stuff happened and
ppl got in the way of our relationship. but I'm glad we held on. I'm glad we’re
still holding on to each other, and I have little to no regrets. if I could turn
back time I would choose u all over again, I would go through all of what we did
again with a smile on my face. I choose u. over and over. without pause, without a
doubt, in a heartbeat. I’ll keep choosing u. maybe we would do some things
differently, things that would save us from heartache, but maybe not too. I wish we
were nicer and more understanding, yes, I wish we didn't have to hurt each other so
much. but we make mistakes to learn from them. that is love at the end of the day,
u open urself up for hurt. wanting spring is accepting the risk of winter (I say
this a lot ik ;-;) and we are worth it and important enough to each other so we
stick around. we stay. we get better for each other. because the right people do
that. they fight for u, the right people show up, the right people care. they
choose u as confidently as u choose them. they hand u their heart, they bet on u.
we may not chose the time but we chose to be the right people. we promised each
other a lot of things, one of them is to never walk away. because the people who
walk away from u for whatever reason are simply just the people who are not willing
to put the right amount of time and effort into u. those are the wrong people and I
never ever wish to be that for u.
do u get it, silly ass?
I wanna be right for u. I wanna hold u as close as I can and not feel judged for
it. I wanna kiss u until I can't breath and hug every single bad emotion out of u.
I wanna be the one u come home to when life is both sweet and bitter. I wanna grow
by ur side and have a happy lil family with u and experience it all. ur the one I
wanna spend every waking and sleeping second next to. I wanna get lost under
blankets with u and sleep in the safety of ur arms. I want us to whisper stories
and sweet things in each other’s ears as we try to drift to sleep. to touch u
without having second thoughts. I wanna look at u knowing I have the right to. I
want u to look at me back, to hold my eyes as lovingly as I do urs. and I see u
through them, ik ur not a bad person. ik there's more to u than this careless
asshole u wanna come off as. I see ur precious inner child come out when ur with
me, and u shouldn't be killing it. fuck fear and fuck prejudice and what everyone
will think. none of those shitty ppl will be here in five years but us we will be
Inshallah. together. the most important thing is us two, don't let anything lead u
astray. not even our own minds.
u are such a lovely person, especially to me. I truly appreciate everything u do.
ik ur trying ur best and it means the world to me. sometimes u feel very off and I
can do little to help... I wish I could do more for u. even tho u can be a real
bitch sometimes and I can't help feeling mad as fuck abt how things progress when
ur mad too and it gets bloody between us. that period of time when we were away
something in me was dying a little every day, I think it’s still happening now but
I'm not sure what it is or how to stop it. what’s certain is I feel the loss of
something inside, the burnout, and it sucks the life out of u tbh. I can be my own
villain, yk what overthinking can do. I would honestly flee anywhere to escape my
mind. especially in our case, it's so fucking vicious I don't even need to go
through the details since yk how tiring it can get.
we’re in love. love. it can kill u so easily but keep u from dying at the same
time. u would hurt me the worst way, say the wrongest things, but I would still
ache for u. ofc I’ll gladly strangle u f d9i9tha and I curse u a lot in my notes
app 😭 but I would still resist from calling u at night because ur the only one that
can make me feel okay. ik hurt people hurt people. I think that's why I can't
really put a serious blame on u. I know u are hurting, even tho it's not an excuse
to hurt me. but i realize that u go through things u don't even tell me abt
sometimes and it makes me think. u don't let me know much of what's going on
anymore but just know that I'm always there for u. balance in emotions is good cuz
sadness is the reason we can feel happiness. when u make the difference and feel
how far we’ve come after everything, it's a nice feeling. so no matter how much
things might get bad I’ll always have ur back. when ik ur not doing well and I'm
here with my built-up outrage, I can put it aside yk. there's no point in being
nice when it's good and cowering away when things get hard, right? we’re in for the
good and the bad. remember this. time is a good idea sometimes but my love for u
will always be greater. u’ll have my shoulder when u need it, always. even if u
don't do the same, even if u don't get the level of devotion I have for u. even
when we’re stupid and childish and messy. I love u.

I love u a lot, in every way. in every perspective. in every humanly possible

explanation. and I'm forever proud of u, for getting through every hard day and for
how far u’ve already come. for keeping up when u couldn't and for staying alive so
far. there's so much for u to fly and I'm with u every step of the way. I'm glad I
have met u, and so so so thankful that I'm experiencing love with u. I hope we can
stay as in love and as patient with each other as the years go by, and treat each
other right the way we both deserve. eat, sleep well and stay hydrated 🫶🏻
n7bk jallel.
happy 17th birthday ;3

ps: ik this may not be ur thing but I had a blast writing it (esp when I wasn’t
okay, April, May and June were wild) thought I would leave if for our anniversary
but drt sba and ur reading it now cuz I can't hide a secret/surprise from u :D so u
can not say anything lol thx for reading it anyway.
I love u ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)