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Cold Approach
Cold Approach
Cold Approach
Cold approach is when you talk to a girl that you don’t know at all in a public
space. Imagine going up to a cute girl at a grocery store, bookstore, street,
stations...wherever there are cute girls out and about, and starting a flirty
conversation. That’s cold approach.
This guide will take you from the moment you approach her to getting
her contact details. The challenges and dating that comes next is
covered in my book “The Redpill Game”
The essential framework of any Game model can be traced back to the
“Mystery Method” (2006) by Erik Von Markovik and Chris Odom. In
2011 it was adapted to street pickup as the “Daygame Blueprint” and
then through infield trial-and-error I’ve evolved it into what’s known as
“Cold Approach”
WHAT ARE THE KEY ELEMENTS TO ANY COLD
APPROACH?
Understand that the key sequence of any successful pickup from start to
finish is always the same:
1. Attraction
2. Comfort
3. Seduction
You approach the girl and flirt (Step 1 – Attraction), avoiding chit chat
to generate attraction from her towards you.
Once you can tell she’s “hooked” then you move into rapport so that
she trusts you (Step 2 – Comfort).
After that you can lead her into isolation to turn up the heat towards sex
(Step 3 – Seduction).
Remember that this model (and the date model) is just a framework – a
map to get you beyond just “being yourself” and making all the classic
Mr Nice Guy mistakes:
There’s no excuse to not get the basics of grooming sorted before any
kind of socialising:
1. Fresh breath
2. Wearing deodorant
3. Nice clothes
Now, there is a lot about your physical attractiveness that is under your
control: your fundamentals – style, shape, body language, and voice.
You want an edge to hint that you’re a player so you’re going to need to
look different from the bland vanilla guys
This takes a few months of going out 3-5 times a week and talking to 10
girls during each session (keep each session to no more than 2 hours).
Drilling the basic model so you can do it on auto pilot takes anywhere
from 3-6 months of regular cold approach. After that you’ll rely less
and less on the scaffolding of the model and start to improvise more. To
MASTER the craft of cold approach usually takes at least two years.
HOW DO I GET RID OF APPROACH ANXIETY?
The way to get out of your head and loosen up is to do some “Hit-And-
Run” compliments to warm up (see below).
HIT-AND-RUNS
Go up to 3-5 people within a half hour period with the sole purpose of
making their day. You don’t want their phone number, it’s only a very
short interaction:
“Excuse me, I just wanted to say...I think you look really nice. Have a
good day”
Do them one after the other, as quickly as you can, to get momentum.
“The first one’s the worst one” as I always tell students, so jump in to
get out of your head.
You’ll know you’re doing it correctly because the girl will smile and
thank you.
COLD APPROACHING
There are five steps to the Cold Approach you need to learn, one after
the other in order, from approaching her to getting her contact details:
1) Open
2) Stack
3) Vibe
4) Invest
5) Close
This means going up to the girl (or getting her to stop first) and letting
her know what you really want. You’re not asking for directions or
pretending you need advice. With good eye contact, a playful smirk and
a slow voice get her attention:
1. "Hey, you looked nice from afar, but I had to come get a closer
look"
2. “Hey, I just saw you from afar and I thought you looked really
nice, so I had to come over and say hello”
Common problems with the Open include: walking with the girl (not
getting her to stop), approaching from behind (instead of wheeling in
front), startling the girl by coming in too close, speaking too quickly
and having a serious expression.
2) Stack
You’re not allowed to ask her any questions. You have to do all the
work to get her “hooked.” So we make observations (assumptions) to
get her talking.
Later when you’ve got some experience you can switch the assumptions
to more playful accusations.
a) Where she’s from (e.g. “You look very exotic....I’m going to guess
you’re *mention any place you feel*)
b) What she does for a job (e.g. “You look very creative....I think you’re
an artist”)
The great thing about the guess is that it doesn’t matter if you’re wrong
(it actually helps). She’ll reply with an answer anyway. Listen carefully
to what she says. That’s the topic for Vibing.
3) Vibing
Vibing is the trickiest part of Cold Approach. You have to take the one
topic that she just said (her country / job / what’s she doing now) and
run with it, telling a short flirty story about it to get her contributing in a
back-and-forth flow of banter.
As soon as she gives you the topic (see above) then launch into your
Vibing story with one of these sentences:
“My friend went to _______ and he told me the strangest story, he went
into a bar one night alone just to chill and have a beer, Two local girls
came up to him and were super friendly, chatting away and then they
started buying him drinks, even shots. Anyway long story shot, he woke
up in a park two hours later.... with no trousers on!”
Another vibing story could be “My friend is a _____ and he said that
you guys look very professional, work really hard, but when nobody’s
is looking you’re swiping on tinder or taking selfies. He said when a
group of you goes out then it’s madness - shots, dancing on the tables!
The whole point of vibing and using these flirty stories is to get the girl
contributing and playing along. The vibe should be light and carefree,
not boring, logical or too agreeable.
We’re waiting for the key moment in the whole cold approach
interaction, the “Hook Point” when the girl starts asking you questions
and you know that she’s attracted to you. At this point she may well
cross her legs and play with her hair.
Once you spot the Hook Point it’s time to move into Step 4, getting her
to Invest.
4) Invest
Once she’s hooked we need to shift down gears from attraction to a bit
of rapport in order to keep things real. We need her to do more and
more of the work (“invest”) so that the interaction is not just a fun fizzy
moment she’ll forget.
After Hook Point, dial your energy down and start to ask her Open
Questions (which lead to more than one word answers) such as:
Remember to also briefly tell her some things about you (“Grounding”)
so she knows you’re a real guy and not just a flirt.
Without this Grounding and getting her to invest, the girl might well not
message you back (she’ll “flake”) even if you get the contact details.
Keep an eye on the time – once you’re past 6 or 7 minutes then it’s time
to end on a high and go for the digits.
5) Close
I say “Open strong and Close strong.” Finish the interaction before the
energy dies and you get trapped in small talk. Let her know once more
why you stopped her and what’s going to happen next:
“You’ve got to go, I’ve got to go, but another time I’ll invite you out, I
think you’re very attractive, let’s swap numbers.....”
As you’re saying this, pull out your phone and assume the close. Don’t
give her your number (or, even worse, your business card) but get her
details – WhatsApp, Facebook messenger, it doesn’t really matter.
Remember it’s very normal for some of the numbers to flake and not
reply, or text for a bit and then vanish. Some will end up coming out on
a date, some won’t. That’s the name of the game.
BONUS
It’s possible to not just get a girl’s digits but to take her then and there
for an “Instant Date.”
This is good for beginners as it gives you more face-to-face time with
the girl so you can practice your dating skills and lower the chances of
flaking.
“Listen, I’ve got a spare ten minutes, I was just on my way to grab a
quick coffee/drink, come and join me...”
Once you’ve practiced Cold Approach infield over and over, you can
rely less on the scaffolding and start to improvise a bit more, making it
your own. For some guys this takes weeks, for others months.
Eventually you’ll be doing all the key things on autopilot so you can
ditch the model and free flow.
Game is not about reading PDFs or watching videos. It’s about going
outside and actually talking to girls! Don’t become an armchair pickup
artist or mentally masturbate over theory. Once you understand the
basics in this book then leave your house and hit the streets.
Create a strict cold approach schedule – much like for work or fitness
and discipline yourself to do it.
INFIELD CHECK LIST:
1) Open
2) Stack
3) Vibe
4) Invest
Cold approach is difficult that’s why most guys don’t do it but you are not
most guys. The first challenge you must overcome is building your immunity
to rejection. All else flows from that critical initial step. Immunity comes with
repeated exposure.
Learning game and cold approach has helped me tremendously with my self
confidence –which has helped me like myself more. And this new skill and
self-confidence has brought many new girls into my life –which has also
helped me like myself more.
Beginners – when you approach a girl don’t try to be confident. The most
important thing you want to be is INDIFFERENT.
Your attitude: I don’t care if I fail. I don’t care if she ignores me or if I get her
number. I’m just going to talk to her because every girl is practice.
If you only compliment her on the approach, you’ll come off as too predictable
and too boring. When you PUSH PULL her, you come off as more intriguing,
more discerning, more demanding. You show her that you’re a man of high
standards The first four things you need to master are:
I pick these four because for most of us, who comes from this “nice guy”
mentality, all our lives we have been hiding our cocks, being too polite and
considerate, not wanting to show sexual intent, not wanting to offend her, not
wanting to scare her off, etc – it is of course the wrong way to go – that is
what red pill teaches us – but the only real way, or at least the quickest way,
to get out of that bad mindset is to take it too far, go to the other extreme, and
then over time calibrate back to something more sophisticated, nuanced and
subtle.
Really get in touch with your masculine core, because that is the
foundation. After that, build on top of that, stack on top of that, with
excellent cold reads, excellent push pull, excellent frame control, excellent
storytelling, great logistics and sharing an emotional connection and
knowing when to escalate etc – but it all starts with having a rock hard
masculine foundation to build on.
That’s why if I am teaching a newbie game, the first thing I would do is put
him in a boxing match, telling him to come off strong, to overdo it, to come
off as a man of authority, a man of high importance, a man who is used to
standing tall and ordering people around.
You got to start off by overdoing it, by taking it too far, by really
developing your masculine presence in front of pretty girls.
The bottom line, taking it to red pill territory, is girls *love* to be bossed
around by strong, powerful, important men. It makes them wet like nothing
else. (Well the only thing that makes them more wet is knowing you fucked
hotter girls, or the social proof pre selection of seeing you with hotter girls,
but now I’m getting of topic.)
So yeah developing your masculine core and presence is the #1 thing a man
needs to learn.
Clearly if you are very good looking, or tall and muscular, it’s much easier
to pick up girls, but my guess is most guys are not that, that’s why we are
in the manosphere learning.
So, to recap:
1- Killer yadstop
2- A strong, masculine vibe – a killer yadstop does this, also you don’t talk
to her until you have eye to eye contact. That’s important. Stop her like
a cop, then deep eye contact, *then* start talking to her
3- Sexual vibe right off the bat. This is obviously a vibe, but it’s great to
reinforce it with sexual spike within the first 30 second to a minute.
Boom! You aren’t the average nice guy afraid to show your cock. You
are a real man, a confident man. The best sexual spike is something like
“you have nice legs I got distracted for a second” or even something
more basic like “you have pretty eyes”. You’ve got to go sexual right
from the beginning. Later you can let your eyes and swagger do more of
the work, but you’ve got to get over your fear of coming off as sexual or
rather the fear is being afraid of coming off as a pervert, weirdo, etc.
fuck that. You are a sexual man, with a big beautiful cock. You are her
dream come true, because she is a horny girl dying to be manhandled by
a real man. Her dream is to get facefucked, dominated and abused. She
just finished reading 50 shades of grey and wants to get tied up and
spanked. Are you man enough to do that to her? That is what she is
thinking, even if she doesn’t realize it.
4- Completely unafraid of her. That comes off already partially from #3,
with sexual spike and the eye fucking, but to really make it clear, you
push pull her or even neg her. Come up with teases. If she is tall, tell her
she is tall like a giraffe. Ha! When was the last time a tall, beautiful girl
was called a giraffe? Never! So immediately she gets wet. Who is this
guy comparing me to a giraffe, instead of kissing my ass, buying me
expensive gifts? He must be a stud who gets hotter girls than me. That’s
her thinking. I started using this line on dark skins, “I usually prefer
light skin girls, but something about you caught my eye” if she’s light I
usually prefer dark skins – boy does that get their attention. You got to
do something like that within the first minute too, to really stand out and
get her attention.
5- You’ve got to have that twinkle in your eye. A sexual twinkle. Like you
know she is desperate for big dick, that’s why she put on that red
lipstick this morning, like you two share an inside joke and also smile.
Don’t come off as too serious. That’s almost in direct contradiction to
point #2 (strong, masculine vibe), that’s why cold approach is not easy,
you got to do so much in the first 30 seconds, or first 5 seconds, it takes
a lot of practice to calibrate it correctly – plus every girl needs
something slightly different – but I am getting ahead of myself. That is
more intermediate level of daygame. But yeah, smile, with your eyes
mostly. Have that twinkle. You are approaching her to make her day.
She wore that sexy skirt *hoping* that a strong, confident, sexual man
would approach. She appears sweet and nice, but boy is she a dirty little
whore on the inside.
6- You got to really get good at cold reading. That’s a whole topic in itself.
At observing and noticing. You get better with practice.
7- You got to get good at “diffusing” the oddness of the situation. When
you approach, many girls will think wtf is going on. If she thinks this,
and a lot do even if they don’t verbalize it, I really try to “level with
them” and say, “Hey I know this is odd, but I prefer meeting a girl and
seeing her as she really is”, something like that. This point is actually
one I’m still working on, and that I don’t see discussed enough in the
manosphere, how to diffuse. Maybe if she thinks you approaching her Is
too weird, then it’s a lost cause, she just isn’t interesting enough.
Don’t worry about ‘she looks busy’ or ‘I am interfering with her day’.
She wants you to interfere. The whole act of being a man is to penetrate
her day, her mind, her body. She’s on your side, hoping you are that guy
she’s been waiting for all this time.
You need to be raising your state and loosening your inhibition, so make
your jog loose and playful. Pretend you are thinking of a private joke so
a smirk crosses your face. Look at her ass, watch her walk, feel the
desire to fuck her
You fully intend to command this woman’s attention. Commit to it.
Your body language and eye contact are what will freeze her to the spot,
not the words.
She will notice your shoes, she will notice your looks, watch, height,
build, haircut, clothes and posture.
She will notice many things about you, but more than anything else, she
will notice how you look deep into her eyes with rock solid IDGAF
energy and she will love it.
Your body language, eye contact, and voice tonality are what she will
mostly notice. In other words, the sum of radiating masculine energy.
This is her chance to meet you. You aren’t sold, you are merely
interested in what you’ve seen so far and wish to find out more. This
screening frame is where you are finding out about her.
The big upside is the fact you are encountering girls in real environment.
COLD APPROACH ACTION TIP
1. Yadstop
2. Cheeky grin
3. Strong eyes
4. Talk slowly
“Hey, you looked nice from afar, but I had to come get a closer look” is
a great opening line. Remember feel free to borrow it, it is very effective
Me: Excuse me, can I just tell you one thing really quickly.
I just saw you walking by and I thought you looked really nice, so I
wanted to come over and say hello.
Her: Oh Hi
Me: I will tell you what I noticed about you. You look like an igbo girl.
Her: I’m Yoruba
Me: Perhaps, but you look igbo. I think it’s the light skin, wide eyes,
and neat clothes.
Her: Yes. But I’m Yoruba
Me: Then that means you like beans and pepper
Her: Haha (etc)….
Did I ever tell you why to assumption stack? (You will learn more
insight on this on my book FRAME CONTROL) In the beginning you
both have nothing to talk about so you have to create something out of
nothing.
The whole point is to get into a conversation –find a subject to talk
about. Naturally you’ll talk about her because that’s what you’re
interested in. so you make an assumption (I recommend where she’s
from) and then tell her three reasons why based on three things you can
see. Make the last one a little tease to show a little backbone, a little
push to perk her interest.
If your assumption gets any traction at all, no matter if you were right or
wrong, stick with it. Use that as the topic. Many guys get too excited
about their creativity and keep making too much assumptions. No no no.
you aren’t trying to impress her, you are trying to get into a conversation
with her. Less is more. Once you have gotten where she’s from, it’s easy
to then list three things you heard about her place… make them
borderline racist stereotypes.
Just stick with the stereotypes that comes into your head. So long as you
deliver it playfully and drag it slowly then she’ll laugh. If you’re stuck,
go to The Emergency Togan stack:
Well, those are my points on cold approach. Like I said, this is the
foundation.
Having said that, learning cold approach is NOT easy. In fact, it’s really
hard. I’ve seen tough guys, ripped body builders and really handsome
guys struggle with their fear of getting rejected by pretty girls in full
public view. It’s a special type of ego challenge.
If you get her number, the vibe is good and later plan a date,
1- Playfully dominant.
I show her authority over her world. She enters my world. I tease,
touch, give her a nickname. We have fun. I’m not too formal
2- Sincere and authentic.
I share a story about a past struggle I overcame with courage, talent and
faith
3- Ambitious.
indomitable
4- Sexual/lustful.
I keep strong, playful eye contact and do at least one verbal “sexual spike”
to reinforce the vibe. I don’t hide that I’m a man, she’s a woman and she
inspire me with her beauty
I have high standards, her looks are not enough to win me over. I ask her
probing insightful questions. She needs to prove herself. I get to know
her in a playful way, but always judging whether she is worth my time.
This is basis of my push/pull vibe.
As I prove I have high standards – that her looks are not enough – and as
she shares more aspect of her personality, character, achievements,
activities – then I can approve of her, that makes her feel special. That’s
snowflaking her.