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Get Better Summary
Get Better Summary
Get Better Summary
by Todd Davis
Has Get Better by Todd Davis been sitting on your reading list? Pick
up the key ideas in the book with this quick summary.
It may seem obvious, but every meaningful relationship, whether it’s
personal or professional, requires a fundamental set of attributes, such
as trust, credibility and considerateness. But that’s only the foundation
of what it takes to build and nurture a healthy relationship. Open-
mindedness, and our general attitude toward those around us, is just
as important.
In this book summary, you’ll find a toolbox full of tips and ideas that
you can immediately start using to create a healthier work
environment. With these tools, managers will be better equipped to
build strong teams, not to mention construct safe and comfortable
places where employees feel respected and appreciated. And any
employee eager to improve relations with coworkers can use them,
too.
You might get stuck thinking thoughts, such as, “I’m just not good
enough,” “I’ll never change,” “My coworker is lazy” or “My friend is
thoughtless.”
It’s your responsibility to take stock of your beliefs, keep an open mind
and hold yourself accountable for any narrow-minded perspectives you
might have about yourself, the world or the people in your life.
You should also stay open to the perspective of others. The author
reminded Jon that he was a good husband and father. Therefore, he
likely isn’t so bad at communicating, and if he put his mind to it, he
could probably have a productive conversation with Isabel. Perhaps he
wasn’t as inept around people as he’d long believed.
Jon eventually realized that he’d unfairly labeled Isabel as slow and
lazy, without taking the time to talk to her about it or understand her
work ethic.
For example, how would you react if you found out that a colleague
had been secretly working on a competing project behind your back?
Surely, you can imagine how this external event might result in your
feeling brimful of bitterness the next time you saw the person.
For example, let’s say you’re preparing to skydive. Would you trust the
person preparing your parachute if he had loads of character –
meaning he was kind and thoughtful – but wasn’t a competent
parachute-preparer? On the flip side, what if he had a wealth of
experience but demonstrated a lack of character by being arrogant and
emotionally unstable? Would you want him to be responsible for your
safety?
You may think that you have one job, but, in the big picture, most of us
play many roles. We’re parents, siblings, spouses, friends, as well as
teachers, managers and mentors.
What you want to avoid is desperately trying to juggle all these roles at
once. And at the same time, you don’t want to focus on one role at the
expense of all others.
The first step to achieving balance is to identify all the roles you play,
including the professional ones – be it graphic artist or tax advisor –
and the personal ones, such as girlfriend, sister or animal-shelter
volunteer.
Then, carefully consider which are the most important. These should
be the roles you’ve chosen for yourself, based on your personal values
– not the ones you perform in order to please others. So, if you’re
studying to be a doctor to satisfy your parents’ wishes, while taking
acting classes because you’re passionate about theater, the role of
med school student should rank far lower.
The next step is to decide how much time and energy you want to
contribute to each role, which you can do by making a contribution
statement. This is basically a list of statements that explain your
intentions.
The contribution statement for the role of a mother might say, “I will
provide my children with unconditional love, support and safety to
ensure that they feel empowered to reach their goals in life.”
If you want to follow Besso’s lead, and not that of the many others who
underestimated Einstein, then you need to look past first impressions
and recognize the true potential that lies within the people around you.
Even though Davis didn’t think much of his work so far, his boss looked
at his minor accomplishments as a sign of great potential. This gave
him a much-needed boost in self-confidence while also motivating him
to continue the good work.
There will always be urgent matters to attend to, but you’ll be less likely
to waste time when you set up daily and weekly goals to make sure the
important stuff doesn’t get neglected.
Whether it’s your private life or your work life, you shouldn’t put
yourself above others, nor should you put the concerns of others
ahead of your own. Instead, you should always have a “we” frame of
mind and try to create an interdependent relationship between you and
your colleagues.
It can help to think about your work relationships like a bank account,
but rather than depositing and withdrawing money, you’ll add and
withdraw things like trust and encouragement.
There are some practices that can help you maintain a healthy balance
in your EBA.
This isn’t the way to do things. Such working conditions are unhealthy
and make all interactions seem manipulative, insincere and dubious,
all of which can undermine good relationships.
And this leads us to the next practice for a healthy EBA: keeping a
close eye on your motives to make sure they stay honest. Once you
start engaging in dishonorable or dishonest actions, your relationships
will begin to erode.
So don’t take credit for someone else’s work or belittle the efforts of a
coworker just to get on your boss’ good side. Honorable motives are
driven by a sincere wish to improve everyone’s situation, not just your
own.
To really listen, you have to do more than just close your mouth, nod
occasionally and agree with what your interlocutor is saying. Listening
requires a sincere interest and desire to understand the other person’s
opinion or whatever concerns and problems she may have.
Now, there are many advantages to listening – but there are an equal
number of disadvantages to not listening. Foremost among them is
that you can cause the speaker to feel ignored or misunderstood,
which can damage your relationship.
For example, the author has a friend named Gary. Once, on the verge
of landing a new client, Gary got an unpleasant surprise – the potential
client turned him down. When Gary asked for a reason, he was told
that whenever they had a meeting, Gary was always busy telling them
how perfectly his company was going to meet their needs – so busy
that he never stopped to listen to what those needs actually were.
Gary learned the hard way that people begin to feel understood when
we stop and listen.
You’ve probably heard the saying that there’s no such thing as too
much of a good thing. Well, when it comes to working relationships,
this isn’t exactly accurate.
For example, let’s say your strength is efficiency and making the most
of your time. This is probably very beneficial for dealing with your
personal work, but if you’re constantly obsessing about other people
doing things a certain way, it can quickly become an issue of
inflexibility.
When you’re constantly pushing your talents on others, you can block
them from coming up with their own solutions and prevent the great
energy and creativity that comes with collaboration. This isn’t to say
you shouldn’t use your strengths; just make sure you aren’t doing so at
the expense of your relationships.
Some people have trouble with critical feedback. But the truth is,
feedback is crucial to improvement.
Let’s face it, no one’s perfect. Deep down, we know that there’s room
for improvement, yet we don’t like to hear about our shortcomings from
a colleague. When we receive feedback with suggestions on how to
improve, we may feel many things, from mild displeasure to utter
devastation. But that doesn’t mean you should shield yourself from
feedback.
After all, if someone told you that you have toilet paper stuck to the
bottom of your shoe, you’d thank him for saving you further
embarrassment, right? Now, imagine if this same person, with the
same helpful intentions, told you that you should try to improve your
listening skills and be less assertive around others.
Sure, personal feedback can sting, but it stings a lot less when you
trust that it comes with good, sincerely helpful intentions.
But instead of letting such things get to you, you should shift gears and
focus on inputs more than outputs.
Outputs are another name for results, whether they’re sales or the
numbers on a scorecard. Inputs, on the other hand, are the things you
do to reach your desired results, like the time and effort you devote to
practicing, researching or studying to get good grades.
So, if the output has dried up or is unsatisfactory, why not devote some
attention to the input?
The first step is to know precisely the kind of output you want. If you
run a hotel or some kind of service, you’re probably after customer
satisfaction, for instance.
The relationship between you and your customers can certainly lead to
learning about humility, and this is an important lesson because
relationships and businesses both require humility in order to be
successful.
Actionable advice: