Letter of condolence

I. Introduction:
A condolence letter or condolence note is an expression of sympathy to a person who
has experienced pain, grief or a misfortune; it may be one of the most meaningful, long-
lasting acts of kindness and compassion you can give to a grieving person

- Condolence letters should be written and sent promptly, within two weeks after
the death.
- The message should be neatly hand written on stationery.
- If you are sending as a condolence note be sure to write a note by hand and
inserted into a beautiful card.
- The most effective condolence letters are the ones written as though you were
actually talking with the grieving person.
- Write the letter the way you would normally speak to the person.
- Ideally, the person reading your letter should feel as though you were sitting with
the grieving person

II. Format and language

1. What should a condolence letter contain?

- How you heard of the loss.

- How the loss made you feel.
- Special traits or characteristics of the person who passed.
- Memories or thoughts of the person deceased.
- An offering of support and help to the recipient.
- A heartfelt closing.

2. Useful language:

2.1. Acknowledge the loss.

Example:

1. I was deeply saddened to hear the news about the sudden death of ______.

2. There’s no word that can express how sorry we are to hear about the death of your

______
 3. I’m sorry to hear about your loss.

4. I am sorry about the loss of your beloved ____________.

5. I was very stunned to learn about the death of your _____.

6. Please know how very saddened I am for the loss of your_________.

7. I am so sorry to know that your _____ passed away last week.

2.2 Express your sympathy.

Example:

a. My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time. We are all in a

state of shock.

b. Our thoughts are with you and your loved ones during this difficult time of loss.

c. We were very stunned to hear this news and still can’t believe that it really

happened. During this difficult moment, our thoughts and prayers are always with

you

d. We love you. Our deepest sympathies are with you.

e. We send our deepest condolences to you and to your family.

2.3 Note special qualities of the deceased.

Example:

a. ________ was such a funny, entertaining and supportive person to be around.

She was often a bright spot in my day. I will miss seeing her.

b. ____ was a very thoughtful and wonderful person.

c. _____ was a wonderful person. ____ hugest joy was to make others happy.

d. George was such a kind soul, who will be greatly missed by all who knew him.

e. John was a wonderful husband and it showed every time he visited you at the

office

f. Uncle Keith was one of the most magnificent men I have ever had the pleasure

to know.
2.4. Include a memory about the deceased.

Example:

a. I remember one time when ___________.

b. We will never forget those trips we had with _____, and we will always miss _____.

c. I will never forget the time he surprised you with flowers and balloons for your

birthday!

d. I remember the time we came to visit and he bought us all of that chocolate candy

and made Aunt Fay angry! It was hilarious – he was always doing things like that to

make us smile and laugh.

e. I remember the time we were swimming in your pool, and your mom served us ice

cold lemonade on those floatable trays. We thought we were so grown up!

2.5 Remind the bereaved of their personal strengths or special qualities.

Example:

a. I know you will miss ________ greatly. During this difficult time, I know you will draw

upon your own strength and the strength of loved ones that hold you in their thoughts.

b. Please be strong in these tough moments of your life.

c. . I know that you are a strong wife/husband/son/daughter/father/mother and I am sure

you can handle this hard time of your life.

d. Please be strong and try to cope with this difficult moment for your kids

e. I know you’re a very strong woman and we admire you very much for that. I hope that

strength serves you now in your time of need.

2.6 Offer Assistance.

Example:

a. You have my deepest sympathy. I will be in touch to see if you need help with the

memorial service.

b. Please call us any time you want.

 c. Please call us if you want someone to talk to during this tough moment and we will be

there for you.

d. Please let us know if there’s something we can do to somehow lessen the pain you

feel in your hearts. We will always be there for you.

e. Please call me at anytime if you need to talk. I will handle things at work for you so

that you can take care of things at home.

2.7 End with a thoughtful word, quote or phrase.

Example:

a. Remember there are many people who care about you and are thinking about you

and share you loss in this difficult time of sorrow.

b. With all of my sympathy and love

c. We send you our prayers in this time of grief,

d. We send you our prayers in this time of grief,

e. Please accept our deepest sympathies.

f. My love and sympathy to you and your kids,

g. May _____ rest in peace,

3.Sample letters

Sample letters
Sample Condolence Letter 1 – For a Co-Worker Who Has Lost a Loved One

Dear Martha,

I am so terribly sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved husband. I read about it in the office memo as
everyone was asked to observe a moment of silence. I cannot imagine how you must feel at this time.

John was a wonderful husband and it showed every time he visited you at the office. I will never forget the
time he surprised you with flowers and balloons for your birthday! You were so happy and he enjoyed showing how
much he cared about you.

I wanted to extend my deepest sympathies for you and let you know that you have my support. Please call
me at anytime if you need to talk. I will handle things at work for you so that you can take care of things at home.

We are all thinking about you and keeping you in our thoughts and prayers. I know you’re a very strong
woman and we admire you very much for that. I hope that strength serves you now in your time of need.

We send you our prayers in this time of grief,

Elaine Dorsey
 III. Practice :

Exercise 1: Identify the parts of this condolence letter:

Dear Peter,
Please accept my condolences on the death of your mother. (1) It was a shock to
hear of her passing at such a young age. I know mere words may offer but little
comfort at this tragic time, but know that my deepest feelings of sympathy lie with
you and your family. My mom and dad asked me to also include their condolences.
(2) It seems like since we moved out of state we've lost touch a bit, but we always
think of you all. Those summer days in the old neighbourhood are full of cherished
memories.
I remember the time we were swimming in your pool, and your mom served us ice
cold lemonade on those floatable trays. We thought we were so grown up! Little did
she know that would set the pace for our future spring breaks! (4)We'll all miss
Angela very much. (3) She was a wonderful neighbour and I know she was a great
mother. You can see that in the successful children that she raised.
My dad's going to give your dad a call in the next few days, so I'll speak to you then.
Please let the rest of your family know how sorry we are, and that we'll be coming to
the funeral. We'll be arriving a few days before, so I'll come over and cook you a
meal on the Tuesday night before the service. (5)Until then, know that we're thinking
of you and praying for you constantly. (6)
With deepest sympathies,
Reg

Answer:

(1)…………………….…………………………

(2)………………………………………………

(4)………………………………………………

(5)…………………………..…………………

(6)……………………….…………………….
1. Put these sentences in the correct order to make complete condolence letters. Write again in the cards

letter 1:

Your brother, Tom , was a very thoughtful and wonderful person.

I’m sorry to hear about your loss.

We love you. Our deepest sympathies are with you

May your bother rest in peace,

We will never forget those trips we had with Tom and we will always miss him .

Please call us if you want someone to talk to during this tough moment and we will be there
for you.
Exercise 2:

He was always such a fun person to be around and we will miss his great wit and charm

We will always have fond memories of your dad from all those great gatherings at your house.

Jean and I both lost our dads in the last few years, so we know full well the grief you are experiencing.
.
Please know that we are sharing your grief at this very sad and difficult time.

We just heard the news about your dad and wanted to let you know how very sorry we are.

In Friendship

a. Samples of condolence letters

b. Practice
Letter 3:

I pray that you will have the strength you need to get through this very difficult time.

I know your kids must be very sad as well.

It was such a shock to hear of your father's passing. I am so very sorry for your loss.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wonderful family.

I know your father was a great dad and I could see how much he loved you all and especially the grandchildren.

In Sympathy,

Rose Peters
Exercise 3: Complete these letters with your own words:

On the Death of a Business Associate:

October 6, 20XX

Dear ………………:
Graham’s
………………………………………………………………., 573 Westdale Road • Santa Fe, NM 87505
Max Wassermann. Although I knew he
was ill, I was still taken by surprise by his sudden passing.

Max and I worked together at the old Cramer’s Store in downtown Santa Fe when we first arrived
here in 1954. I will never forget …………………………………………………... I share your sorrow
at this time.

If there is ……………………………………………………………. Rest assured that your loss is all

of Santa Fe’s loss.

Sincerely,

Geo. “Pinky” Graham

On the Death of a friend’s uncle:

Dear Jack,

…………………………………………………………………………………………. Your mother called to inform the family and

……………………………………………………………. to know that we lost such a wonderful man so soon. I know that you are
devastated and I am heartbroken for you. Uncle Keith was one of the most magnificent men I have ever had the
pleasure to know.

I remember the time……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

– he was always doing things like that to make us smile and laugh. He will be very sorely missed.

I’d like to ……………………………………………………………. and if you need some quiet time in order to help plan
things, please let me know. I will pick up the kids and they can spend a few days here while you and Aunt Fay take
care of things. If you need anything else at all, please…………………………………………………………..

My heart goes out to you and you and Aunt Fay are in my thoughts and prayers. The two of you are so
amazing and I know that you will pull through this and be alright – just as Uncle Keith would want you to.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………...

……………………………………………………………..