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Transcript of Lornes Holy Crucifixion
Transcript of Lornes Holy Crucifixion
$30,000 and recently relocated to suburban Nashville, TN, with the hopes of becoming a famous country
singer, started chatting with what he believed to be a 13 year old girl in a chat room. The subject quickly
turned to sex, and eventually to how much he loved the girl. During the course of the chat, our Lorne
refers to his penis on numerous occasions as "Mr. Penis" and consistently tries to groom the girl so he
could gain her confidence, come visit her, and then sexually assault her. Throughout the chat (known as
the Holy Lorneography), we also learn that Lorne sleeps on the floor of his apartment, drinks shitty
watered down coffee, and likes shitty mac and cheese. Moreover, prior to arriving at the house, Lorne
and the girl have a cringeworthy phone conversation (which can easily be found on Youtube), the
highlight of which is Lorne singing to the girl a ghastly and awkward rendition of Heartland's "I loved Her
First," which has since become known as the Holy Hymn.
On October 18, 2007, at approximately 8:15pm local time, our Lorne and Savior arrived at a house in
Bowling Green, KY, where he believed his "precious little princess," 13 year old Kayla Moore, lived.
Instead of finding Kayla, he found Dateline NBC and various police agencies. What follows is a transcript
of Lorne's holy crucifixion at the hands of Dateline and the police.
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Chris narrating - In a few minutes, our next potential predator will probably be thinking HE, too, should
have stayed away.
Kayla - Hay
Frag - ...N.E. and you're Kayla. He should have condoms, pizza, bracelet, and a cam.
Kayla - Good!
Lorne - Good.
Chris narrating - ...He's 37 year old Lorne Armstrong, a construction worker. He's been chatting with a
girl posing as a 13 year old for more than a month; it's one of the longest chat logs we've ever seen -
four HUNDRED and seven pages - Using the screen name Lorne_a_20014, he tells her how to
masturbate, and then asks her if she wants to see him naked. She agrees, and he turns on his webcam.
He wants her to look at his penis.
Creepy predator narrator - Would you like to see it up close, so you can get a better look at it heh
Chris narrating - After chatting with the decoy, posing as a 13 year old, for just six days, he expresses his
- deep love - for her.
Creepy predator narrator - I wish I could marry you right now. Because I would do it. That's how special
you are to me, and that's how much I love you.
Chris narrating - But he clearly knows what he's doing is wrong, telling her to delete all evidence of their
chat log.
Creepy predator narrator - OK, delete your archives and remember - Mrs. Kayla Marie Armstrong - I
love you more than ANYthing.
Casey - He was SO excited to be here. Annd he came walking in, very proud, very excited.
Lorne - Look at...oh my gawd. (starts fucking with the buh-ins) Heh, I thouwght you had blownde hayuh?
Kayla - Well, what good are they going to do in the truck if we're in here?
Lorne - Wayyll! Yell at me why dontcha? (laughs) I haven't had a kiss yeyht. (STILL fucking with the buh-
ins)
Kayla - Oh. Okay. Well, then, what did you wanna do?
Kayla - (waving her arm in some really fucked up and contorted way) Well let's talk first...
Lorne - (laughs)
Lorne - A little bit not as bad as what you thought you would be? (laughs)
Lorne - IIII like seeing you in person. (FINALLY stops fucking with the buh-ins)
Lorne - Good.
Chris - Well, I'll tell ya for the last - several days - you've been up to a lot. You're a pretty prolific chatter
there. Wanna explain yourself? (sits down)
Lorne - (awkward pause) Not really, I'd never, really, was gonna do anything.
Lorne - No hnph.
Chris - So, you brought condoms. (pause) What else did you bring?
Chris - Now, besides all this chat here, and we'll go through that in a minute, you also sent (pause) a
whole bunch of pictures. (leans forward to hand Lorne the pictures) (grunts) Now why would you think
that's...
Lorne - Uhn
Chris - ...appropriate?
Chris - You talk about (pause) getting married to her. (annoyed judgy voice) Getting married? She's
thirteen!
Chris - You were going to marry her when she turned eighteen?
Lorne - (nods)
Chris - (gets up) Well, there's something I gotta tell ya. (pause) I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC and
we're doing a story...
Lorne - OH CAWD!
Chris - ...now you're free to walk out of this house right now...
Chris - ...but if there's anything else you want to say, now would be the time to say it.
Chris narrating - He has nothing further to say, and tries to make a quick exit, apparently not knowing
(pause) what's in store for him outside.
Lorne - (sobbing)
Chris narrating - He's taken to the local police station, where his car is searched.
Cop 3 - On Mr. Armstrong's truck we found some condoms (pause) a variety pack. Plus, some jewluhry.
(Lorne sobbing)
Big Dawg - I believe you transmitted (pause) quite a few (pause) photographs.
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Lorne was subsequently charged with and pled guilty to two crimes, one state and one federal, and
received a sentence of seven years in prison, with lifetime sex offender registration upon his release. He
now is hiding in the backwoods of his home state, Maine, occasionally making an appearance to send
out cease and desist letters to websites mocking him. He has yet to make amends with the lady (her
husband since died) he ripped off before he bolted to Tennessee.
While Lorne's love for Kayla was pure and true, this should serve as a valuable lesson to others - don't be
a loser and fucking try to pick up underage kids online!
NOTE: I deduced the time to be approximately 8:15 thusly - In the police interview video (which can also
be found easily on Youtube), Big Dawg stops the recorder at 9:23pm. This occurred at the 18:00 minute
mark of the video, which would put the beginning of the video at 9:05pm. I assume that Lorne had been
sitting the room for 5-10 minutes prior to the start of that video, which would put the time at 8:55pm.
His arrest and transport to the police station likely took about 15-20 minutes, which would put the time
he walked out of the house and got arrested at 8:35pm. Since the interaction with Chris Hansen is
heavily edited (the entire thing takes 4:30 minutes when it aired on the show), it is likely that he was in
the house for upwards of 15 minutes or more. Using these timeframes, I think 8:15 is a pretty good
estimate of the time the preceding events took place.